Apicontent

My son, pay attention to my wisdom, listen well to my words of insight that you may maintain discretion and your lips may preserve knowledge. (Proverbs 5:1-2)

He who listens to a life-giving rebuke will be at home among the wise. (Proverbs 15:31)

People from other cultures have one devastating observation about Americans—we are lousy listeners. If this is true, we are also lousy learners.

For most Americans, listening could be defined as “that awkward span of time when I am unable to talk and, therefore, must concentrate on what I will say when the opportunity to speak arises again.” Someone has said that people don’t learn a thing when they are speaking. I know I don’t. I’ve heard everything I have to say, and I admit that hearing myself repeat it is not a personal growth experience!

God’s wisdom declares listening to be a crucial element in growth and learning. In one of the passages above, Proverbs draws a direct link between the two. How many times as a father of six have I said, “You just don’t listen!”? I wonder how often God screams from the heavens to the more than seven billion people on His planet, “You just don’t listen!”

Principle: Refusing to listen is refusing to learn. The broad road to ignorance and folly is paved with inattention.

Amazing things happen when we listen to people. Some time ago, I had a person I consider a casual acquaintance refer to me as one of his “best friends.” After the comment, I tried to figure out how I got into that highly honored category of “best friend.” I decided it was because I have spent a lot of time listening to him. He read my attention as an act of deep friendship. Even the school of “nondirective counseling” lauds the therapeutic effects of just listening!

In family life, I have learned the high cost of not listening when my wife or children need me to give them full concentration. They clearly do not feel affirmed, important, or even valued without it. Listening shows we value the speaker and the content. While speaking to a local civic club last week, a man in the center of the room took a cell phone call and carried on a loud conversation in competition with my speaking. To say the least, I did not feel valued by this man.

Principle: Giving full attention to others or their counsel shows that we value both them and their content. Not to do so—at the very least—shows low-level arrogance or contempt.

There are, however, limits on wise listening. The apostle Paul said there are some acts of evil so vile that they should not even be mentioned (Ephesians 5:12). Presumably, that vileness shouldn’t be listened to, either. A top media executive once began sharing true-but-scandalous information about his network’s chairman with me. I told him, “I’m not sure I want the accountability of knowing this.” It’s good to close our ears to evil speaking (Proverbs 17:4).

Principle: Ears are windows to the soul. Listen to righteous­ness and grow spiritually wise; listen to evil and reap spiritual destruction.

Try listening more this week…to God and others. They’ll both be glad you did!

[from “Wisdom for the Trenches” by Dr. Larry W. Poland]

Drive out the mocker, and out goes strife; quarrels and insults are ended. (Proverbs 22:10)

The eye that mocks a father and scorns obedience to a mother, will be pecked out by the ravens…will be eaten by the vultures. (Proverbs 30:17)

What an embarrassment it was to discover that the book of Proverbs had a specific category for one of my main character weak­nesses, mockery! Decades ago, I was enjoying what I thought was some lighthearted banter at the expense of one of my professional associates when he declared, “You’re a mocker, a scoffer. You ought to check out what Proverbs says about that.” My curiosity piqued, I did check it out, and the teaching cut like a knife.

Principle: The mocker uses ridicule, putdowns, sarcasm, or mimicry to belittle others; the righteous person builds them up.

Let’s face it: scoffing and mockery are at the heart of most television sitcoms. Most are little more than verbal jousting matches in which the one with the most lethal mockery wins. Never mind that most of us bear the scars on our souls of parents or peers who scoffed at us. Never mind that a weak self-image is commonly the result of stinging remarks from mockers and scoffers. We still reduce others to rubble through mockery.

Proverbs makes it clear that mockers/scoffers are at the heart of other interpersonal relationship problems. We are told that if the mockers/scoffers are rooted out of a group, they will take with them “strife, quarrels, and insults.” It makes sense. Nobody likes to be put down—no matter how it’s done—and mockery in humor is often thinly veiled violence. So the object of scoffing reacts, defends, and strikes back…and the war is on.

Principle: When relationships are marked by strife, seek out the mockers and eliminate them. If you don’t, they will continually stir the relational pot.

Interesting, isn’t it that Proverbs 30:17 describes the objects of mockery as authority figures, in particular, parents? This may well explain why comedy commonly belittles the police, the military, the boss, the politicians, and even Mom, Dad, and God. Could mockery be a cover-up for inner rebellion against the authority over us?

The scary part of this wisdom teaching is the hard consequence promised to mockers and scoffers – becoming carrion for vultures! It’s the same violent end that faced the Sons of Korah when they rebelled against the authority structure (Numbers 16:25-33). At God’s command, the earth swallowed them! Authorities typically move with force to destroy those who mock them!

Principle: If we don’t replace mockery of authority with joyful submission to and respect for it, it could cost us dearly.

To deal with my tendency to mockery, I actually had to cancel my subscription to a Christian satire magazine, invoke God’s help, and dull my spoken “cutting edge.” You may have to do the same.

[from “Wisdom for the Trenches” by Dr. Larry W. Poland]

Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. (Proverbs 31:30)

False are charms and vain is the beauty of woman; for a prudent woman is blessed. Let her praise the fear of the Lord. (Proverbs 31:30, Septuagint)

Ah, Hollywood and the media biz. Is it not the world’s “Beauty Obsession Center”? Cosmetic surgery. Endless makeovers. Outrageously priced clothing and hair care. Rodeo Drive and Fifth Avenue with “personal shoppers” who seduce the gullible with promises of everlasting attractiveness. It’s where “You’re looking beautiful” is said before “Hello.”

As a person who’s lived many decades, I discover that almost nobody refers to me as “handsome” or even “good-looking” anymore. The inevitable toll of the years whittles away at any natural, physical comeliness God may have given us. All the cosmetic efforts in the universe can’t stop the whittling. Let’s face it—physical ugliness is inevitable. Not many beautiful faces in nursing homes!

Proverbs calls physical attractiveness “fleeting.” A sudden disfiguring accident or disease or stroke and all the effort invested in enhancing one’s physical beauty can be turned into ugliness—in a nanosecond.

Principle: Obsession with personal appearance is an exercise in futility. Its benefits are short-lived and can be stolen in an instant.

God places emphasis on inner beauty. “Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart,” says 1 Samuel 16:7. Show me a person with external comeliness and a bitter angry spirit, and I will show you a person on the fast lane to ugliness…externally as well as internally. Show me a person with a righteous, joyful, tranquil, gracious, loving spirit; and I will show you a person whose “attractive­ness of spirit” will make you forget their lack of physical attractiveness.

Principle: The beauty of a person’s character is the ultimate “cosmetic surgery” that creates loveliness through the ultimate “faith lift.”

The word cosmetics is rooted in the Greek word cosmos; one meaning of which is “arrangement.” When cosmetics are applied, they are designed to alter the “arrangement” of the face or body—a purely surface alteration. When the face is reflecting the beauty of the inner spirit, its attractiveness is rooted deep within…where aging cannot reach.

Principle: To improve your appearance dramatically, get a “spiritual makeover.”

A spiritual makeover may cost you dearly, but it won’t be in dollars. It’ll be in confessed…and forgiven…sins.

[from “Wisdom for the Trenches” by Dr. Larry W. Poland]

The king’s heart is in the hand of the Lord; He directs it like a watercourse wherever He pleases. (Proverbs 21:1)

“I just can’t figure out where he’s coming from.” “The two of us just can’t seem to get on the same page.” “The way she thinks…it’s so weird that I just can’t seem to get through to her.” These lines sound familiar? I’ve heard them in marriage counseling sessions, from teen­agers frustrated with their parents (and vice versa!), and from people at their wits’ ends over their bosses or co-workers.

Sometimes, we think the world would be a better place—or at least would go better for us—if we could just change the way other people think! At the same time, I don’t know anyone who would welcome the thought of someone able to change the way we think. This would be terrorizing. It smacks of a horror movie in which some monstrous dictator has found the secret to mind control.

Despite all this, we waste a lot of time trying to change the way people think. From salesmanship to evangelism and from contract negotiations to romantic relationships, we take on this mission. All of these, of course, involve persuasion and influence but should never be reduced to an attempt to change a mind.

Principle: Seeking to change other people’s thinking is an exercise in futility unless they direct their wills toward the change; it’s a goal that should never be pursued unaided.

The believer possesses, however, an incredible power unavailable to those outside the faith, the true power to change minds! The passage cited above provides the key—the Lord holds the heart and mind of even the most powerful in His hand, and He can direct the thinking wherever He wills! This means, then, that as we pray to, submit to, and trust God for changes that fit His will, they will come. Incredible.

Principle: Only God has the power and the access to people’s hearts and inner thoughts sufficient to change their minds.

Over and over, I’ve watched anxious, bitter, striving people finally surrender their efforts to change the thinking of another…to God. Over and over, I’ve watched Him close in on the other person’s evil, aberrant, stubborn thought processes and bring about change in thinking—or situations which force it! It seems that God commonly waits to change the other person until we get our egos, our striving, our manipulations out of His way. He wants our minds to change first.

Principle: It is folly to ask God to change the thinking of others until we are first willing to have Him change our own.

So why not turn the “mind change” efforts over to God? It is through Him that the Power is unleashed to “take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ” (2 Corinthians 10:5).

[from “Wisdom for the Trenches” by Dr. Larry W. Poland]

By me [Wisdom] princes govern, and all nobles who rule on earth. (Proverbs 8:16)

The lips of a king speak as an oracle, and his mouth should not betray justice. (Proverbs 16:10)

All professionals recognize that people at the top of their industries possess significant power and influence. Stories of the use and misuse of this power are everywhere. Sometimes, the lust for this power becomes an intoxicant—a seductive potion to the powerless—and the misuse of this power destroys lives.

It is less common for those of us lower in the pecking order to realize that the power and authority we hold can also be a weapon to destroy or a tool to build. We may forget that God is the one who sets people in positions of responsibility and holds them accountable for the way in which they use their power and authority. Romans 13:1 declares that “there is no authority except that which God has established.” If this is true generally, how much more is this true of the authority loaned to those who are children of the King.

Principle: All authority—in home, office, or elsewhere—vests with God and is loaned to us as a sacred trust to be used as He would use it for His purposes alone.

When I once told an employee with a major Hollywood studio that one of the top execs was a Christian, he said, “I’ve never liked her, and I am really surprised to hear that.” I know the woman well, and I doubt that she used her authority in evil or capricious manner. It is possible, however, that she operated in a manner so similar in fashion to that of the non-Christian execs that there was no qualitative difference. This, in itself, is an indictment. Proverbs 16:10 makes it clear that authority should be a channel for passing along “divine decisions” and in a manner that is unerringly trustworthy.

Principle: Authority in the hands of a believer is neither a bludgeon to pound others into submission nor a knife to cut them down. It is a divinely designed instrument of guidance and instruction for building those under our authority.

I heard an arrogant, pushy, abusive person described as, “Because all he has is a hammer, he thinks everything is a nail.”

Ask yourself regularly, “Do I exercise my authority in a manner that reflects the One from Whom it comes?” “Do those under my authority see God’s wisdom and character in me and in the way I handle my power over them?” If the answer is no, don’t be surprised if God takes His authority back!

Jesus taught that “Whoever wants to be great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be slave of all” (Mark 10:44). If you have been given authority, perhaps it would be a good idea to take your organizational chart and hang it upside down to remind you who is serving whom.

[from “Wisdom for the Trenches” by Dr. Larry W. Poland]

When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom. (Proverbs 11:2)

Better to be a nobody and yet have a servant than pretend to be somebody and have no food. (Proverbs 12:9)

Man is tested by the praise he receives. (Proverbs 27:21b)

Years ago, when I hosted a Phil-Donahue-style TV talk show syndicated in Canada, the producer told me, “We can make you a household name in ninety days.” I noticed that my head swelled slightly at the thought. Celebrity can do that.

Pride is something the Scriptures says God “hates.” He hates even a “proud look.” Why is pride such a big, bad deal to God? There are lots of reasons. Pride causes us to look down on others and push them down, hold a dangerously exaggerated view of ourselves, demand to be served rather than to serve, and—worst of all—steal glory due only to God. E-G-O is “Edging God Out.”

Proverbs 11:2 creates an equation which basically says, “Pride is to disgrace as humility is wisdom.” This equation reveals a positive correlation between the size of one’s ego and the probability of humiliation. Thus, arrogance is, in the end, really stupid.

Principle: The same wind that puffs an ego blows away one’s potential for true honor.

In a New York Times article, Brad Pitt talked about being a celebrity: “We can get away with things that other people can’t, and you start to believe the lie that you are special, that you’re better than other people. You start demanding that kind of treatment. Most of the time I fight it, because I know I’m going to get older and it’s going to go away, but at times I succumb to it.” Proverbs 12:9 confirms Brad’s perspective. Praise fades. Character, wisdom, and righteous gain don’t.

Principle: Success can’t be equated with adulation. A miserably indebted celebrity is far worse off than a well-served, debt-­free nobody.

Finally, fame is not a friend and, as such, should not be pursued. Solomon had his share of it and knew that the praise of people is a horrible trial…like a crucible for silver or a furnace for trying gold (Proverbs 27:21a).

Principle: Those who feed on their praise are plunging head­-long into the greatest fiery test of their lives. Not many will survive with their souls.

[from “Wisdom for the Trenches” by Dr. Larry W. Poland]

Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the well­-spring of life. (Proverbs 4:23)

He who trusts in himself is a fool, but he who walks in wisdom will be kept safe. (Proverbs 28:26)

My son, give me your heart, and let your eyes delight in my ways. (Proverbs 23:26)

On February 14 of each year, we celebrate Valentine’s Day, and stores are filled with a seemingly infinite variety of items that are red, heart-shaped, or carry messages of love—everything from bonbons to boxer shorts. It’s a celebration of the motivations of the heart.

Clearly, the heart is a whole lot more than that incredible machine inside our chests which pumps enough blood in an average lifetime to fill a string of railroad tank cars fifty miles long. In this context, it is the center of our affections, the core of our being; and we recognize its importance. We talk of a good heart, a soft heart, a hard heart, a big heart, a broken heart, a tender heart, a kind heart, an evil heart, and a heart for God.

Wisdom dictates that this center of our feelings and affections be managed well, or it can lead us into big trouble. The Scriptures describe what could be called “spiritual heart disease”—lethal symptoms coming from a heart that is not attuned to God’s law and character.

The most common symptom of this heart disease is illicit relation­ships. If the seat of our feelings/emotions is not guarded, it will lead us into affairs of the heart. We will lust after beauty, wealth, power, perversity, or our neighbor’s spouse. This is why we are to watch over it “with diligence.”

Principle: An unguarded heart will destroy your life and run away with your soul.

We humans have been given three guidance systems—a spirit, a brain, and a heart. The spirit is expressed in the conscience, reason in the brain, and emotions in the heart. It is absolutely essential that power be given to each in this order of priority. A person whose brain gets ahead of his conscience will become an intelligent evildoer, and one whose heart gets ahead of both will become a catastrophe of feelings-directed, immoral foolishness. This is why Proverbs declares it foolhardy to trust your heart. Wisdom is living by spirit-guided reason, regardless of what the heart says.

Principle: The road to destruction meanders through three cities: Heart, Mind, and Spirit… and stays too long in Heart. The road to life goes directly to the Spirit—in the same township as Mind.

The only successful way to live is to surrender one’s heart to God. He made it and promises to give us its desires as a reward for obedience.

Principle: Only the heart surrendered to God realizes its deepest desires; self-managed hearts get broken and break the hearts of others.

[from “Wisdom for the Trenches” by Dr. Larry W. Poland]

Do not join with those who drink too much wine, or gorge themselves on meat; for drunkards and gluttons become poor, and drowsiness clothes them in rags. (Proverbs 23:20- 21)

The late Dr. Armand Nicoli was an associate clinical professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School and Massachusetts General Hospital. As he looked back on his lifelong career as a psychiatrist, he noted a striking pattern shift. When he began his career, he says the maladies facing him in his practice dealt a lot with the repression or suppression of impulses. Patients needed to be freed to express themselves and their impulses responsibly. Today, he notes patients suffer from the inability to control the expression of impulses. Most “lack impulse control” and are in bondage to unbridled appetites.

We live and work in a world in which excess is often the norm. Unrestrained anger, sexual addictions, chain-smoking, binge drink­ing, workaholism, bondage to pornography, drug abuse, consumer spending, and, yes, gluttony leading to obesity characterize many. The word orgy describes the excesses we see around us and which tempt us to binge ourselves.

Principle: The one in bondage to repressed impulses is no more a slave than he who is shackled by lack of control over them.

Solomon knew the dangers of unrestrained human impulses. He knew that the character weakness which causes a person to lose impulse control in one area often extends to other areas of excess. So he warned against even associating with those lacking impulse control lest we succumb to the pattern of excess.

Principle: Associating with friends who lack restraint over their appetites exposes us to their contagious virus of excess.

The inevitable link to financial irresponsibility cannot be missed in Solomon’s warning. It’s as if the wise king is saying, “Show me a person who can’t control his eating and drinking, and I’ll show you a person who can’t control his spending.” Bingeing in any area is expensive, but more than the direct cost seems to be the spillover lack of self-control which makes us slaves to financial debt. The pattern eventually “clothes us in rags.”

Principle: If it is true that “a fool and his money are soon parted,” it’s equally true that one who binges on anything else will likely binge on spending and borrowing.

Fascinating, then, that the apostle Paul packages “self-control” in with the fruit of the Spirit of Christ in Galatians 5:22-23. Noteworthy, too, that I can’t stay on a diet or exercise program without conscious reliance on the power of the Holy Spirit within me. I guess only God can override sin’s gravitational pull into excess.

Principle: Financial poverty and bankruptcy begin where lack of control of other impulses leave off.

[from “Wisdom for the Trenches” by Dr. Larry W. Poland]

Make level paths for your feet and take only ways that are firm. (Proverbs 4:26)

Ears that hear and eyes that see, the Lord has made them both. (Proverbs 20:12)

It was horrific! A motorcyclist was speeding toward my car at about fifty miles an hour when I first saw him, and there was no place to go to avoid the crash. He hit the brakes, laid the bike down, skidded into my car, and lay there in the street entwined in his crumpled cycle in excruciating pain with a broken ankle. I knelt over him and prayed for his healing. I said over and over to myself and then to the law enforcement officer, “I didn’t see him. I just didn’t see him.”

Seeing eyes are rare in our culture. Oh, I don’t mean the 20/20 measurement your optometrist gives you; I mean eyes that really see. Not only do these eyes record what is viewed, but they are connected to a spiritual process of discernment which sees through and beyond images.

Principle: Without divine illumination, our eyes can never see through and beyond the thick darkness around us.

Non-seeing eyes are common. They are owned by those who look directly at evil and call it “good,” look right at impending disaster and call it “a challenge,” look square on at destruction and call it “a choice,” and look right at a demonic trap and call it a “great opportunity.” Proverbs exhorts us to watch—really see and really level—the paths of our lives. If we do, all our efforts will be firmly successful.

Principle: Failure to give attention to the way we are living is to surrender our destiny to the three enemies of success­: chance, unexpected risk, and unrecognized stupidity.

The Scriptures make it patently clear that God creates vision at two levels. One is involuntary and the other voluntary. God creates “eyes that see” as the Creator of all things. We got the product of that creation when we were born. But God is also the Creator of eyes that really see—that discern, that penetrate, that see beyond, that aren’t subject to distraction or optical illusions. These eyes we get by acknowledging Him, learning from Him, obeying Him, and seeking His view of things.

Principle: No one is so blind as he who will not allow God to enhance and correct his vision.

I hope you can see this.

[from “Wisdom for the Trenches” by Dr. Larry W. Poland]

Do not let your heart turn to her ways or stray into her paths. Many are the victims she has brought down; her slain are a mighty throng. Her house is a highway to the grave, leading down to the chambers of death. (Proverbs 7:25- 27)

For the prostitute reduces you to a loaf of bread, and the adulteress preys upon your very life. (Proverbs 6:26)

Lucifer could make great money in Washington or Hollywood as a “spin doctor.” In fact, some of his agents already do so by playing word games to make a deadly evil sound like a pleasant privilege. The sickest pornography is billed as “adult,” “sophisticated,” or “mature.” Nudity and fornication are harmless “play” as in Playboy or Play­girl, and seduction is elevated to “scoring” in the game of sex.

God has a different view of the person who is involved in sex outside of the covenant bond of marriage. For sure, He doesn’t use words like play or mature in describing them.

Writing to young men, Solomon warns of the promiscuous woman in totally unambiguous terms. He would have said the same things of libertine men if he’d been writing to young women. In his cautions, Solomon warns of “turning hearts” and “straying onto wrong paths.” Legion are the Christians who have viewed themselves as “mature” enough to engage in a little “play” with the opposite sex without con­sequences, and every broken dream and shattered marriage started with an unguarded heart.

Principle: The heart is a person’s spiritual center. If left unguarded, it will be ruptured by demonic darts, not stimulated by Cupid’s arrows.

Four times in thirty-plus years serving leaders in the sex-charged media, I have had to look a brother in Christ in the eyes and say, “Get that other woman out of your life. The Bible says she will reduce you to a loaf of bread.”

For those who did not heed the warning, the picture was not pretty. I had to watch as Solomon’s heavy words—”victims,” “slain,” “high­way to the grave”, and “chambers of death”—settled in on my brothers. I’ve seen bitter spouses, rebellious kids, lost fortunes, destroyed careers, and abandoned faith reduce the best of men to the value of a loaf of bread. I’ve watched beautiful young flowers crushed onto the trash heap of exploited women for defying God’s laws in pursuit of misguided “love.”

Principle: Defying God’s law in the pursuit of love or sexual pleasure is playing Russian roulette with bullets in every chamber of the gun.

After nearly six decades in a rich and wonderful marriage relationship, I look back on those times when my heart began to turn and the path to another woman looked inviting. When I do, I thank God for the Hound of Heaven who chased me down and held me to the wife of my youth. For this reason alone, I am no victim, not spiritually dead, and not worthless and unusable to Him.

Let the hearer listen and learn.

Principle: The priceless value of loving loyalty is never realized until all the cheap thrills of infidelity are in the distant past of God’s forgiveness.

[from “Wisdom for the Trenches” by Dr. Larry W. Poland]