Apicontent

Where is your biggest problem with deception? Do you tell falsehoods when it serves your purpose? Do you pretend to be what you are not? Do you tell people what they want to hear about themselves, even when it is not true? Do you cheat to gain an advantage in a contest? Do you trick others for profit?

It can be very tempting to shade the truth or present oneself in a false light for selfish reasons. Nevertheless, each of us must give up deception and learn the ways of honesty and integrity.

When we lie, we are not motivated by God but rather by His enemy. The Devil is the sponsor of untruth. Jesus testified that Satan “has always hated the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he lies, it is consistent with his character; for he is a liar and the father of lies” (John 8:44).

The truth wants to be free. It has a way of escaping into daylight despite every attempt to keep it trapped under a lid—ask any politician who has tried to prevent a scandal from reaching public notice. Benjamin Franklin said, “A lie stands on one leg, truth on two.”  In the plain words of Scripture, “Truthful words stand the test of time, but lies are soon exposed” (Proverbs 12:19). Just as God knows every time we counterfeit the truth, so other people usually find out as well.

We deceive because we are worried about what will happen to us if we choose to tell the truth. What we find, though, is that when we practice deceit we disappoint God, chip away at our own self-respect, and run the risk of a worse reaction from others when they find out the truth later. The proper response is to trust God to care for us as we honor His command to be truth-tellers. There is, in fact, no peace to be had without truth.

A. W. Tozer said, “A guileless mind is a great treasure; it is worth any price.” Are you willing to pay the price? It means forgoing the easy payoffs that deceit can seem to bring, choosing instead the slow and steady dividends of making your word your bond.

Give up the too-easy and too-costly habit of deceit. Embrace instead the policy of honesty at all times.

[The above article is an extract from Chapter 15 of Soul Prescription by Bill Bright and Henry Brandt.]

Are you struggling with being deceitful in some way? We have outlined a five-step process to help you change and heal in this area of your life. Take all the time you need with each of the steps below.

Step 1:  Adopt a Correct View of God

God is truth. To view Him in any other way will only serve to justify your deceitful behavior.

God is absolute truth. He cannot lie and He does not change His standards.

God is not a man, so He does not lie. (Numbers 23:19)

God is righteous, and He abhors dishonesty in every form.

Because what you say is false and your visions are a lie, I will stand against you, says the Sovereign LORD. (Ezekiel 13:8)

What is your view of God with respect to honesty and dishonesty? Go to Scripture and review every passage that talks about God’s truthfulness. Don’t fool yourself. God will not tolerate lies and deceitfulness.

Step 2:  Revise Your False Beliefs

If you believe that your deceitfulness is justified or excusable for any reason, you are wrong. Perhaps mistaken views of yourself, other people, or how life works are making it harder for you to be truthful.

Do you believe your “little white lies” do no harm?

Telling lies about others is as harmful as hitting them with an ax, wounding them with a sword, or shooting them with a sharp arrow. (Proverbs 25:18)

Do you believe others are yours to “use”?

Do to others as you would like them to do to you. (Luke 6:31)

Do you believe the end justifies the means and thus makes your deceitfulness okay?

Stop telling lies. Let us tell our neighbors the truth, for we are all parts of the same body. (Ephesians 4:25)

Use scriptural truth about deceitfulness and honesty to expose errors in your thinking. Ask the Holy Spirit, who is the Spirit of truth, to help you first understand the truth and then speak the truth to others.

Step 3:  Repent of Your Sin

In what way are you deceitful? Identify it specifically. Then if you are prepared to give up this sin, pray a prayer of confession. A model prayer is presented below for your use, or you can pray in your own words.

God of truth, I have been deceitful by _________. This was a sin against You, and I am sorry for it. Please forgive me. Make me clean again, and fill me with Your power to help me remain clean of deceitfulness from this point on. In the name of Jesus Christ, I pray, amen.

If you have harmed others with your sin, apologize to them. Seek reconciliation and offer restitution where appropriate.

Step 4:  Defend against Spiritual Attacks

Your spiritual enemies—the world, the flesh, and the Devil—would like nothing better than to see you backslide into a pattern of deceitfulness. Beware of their wiles!

• The world system does not value honesty the way God does. The world’s values would tell us to use deceitfulness if it will help us get ahead. We can overcome such an influence by immersing ourselves in God’s value system. Develop the importance He places on honesty.
• Your flesh, or sinful nature, will tempt you to enjoy that self-reliant feeling that comes with trying to manipulate events through deceit. Do not give in to the craving! Your flesh is dead. You are a spiritual being now, living according to the Holy Spirit.
• Satan will make it as easy and as appealing for you to deceive others as possible. Put on the “belt of truth” (Ephesians 6:14) to help you discern true from false and remain committed to truth-telling.

Be ever vigilant in defense against your spiritual foes. The attacks will not cease. Accessing the great power of God will empower you to be successful in every battle.

Step 5:  Flee Temptation

You will never be able to completely avoid the temptation to return to your old deceitful ways. But there are specific steps you can take to reduce your exposure and susceptibility to temptation.

Focus on your relationship with God.

Spend time regularly cultivating your relationship with God. In particular, make Bible study a consistent discipline in your life. Constant exposure to the truth will make you a more truthful person.

Latch on to God’s promises.

Identify assurances in Scripture that make you more confident of winning over your sin of deceitfulness. Store assurances away in your mind as ammunition when the battle with temptation comes.

God has given both His promise and His oath. These two things are unchangeable because it is impossible for God to lie. Therefore, we who have fled to Him for refuge can have great confidence as we hold to the hope that lies before us. (Hebrews 6:18)

Establish safeguards.

Why not make holiness as easy for yourself as possible? Think of ways you can cut off common temptations. Here are examples of the kinds of changes you can make for the better:

• If you cheat on your taxes, hire a tax preparer next year and make all your records available to this person.
• If you defraud your employer by falsifying your timesheet, ask a friend on your work team to verify its accuracy each week.
• If you naturally resort to flattery, practice ahead of time what you can say in favor of a person without lying.
• Ask a trusted Christian friend to hold you accountable in your commitment to not deceive others.

Expect victory.

You are a new person in Christ Jesus. The Holy Spirit lives in you. He wants to create an honest heart in you. Seek His help as you eliminate deceit and adopt honesty in your life. As long as you are cooperating with Him, you cannot lose! Praise God!

Dr. Brandt relates the following story:

One Sunday morning I arrived early at the church where I was to speak. There was only one person in the auditorium. She was in front of the platform, arranging flowers in a basket. Perhaps a dozen varieties of flowers were masterfully arranged so that each flower was displayed at its best, colorful and delicate. The arrangement couldn’t have been more beautiful.

I approached the platform and said to the lady, “You sure have done a beautiful job arranging those flowers.”

She turned around. I saw an angry-looking woman who growled, “I do it every Sunday. I am stuck with this job. No one else will do it. I’m sick and tired of getting up early enough to be the first one here.” She wasn’t really talking to me. She was venting an angry, rebellious spirit. She sputtered on to remark that no one appreciated her work.

“Who are you?” she asked, suddenly realizing that she was talking to a stranger.

“I’m the visiting speaker,” I replied.

“Oh,” she gasped. “Oh … welcome to our church.”

It was an awkward, embarrassing moment for both of us. The mood of the moment didn’t fit with the beauty of the flowers and the fragrance in the air.

Later, from the platform, I noticed the same lady. She seemed radiant and cheerful; a note in the bulletin gave her credit for the flowers. Even though she was deceptively charming, she was still suffering from the consequences of sin and didn’t know it.

If she were to acknowledge her sin of deception and anger and rebellion, she would be able to repent and ask God to clean up her heart. She would be able to rejoice and enjoy the privilege of meeting with the Lord alone on Sunday mornings as she worships in His presence by working with the beautiful, fragrant flowers that He has created.

What a pity to let sin steal away such a privilege when cleansing of the heart is just a prayer away and a life of freedom is there waiting.

[Dr. Henry Brandt shares insights from various people he counseled. The names and certain details in these true case histories have been changed to protect each person’s identity and privacy.]

Deceit

Deeds of coveting and wickedness, as well as deceit, sensuality, envy, slander, pride and foolishness. All these evil things proceed from within and defile the man. (Mark 7:22-23, NASB95)

The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? (Jeremiah 17:9, NIV)

You will destroy those who tell lies. The LORD detests murderers and deceivers. (Psalm 5:6, NLT2)

Don’t testify against your neighbors without cause; don’t lie about them. (Proverbs 24:28, NLT2)

If you want to enjoy life and see many happy days, keep your tongue from speaking evil and your lips from telling lies. (1 Peter 3:10, NLT2)

I will not allow deceivers to serve in my house, and liars will not stay in my presence. (Psalm 101:7, NLT2)

Save me, O LORD, from lying lips and from deceitful tongues. (Psalm 120:2, NIV)

Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of such things God’s wrath comes on those who are disobedient. Therefore do not be partners with them. (Ephesians 5:6-7, NIV)

So get rid of all evil behavior. Be done with all deceit, hypocrisy, jealousy, and all unkind speech. (1 Peter 2:1, NLT2)

The plans of the righteous are just, but the advice of the wicked is deceitful. (Proverbs 12:5, NIV)

Everything they say is crooked and deceitful. They refuse to act wisely or do good. (Psalm 36:3, NLT2)

You have been deceived by your own pride. (Obadiah 1:3, NLT2)

We will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of men in their deceitful scheming. (Ephesians 4:14, NIV)

“You live in the midst of deception; in their deceit they refuse to acknowledge me,” declares the LORD. (Jeremiah 9:6, NIV)

A truthful witness saves lives, but a false witness is deceitful. (Proverbs 14:25, NIV)

People may cover their hatred with pleasant words, but they’re deceiving you. They pretend to be kind, but don’t believe them. Their hearts are full of many evils. While their hatred may be concealed by trickery, their wrongdoing will be exposed in public. (Proverbs 26:24-26, NLT2)

The wisdom of the sensible is to understand his way, but the foolishness of fools is deceit. (Proverbs 14:8, NASB95)

Blessed is the man whose sin the LORD does not count against him and in whose spirit is no deceit. (Psalm 32:2, NIV)

Bloodthirsty and deceitful men will not live out half their days. (Psalm 55:23, NIV)

Their tongue is a deadly arrow; it speaks with deceit. With his mouth each speaks cordially to his neighbor, but in his heart he sets a trap for him.(Jeremiah 9:8, NIV)

Lying

I hate and abhor lying, but I love Your law. (Psalm 119:163, NKJV)

Do not lie. (Leviticus 19:11, NIV)

My lips will not speak wickedness, and my tongue will utter no deceit. (Job 27:4, NIV)

You destroy those who tell lies. (Psalm 5:6, NIV)

Not a word from their mouth can be trusted; their heart is filled with destruction. Their throat is an open grave; with their tongue they speak deceit. (Psalm 5:9, NIV)

Keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking lies. (Psalm 34:13, NIV)

All day long you plot destruction. Your tongue cuts like a sharp razor; you’re an expert at telling lies. You love evil more than good and lies more than truth. (Psalm 52:2-3, NLT2)

These wicked people are born sinners; even from birth they have lied and gone their own way. (Psalm 58:3, NLT2)

They take delight in lies. With their mouths they bless, but in their hearts they curse. (Psalm 62:4, NIV)

Keep me from lying to myself; give me the privilege of knowing your instructions. (Psalm 119:29, NLT2)

Rescue me, O LORD, from liars and from all deceitful people. (Psalm 120:2, NLT2)

There are six things the LORD hates, seven that are detestable to him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue …. (Proverbs 6:16-17, NIV)

Don’t lie to each other, for you have stripped off your old sinful nature and all its wicked deeds. Put on your new nature, and be renewed as you learn to know your Creator and become like him. (Colossians 3:9-10, NLT2)

Hiding hatred makes you a liar; slandering others makes you a fool. Too much talk leads to sin. Be sensible and keep your mouth shut. (Proverbs 10:18-19, NLT2)

With their words, the godless destroy their friends. (Proverbs 11:9, NLT2)

A truthful witness gives honest testimony, but a false witness tells lies. (Proverbs 12:17, NIV)

The LORD detests lying lips, but he delights in those who tell the truth. (Proverbs 12:22, NLT2)

A faithful witness will not lie: but a false witness will utter lies.(Proverbs 14:5, KJV)

So stop telling lies. Let us tell our neighbors the truth, for we are all parts of the same body. (Ephesians 4:25, NLT2)

The Holy Spirit tells us clearly that in the last times some will turn away from the true faith; they will follow deceptive spirits and teachings that come from demons. These people are hypocrites and liars, and their consciences are dead. (1 Timothy 4:1-2, NLT2)

An evildoer listens to wicked lips; A liar pays attention to a destructive tongue. (Proverbs 17:4, NASB95)

A liar will be destroyed. (Proverbs 19:9, NLT2)

It is better to be a poor man than a liar. (Proverbs 19:22, NASB95)

If you want to enjoy life and see many happy days, keep your tongue from speaking evil and your lips from telling lies. (1 Peter 3:10, NLT2)

Getting treasures by a lying tongue Is the fleeting fantasy of those who seek death. (Proverbs 21:6, NKJV)

A false witness will not go unpunished, and he who speaks lies will not escape. (Proverbs 19:5, NKJV)

A false witness will not go unpunished, and he who tells lies will not escape. (Psalm 101:7, NASB95)

You shall not give false testimony against your neighbor. (Exodus 20:16, NIV)

Telling lies about others is as harmful as hitting them with an ax, wounding them with a sword, or shooting them with a sharp arrow. (Proverbs 25:18, NLT2)

Fraud

Do not defraud or rob your neighbor. Do not make your hired workers wait until the next day to receive their pay. (Leviticus 19:13, NLT2)

Suppose one of you sins against your associate and is unfaithful to the LORD. Suppose you cheat in a deal involving a security deposit, or you steal or commit fraud, or you find lost property and lie about it, or you lie while swearing to tell the truth, or you commit any other such sin.  If you have sinned in any of these ways, you are guilty. You must give back whatever you stole, or the money you took by extortion, or the security deposit, or the lost property you found, or anything obtained by swearing falsely. You must make restitution by paying the full price plus an additional 20 percent to the person you have harmed. On the same day you must present a guilt offering. (Leviticus 6:2-5, NLT2)

The wicked borrows and does not pay back, but the righteous is gracious and gives. (Psalm 37:21, NASB95)

Don’t make your living by extortion or put your hope in stealing. And if your wealth increases, don’t make it the center of your life. (Psalm 62:10, NLT2)

Stolen bread tastes sweet, but it turns to gravel in the mouth. (Proverbs 20:17, NLT2)

Woe to him who builds his house without righteousness and his upper rooms without justice, who uses his neighbor’s services without pay and does not give him his wages. (Jeremiah 22:13, NASB95)

No one should wrong his brother or take advantage of him. (1 Thessalonians 4:6, NIV)

Hypocrisy

For fools speak foolishness and make evil plans. They practice ungodliness. (Isaiah 32:6, NLT2)

On the outside you appear to people as righteous but on the inside you are full of hypocrisy and wickedness. (Matthew 23:28, NIV)

With his mouth the godless destroys his neighbor, but through knowledge the righteous escape. (Proverbs 11:9, NIV)

We are lying if we say we have fellowship with God but go on living in spiritual darkness; we are not practicing the truth. (1 John 1:6, NLT2)

Get rid of all evil behavior. Be done with all deceit, hypocrisy, jealousy, and all unkind speech. (1 Peter 2:1, NLT2)

Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. (James 4:8, NIV)

The wisdom from above is first of all pure. It is also peace loving, gentle at all times, and willing to yield to others. It is full of mercy and good deeds. It shows no favoritism and is always sincere. (James 3:17, NLT2)

The Holy Spirit tells us clearly that in the last times some will turn away from the true faith; they will follow deceptive spirits and teachings that come from demons. These people are hypocrites and liars, and their consciences are dead. (1 Timothy 4:1-2, NLT2)

What sorrow awaits you teachers of religious law and you Pharisees. Hypocrites! For you are so careful to clean the outside of the cup and the dish, but inside you are filthy––full of greed and self–indulgence! (Matthew 23:25, NLT2)

These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. They worship me in vain; their teachings are but rules taught by men. (Matthew 15:8-9, NIV)

Hypocrite! First get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend’s eye. (Matthew 7:5, NLT2)

When you pray, don’t be like the hypocrites who love to pray publicly on street corners and in the synagogues where everyone can see them. I tell you the truth, that is all the reward they will ever get. (Matthew 6:5, NLT2)

When you give to the poor, do not sound a trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, so that they may be honored by men. Truly I say to you, they have their reward in full. (Matthew 6:2, NASB95)

Flattery

Their flattering lips speak with deception. (Psalm 12:2, NIV)

May the LORD cut off all flattering lips and every boastful tongue. (Psalm 12:3, NIV)

For in his own eyes he flatters himself too much to detect or hate his sin. (Psalm 36:2, NIV)

They deceived Him with their mouth and lied to Him with their tongue. (Psalm 78:36, NASB95)

Flattering words cause ruin. (Proverbs 26:28, NLT2)

I won’t play favorites or try to flatter anyone. For if I tried flattery, my Creator would soon destroy me. (Job 32:21-22, NLT2)

In the end, people appreciate honest criticism far more than flattery. (Proverbs 28:23, NLT2)

These men are grumblers and fault-finders; they follow their own evil desires; they boast about themselves and flatter others for their own advantage. (Jude 1:16, NIV)

A gossip betrays a confidence; so avoid a man who talks too much. (Proverbs 20:19, NIV)

Cheating

The wages you failed to pay the workmen who mowed your fields are crying out against you. The cries of the harvesters have reached the ears of the Lord Almighty. (James 5:4, NIV)

All who cheat with dishonest weights and measures are detestable to the LORD your God. (Deuteronomy 25:16, NLT2)

You shall not cheat your neighbor, nor rob him. (Leviticus 19:13, NKJV)

Cursed is the cheat. (Malachi 1:14, NIV)

The very fact that you have lawsuits among you means you have been completely defeated already. Why not rather be wronged? Why not rather be cheated? Instead, you yourselves cheat and do wrong, and you do this to your brothers. Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. (1 Corinthians 6:7-9, NIV)

Honesty

Better is a little with righteousness than great income with injustice. (Proverbs 16:8, NASB95)

He who walks righteously and speaks what is right, who rejects gain from extortion and keeps his hand from accepting bribes, who stops his ears against plots of murder and shuts his eyes against contemplating evil—this is the man who will dwell on the heights, whose refuge will be the mountain fortress. His bread will be supplied, and water will not fail him. (Isaiah 33:15-16, NIV)

Don’t lie to each other, for you have stripped off your old sinful nature and all its wicked deeds. Put on your new nature, and be renewed as you learn to know your Creator and become like him. (Colossians 3:9-10, NLT2)

You shall not bear a false report. (Exodus 23:1, NASB95)

Truthful words stand the test of time. (Proverbs 12:19, NLT2)

He who speaks truth tells what is right. (Proverbs 12:17, NASB95)

An honest answer is like a kiss of friendship. (Proverbs 24:26, NLT2)

Pray this way for kings and all who are in authority so that we can live peaceful and quiet lives marked by godliness and dignity. (1 Timothy 2:2, NLT2)

So stop telling lies. Let us tell our neighbors the truth, for we are all parts of the same body. (Ephesians 4:25, NLT2)

Truthful words stand the test of time, but lies are soon exposed. (Proverbs 12:19, NLT2)

As long as I live, while I have breath from God, my lips will speak no evil, and my tongue will speak no lies. (Job 27:3-4, NLT2)

Stand your ground, putting on the belt of truth. (Ephesians 6:14, NLT2)

Divisiveness can be a problem in any type of team or group. But in a church group, particularly, unity is essential to bearing fruit. It is as we are all in one accord that we move ahead, under the Spirit’s direction, to the future that God has for us. God bids us, as much as it is possible, to “live in peace with everyone” (Romans 12:18). When an individual is picking a fight with someone else or setting one part of a group against another, he or she is at fault before God and the body.

Some people seem to have a knack for contributing to a conflict so that strife grows and grows. Maybe it is starting shouting matches with family members. Maybe it is alienating friends by talking about them behind their backs. Maybe it is creating divisions in teams and groups. In any case, such people have a problem that calls for more than learning better social behavior; it is really a sin habit we are talking about.

And when dealing with this particular sin habit, it is important to remember that it is in fact a combination of sins. Certainly, sins of any sort rarely if ever stand on their own. But fighting, in particular, is a sin that tends to company with others of its kind. Sins like anger, bitterness, and envy often erupt into visibility by means of the sin of quarreling. Interpersonal conflict usually occurs because of, and by means of, the words we use. “Harsh words make tempers flare” (Proverbs 15:1). With words, we quarrel, argue, and dispute. With words, we gossip, slander, and smear.  With words, we mock and ridicule, taunt and deride. With words, we criticize and judge and curse and condemn. Certainly, your authors can look back on times when we wish we could have taken back words we had spoken—but that’s never possible.

We sometimes use our tongue like a weapon, to hurt and to maim others. Even if a part of us realizes that what we are doing is wrong, we cannot seem to stop ourselves. The tongue at such times seems wild, unmanageable.

Unity and harmony are not ours just by choosing them; they are possible only through supernatural enabling. When Christ departed this world, He left behind the Holy Spirit to live in us and work in our hearts. He softens our hearts toward one another and quells our tendency toward conflict. For this reason, Paul could say, “Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the Spirit, binding yourselves together with peace” (Ephesians 4:3). As we work through the soul-healing process, we should be seeking the virtue of harmony with others to take the place that was once filled by conflict.

___________________________________________

[The above article is an extract from Chapter 16 of Soul Prescription by Bill Bright and Henry Brandt.]

Are you struggling with a habit of being divisive? We have outlined a five-step process to help you change and heal in this area of your life. Take all the time you need with each of the steps below.

Step 1: Adopt a Correct View of God

When we are constant sources of conflict and strife, it is obvious that we are not truly seeing God for who He is. What aspects of your view of God may be influencing your conflict problem? The points listed below will help you begin the process of self-analysis.

God is love; there is no place in His kingdom for conflict.

We don’t need to write to you about the importance of loving each other, for God Himself has taught you to love one another. (1 Thessalonians 4:2)

God is merciful and He expects us to show mercy to others.

Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love. (Ephesians 4:2)

When you view God as a loving and merciful being, you will respond in like manner to those around you. Undertake a survey on the Bible’s passages on God’s peaceable nature. Tools such as a concordance and a topical Bible can help you in this task.

Step 2: Revise Your False Beliefs

What erroneous beliefs do you have that justify your combative spirit? Chances are, you have some false beliefs about yourself, about other people, and about how life works. Ask yourself the following questions:

Do you believe you must always correct others when they are wrong?

Starting a quarrel is like opening a floodgate, so stop before a dispute breaks out. (Proverbs 17:14)

Do you believe you have the right to say spiteful things about others because of something they have said about you?

Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone. (Romans 12:18)

Continue your Bible study by examining what Scripture says about harmony and unity. As you do so, reconsider your beliefs, acknowledged or unspoken, that may have helped turn you into a fighter. Conform your thinking to God’s truth.

Step 3: Repent of Your Sin

What type of conflict are you engaged in? Is it gossip? Quarreling? Judgmentalism? Something else? Identify it specifically.

After admitting your sin to yourself, admit it to God. Pray the following prayer of repentance (or pray in your own words):

God, I am guilty of _________. It is sin, and I am sorry for it. Please forgive me for being a person of conflict and strife. Cleanse me of that sin, I pray. Then grant me some of Your power to keep from participating in conflict the next time the potential arises. And the next. And the next. In Christ’s name, amen.

If you have harmed others with your sin, apologize to them. Seek reconciliation and offer restitution where appropriate.

Step 4: Defend against Spiritual Attacks

Beware the world, the flesh, and the Devil, who will want to goad you into fighting again. They want nothing better than to see you contradict your repentance by returning to a pattern of conflict. Do not be naive about these foes!

• In God’s eyes, harmony among people is a high value. In the world system, though, conflict is seen as a way of getting what you want. Watch out for worldly values that would justify your sinful tendency toward conflict. Overcome the world by rejecting its values.
• God honors those who control their desires to say and do things that divide people. Your flesh, or sinful nature, however, still enjoys the feeling of power that comes from mixing it up with people. Do not forget that the sinful nature has been crucified and that you do not have to give in to its desires. Give in to the Spirit instead.
• God provides a way out of every situation where you would be tempted to spread strife. Satan, on the other hand, gladly points out each opportunity you have to fight, gossip, and judge. Resist his schemes with the “shoes of peace” and the rest of the spiritual armor (see Ephesians 6:10–18).

Remain alert to any temptation that would draw you back into your sin of conflict. Seek the resources offered by God to defend against the attacks when they come. Those resources are more than enough to beat back all attacks.

Step 3: Repent of Your Sin

What type of conflict are you engaged in? Is it gossip? Quarreling? Judgmentalism? Something else? Identify it specifically.

After admitting your sin to yourself, admit it to God. Pray the following prayer of repentance (or pray in your own words):

God, I am guilty of _________. It is sin, and I am sorry for it. Please forgive me for being a person of conflict and strife. Cleanse me of that sin, I pray. Then grant me some of Your power to keep from participating in conflict the next time the potential arises. And the next. And the next. In Christ’s name, amen.

If you have harmed others with your sin, apologize to them. Seek reconciliation and offer restitution where appropriate.

Step 4: Defend against Spiritual Attacks

Beware the world, the flesh, and the Devil, who will want to goad you into fighting again. They want nothing better than to see you contradict your repentance by returning to a pattern of conflict. Do not be naive about these foes!

• In God’s eyes, harmony among people is a high value. In the world system, though, conflict is seen as a way of getting what you want. Watch out for worldly values that would justify your sinful tendency toward conflict. Overcome the world by rejecting its values.
• God honors those who control their desires to say and do things that divide people. Your flesh, or sinful nature, however, still enjoys the feeling of power that comes from mixing it up with people. Do not forget that the sinful nature has been crucified and that you do not have to give in to its desires. Give in to the Spirit instead.
• God provides a way out of every situation where you would be tempted to spread strife. Satan, on the other hand, gladly points out each opportunity you have to fight, gossip, and judge. Resist his schemes with the “shoes of peace” and the rest of the spiritual armor (see Ephesians 6:10–18).

Remain alert to any temptation that would draw you back into your sin of conflict. Seek the resources offered by God to defend against the attacks when they come. Those resources are more than enough to beat back all attacks.

Zoe Marks was a decisive woman, one who made up her mind on the spot. She always said that if she married it would be to an equally decisive man.

She saw in Douglas Hill just such a man. They had time for only two dates before the close of the Bible conference where they met. Zoe went back to her job and Doug back to graduate studies in mine engineering. Each promised to write often.

Zoe liked the letters that came from Doug, letters that came oftener as fall led into winter and winter into spring. One day Doug’s letter asked pointedly, “Are you willing to be the wife of a mining engineer? If so, will you marry me?”

This is what she liked in Doug. How could he have put it more directly? By return mail, she told him yes.

After they were married, Zoe began to wonder about those decisive letters. To her surprise, she was finding Doug to be slow and methodical. Once he made a decision he was positive, but reaching the decision seemed a ponderous and painful process.

One day Doug recalled that in writing his marriage proposal he had torn up six letters before finally mailing the seventh. Appalled at the revelation, Zoe accused him of deceiving her. Doug denied any such thing.

After that Doug did all of his preliminary thinking in private.

Zoe would ask, “What are you thinking about, Doug?”

“Nothing,” he would say.

“Oh, yes, you are; you’re always thinking. Can’t you ever make up your mind about anything?”

“It beats deciding by that roulette method of yours,” he retorted.

By the time they went for a counseling session with Henry Brandt, each had hardened their minds against the other’s life-long habit of making decisions. Henry asked them to turn the light of 1 Corinthians 1:10 on themselves, “Now I beseech you … that you speak the same thing, and that there be no divisions among you; but that you be perfectly joined together in the same mind and in the same judgment.”

“You want to speak the same thing,” Henry said, “but you’re divided in your approach. There is no like-mindedness, only annoyance and impatience. Zoe, you are wrong in resenting Doug’s nature.”

Zoe was open to Henry’s assessment and repented of her critical spirit. As the two of them continued to study God’s Word and apply it to their lives, they were able to work out a mutual solution. Zoe now helps Doug sort out more quickly the alternatives involved in making a decision, and he helps her to consider more carefully the consequences of a decision.

When faced with divisive situations, it is important to ask God for insight as to what is really causing your conflict. Be open to the Spirit’s leading and direction as to how to restore harmony to your relationships.

[Dr. Henry Brandt shares insights from his counseling sessions. The names and certain details in these true case histories have been changed to protect each person’s identity and privacy.]

Decisiveness

I appeal to you, brothers, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree with one another so that there may be no divisions among you and that you may be perfectly united in mind and thought. (1 Corinthians 1:10, NIV)

Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone. (Romans 12:18, NLT2)

You are still controlled by your sinful nature. You are jealous of one another and quarrel with each other. Doesn’t that prove you are controlled by your sinful nature? Aren’t you living like people of the world? (1 Corinthians 3:3, NLT2)

If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men. (Romans 12:18, NASB95)

If you keep on biting and devouring each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other. (Galatians 5:15, NIV)

Let us not become boastful, challenging one another, envying one another. (Galatians 5:26, NASB95)

Live in harmony with one another. (Romans 12:16, NIV)

A troublemaker plants seeds of strife. (Proverbs 16:28, NLT2)

A hot-tempered man stirs up strife, But the slow to anger calms a dispute. (Proverbs 15:18, NASB95)

A quarrelsome person starts fights as easily as hot embers light charcoal or fire lights wood. (Proverbs 26:21, NLT2)

An angry person starts fights; a hot-tempered person commits all kinds of sin. (Proverbs 29:22, NLT2)

Starting a quarrel is like opening a floodgate, so stop before a dispute breaks out. (Proverbs 17:14, NLT2)

Gossip

The words of a gossip are like choice morsels; they go down to a man’s inmost parts. (Proverbs 18:8, NIV)

A gossip betrays a confidence; so avoid a man who talks too much. (Proverbs 20:19, NIV)

A gossip goes around telling secrets, but those who are trustworthy can keep a confidence. (Proverbs 11:13, NLT2)

Gossip separates the best of friends. (Proverbs 16:28, NLT2)

Slander

Slandering others makes you a fool. (Proverbs 10:18, NLT2)

Do not spread slanderous gossip among your people. Do not stand idly by when your neighbor’s life is threatened. I am the LORD. (Leviticus 19:16, NLT2)

I will not tolerate people who slander their neighbors. (Psalm 101:5, NLT2)

Thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. (1 Corinthians 6:10, NIV)

Do not slander one another. (James 4:11, NIV)

Rid yourselves of all malice and all deceit, hypocrisy, envy, and slander of every kind. (1 Peter 2:1, NIV)

Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. (Ephesians 4:31, NLT2)

Teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers … but to teach what is good. (Titus 2:3, NIV)

Arguing

A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare. (Proverbs 15:1, NLT2)

People can tame all kinds of animals, birds, reptiles, and fish, but no one can tame the tongue. It is restless and evil, full of deadly poison. Sometimes it praises our Lord and Father, and sometimes it curses those who have been made in the image of God. And so blessing and cursing come pouring out of the same mouth. Surely, my brothers and sisters, this is not right! (James 3:7-10, NLT2)

Anyone who loves to quarrel loves sin. (Proverbs 17:19, NLT2)

When arguing with your neighbor, don’t betray another person’s secret. (Proverbs 25:9, NLT2)

What ails you that you keep on arguing? (Job 16:3, NIV)

Criticism

And I tell you this, you must give an account on judgment day for every idle word you speak. The words you say will either acquit you or condemn you. (Matthew 12:36-37, NLT2)

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. (Ephesians 4:29, NIV)

Don’t speak evil against each other, dear brothers and sisters. If you criticize and judge each other, then you are criticizing and judging God’s law. But your job is to obey the law, not to judge whether it applies to you. (James 4:11, NLT2)

Judgmentalism

Judge not, that you be not judged. For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you. (Matthew 7:1-2, NKJV)

Why worry about a speck in your friend’s eye when you have a log in your own? How can you think of saying to your friend, “Let me help you get rid of that speck in your eye,” when you can’t see past the log in your own eye? Hypocrite! First get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend’s eye. (Matthew 7:3-5, NLT2)

Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. (Luke 6:37, NIV)

Therefore you have no excuse, everyone of you who passes judgment, for in that which you judge another, you condemn yourself; for you who judge practice the same things. (Romans 2:1, NASB95)

Why do you condemn another believer? Why do you look down on another believer? Remember, we will all stand before the judgment seat of God. (Romans 14:10, NLT2)

Let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling-block or obstacle in your brother’s way. (Romans 14:13, NIV)

So let’s stop condemning each other. Decide instead to live in such a way that you will not cause another believer to stumble and fall. (Romans 14:13, NLT2)

So don’t make judgments about anyone ahead of time–before the Lord returns. For he will bring our darkest secrets to light and will reveal our private motives. (1 Corinthians 4:5, NLT2)

Don’t speak evil against each other, dear brothers and sisters. If you criticize and judge each other, then you are criticizing and judging God’s law. But your job is to obey the law, not to judge whether it applies to you. (James 4:11, NLT2)

God alone, who gave the law, is the Judge. He alone has the power to save or to destroy. So what right do you have to judge your neighbor? (James 4:12, NLT2)

Harmony

I appeal to you, brothers, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree with one another so that there may be no divisions among you and that you may be perfectly united in mind and thought. (1 Corinthians 1:10, NIV)

Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone. (Romans 12:18, NLT2)

Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you. (Ephesians 4:31-32, NLT2)

He who covers over an offense promotes love, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends. (Proverbs 17:9, NIV)

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. (Ephesians 4:29, NIV)

Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the Spirit, binding yourselves together with peace. (Ephesians 4:3, NLT2)

Live in harmony with each other. Don’t be too proud to enjoy the company of ordinary people.  And don’t think you know it all! (Romans 12:16, NLT2)

But we don’t need to write to you about the importance of loving each other, for God himself has taught you to love one another. (1 Thessalonians 4:9, NLT2)

Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. (Ephesians 4:2-3, NIV)

Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love. Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the Spirit, binding yourselves together with peace. (Ephesians 4:2-3, NLT2)

Starting a quarrel is like opening a floodgate, so stop before a dispute breaks out. (Proverbs 17:14, NLT2)

How wonderful and pleasant it is when brothers live together in harmony! (Psalm 133:1, NASB95)