Are you struggling with a habit of being divisive? We have outlined a five-step process to help you change and heal in this area of your life. Take all the time you need with each of the steps below.
Step 1: Adopt a Correct View of God
When we are constant sources of conflict and strife, it is obvious that we are not truly seeing God for who He is. What aspects of your view of God may be influencing your conflict problem? The points listed below will help you begin the process of self-analysis.
God is love; there is no place in His kingdom for conflict.
We don’t need to write to you about the importance of loving each other, for God Himself has taught you to love one another. (1 Thessalonians 4:2)
God is merciful and He expects us to show mercy to others.
Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love. (Ephesians 4:2)
When you view God as a loving and merciful being, you will respond in like manner to those around you. Undertake a survey on the Bible’s passages on God’s peaceable nature. Tools such as a concordance and a topical Bible can help you in this task.
Step 2: Revise Your False Beliefs
What erroneous beliefs do you have that justify your combative spirit? Chances are, you have some false beliefs about yourself, about other people, and about how life works. Ask yourself the following questions:
Do you believe you must always correct others when they are wrong?
Starting a quarrel is like opening a floodgate, so stop before a dispute breaks out. (Proverbs 17:14)
Do you believe you have the right to say spiteful things about others because of something they have said about you?
Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone. (Romans 12:18)
Continue your Bible study by examining what Scripture says about harmony and unity. As you do so, reconsider your beliefs, acknowledged or unspoken, that may have helped turn you into a fighter. Conform your thinking to God’s truth.
Step 3: Repent of Your Sin
What type of conflict are you engaged in? Is it gossip? Quarreling? Judgmentalism? Something else? Identify it specifically.
After admitting your sin to yourself, admit it to God. Pray the following prayer of repentance (or pray in your own words):
God, I am guilty of _________. It is sin, and I am sorry for it. Please forgive me for being a person of conflict and strife. Cleanse me of that sin, I pray. Then grant me some of Your power to keep from participating in conflict the next time the potential arises. And the next. And the next. In Christ’s name, amen.
If you have harmed others with your sin, apologize to them. Seek reconciliation and offer restitution where appropriate.
Step 4: Defend against Spiritual Attacks
Beware the world, the flesh, and the Devil, who will want to goad you into fighting again. They want nothing better than to see you contradict your repentance by returning to a pattern of conflict. Do not be naive about these foes!
- In God’s eyes, harmony among people is a high value. In the world system, though, conflict is seen as a way of getting what you want. Watch out for worldly values that would justify your sinful tendency toward conflict. Overcome the world by rejecting its values.
- God honors those who control their desires to say and do things that divide people. Your flesh, or sinful nature, however, still enjoys the feeling of power that comes from mixing it up with people. Do not forget that the sinful nature has been crucified and that you do not have to give in to its desires. Give in to the Spirit instead.
- God provides a way out of every situation where you would be tempted to spread strife. Satan, on the other hand, gladly points out each opportunity you have to fight, gossip, and judge. Resist his schemes with the “shoes of peace” and the rest of the spiritual armor (see Ephesians 6:10–18).
Remain alert to any temptation that would draw you back into your sin of conflict. Seek the resources offered by God to defend against the attacks when they come. Those resources are more than enough to beat back all attacks.
Step 3: Repent of Your Sin
What type of conflict are you engaged in? Is it gossip? Quarreling? Judgmentalism? Something else? Identify it specifically.
After admitting your sin to yourself, admit it to God. Pray the following prayer of repentance (or pray in your own words):
God, I am guilty of _________. It is sin, and I am sorry for it. Please forgive me for being a person of conflict and strife. Cleanse me of that sin, I pray. Then grant me some of Your power to keep from participating in conflict the next time the potential arises. And the next. And the next. In Christ’s name, amen.
If you have harmed others with your sin, apologize to them. Seek reconciliation and offer restitution where appropriate.
Step 4: Defend against Spiritual Attacks
Beware the world, the flesh, and the Devil, who will want to goad you into fighting again. They want nothing better than to see you contradict your repentance by returning to a pattern of conflict. Do not be naive about these foes!
- In God’s eyes, harmony among people is a high value. In the world system, though, conflict is seen as a way of getting what you want. Watch out for worldly values that would justify your sinful tendency toward conflict. Overcome the world by rejecting its values.
- God honors those who control their desires to say and do things that divide people. Your flesh, or sinful nature, however, still enjoys the feeling of power that comes from mixing it up with people. Do not forget that the sinful nature has been crucified and that you do not have to give in to its desires. Give in to the Spirit instead.
- God provides a way out of every situation where you would be tempted to spread strife. Satan, on the other hand, gladly points out each opportunity you have to fight, gossip, and judge. Resist his schemes with the “shoes of peace” and the rest of the spiritual armor (see Ephesians 6:10–18).
Remain alert to any temptation that would draw you back into your sin of conflict. Seek the resources offered by God to defend against the attacks when they come. Those resources are more than enough to beat back all attacks.