65516 16. Divisiveness: Disturbing the Peace

Visitors to Castle Ward, a country estate near Strangford Lough in Ireland, are treated to the sight of a house divided against itself, literally. One façade is in the classical style, while the other is in the Gothic style. This difference in design extends to the interior of the house, where the rooms that were most frequented by females are adventurously decorated and the male preserves are more conservative and conventional. 

The architectural discord is due to a difference of opinion between Bernard Ward (later Viscount Bangor) and his wife, Lady Anne Bligh, at the time the house was under construction in the 1760s. Apparently the couple could not agree on a single style for their new house that would suit them both, so they “agreed to disagree.” The house bears the marks of their disagreement to this day.

Like Lord and Lady Bangor, some people today have a history of being involved in disagreements. From fistfights on the playground to power plays in the office to arguments on a church committee, they are known for being at odds with others. They are quarrelsome, critical, and divisive.

In listing the acts of the sinful nature in Galatians 5, Paul included “divisions” and “the feeling that everyone is wrong except those in your own little group” (verse 20). He was describing what goes on in a body of people when its members don’t agree. This is a type of “home divided against itself” and “kingdom at war with itself” (Matthew 12:25).

The sin of divisiveness raised its head early on among Paul’s new congregation at Corinth. At one point in a letter to them, Paul had to say, “Now, dear brothers and sisters, I appeal to you by the authority of the Lord Jesus Christ to stop arguing among yourselves.”

I appeal to you, dear brothers and sisters, by the authority of our Lord Jesus Christ, to live in harmony with each other. Let there be no divisions in the church. Rather, be of one mind, united in thought and purpose. For some members of Chloe’s household have told me about your quarrels, my dear brothers and sisters. Some of you are saying, “I am a follower of Paul.” Others are saying, “I follow Apollos,” or “I follow Peter,” or “I follow only Christ.” Has Christ been divided into factions? Was I, Paul, crucified for you? Were any of you baptized in the name of Paul? Of course not! —1 Corinthians 1:10–13

Divisiveness can be a problem in any type of team or group. But in a church group, particularly, unity is essential to bearing fruit. It is as we are all in one accord that we move ahead, under the Spirit’s direction, to the future that God has for us. God bids us, as much as it is possible, to “live in peace with everyone” (Romans 12:18). 

When an individual is picking a fight with someone else or setting one part of a group against another, he or she is at fault before God and the body.

Are you uncertain about whether this sin habit of divisiveness describes you? Keep your mind open as we look at different kinds of quarreling and ways of using words that lead to division.

The Monster of Strife

In a fable called “Hercules and Pallas,” Aesop told a story that is instructive for people who find themselves embroiled in conflict.

It seems that Hercules, journeying along a narrow roadway, came across a strange-looking animal that reared its head and threatened him. Undaunted, the hero gave the animal a few powerful blows with his club.

Hercules would then have gone on his way. But much to his astonishment, the monster grew three times as big as it was before and appeared still more threatening.

The hero redoubled his blows, striking fast and furiously at the monster. But the harder and quicker came the strokes of his club, the bigger and more frightful grew the monster. It now completely filled the road.

Just then Pallas appeared upon the scene. “Stop, Hercules. Cease your blows,” she said. “The monster’s name is Strife. Leave it alone, and it will soon become as little as it was at first.”

Of course, every Aesop fable has its moral. What do you suppose is this one’s? “Strife feeds on conflict.”

Some people seem to have a knack for contributing to a conflict so that strife grows and grows. Maybe it is starting shouting matches with family members. Maybe it is alienating friends by talking about them behind their back. Maybe it is creating divisions in teams and groups. In any case, such people have a problem that calls for more than learning better social behavior; it is really a sin habit we are talking about.

These people need to know that in fact they are involved in a complex of sins. Certainly, sins of any sort rarely if ever stand on their own. But fighting, in particular, is a sin that tends to company with others of its kind. Sins like anger, bitterness, and envy often erupt into visibility by means of the sin of quarreling. The apostle James explored this interaction of fighting and other sins.

“What is causing the quarrels and fights among you?” James asked a contentious bunch of early Christians. And then he answered his own question. “Don’t they come from the evil desires at war within you? You want what you don’t have, so you scheme and kill to get it. You are jealous of what others have, but you can’t get it, so you fight and wage war to take it away from them. Yet you don’t have what you want because you don’t ask God for it” (James 4:1–2).

Due to the serious nature of its causes, conflict between individuals can be severe and bitter. And the closer the two people are, the more bitter the conflicts may become. This was well illustrated for me (Henry) in a true story about a man named Bert told to me by my friend Tim Daley.

Brotherly Hate

Bert was a Christian man and a successful insurance agent who had other agents working for him. Among these other agents was Bert’s older brother, Allan, whom Bert had taken on with some trepidation because of the strain their working arrangement might put on their relationship. The trepidation Bert had felt proved to be prophetic.

All was fine at first, but then Allan refused to comply with some new procedures Bert established for all his agents to follow. Over the period of a full year, the two brothers had many strained and heated conversations about the issue. Finally, one day when they were throwing verbal bricks at each other, Allan cleaned out his office and left.

Feeling badly about what had happened, Bert called his brother on the phone a few days later. The verbal barrage started up again and ended only when Bert hung up on Allan. He was livid with rage.

There was no contact between the two for a month. Meanwhile, Bert consulted with biblical counselor Tim Daley about the situation.

After listening intently to the story, Tim leaned forward and said to Bert, “You are a bitter, angry man. The way you talked to your brother is unacceptable as a Christian example. You need to repent and then apologize to your brother for your bad attitude. You will not find peace until you do.”

Bert was not prepared for that response. He was expecting some reassurance that he was justified in his response because of the problem Allan had created. Nevertheless, he pondered Tim’s advice.

At first Bert did nothing. He was afraid to call his brother and did not want to admit he was wrong. In the end, though, he admitted his sin to God and asked to be cleansed and empowered to love his brother. To his surprise, his resistance to calling Allan turned into an urge to see him.

Bert managed to overcome Allan’s reluctance and arranged a twenty-minute meeting. At the appointed time, as Bert looked at his brother, he sensed nothing but compassion for him in his heart; all the bitterness was gone. He proceeded to apologize for the attitude he’d had toward Allan and asked forgiveness. Both brothers had tears in their eyes.

Later, Bert would say to my friend Tim that at that moment it was as though a two-hundred-pound weight had been lifted from his shoulders.

As we see in the case of Bert and Allan, the unrighteous use of words plays a major role in our conflicts with others. Words can be tools to build up or they can be weapons to destroy.

Words as Weapons

Interpersonal conflict usually occurs because of, and by means of, the words we use. “Harsh words make tempers flare” (Proverbs 15:1). With words, we quarrel, argue, and dispute. With words, we gossip, slander, and smear. With words, we mock and ridicule, taunt and deride. With words, we criticize and judge and curse and condemn. Certainly your authors can look back on times when we wish we could have taken back words we had spoken—but that’s never possible.

The apostle James was right in saying that the tongue has a destructive power far beyond what its small size might suggest.

We can make a large horse go wherever we want by means of a small bit in its mouth. And a small rudder makes a huge ship turn wherever the pilot chooses to go, even though the winds are strong. In the same way, the tongue is a small thing that makes grand speeches. But a tiny spark can set a great forest on fire. And the tongue is a flame of fire. It is a whole world of wickedness, corrupting your entire body. It can set your whole life on fire, for it is set on fire by hell itself. —James 3:3–6

We sometimes use our tongue like a weapon, to hurt and to maim others. Even if a part of us realizes that what we are doing is wrong, we cannot seem to stop ourselves. The tongue at such times seems wild, unmanageable.

James, again, told us what this is like. “People can tame all kinds of animals and birds and reptiles and fish,” he said, “but no one can tame the tongue.”

People can tame all kinds of animals, birds, reptiles, and fish, but no one can tame the tongue. It is restless and evil, full of deadly poison. Sometimes it praises our Lord and Father, and sometimes it curses those who have been made in the image of God. And so blessing and cursing come pouring out of the same mouth. Surely, my brothers and sisters, this is not right! —James 3:7–10

Have you tried and failed to tame your tongue? If you have a divisiveness habit, it is almost guaranteed that you have a tongue like a poisonous snake that has gotten loose from its cage. The people nearby had better watch out!

You had better watch out too if you are prone to saying wicked things. Jesus explained, “A good person produces good things from the treasury of a good heart, and an evil person produces evil things from the treasury of an evil heart. And I tell you this, you must give an account on judgment day for every idle word you speak” (Matthew 12:35–36).

Two of the chief ways people hurt others are by gossiping about them and by slandering them.

Telling Tales

One need only look at entertainment news to see how much we, as a society, love to know details from the lives of celebrities and other public figures—and the more intimate the detail, the better we like it. A similar dynamic is at work in our lives when we put gossip into circulation, or pass it on secondhand, and when we shoot out slander like a dart full of poison.

Gossip is passing around tales of an intimate nature about another. An example is telling Marilyn in Accounts Receivable that Phil in Marketing has separated from his wife. Slander, on the other hand, is telling a deliberate falsehood about someone else that damages that person’s reputation. Here an example would be claiming that Phil has been embezzling from the company, when in fact he has not. Both forms of talebearing are wrong.

If the tongue is a flame of destruction set on fire by hell itself, as James said, this is certainly true in the case of gossip. “Scoundrels create trouble; their words are a destructive blaze” (Proverbs 16:27).

Ramona Cramer Tucker tells a story about a friend of hers named Michelle, who learned too late the danger of gossip.

While at a restaurant over lunch, Michelle and her coworker, Sharon, stopped in the restroom to fix their makeup before returning to their jobs. Their small talk turned to the subject of who drove them crazy. Immediately Michelle launched into a two-minute diatribe about Beth, a mutual coworker. As Michelle prepared to divulge more specifics, a stall door opened. Out walked Beth, red-faced and angry.

In a split second, what had seemed like a pressure-relief session turned into an awkward mess. Michelle and Beth stared at each other in embarrassed panic. Michelle knew she couldn’t take her words back. In the instant their eyes met, Beth fled out the door. That afternoon, Beth didn’t return to work, and the next day Michelle heard through the grapevine that Beth had resigned.1

Michelle did not know Beth was listening and had no idea her words would have such an effect. But it does not matter. She should have been watching what she said about Beth anyway.

Gossip proceeds from an unkind spirit. Since gossip is rarely about something that reflects positively on another, passing it on may be an exercise in taking delight in another’s error or misfortune. The desire to gossip is often connected with other sins, such as idleness, gloating, and a desire for advantage (possessing information makes one powerful).

The book of Proverbs reveals some of the wicked consequences of gossip.

Gossip makes people mad. “As surely as a north wind brings rain, so a gossiping tongue causes anger!” —Proverbs 25:23

Gossip prolongs arguments. “Fire goes out without wood, and quarrels disappear when gossip stops.”—Proverbs 26:20

Gossip ruins relationships. “A troublemaker plants seeds of strife; gossip separates the best of friends.”—Proverbs 16:28

A Welsh saying states, “a gossip’s mouth is the Devil’s mailbag.” May none of us deliver any mail postmarked “Hell.”

As devilish as gossip is, talebearing crosses a line to a new level of seriousness when it becomes slander.

God’s position on slander is clear enough. “Do not spread slanderous gossip among your people,” He said (Leviticus 19:16). “I will not tolerate people who slander their neighbors” (Psalm 101:5). “Get rid of all…harsh words, and slander” (Ephesians 4:31).

Christians tell harmful untruths about others more often than we would like to believe. Usually they are motivated by hate, jealousy, or a thirst for revenge. We can be certain that something has gone seriously wrong in the spirit of a Christ follower who slanders another, especially if the slander is part of an ongoing pattern of behavior.

A. B. Simpson, an evangelical leader from a century back, spoke words we would be wise to take to heart today. He said, “I would rather play with the forked lightning, or take in my hands living wires with their fiery current, than speak a reckless word against any servant of Christ, or idly repeat the slanderous darts which thousands of Christians are hurling on others, to the hurt of their own souls and bodies.”

But gossip and slander are not the only ways to hurt others with words. Criticism and judgmentalism are two more.

Destructive Speech

Russian theologian Alexander Schmemann and his fiancée were sitting in a Paris Métro subway train when a badly dressed and unattractive old woman got on and sat down across from them. Speaking in Russian, the couple began to talk about her and to laugh about her appearance, assuming all the while that she could not understand what they were saying. As the train pulled up to a station, though, the woman stopped in front of them and said in perfect Russian, “But I was not always so old or so ugly.” Then without another word, she stepped onto the station platform, never to be seen by the couple again.

Schmemann reported later that he was not only shocked that he and his fiancée had been understood by the woman, but worse, he was shocked to realize that he, a follower of Christ, had so easily dehumanized another and ripped away some of her few remaining shreds of dignity. He was driven to confession before the Lord.

Criticism is a kind of speech that tears down; it is not an expression of love that wants to build the other up. One biblical proverbialist said, “Love prospers when a fault is forgiven” (Proverbs 17:9). The apostle Paul warned, “If you are always biting and devouring one another, watch out! Beware of destroying one another” (Galatians 5:15).

Do you find fault with others? Do you point out their mistakes? Do you tease them about their weaknesses? Then remember what Paul said: “Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them” (Ephesians 4:29).

If your criticism is tinged with self-righteousness, then you are likely guilty of judgmentalism. This is finding fault with others specifically about their spiritual or moral condition. The New Testament is consistent in saying that God alone has the ability and right to judge others’ standing before Him.

Do not judge others, and you will not be judged. For you will be treated as you treat others. The standard you use in judging is the standard by which you will be judged. And why worry about a speck in your friend’s eye when you have a log in your own? How can you think of saying to your friend, “Let me help you get rid of that speck in your eye,” when you can’t see past the log in your own eye? Hypocrite! First get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend’s eye. —Matthew 7:1–5

Don’t speak evil against each other, dear brothers and sisters. If you criticize and judge each other, then you are criticizing and judging God’s law. But your job is to obey the law, not to judge whether it applies to you. God alone, who gave the law, is the Judge. He alone has the power to save or to destroy. So what right do you have to judge your neighbor? —James 4:11–12

If you see something that appears wrong in the spiritual life of another, do not presume that it is your job to flag the error for others. Instead, use it as a reminder that you need to examine yourself for similar flaws. Learn not to create conflict in this way but to set an example of harmony.

Learning to Get Along

In his modern classic, the Lord of the Rings trilogy, author J. R. R. Tolkien tells the story of nine individuals who band together as “the fellowship of the Ring” to thwart the plans of the evil Sauron. In the course of their harrowing adventures, the nine often quarrel and disagree with one another—elf against dwarf, men against hobbits. But in the end, the fellowship holds together sufficiently for the group to succeed in rescuing Middle-earth from the perilous power of the Ring.

Tolkien was a Christian, and so maybe he had the church in the back of his mind as he developed his conception of the fellowship of the Ring. We are to be that body of people who overcome the human tendencies to fracture and fragment, such that others will look at us and know us by our “love for one another” (John 13:35). This goes even for Christians who have an ingrained habit of fighting with others.

What was on Jesus’ mind when whip, thorn, and nail were just hours away? Among other things, He was concerned about you and me getting along with each other. In His words to the Father, He said, “I pray that they will all be one, just as You and I are one—as You are in Me, Father, and I am in You. And may they be in us so that the world will believe You sent Me” (John 17:21).

Such unity and harmony are not ours just by choosing them; they are possible only through supernatural enabling. When Christ departed this world, He left behind the Holy Spirit to live in us and work in our hearts. He softens our hearts toward one another and quells our tendency toward conflict. For this reason, Paul could say, “Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the Spirit, binding yourselves together with peace” (Ephesians 4:3).

As we work through the soul-healing process, we should be seeking the virtue of harmony with others to take the place that was once filled by conflict. Our final word on the subject to you, then, is the same as that of the apostle Paul: “Live in harmony with each other” (Romans 12:16).

Soul Prescription for Divisiveness

Are you struggling with a habit of being divisive? We have outlined a five-step process to help you repent and heal in this area of your life. Take all the time you need with each of the steps below.

Step 1: Adopt a Correct View of God

When we are constant sources of conflict and strife, it is obvious that we are not truly seeing God for who He is. What aspects of your view of God may be influencing your conflict problem? The points listed below will help you begin the process of self-analysis.

  • God is love; there is no place in His kingdom for conflict.
    We don’t need to write to you about the importance of loving each other, for God Himself has taught you to love one another. —1 Thessalonians 4:2
  • God is merciful and He expects us to show mercy to others.
    Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love. —Ephesians 4:2

When you view God as a loving and merciful being, you will respond in like manner to those around you. Undertake a survey on the Bible’s passages on God’s peaceable nature. Tools such as a concordance and a topical Bible can help you in this task.

Step 2: Revise Your False Beliefs

What erroneous beliefs do you have that justify your combative spirit? Chances are, you have some false beliefs about yourself, about other people, and about how life works. Ask yourself the following questions:

  • Do you believe you must always correct others when they are wrong?
    Starting a quarrel is like opening a floodgate, so stop before a dispute breaks out. —Proverbs 17:14
  • Do you believe you have the right to say spiteful things about others because of something they have said about you?
    Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone. —Romans 12:18

Continue your Bible study by examining what Scripture says about harmony and unity. As you do so, reconsider your beliefs, acknowledged or unspoken, that may have helped turn you into a fighter. Conform your thinking to God’s truth.

Step 3: Repent of Your Sin

What type of conflict are you engaged in? Is it gossip? Quarreling? Judgmentalism? Something else? Identify it specifically.

After admitting your sin to yourself, admit it to God. Pray the following prayer of repentance (or pray in your own words):

God, I am guilty of _________. It is sin, and I am sorry for it. Please forgive me for being a person of conflict and strife. Cleanse me of that sin, I pray. Then grant me some of Your power to keep from participating in conflict the next time the potential arises. And the next. And the next. In Christ’s name, amen.

If you have harmed others with your sin, apologize to them. Seek reconciliation and offer restitution where appropriate.

Step 4: Defend against Spiritual Attacks

Beware the world, the flesh, and the Devil, who will want to goad you into fighting again. They want nothing better than to see you contradict your repentance by returning to a pattern of conflict. Do not be naive about these foes!

  • In God’s eyes, harmony among people is a high value. In the world system, though, conflict is seen as a way of getting what you want. Watch out for worldly values that would justify your sinful tendency toward conflict. Overcome the world by rejecting its values.
  • God honors those who control their desires to say and do things that divide people. Your flesh, or sinful nature, however, still enjoys the feeling of power that comes from mixing it up with people. Do not forget that the sinful nature has been crucified and that you do not have to give in to its desires. Give in to the Spirit instead.
  • God provides a way out of every situation where you would be tempted to spread strife. Satan, on the other hand, gladly points out each opportunity you have to fight, gossip, and judge. Resist his schemes with the “shoes of peace” and the rest of the spiritual armor (see Ephesians 6:10–18).

Remain alert to any temptation that would draw you back into your sin of conflict. Seek the resources offered by God to defend against the attacks when they come. Those resources are more than enough to beat back all attacks.

Step 5: Flee Temptation

If you do not want to give in to the temptation of conflict, get away from it as fast as you can!

  • Focus on your relationship with God. 
    You get into conflict when you focus on what others have done to upset you. So instead, keep your focus on God and His peace-loving nature. Learn to jump right into prayer when a situation arises that makes you want to fight.
  • Latch on to God’s promises. 
    Find encouraging words in the Scriptures that you can learn from and memorize for times when you are inclined to jump into the fray. Psalm 133 is one eligible passage.

How wonderful and pleasant it is 
when brothers live together in harmony.
For harmony is as precious as the anointing oil 
that was poured over Aaron’s head, 
that ran down his beard and 
onto the border of his robe.
Harmony is as refreshing as the dew from Mount Hermon 
that falls on the mountains of Zion.
And the Lord has pronounced his blessing, 
even life everlasting.

  • Establish safeguards. 
    Are there certain things that trigger your tendency to sin through conflict? Of course there are. Take practical precautions to avoid those triggering situations. These are the kinds of things you can try:
  • If you like to gossip, avoid people who pass on juicy tidbits to you in the first place.
  • If you start arguments when your spouse criticizes something in your behavior, try harder to meet his or her expectations.
  • If you joined a committee and seem to always be the center of conflict, resign the committee.
  • Ask a trusted Christian friend to hold you accountable in your commitment to not participate in conflict.

• Expect victory. 

Every day is a new day. Though you may have slipped into conflict regularly in the past, you can now become a peacemaker with the help of the Prince of Peace. Thank God in advance for the victory He will give.

Visit www.SoulPrescription.com for more insights and resources, and to download a free leader’s guide for small group Bible studies.