Apicontent

Truthful lips endure forever, but a lying tongue lasts only a moment. (Proverbs 12:19)

A fortune made by a lying tongue is a fleeting vapor and a deadly snare. (Proverbs 21:6)

“Inhale. Lie. Exhale. Lie.” This was the title of a front-page article by David Shaw in the Los Angeles Times about the chronic lying that goes on in Hollywood. Shaw declares, “In Hollywood, deception is a frustrating fact of everyday life, involving everything from negotiations and job changes to casting, financing, and scores from test screenings.” Even box office numbers are “made up,” “fabricated” every week.

For a person of integrity in media, it is stunning to see the no-big­ deal attitude that exists toward lying, especially when one considers the idiocy and destructive potential of the act. One talent agent’s assistant said of her boss, “He lies about everything. He even lies for no reason!”

Proverbs exalts truthfulness as having weight and permanence when it declares that “Truthful lips endure forever.” When a truthful per­son says, “I’ll purchase your car for ten thousand dollars on Monday,” it carries weight. The moment the person says those words, hear­ers spring into action to respond to the event as if it has already happened. When a liar says the same thing, nobody responds. “Oh, he’s just saying that,” is the hollow response. Not only does nothing happen on Monday, but nothing happens a minute later. You read it above: “A lying tongue lasts only a moment.”

Principle: Truthful words have hurricane force, but lies the impact of warm breath.

Because of the impact of truth, the truthful person has staying power. He’ll be around for a long time because he cannot be ignored. Truth demands a response. The quickest way to get ignored, overlooked, or even shunned is to lie. Falsehood has no power except when it is accepted as true. The moment a lie is discovered, the liar has pur­chased his ticket out of town.

Principle: Truth commands long-term respect, but a lie, and the one who speaks it, draws immediate derision.

Finally, even the gain from lying is illusory. It’s the Internet con artists who sucker millions of dollars from online investors only to see the benefit from their fortune go “poof” when the Feds slap them in chains. It’s the school kid who says, “I didn’t steal the money,” only to be expelled when truth blows his cover. Even the notion of success through lying is a self-made trap, a “deadly snare.”

Principle: A lie promises quick and easy benefit, but the promise itself is a lie.

Want to stand out in life? Dare to tell the truth…everywhere…about everything…all the time. Power, respect, and blessing will follow you because, “The Lord detests lying lips, but he delights in men who are truthful” (Proverbs 12:22).

[from “Wisdom for the Trenches” by Dr. Larry W. Poland]

The words of a gossip are like choice morsels; they go down to a man’s inmost parts. (Proverbs 18:8)

A perverse man stirs up dissension, and a gossip separates close friends. (Proverbs 16:28)

It was the perfect setup—described in Judges 3. Ehud gets permission to have an audience with Eglon, King of Moab, on a request to present a tribute to him. After the presentation, he whispers that he has a secret message for the king, a word from God. Eglon clears the room, and Ehud pulls a hidden dagger from his clothing and does him in. Inscribed on the handle of the dagger were the letters g-o-s-s-i-p.

The above story is true but for the last sentence. Actually, though, the moniker would have been very appropriate. Ask anyone who’s been “done in” by the gossipy tongue of another. The weapon comes into the room unseen. It swiftly and lethally assassinates reputa­tions, relationships, and character. It’s the “hidden dagger” in human relationships.

Gossip is any talk about another which, when heard, results in unde­served injury. Reporting the truth that Joe Doaks has just robbed your home is not gossip, and the injury caused to Joe Doaks is well deserved. Passing along the unchecked rumor that Mary Doaks is having an affair with her boss is gossip. The injury caused to Mary, her reputation, her marriage, and her aura of trust is both undeserved and deadly—and the gossip is responsible for it.

When Proverbs says that gossip “goes down to a man’s inmost parts,” it means that it doesn’t just bounce harmlessly off the person like the cutting remarks made in jest at the Rotary Club roast. The evil words lodge deeply inside the person like Ehud’s dagger, so deeply that Judges says King Eglon’s flesh covered it completely. The blade went to his heart.

Principle: Don’t take gossip lightly. Far more than harmless chatter, it’s a deadly dagger to the heart.

Gossip is equally unsavory because of the friends it keeps. It is the companion of dissension, quarrels, and disloyalty. Its divisive potential is so lethal that it even can separate “close friends” (Proverbs 16:28). Quarrels and arguments are fueled by gossip. “Without wood a fire goes out; without gossip a quarrel dies down” (Proverbs 26:20). Disloyalty is founded on gossip as the evil speaker “betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy man keeps a secret” (Proverbs 11:13).

Principle: Gossip’s companions are worse than urban gangs; Faction, Quarrel and Betrayal are their names.

[from “Wisdom for the Trenches” by Dr. Larry W. Poland]

The corrections of discipline are the way of life. (Proverbs 6:23)

A rebuke impresses a man of discernment more than a hundred lashes a fool. (Proverbs 17:10)

My godly father had a slogan on the wall of his den that said, “It’s better to give someone a piece of your heart than a piece of your mind.” True. But is it possible that giving someone both could be in their ultimate best interest?

Nobody likes to be corrected, rebuked, or reproved. It strikes at the heart of our arrogance and typically stirs a negative, defensive response. In this “feelings generation,” pop psychology often preaches against such corrective behavior because it stimulates “bad feelings.”

A member of the California Highway Patrol triggered some really bad feelings in me a few years ago with his flashing lights, stern words, and a really expensive citation for “meritorious service in the fast lane.” I didn’t appreciate the recognition at the time, but now I do. I’ve been a safer, more observant, more careful driver ever since. That reproof and correction may have saved my life or someone else’s­ because I heeded it.

Principle: Rebuke and reproof are good medicine. They cure moral sickness, so take them faithfully—regardless of how they taste.

Proverbs makes a really big deal about how we respond to rebuke and correction. Respond well—we are told—and it will result in honor (13:18), an understanding of the way the world works (15:32), status among the wise (15:31), and life itself (6:23). Reject or scoff at rebuke and reproof, and a lot of bad things result. We will “lead others astray” (10:17) and even die (15:10)! God declares that correction is so essential to successful living that wise people will love you for correcting them (9:8)!

Principle: Reproof is a test of wisdom and folly; wise people love it, and fools hate it.

The ultimate state of wisdom and maturity is the ability to learn without personal correction. Truly wise people are so teachable they learn even watching others get reproof!

Principle: The one who doesn’t learn from the correction of others must be reproved personally. Rejecting personal reproof just compounds folly, destruction, and death.

The motivation of the one giving the correction or rebuke doesn’t matter. Even people who give you a piece of their mind—without a piece of their heart—can help you be a better person. When Shimei cursed King David and threw stones at him (2 Samuel 16:6), one of David’s guards wanted to kill him. David forbade it and let him speak, reasoning that God might be motivating the curse!

That’s wisdom and maturity.

[from “Wisdom for the Trenches” by Dr. Larry W. Poland]

Whoever corrects a mocker invites insult. (Proverbs 9:7)

A fool shows his annoyance at once, but a pru­dent man overlooks an insult. (Proverbs 12:16)

As a 27-year-old college president with no little arrogance and a lot to learn, I got a lot of insulting—and often anonymous—letters. Since my godly father always taught me, “Don’t ever write anything to anyone you’re not man enough sign,” I trashed the unsigned missiles.

I mentioned in an earlier chapter that one day I read in 2 Samuel 16 of King David’s being cursed publicly by a man named Shimei and of David’s mature response (my paraphrase), “Let him speak. God told him to curse me!”

That was a new concept. God might permit people to curse us not just to rebuke or correct us but to benefit us. So I started reading all my hate mail with a new perspective. It was revolutionary! Some of my worst and most ill-motivated critics were telling me things my friends wouldn’t. I was picking up valuable tips from them!

In a cultural climate in which put-downs, mean-spirited humor, and sarcastic mockers reign, it is important to learn the value of the curse or insult.

Principle: We expose our character—either foolish or wise—by the way we handle curses and insults.

The 9:7 passage above describes the response of reacting to an insult—rather than responding to it—as behavior typical of a “mocker.” Wise people aren’t mockers; they’re learners. Wise people, Proverbs declares, are not “touchy” when insulted. Instead, they “solicit instruction and correction.” The trick is coming to see all unwanted and uncomplimentary input as potentially beneficial!

Principle: If we listen for the voice of God in it, any comment—regardless of its motivation or content—is potentially useful for character building.

I started praying before reading my mail, “Lord, help me hear any­thing You want me to hear…” This revolutionized my attitude toward my critics and their insults. Voila! They said some things I needed to hear…and that my friends weren’t telling me! And they said some nonsense which God let me overlook.

Principle: If obedience to God’s Law provides building blocks for our character construction, the search for instruction and correction is the mortar.

Thirty years ago, a man screamed at me, “You self-righteous, bigoted, Baptist idiot!” Looking back, I think he was more right than I wanted to admit—except on the “Baptist” part!

Principle: Curses and insults are just divinely allowed instruction…in ugly wrappings.

Turn your curses and insults into benefit, and even your critics and enemies will unwittingly benefit you!

[from “Wisdom for the Trenches” by Dr. Larry W. Poland]

My son, pay attention to my wisdom, listen well to my words of insight that you may maintain discretion and your lips may preserve knowledge. (Proverbs 5:1-2)

He who listens to a life-giving rebuke will be at home among the wise. (Proverbs 15:31)

People from other cultures have one devastating observation about Americans—we are lousy listeners. If this is true, we are also lousy learners.

For most Americans, listening could be defined as “that awkward span of time when I am unable to talk and, therefore, must concentrate on what I will say when the opportunity to speak arises again.” Someone has said that people don’t learn a thing when they are speaking. I know I don’t. I’ve heard everything I have to say, and I admit that hearing myself repeat it is not a personal growth experience!

God’s wisdom declares listening to be a crucial element in growth and learning. In one of the passages above, Proverbs draws a direct link between the two. How many times as a father of six have I said, “You just don’t listen!”? I wonder how often God screams from the heavens to the more than seven billion people on His planet, “You just don’t listen!”

Principle: Refusing to listen is refusing to learn. The broad road to ignorance and folly is paved with inattention.

Amazing things happen when we listen to people. Some time ago, I had a person I consider a casual acquaintance refer to me as one of his “best friends.” After the comment, I tried to figure out how I got into that highly honored category of “best friend.” I decided it was because I have spent a lot of time listening to him. He read my attention as an act of deep friendship. Even the school of “nondirective counseling” lauds the therapeutic effects of just listening!

In family life, I have learned the high cost of not listening when my wife or children need me to give them full concentration. They clearly do not feel affirmed, important, or even valued without it. Listening shows we value the speaker and the content. While speaking to a local civic club last week, a man in the center of the room took a cell phone call and carried on a loud conversation in competition with my speaking. To say the least, I did not feel valued by this man.

Principle: Giving full attention to others or their counsel shows that we value both them and their content. Not to do so—at the very least—shows low-level arrogance or contempt.

There are, however, limits on wise listening. The apostle Paul said there are some acts of evil so vile that they should not even be mentioned (Ephesians 5:12). Presumably, that vileness shouldn’t be listened to, either. A top media executive once began sharing true-but-scandalous information about his network’s chairman with me. I told him, “I’m not sure I want the accountability of knowing this.” It’s good to close our ears to evil speaking (Proverbs 17:4).

Principle: Ears are windows to the soul. Listen to righteous­ness and grow spiritually wise; listen to evil and reap spiritual destruction.

Try listening more this week…to God and others. They’ll both be glad you did!

[from “Wisdom for the Trenches” by Dr. Larry W. Poland]

Drive out the mocker, and out goes strife; quarrels and insults are ended. (Proverbs 22:10)

The eye that mocks a father and scorns obedience to a mother, will be pecked out by the ravens…will be eaten by the vultures. (Proverbs 30:17)

What an embarrassment it was to discover that the book of Proverbs had a specific category for one of my main character weak­nesses, mockery! Decades ago, I was enjoying what I thought was some lighthearted banter at the expense of one of my professional associates when he declared, “You’re a mocker, a scoffer. You ought to check out what Proverbs says about that.” My curiosity piqued, I did check it out, and the teaching cut like a knife.

Principle: The mocker uses ridicule, putdowns, sarcasm, or mimicry to belittle others; the righteous person builds them up.

Let’s face it: scoffing and mockery are at the heart of most television sitcoms. Most are little more than verbal jousting matches in which the one with the most lethal mockery wins. Never mind that most of us bear the scars on our souls of parents or peers who scoffed at us. Never mind that a weak self-image is commonly the result of stinging remarks from mockers and scoffers. We still reduce others to rubble through mockery.

Proverbs makes it clear that mockers/scoffers are at the heart of other interpersonal relationship problems. We are told that if the mockers/scoffers are rooted out of a group, they will take with them “strife, quarrels, and insults.” It makes sense. Nobody likes to be put down—no matter how it’s done—and mockery in humor is often thinly veiled violence. So the object of scoffing reacts, defends, and strikes back…and the war is on.

Principle: When relationships are marked by strife, seek out the mockers and eliminate them. If you don’t, they will continually stir the relational pot.

Interesting, isn’t it that Proverbs 30:17 describes the objects of mockery as authority figures, in particular, parents? This may well explain why comedy commonly belittles the police, the military, the boss, the politicians, and even Mom, Dad, and God. Could mockery be a cover-up for inner rebellion against the authority over us?

The scary part of this wisdom teaching is the hard consequence promised to mockers and scoffers – becoming carrion for vultures! It’s the same violent end that faced the Sons of Korah when they rebelled against the authority structure (Numbers 16:25-33). At God’s command, the earth swallowed them! Authorities typically move with force to destroy those who mock them!

Principle: If we don’t replace mockery of authority with joyful submission to and respect for it, it could cost us dearly.

To deal with my tendency to mockery, I actually had to cancel my subscription to a Christian satire magazine, invoke God’s help, and dull my spoken “cutting edge.” You may have to do the same.

[from “Wisdom for the Trenches” by Dr. Larry W. Poland]

Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. (Proverbs 31:30)

False are charms and vain is the beauty of woman; for a prudent woman is blessed. Let her praise the fear of the Lord. (Proverbs 31:30, Septuagint)

Ah, Hollywood and the media biz. Is it not the world’s “Beauty Obsession Center”? Cosmetic surgery. Endless makeovers. Outrageously priced clothing and hair care. Rodeo Drive and Fifth Avenue with “personal shoppers” who seduce the gullible with promises of everlasting attractiveness. It’s where “You’re looking beautiful” is said before “Hello.”

As a person who’s lived many decades, I discover that almost nobody refers to me as “handsome” or even “good-looking” anymore. The inevitable toll of the years whittles away at any natural, physical comeliness God may have given us. All the cosmetic efforts in the universe can’t stop the whittling. Let’s face it—physical ugliness is inevitable. Not many beautiful faces in nursing homes!

Proverbs calls physical attractiveness “fleeting.” A sudden disfiguring accident or disease or stroke and all the effort invested in enhancing one’s physical beauty can be turned into ugliness—in a nanosecond.

Principle: Obsession with personal appearance is an exercise in futility. Its benefits are short-lived and can be stolen in an instant.

God places emphasis on inner beauty. “Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart,” says 1 Samuel 16:7. Show me a person with external comeliness and a bitter angry spirit, and I will show you a person on the fast lane to ugliness…externally as well as internally. Show me a person with a righteous, joyful, tranquil, gracious, loving spirit; and I will show you a person whose “attractive­ness of spirit” will make you forget their lack of physical attractiveness.

Principle: The beauty of a person’s character is the ultimate “cosmetic surgery” that creates loveliness through the ultimate “faith lift.”

The word cosmetics is rooted in the Greek word cosmos; one meaning of which is “arrangement.” When cosmetics are applied, they are designed to alter the “arrangement” of the face or body—a purely surface alteration. When the face is reflecting the beauty of the inner spirit, its attractiveness is rooted deep within…where aging cannot reach.

Principle: To improve your appearance dramatically, get a “spiritual makeover.”

A spiritual makeover may cost you dearly, but it won’t be in dollars. It’ll be in confessed…and forgiven…sins.

[from “Wisdom for the Trenches” by Dr. Larry W. Poland]

The king’s heart is in the hand of the Lord; He directs it like a watercourse wherever He pleases. (Proverbs 21:1)

“I just can’t figure out where he’s coming from.” “The two of us just can’t seem to get on the same page.” “The way she thinks…it’s so weird that I just can’t seem to get through to her.” These lines sound familiar? I’ve heard them in marriage counseling sessions, from teen­agers frustrated with their parents (and vice versa!), and from people at their wits’ ends over their bosses or co-workers.

Sometimes, we think the world would be a better place—or at least would go better for us—if we could just change the way other people think! At the same time, I don’t know anyone who would welcome the thought of someone able to change the way we think. This would be terrorizing. It smacks of a horror movie in which some monstrous dictator has found the secret to mind control.

Despite all this, we waste a lot of time trying to change the way people think. From salesmanship to evangelism and from contract negotiations to romantic relationships, we take on this mission. All of these, of course, involve persuasion and influence but should never be reduced to an attempt to change a mind.

Principle: Seeking to change other people’s thinking is an exercise in futility unless they direct their wills toward the change; it’s a goal that should never be pursued unaided.

The believer possesses, however, an incredible power unavailable to those outside the faith, the true power to change minds! The passage cited above provides the key—the Lord holds the heart and mind of even the most powerful in His hand, and He can direct the thinking wherever He wills! This means, then, that as we pray to, submit to, and trust God for changes that fit His will, they will come. Incredible.

Principle: Only God has the power and the access to people’s hearts and inner thoughts sufficient to change their minds.

Over and over, I’ve watched anxious, bitter, striving people finally surrender their efforts to change the thinking of another…to God. Over and over, I’ve watched Him close in on the other person’s evil, aberrant, stubborn thought processes and bring about change in thinking—or situations which force it! It seems that God commonly waits to change the other person until we get our egos, our striving, our manipulations out of His way. He wants our minds to change first.

Principle: It is folly to ask God to change the thinking of others until we are first willing to have Him change our own.

So why not turn the “mind change” efforts over to God? It is through Him that the Power is unleashed to “take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ” (2 Corinthians 10:5).

[from “Wisdom for the Trenches” by Dr. Larry W. Poland]

By me [Wisdom] princes govern, and all nobles who rule on earth. (Proverbs 8:16)

The lips of a king speak as an oracle, and his mouth should not betray justice. (Proverbs 16:10)

All professionals recognize that people at the top of their industries possess significant power and influence. Stories of the use and misuse of this power are everywhere. Sometimes, the lust for this power becomes an intoxicant—a seductive potion to the powerless—and the misuse of this power destroys lives.

It is less common for those of us lower in the pecking order to realize that the power and authority we hold can also be a weapon to destroy or a tool to build. We may forget that God is the one who sets people in positions of responsibility and holds them accountable for the way in which they use their power and authority. Romans 13:1 declares that “there is no authority except that which God has established.” If this is true generally, how much more is this true of the authority loaned to those who are children of the King.

Principle: All authority—in home, office, or elsewhere—vests with God and is loaned to us as a sacred trust to be used as He would use it for His purposes alone.

When I once told an employee with a major Hollywood studio that one of the top execs was a Christian, he said, “I’ve never liked her, and I am really surprised to hear that.” I know the woman well, and I doubt that she used her authority in evil or capricious manner. It is possible, however, that she operated in a manner so similar in fashion to that of the non-Christian execs that there was no qualitative difference. This, in itself, is an indictment. Proverbs 16:10 makes it clear that authority should be a channel for passing along “divine decisions” and in a manner that is unerringly trustworthy.

Principle: Authority in the hands of a believer is neither a bludgeon to pound others into submission nor a knife to cut them down. It is a divinely designed instrument of guidance and instruction for building those under our authority.

I heard an arrogant, pushy, abusive person described as, “Because all he has is a hammer, he thinks everything is a nail.”

Ask yourself regularly, “Do I exercise my authority in a manner that reflects the One from Whom it comes?” “Do those under my authority see God’s wisdom and character in me and in the way I handle my power over them?” If the answer is no, don’t be surprised if God takes His authority back!

Jesus taught that “Whoever wants to be great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be slave of all” (Mark 10:44). If you have been given authority, perhaps it would be a good idea to take your organizational chart and hang it upside down to remind you who is serving whom.

[from “Wisdom for the Trenches” by Dr. Larry W. Poland]

When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom. (Proverbs 11:2)

Better to be a nobody and yet have a servant than pretend to be somebody and have no food. (Proverbs 12:9)

Man is tested by the praise he receives. (Proverbs 27:21b)

Years ago, when I hosted a Phil-Donahue-style TV talk show syndicated in Canada, the producer told me, “We can make you a household name in ninety days.” I noticed that my head swelled slightly at the thought. Celebrity can do that.

Pride is something the Scriptures says God “hates.” He hates even a “proud look.” Why is pride such a big, bad deal to God? There are lots of reasons. Pride causes us to look down on others and push them down, hold a dangerously exaggerated view of ourselves, demand to be served rather than to serve, and—worst of all—steal glory due only to God. E-G-O is “Edging God Out.”

Proverbs 11:2 creates an equation which basically says, “Pride is to disgrace as humility is wisdom.” This equation reveals a positive correlation between the size of one’s ego and the probability of humiliation. Thus, arrogance is, in the end, really stupid.

Principle: The same wind that puffs an ego blows away one’s potential for true honor.

In a New York Times article, Brad Pitt talked about being a celebrity: “We can get away with things that other people can’t, and you start to believe the lie that you are special, that you’re better than other people. You start demanding that kind of treatment. Most of the time I fight it, because I know I’m going to get older and it’s going to go away, but at times I succumb to it.” Proverbs 12:9 confirms Brad’s perspective. Praise fades. Character, wisdom, and righteous gain don’t.

Principle: Success can’t be equated with adulation. A miserably indebted celebrity is far worse off than a well-served, debt-­free nobody.

Finally, fame is not a friend and, as such, should not be pursued. Solomon had his share of it and knew that the praise of people is a horrible trial…like a crucible for silver or a furnace for trying gold (Proverbs 27:21a).

Principle: Those who feed on their praise are plunging head­-long into the greatest fiery test of their lives. Not many will survive with their souls.

[from “Wisdom for the Trenches” by Dr. Larry W. Poland]