My son, pay attention to my wisdom, listen well to my words of insight that you may maintain discretion and your lips may preserve knowledge. (Proverbs 5:1-2)
He who listens to a life-giving rebuke will be at home among the wise. (Proverbs 15:31)
People from other cultures have one devastating observation about Americans—we are lousy listeners. If this is true, we are also lousy learners.
For most Americans, listening could be defined as “that awkward span of time when I am unable to talk and, therefore, must concentrate on what I will say when the opportunity to speak arises again.” Someone has said that people don’t learn a thing when they are speaking. I know I don’t. I’ve heard everything I have to say, and I admit that hearing myself repeat it is not a personal growth experience!
God’s wisdom declares listening to be a crucial element in growth and learning. In one of the passages above, Proverbs draws a direct link between the two. How many times as a father of six have I said, “You just don’t listen!”? I wonder how often God screams from the heavens to the more than seven billion people on His planet, “You just don’t listen!”
Principle: Refusing to listen is refusing to learn. The broad road to ignorance and folly is paved with inattention.
Amazing things happen when we listen to people. Some time ago, I had a person I consider a casual acquaintance refer to me as one of his “best friends.” After the comment, I tried to figure out how I got into that highly honored category of “best friend.” I decided it was because I have spent a lot of time listening to him. He read my attention as an act of deep friendship. Even the school of “nondirective counseling” lauds the therapeutic effects of just listening!
In family life, I have learned the high cost of not listening when my wife or children need me to give them full concentration. They clearly do not feel affirmed, important, or even valued without it. Listening shows we value the speaker and the content. While speaking to a local civic club last week, a man in the center of the room took a cell phone call and carried on a loud conversation in competition with my speaking. To say the least, I did not feel valued by this man.
Principle: Giving full attention to others or their counsel shows that we value both them and their content. Not to do so—at the very least—shows low-level arrogance or contempt.
There are, however, limits on wise listening. The apostle Paul said there are some acts of evil so vile that they should not even be mentioned (Ephesians 5:12). Presumably, that vileness shouldn’t be listened to, either. A top media executive once began sharing true-but-scandalous information about his network’s chairman with me. I told him, “I’m not sure I want the accountability of knowing this.” It’s good to close our ears to evil speaking (Proverbs 17:4).
Principle: Ears are windows to the soul. Listen to righteousness and grow spiritually wise; listen to evil and reap spiritual destruction.
Try listening more this week…to God and others. They’ll both be glad you did!
[from “Wisdom for the Trenches” by Dr. Larry W. Poland]