Apicontent

It is no accident that we start our tour of the sin families with the sin of pride. In some sense, pride is the foundational sin. As Bible commentator William Barclay declared, “Pride is the ground in which all the other sins grow, and the parent from which all rebellion against God’s commands.

Pride may also have literally been the first sin to pollute God’s creation. Many a theologian has speculated that what caused the angel Lucifer to rebel against God was pride—he would rather reign in hell than serve in heaven.1 We thus follow the Devil’s well-worn path into sin when we put our thoughts, feelings, and desires ahead of serving God.

And how easy it is to slip into pride!

As a young man in college and later in business, I (Bill) used to be proud of what I could do on my own. I believed that a man could do just about anything he wanted to do through his own effort, if he were willing to pay the price in hard work and sacrifice.

Then, when I became a Christian, the Bible introduced me to a different philosophy of life—a life of trusting God. It took me a while to see the inadequacy of trying to serve God in my own strength and ability, but that new life of faith in God finally replaced my old life of pride.

Others who are struggling with pride have the same opportunity to overcome this sin that I had and replace it with its opposing virtue, humility. We will shortly learn more about how to do just that. However, first we must find out how to distinguish between sinful pride and justifiable pride.

WHAT NUMBER IS YOUR PRIDE?

If a woman is pleased with herself because she received a promotion at work, is that kind of pride wrong?

And what about a father who is proud of his son when the boy makes the varsity football team? Is there anything ungodly about that?

While calling pride “the great sin,” C.S. Lewis, nevertheless, assured his readers that pleasure in being praised is not pride. Nor, he said, is there anything wrong in being proud of the accomplishments of someone dear to you (as long as you do not give yourself airs as a result).2 Even the apostle Paul said to some of his spiritual children, “I have the highest confidence in you” (2 Corinthians 7:4). Thus not everything that goes by the name of pride is wrong.

But a pridefulness that causes someone to think more highly of himself or herself than is justifi ed by the facts crosses the line—it becomes sinful. Certainly, any pride that ignores God, taking credit for His gifts, is to be condemned. The same goes for any pride that elevates one person by pressing another down.

Along these same lines, Frederica Mathewes-Green has distinguished between what she calls “Pride One” and “Pride Two.” According to her, Pride One is a narcissism that constantly compares itself with others. She says, “Pride One is always asking anxiously, Am I smarter than they are? Richer? Better-looking?”

Pride Two, meanwhile, is “more akin to confidence.” It is “a quiet, centered pride that is compatible with modesty because it doesn’t have a fretful need to show off.” It grows out of a realistic appraisal of one’s God-given gifts and cultivated abilities.

We should seek and encourage Pride Two, but at the same time we must remember that we are susceptible to Pride One. “This is why we need a Savior,” concludes Mathewes-Green. “We look so nice on the outside, but in the caverns of the heart vicious Pride is always brooding, ready to spring.”3

This sort of “vicious” or sinful pride is what we are concerned with in this chapter. And as with other parent sins, we have to recognize that pride does not stand alone. It is at the head of a family of sins related to a puffed-up ego. Together, they make up a dark rainbow of character qualities that are devilish rather than godly.

These sins of the ego fall into two larger categories: those involved when we think too highly of ourselves and those involved when we choose to act on our unrealistic self-evaluation.

ME, MARVELOUS ME

At least three key terms define the tendency of a person to think he or she is more wonderful than the next person. They are the terms conceit, vanity, and self-righteousness. Can you recognize your own attitude in any of these terms?

Conceit is an excessive appreciation of one’s own value or significance. Another word for it is arrogance. Ashleigh Brilliant once said, “All I ask of life is a constant and exaggerated sense of my own importance.” That expresses the essence of conceit.

Is human conceit acceptable in God’s eyes?

On one occasion Paul wrote, “Don’t be too proud to enjoy the company of ordinary people. And don’t think you know it all!” (Romans 12:16). On another occasion he wrote, “Let us not become conceited” (Galatians 5:26). God’s view of conceit could hardly come through any clearer than that.

Such conceit may take many different forms. One of these forms is vanity, or thinking highly of one’s appearance.

The foolishness of this type of pride should become apparent as soon as we really think about it. After all, who among us can take credit for how we look? God gives us our appearance through our genes. At most, we can maximize our appearance through diet, exercise, clothing, makeup, and the like. Even then, in time, our looks are destined to fade.

The apostle Peter told women of his day, “Don’t be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes” (1 Peter 3:3).4 Women—and men—in our day could use the same advice. If we are good-looking, we can be thankful to God for it. But, we should never take our looks as grounds for pride.

While vanity is pride about one’s outward appearance, self-righteousness is pride about one’s inner being, that is, thinking highly of one’s own goodness or spiritual standing. This is a sin that religious people are particularly prone to—and it is a serious one. C. S. Lewis said,

There are two things inside me, competing with the human self which I must try to become. They are the Animal self, and the Diabolical self. The Diabolical self is the worst of the two. That is why a cold, self-righteous prig who goes regularly to church may be far nearer to hell than a prostitute. But, of course, it is better to be neither.5

Self-righteousness was exemplified by the Pharisees of Jesus’ day, who thought they made themselves acceptable to God through their pious deeds. Jesus once told a story about a Pharisee to a group who “had great confidence in their own righteousness and scorned everyone else.” The Pharisee stood by himself and prayed this prayer: “I thank you, God, that I am not a sinner like everyone else. For I don’t cheat, I don’t sin, and I don’t commit adultery. I’m certainly not like that tax collector! I fast twice a week, and I give You a tenth of my income” (Luke 18:9, 11–12).

This attitude of self-righteousness is alive and well in the twenty-first century. When we are self-righteous, we are both the judge and the accused—and we declare ourselves not guilty. We think God must love us because of all the ways we appear religious or moral on the outside.

Sadly, the self-righteous ignore the truth that none of us possesses any righteousness apart from the grace of God. For this reason, it was not the Pharisee in Jesus’ story but rather a repentant tax collector who found favor with God. “I tell you, this sinner, not the Pharisee, returned home justified before God. For those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted” (Luke 18:14).

None of us has justifi cation for conceit, “spiritual” or otherwise. As the great preacher of the nineteenth century Charles Spurgeon said, “Be not proud of race, face, place, or grace.”

LOOK HERE

If you are conceited, vain, or self-righteous, you probably want others to know how great you are. There are different ways you can do that. Three key terms for these strategies are boasting, showing off, and selfish ambition.

Boasting may come in an obvious form, or it may be more subtle. If someone openly proclaims to you how much money he is making, there is no mistaking what is going on. The more sly boasters have perfected the art of dropping names and letting slip what they have accomplished or purchased or experienced. But this artfulness is really no different from more transparent forms of boasting; it is all meant to impress. Scripture takes a realistic view of boasting. “When people commend themselves, it doesn’t count for much” (2 Corinthians 10:18).

We are told in God’s Word that if we want to boast, we should learn to boast about the right thing. “This is what the LORD says: ‘Don’t let the wise boast in their wisdom, or the powerful boast in their power, or the rich boast in their riches. But those who wish to boast should boast in this alone: that they truly know me and understand that I am the LORD’” (Jeremiah 9:23–24).

But in addition to attracting attention to oneself with words, a person can do the same through actions. That’s showing off.

Showing off may be pardonable in children. Every parent has heard a child cry, “Look at me!” and has indulged her by watching as she performs a cartwheel or him as he rides by on his two-wheeler. However, with grown-ups, showing off is not so cute.

What is displaying one’s intellect except showing off? What is clowning around so that the attention stays riveted on you? What is making sure others see your new car or fancy clothes? All this is the equivalent of calling out to the world, “Look at me!”

Is this acceptable behavior in God’s eyes? Hardly. “Don’t try to impress others,” He instructs us (Philippians 2:3).

Also, we are not to let selfish ambition determine how we live our lives. Certain types of ambition might be good, such as striving to do well at work in order to be able to provide for your family better. But selfish ambition is the single-minded pursuit of what you think you deserve, regardless of what it might cost others. The man who becomes a workaholic because he wants others to see him as a success, even though the overwork makes him a stranger to his family, is selfishly ambitious.

The church member who pursues a leadership position on a church committee because of the prestige it carries, not out of a desire to serve, is selfishly ambitious.

Our society applauds hard-charging, “self-made” men and women. But if that go-getter quality is actually an expression of selfish ambition, it is foolish and ungodly.

If…you are bitterly jealous and there is selfish ambition in your heart, don’t cover up the truth with boasting and lying. For jealousy and selfishness are not God’s kind of wisdom. Such things are earthly, unspiritual, and demonic. For wherever there is jealousy and selfish ambition, there you will find disorder and evil of every kind. —James 3:14–16

Those who are selfishly ambitious often display another quality of pride: impatience.

CLOCK CONTROL

One time your two authors were running late for a joint speaking engagement at a church. I (Bill) was driving, and I was exceeding the speed limit by several miles per hour in an attempt to get to the event location on time. It was wrong and I knew better, but I did it anyway.

Sure enough, I soon saw flashing lights in my rearview mirror and heard a siren approaching from behind. The process of pulling over and receiving a ticket took up more time than I would have saved by speeding all the way to the church. (The good news is that I got a chance to speak about Christ to the officer—though I would not recommend breaking the law to gain an opportunity to witness!)

When we are feeling prideful, we think we have the right to control our schedule, even if it means breaking the rules or making life harder for others. That is what I was doing when I was speeding, and it is what many of us do when we are concerned about our efficient use of time to the exclusion of all other concerns.

Working hard and trying to be a good steward of our time is one thing. After all, we are to “make the most of our time” (Psalm 90:12) and “make the most of every opportunity” (Ephesians 5:16; Colossians 4:5). But rushing and pushing as if our scheduling preference is what matters most is another thing altogether.

The Old Testament patriarch Abraham got impatient when God seemed lax in fulfilling His promise to give Abraham a son. When Abraham’s wife, Sarah, suggested that he have a child with her maid, Hagar, Abraham agreed. (See Genesis 16.) He and Hagar indeed did have a son, Ishmael, but this boy was not the fulfillment of God’s promise. Years later, God had to tell Abraham, “As for Ishmael, I will bless him… But my covenant will be confirmed with Isaac, who will be born to you and Sarah about this time next year” (Genesis 17:20–21).

We cannot rush God. We cannot control all the events in our lives. We must not forget that others might be trampled in our pursuit of our own timing for events. Therefore, we should not get restless and impatient. Of course, we need to be faithful and diligent, but at the same time, we can be resting in the fact that God is in charge of the times and seasons of our lives.

If our pride is expressed in impatience or in any other way, we need to face up to what we are really doing and why and what it will cost us.

THE PRICE OF PRIDE

Just as pride’s expressions are diverse, so are its causes.

Some people are born into privilege or were blessed by God with great physical beauty or other outstanding attributes. The flattery they receive can easily go to their heads.

Other people buy into cultural messages saying that pride is good. When singers or pop psychologists or others urge them to put themselves first, they take it literally.

Still, other people have a poor self-image that—paradoxically— expresses itself as pride. They are trying to make themselves feel better by getting strokes for their ego. (Believe it or not, it is possible to be arrogant and insecure at the same time.)

Given all this, we do not want to oversimplify our conception of pride. But at the same time, we want to be firm in saying that wrong types of pride are all alike in being sinful. In the words of the sixth-century desert ascetic John Climacus, “Pride is utter poverty of soul disguised as riches, imaginary light where in fact there is darkness. This abominable vice not only stops our progress but even tosses us down from the heights we have reached.” The sin of pride is disgraceful to the proud person, harmful to others, and dishonoring to God.

Through pride, we disgrace ourselves. In an often quoted (or misquoted) proverb, Scripture says, “Pride goes before destruction, and haughtiness before a fall” (Proverbs 16:18). If we present ourselves as greater than we are, we run the risk of looking foolish when our real nature begins to show itself. In fact, it is only a matter of time before we “fall” in this way.

In 1963 the writer John Steinbeck was in Russia and, feeling confident of his Russian language skills, preceded to breakfast at his hotel. He wrote shortly afterward, “So in our pride, we ordered for breakfast an omelet, toast, and coffee and what has just arrived is a tomato salad with onions, a dish of pickles, a big slice of watermelon and two bottles of cream soda.”

In addition to the way pride bounces back and embarrasses the proud, so also pride injures those all around like a grenade that sends shrapnel flying. One person’s pride makes another person feel small, squelching that person’s self-respect. That’s why Paul urged us not to become “puffed up” with knowledge but instead to “build up” other people. (See 1 Corinthians 8:1 NIV.) In a reverse of pride, we are to think of others “as better than yourselves” (Philippians 2:3).

Worst of all, pride is a snub toward God. It indicates we have forgotten that we are mere created beings, finite and flawed. It takes credit for what God has done for us. Ultimately, then, pride is a faith issue because it causes us to focus on ourselves, ignoring what God has done and disobeying what He has commanded.

One time Jesus called a small child over to Him and put the child among the people He was speaking to. Then He said, “I tell you the truth, unless you turn from your sins and become like little children, you will never get into the Kingdom of Heaven” (Matthew 18:2–3). To become as a little child means to become humble. If we want to be right with God, we have to ask God to replace our pride with humility.

Humility is a quality every Christian should possess. As Puritan pastor Richard Baxter said, “Humility is not a mere ornament of a Christian, but an essential part of the new creature. It is a contradiction in terms, to be a Christian, and not be humble.”

But what, exactly, is humility?

THINKING LESS OF ONESELF AND THINKING OF ONESELF LESS

Is humility thinking that you have no value or that you are the worst person who ever lived? Is it abasing yourself and cutting yourself down every chance you get?

No, of course not. Humility is being realistic about the human condition. This means we recognize that whatever advantages we possess were given to us by God. It means we recognize that as sinners we are not so different from other people. And most importantly it means we recognize that, compared to God Himself, we are not marvelous at all.

Esther de Waal put it well when she said, “Humility is facing the truth.”

It is useful to remind myself that the word itself comes from humus, earth, and in the end simply means that I allow myself to be earthed in the truth that lets God be God, and myself his creature. If I hold on to this it helps prevent me from putting myself at the centre, and instead allows me to put God and other people at the centre. For if I want to return to God I must reverse the destructive journey of Adam and Eve which began with that subtle temptation to be as gods.6

When we are realistic about who we are, we stop trying to magnify ourselves and start magnifying God instead. It is no wonder that the apostle Paul told us, “Be honest in your evaluation of yourselves, measuring yourselves by the faith God has given us” (Romans 12:3).

It has been said that humility is not only about thinking less of yourself but also about thinking of yourself less. Of course, thinking of yourself less is no easy task. So insidious is pride that one can even become proud of being humble. (At that point, though, you are not really humble anymore!)

Benjamin Franklin recorded in his autobiography, “There is, perhaps, no one of our national passions so hard to subdue as pride. Disguise it, struggle with it, beat it down, stifle it, mortify it as much as one pleases, it is still alive, and will every now and then peep out and show itself.… Even if I could conceive that I had compleatly [sic] overcome it, I should probably be proud of my humility.”7

Still, humility is possible for us to achieve. It is possible when we surrender our pride to the Holy Spirit’s ministrations. He will make us humble. And as He does so, He will make us more like Christ.

Humility is being realistic about the human condition.

Beginning at His birth in a manger, and throughout His life as a carpenter and itinerant rabbi, Jesus dwelt among humankind humbly. “Though He was God, He did not think of equality with God as something to cling to. Instead, He gave up His divine privileges; He took the humble position of a slave and was born as a human being. When He appeared in human form, He humbled himself in obedience to God and died a criminal’s death on a cross” (Philippians 2:6–8). Along the way, He taught His disciples about servant leadership (see Matthew 20:25–28), and demonstrated it visibly by washing the dust from their feet (see John 13:1–17).

As followers of Christ, we are to model ourselves after our humble Lord. As Paul taught, “You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had” (Philippians 2:5).

And then, God elevated Him “to the place of highest honor” and “gave Him the name above all other names” (Philippians 2:9), so also we will be raised up in honor by God if we will first voluntarily lower ourselves in humility. “Those who humble themselves will be exalted” (Matthew 23:12). “Take the lowest place at the foot of the table. Then when your host sees you, he will come and say, ‘Friend, we have a “better place” for you!’” (Luke 14:10). “Whoever wants to be fi rst must take last place and be the servant of everyone else” (Mark 9:35).

We should not pursue humility for the sake of its rewards; rather, we should pursue it because it is right. But if we are humble, we can expect God to bless us for it. As Jack Miller put it, “Grace runs downhill to the humble.”

If you need to think less of yourself and think of yourself less, begin the spiritual healing process now. The Holy Spirit will help you identify ungodly pride in your life and replace it with Christlike humility.

SOUL PRESCRIPTION FOR PRIDE

Are you struggling with a form of sinful pride? We have outlined a five-step process to help you work through the repair of that area of your life. Take all the time you need with each of the steps below.

Step 1: Adopt a Correct View of God

When you have a distorted view of who God is, you will not give Him the reverence and respect which are due to Him. As a result, your arrogance will be free to develop until you suffer the consequences of your pride.

Consider some truths about God that will help you with your pride problem.

• God is infinitely superior to us. He is absolutely perfect and we are not.

How can a mortal be innocent before God? Can anyone born of a woman be pure? God is more glorious than the moon; He shines brighter than the stars. In comparison, people are maggots; we mortals are mere worms.
—Job 25:4–6

• God has supreme authority over us. He determines our eternal future.

How foolish can you be? He is the Potter, and He is certainly greater than you, the clay! Should the created thing say of the one who made it, “He didn’t make me”? Does a jar ever say, “The potter who made me is stupid”?
—Isaiah 29:16

If you tend to think too highly of yourself, focus more on the greatness of God. Undertake a Bible study on the nature of God, especially His majesty and power. Ask God to reveal Himself more clearly to you.

Step 2: Revise Your False Beliefs

God wants His people to be living examples of His love to others. Yet pride is the single greatest obstacle to loving people. Reflect on your attitudes with the help of the questions that follow

• Do you think you are better than others?

What gives you the right to make such a judgment?
What do you have that God hasn’t given you? And if everything you have is from God, why boast as though it were not a gift? —1 Corinthians 4:7

• Do you think that you are indispensable?

By the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you. —Romans 12:3 NIV

• Do you think that your accomplishments and position entitle you to special favor?

It’s not good to eat too much honey, and it’s not good to seek honors for yourself. —Proverbs 25:27

Such beliefs are all self-centered, self-appreciating, and degrading to others. Even so, your identity in Christ is not to be one of selfish ambition and pride but rather one of self-denial and grace-filled humility. Allow Scripture to inform your views of yourself, other people, and life in general so that you will not be proud in a sinful way.

Step 3: Repent of Your Sin

The hardest thing for a proud person to do is admit that he or she is wrong. Are you prepared to do that? If so, give your type of pride a specific name (conceit, vanity, or whatever).

Then pray the following prayer (or a similar one of your own making) in faith that God will forgive your sin and empower your obedience. Insert the name of your particular type of pride in the blanks.

God, I know I have sinned by __________. I am sorry for the pain I have given to You and to the people around me. Please forgive me for my sin. Wash away all of the __________ from me. And by Your Spirit, give me the strength to sin no more in this area but instead to live in humility. In Christ’s name, amen.

If you have harmed others with your sin, apologize to them. Seek reconciliation and offer restitution where appropriate.

Step 4: Defend against Spiritual Attacks

Pride is easy to slip back into after you have repented. You can even become proud of your humility! Be certain that the world, the flesh, and the Devil will do all they can to pull you back into your sin of pride.

• The values of the world system are topsy-turvy, including promoting pride as a positive thing. The world system gives us messages like “You should think highly of yourself” and “Try to keep yourself in the spotlight.” Overcome the world by inviting God to transform your thinking so that you come to agree with Him about the importance He places on humility.
• Your flesh (sinful nature) craves the good feeling it gets when you inflate your ego and selfishly seek attention from others. So remind yourself that your sinful nature is actually already dead. Cooperate with the Holy Spirit, who seeks to magnify God, not God’s creatures.
• Satan will lay opportunities in your path that will make it easy for you to exercise your pride. Resist his schemes by putting on the whole armor of God. Especially use the “belt of truth” (Ephesians 6:14) by reminding yourself that God is the one who deserves honor, not you.

Spiritual attacks will never cease. So remain alert. The power of God is more than enough to defend you against spiritual attacks so that you may continue to live in a way that is consistent with your repentance.

Step 5: Flee Temptation

You will never fully be able to escape temptations to be proud. But you can significantly reduce these temptations—and thus improve your chances of remaining free of pride—if you will just take specific steps to avoid temptation.

• Focus on your relationship with God. Strengthen your devotional life. In particular, focus on giving God glory and humbling yourself before Him.
• Latch on to God’s promises. Search the Scriptures for truths about pride and humility, then memorize the verses that you think can best help you to resist pride. Recall these verses whenever temptation arises. The following are a couple of verses you might want to memorize.

Anyone who becomes as humble as this little child is the greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven. —Matthew 18:4

Humble yourselves under the mighty power of God, and at the right time He will lift you up in honor. —1 Peter 5:6

• Establish safeguards.
Make changes in your lifestyle that will reduce your temptation to be prideful. Be bold here! Be creative! These are a few possibilities to get your thinking going:

• If you tend to look down on people of a lower social class than your own, volunteer to serve some of society’s down-and-outers.
• If you are proud of your looks, get rid of the clothes or makeup which you think flatter your looks the most.
• If you like to show off by driving up in a flashy car, trade it in for a vehicle that is more modest and practical.
• Ask a trusted Christian friend to hold you accountable in your commitment to not be prideful.
• Expect victory.
  Do not focus on your failures of the past but rather on God’s ability to give you lasting victory over pride. Believe that He will implant a more humble attitude in your heart—for good. And give Him the praise in advance!

Visit www.SoulPrescription.com for more insights and resources, and to download a free leader’s guide for small group Bible studies.

Fuss and feverishness, anxiety, intensity, intolerance, instability, pessimism and wobble, and every kind of hurry and worry—these, even on the highest levels,” declared spiritual writer Evelyn Underhill, “are signs of the self-made and self-acting soul; the spiritual parvenu.”1

A parvenu is someone who has been raised to a new position but has not yet acquired the manner of it. Becoming a child of God certainly qualifies as being given a high position. Are you acting like a parvenu child of God (whether or not you really are new to the faith) because you cannot warm the cold region of fear in your soul?

Certain Christians circle back again and again to the same place of fear or anxiety, whether it relates to their health, their family, their finances, or whatever else may be troubling them. Some fear may be natural and acceptable. But living in fear because you refuse to move on is another matter: it is sin. A person can have a sinful fear habit just as surely as an immorality habit or a drunkenness habit.

The problem, to use Underhill’s terminology, is our “self-made and self-acting soul.” If we are not trusting in God’s care for us, we naturally react to our circumstances by trying to figure out how we can meet our own needs. It is a kind of homegrown providence, and it will never do. We know inside that we will never be capable of anticipating all the situations we may face. If we attempt to cut our way out of all the problems that may entangle us, we get stuck in a round of anxiety and dread.

We (Bill and Henry) have had our own times of fear and worry, and so we are empathetic to others who are fearful. However, we are not content merely to make people feel better by helping them cope with their worry. We would rather help them get past the anxiety or the fear altogether. And that means dealing with the sin that lies at the root. Where circumstances might naturally inspire worry, we want Christ’s followers to renew their trust in God and move on in confidence of His care.

If you have a fear habit, letting go of your fear and trusting God completely might seem like an impossibility. So let us assure you with Scripture that it is possible to substitute faith for the anxiety and the worry you are presently feeling.

FEAR AND GOD

Susie outwardly seemed to be a well-poised young wife and mother with everything under control. She was active in her church and attended other Christian gatherings during the week. But secretly she was filled with fears from which psychologists and psychiatrists were unable to free her.

“What can I do?” she asked me (Bill) through her tears. “I have everything to live for and no real reason to be afraid, but I am consumed with worry and dread. I anticipate all kinds of evil things happening to me, my husband, and my children.” “Do you believe that God in heaven has the power to remove your fears, Susie?” I asked.

“Yes, I believe that,” she replied.

To reinforce her belief, I read Psalm 34:4 to her.

I prayed to the LORD, and He answered me,
He freed me from all my fears.

Then I asked her if she wanted to join with me in a prayer of faith to ask God to deliver her from her fears as He had delivered the psalmist. She agreed. So together we prayed. Though she experienced no immediate deliverance, with the passing of days, God set Susie free from fear.

Can you relate to Susie? What are your fears about? Be assured that others have had them before you.

Do you fear other people? So did ten of the twelve spies whom Moses sent into the Promised Land to scout out the opposition. This was their report to Moses: “The people living there are powerful, and their towns are large and fortified…. We can’t go up against them! They are stronger than we are!” (Numbers 13:28, 31).

Are you afraid of something bad coming at you from what appears a cold and impersonal nature? The disciples felt the same way when a storm came up as they were sailing in a boat. They woke Jesus and cried out, “Lord, save us! We’re going to drown!” (Matthew 8:25).

The timid spies and the frightened disciples both received criticism from God for their faithlessness. God complained to Moses, “How long will these people treat Me with contempt? Will they never believe Me, even after all the miraculous signs I have done among them?” (Numbers 14:11). Jesus said to His disciples, “Why are you afraid? You have so little faith!” (Matthew 8:26).

Disbelief of God is a sin, and non-Christians are not the only ones who have a problem with this sin. Though we are saved, we Christians, too, may doubt God’s promises to care for us. Such disbelief lies at the root of our ungodly instances of fear.

It is a truism that most of what we fear never comes to pass. And even when bad things do happen (certainly people do face some serious problems sometimes), God is still in control. This is when we need the faith to believe that God is in control. There is no cause to give in to fear.

Well, that’s not quite right. There is one kind of fear we should cultivate: the fear of God. Jesus warned, “Don’t be afraid of those who want to kill your body; they cannot touch your soul. Fear only God, who can destroy both soul and body in hell” (Matthew 10:28). This sort of fear is a compound of awe and reverence.

Oswald Chambers said, “The remarkable thing about fearing God is that when you fear God you fear nothing else, whereas if you do not fear God you fear everything else.” If you have too many of the wrong kinds of fear, maybe you need to get more of the right kind: fear of God. This godly fear comes from recognizing who God really is and deciding to trust in Him.

COURAGE TO WALK ON WATER

The Bible is full of encouragement for the fearful. These are just a few examples:

• The Lord said to Abram in a vision, “Do not be afraid, Abram, for I will protect you, and your reward will be great” Genesis 15:1).
• “Don’t be afraid,” he said, “for you are very precious to God. Peace! Be encouraged! Be strong!” (Daniel 10:19).
• The angel who came to Mary to preview the birth of the Lord said, “Don’t be afraid, Mary,” the angel told her, “foryou have found favor with God!” (Luke 1:30).2

Does it seem reasonable to trust God because of who He is? Or does it seem crazy? George MacDonald wrote, “This is a wise, sane Christian faith: that a man commit himself, his life, and his hopes to God; that God undertakes the special protection of that man; that therefore that man ought not to be afraid of anything.”

The apostle Peter had a chance to exhibit what MacDonald assures us is a “sane” faith. The disciples were in a boat, struggling against a headwind to bring their boat to shore when the following happened:

About three o’clock in the morning Jesus came toward them, walking on the water. When the disciples saw Him walking on the water, they were terrified. In their fear, they cried out, “It’s a ghost!” But Jesus spoke to them at once. “Don’t be afraid,” He said. “Take courage. I am here!”

Then Peter called to him, “Lord, if it’s really you, tell me to come to you, walking on the water.”

“Yes, come,” Jesus said.

So Peter went over the side of the boat and walked on the water toward Jesus. But when he saw the strong wind and the waves, he was terrified and began to sink.“Save me, Lord!” he shouted.

Jesus immediately reached out and grabbed him. “You have so little faith,” Jesus said. “Why did you doubt Me?” When they climbed back into the boat, the wind stopped. —Matthew 14:25–32

Peter represents any follower of Christ who has a problem with fear. We know we should trust God, and we even make efforts at acting courageously, but, then our faith falters, and we fear again. Are you ready to put one foot in front of the other and walk across the water to Jesus?

Neil Anderson wrote, “Fear is like a mirage in the desert. It seems so real until you move toward it, then it disappears into thin air. But as long as we back away from fear, it will haunt us and grow in size like a giant.”3 Whatever your fear may be, move toward it—and toward Christ—in faith.

“God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self–discipline” (2 Timothy 1:7 NASB). We need not live with fear, nor must we give in to worry or anxiety.

AN ANXIOUS HEART

You might not describe your problem as fear. You might think worry or anxiety describes it better. Sometimes you might not even be sure what you are anxious about. Or, you might have feelings of apprehension that do not rise to the level of fear, though they are troublesome enough. Persistent worry or anxiety is another condition that Christians need not and should not live with.

Meredith tended to worry about what other people thought of her. Her anxiety was particularly intense at work as she constantly wondered how to present herself at meetings or second-guessed what she had said in a conversation. The problem got so intense that Meredith turned to counseling.

After doing a little probing, the counselor was surprised to learn that in fact Meredith was doing well at work and was one of the most popular employees in the offi ce. She was in particular known for her tactfulness. So the truth was that Meredith had no good reason for her worries about her reputation. She was anxious for no good reason, and it stole from the peace God wanted her to have.

C. S. Lewis wrote, “Anxiety is not only a pain which we must ask God to assuage but also a weakness we must ask him to pardon—for he’s told us to take no care for the morrow.” Lewis was referring to a famous passage on worry from Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount. Let’s take a look at it.

That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life— whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn’t life more than food, and your body more than clothing? Look at the birds. They don’t plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren’t you far more valuable to him than they are? Can all your worries add a single moment to your life?

“And why worry about your clothing? Look at the lilies of the fi eld and how they grow. They don’t work or make their clothing, yet Solomon in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are. And if God cares so wonderfully for wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fi re tomorrow, he will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith?

“So don’t worry about these things, saying, ‘What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?’ These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.

“So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today. —Matthew 6:25–34

Bible teacher Joyce Meyer says this passage means “we need to concentrate our full attention on today and stop being so intense and wrought up.”

Calm down and lighten up! Laugh more and worry less. Stop ruining today worrying about yesterday or tomorrow—neither of which we can do anything about. We need to stop wasting our precious “now,” because it will never come again.4

If you have a worry problem, we recommend you read Matthew 6:25–34 every day for a month and make it a springboard for prayer.

Life is a day-by-day affair. We do not know all that will happen in the future—but we do not need to. God will be with us in the future just as surely as He is with us in the present. Our part is to develop our trust in Him, leaving fear and anxiety behind in the process.

A SINGLE-MINDED APPROACH TO ENDING ANXIETY

The New Testament word for anxiety means “doubled-minded.” That’s the problem with people who have an anxiety habit. With part of their mind, they are looking to God; but with another part of their mind, they are fretting about what might happen to them.

God desires for them to have their mind wholly fi xed on Him, for then they could know peace. As the prophet Isaiah confessed to God,

You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in You, all whose thoughts are fixed on You! —Isaiah 26:3

But how do we become single-minded, fi xing our thoughts entirely on God? How do we get rid of our anxiety? Not by trying through an act of will to make our worries go away. Rather, by handing them over to God. One psalmist wrote,

Please listen and answer me, for I am overwhelmed by my troubles. —Psalm 55:22

Late in life, the apostle Peter (evidently having learned his lesson when his feet slipped into the waves!) echoed the psalmist in saying, “Give all your worries and cares to God, for He cares about you” (1 Peter 5:7).

We give our cares to God through the miracle of prayer. That is why Paul advised, “Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything.”

Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all He has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. —Philippians 4:6–7

Instead of trying the useless self-talk of worry, assuring ourselves that things will go wrong, we need to be talking to God about our concerns.

TRUST IN GOD

An old scenario goes this way: fear knocked at the door; faith answered; no one was there. In truth, the answer to worry and fear in all their forms is faith in God.

George Müller, director of a network of orphanages in nineteenth century England, could have wasted much energy worrying about how he would provide for the two thousand orphaned children under his care. But instead he operated on the faith principle. He refused a salary and trusted that his material needs and those of his orphanages would be met entirely by seeking God in prayer. And do you know what? That is just what happened. Müller once said, “The beginning of anxiety is the end of faith; and the beginning of true faith is the end of anxiety.”

Similarly, Neil Anderson defined courage as “making the choice to walk by faith and do what’s right even in the face of fear.” He added, “Being alive and free in Christ doesn’t mean that we will never feel fear. It means that such fears no longer have any power over us if we exercise our faith in God.”5

The Scriptures teach us that “perfect love expels all fear” (1 John 4:18). We acquire such love “as we live in God” (verse 17). This means exercising faith and growing in faith over time. In this way, we can even cease to be “slaves to the fear of dying” (Hebrews 2:15). Imagine that—no fear of death!

Faith is not the risk it seems. Our faith has a solid basis because the One whom we trust is all-powerful and cares about us. We can be free from anxiety and full of joy because, as Philippians 4:5 (NIV) says, “The Lord is near.”

John Edmund Haggai, author of How to Win over Worry, commented on that verse.

Do you want more faith that the Lord is near to you for help? If so, you are not alone in that desire. A father who sought Jesus’ healing power for his son said to Jesus, “I do believe, but help me overcome my unbelief!” (Mark 9:24). The disciples likewise one time appealed to Jesus, “Show us how to increase our faith” (Luke 17:5).

The apostle John wrote, “We are confident that He hears us whenever we ask for anything that pleases Him. And since we know He hears us when we make our requests, we also know that He will give us what we ask for” (1 John 5:14–15). Surely having faith is in line with God’s will. So if we ask Him for it, He will give it. We’ve got His Word on that.

With the Spirit’s supernatural enabling, you can be a person of greater faith and you can shed your fear habit for good. Let the healing in this area of your life begin now.

SOUL PRESCRIPTION FOR FEAR

Are you struggling with fear, worry, or a related sin habit? We have outlined a five-step process to help you repent and heal in this area of your life. Take all the time you need with each of the steps below.

Step 1: Adopt a Correct View of God

If you are worried, fearful, or despairing, chances are that you are failing to see just how capable and willing God is to keep all His promises to you. Consider these truths:

• God is faithful; He will always be there for you.
  The faithful love of the LORD never ends! His mercies never cease. Great is His faithfulness; His mercies begin afresh each morning. —Lamentations 3:22–23
• God is all-powerful, and He uses that power for your good.
  He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless. —Isaiah 40:29

Make sure your ideas about God our protector match what He says about Himself in the Bible. Why worry about anything when the Creator of the universe is watching over you?

Step 2: Revise Your False Beliefs

How do ideas about people or life influence your worry-related habit? Your ideas may have gotten off track in a number of different ways, but think about these possibilities:

• Do you believe that you must pull yourself up by your own bootstraps?
  It is not that we think we are qualified to do anything on our own. Our qualification comes from God. —2 Corinthians 3:5
• Do you think of yourself as a born loser in the game of life?
  I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength. —Philippians 4:13
• Do you believe that your circumstances are beyond God’s power to help?
  Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all He has done. —Philippians 4:6

Scan the Bible for its messages about how unnecessary worry really is. Make a conscious decision to identify and abandon any concepts about yourself, others, or life in general that contribute to your worry. Believe God, and trust in His power to meet your every need.

Step 3: Repent of Your Sin

What type of worry-related habit do you have? Is it fear? Is it anxiety? Are you discouraged or nervous or impatient? Make sure you are clear about your specific problem.

If you are prepared to leave your sin behind, pray a prayer of confession and commitment. You may use the prayer below, or you may pray in your own words.

God, I have a problem in the area of __________, and I know it is sin. I know also that my failure to trust You has grieved You. I am sorry for that. Please forgive me for my sin. Cleanse me of it completely now—wash it away as if it had never existed. Give me now the ability to live my life in Your strength and not in mine. Lord, I believe; help me in my unbelief. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

If you have harmed others with your sin, apologize to them. Seek reconciliation and offer restitution where appropriate.

Step 4: Defend against Spiritual Attacks

The last place the enemies of your soul want to see you is at rest in the Lord’s grace. You have put your trust in God; now you must keep it there.

• Watch out for the false values that the world system entices you to adopt. The world will say you have to take care of yourself, and this will naturally lead to worry. In God’s value system, trust in Him takes the place of self-effort.
• Watch out for the way your fl esh (that is, your sinful nature)attempts to have you return to that paradoxical feeling of control that comes from worrying about the unknown. When the feeling comes upon you, tell the
  flesh, “You’re already dead! I don’t have to do what you want.” Rely on the Spirit’s help to remain strong in your faith.
• Watch out for Satan’s schemes to persuade you to worry about your circumstances again. You can resist him with the “shield of faith” that God gives as a part of our spiritual armor (see Ephesians 6:10–18).

Do not expect the temptation to be anxious, fearful, or discouraged to disappear any time soon. Remember that God is bigger than the world, the fl esh, and the Devil. With Him on your side, you are a winner!

Step 5: Flee Temptation

In practical terms, certain situations can “give you an excuse” to worry. So take active steps to prevent returning to your bad habits of the past.

• Focus on your relationship with God.
  In your personal devotional time, focus on God as your provider and sanctuary. Use the power of praise and thankfulness to bolster your faith in Him.
• Latch on to God’s promises.
  Many passages in Scripture speak of God’s care for us. Search out ones that give you the most comfort and confidence, then commit them to memory. Here is one to memorize:
  For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love and self-discipline.—2 Timothy 1:7

• Establish safeguards.
  Take practical steps to cut off common sources of temptation.
  These should be strategies tailor-made for you, but here are some examples to get you started thinking:

• If you begin to feel discouraged, rehearse in your mind the victories that God has given you in the past.
• If you are feeling fearful about tasks you need to accomplish, break it down into small steps and take them one at a time.
• If you are prone to nervousness, learn to meditate on God.
• Ask a trusted Christian friend to hold you accountable for not worrying nor fearing so much.

• Expect victory.
  God has promised to always take care of you, and He will. Believe that He will enable you to beat the worry habit and build a stronger faith.

Visit www.SoulPrescription.com for more insights and resources, and to download a free leader’s guide for small group Bible studies.

Some years ago, I (Henry) traveled to Zimbabwe for a conference and spoke about forgiveness. Afterward, a couple asked to speak with me in private. They were from Uganda, and they told me their story. 

During the brutal reign of Uganda’s Idi Amin, the couple received a note telling them that their twenty-six-year-old son had been kidnapped and was being held for ransom. Before the couple had met with Ugandan authorities how best they should respond, they received another note informing them that their son was dead. 

The father tried to locate his son’s body. In doing this, he was seized by soldiers and taken to the same prison cell where his son had been held. There he was whipped with leather strips before being loaded onto a pickup truck and dropped off at a street corner. As a parting shot, the soldiers shouted that if he ever tried to locate his son again, he would be killed.

Two years had passed. I met the couple in Zimbabwe. They wanted to know if I believed they were wrong to keep alive their hatred for the soldiers who had treated their family so cruelly. Might it not even be disloyal to the memory of their son if they were to forgive his murderers?

I have had my own struggles with anger and hatred from time to time, but never with a cause as reasonable as this hurting couple. I did not know what to say to them. “God, help me,” I prayed.

We sat in silence for a while. It seemed to me that God was telling me to gently urge this couple to let go of their hostility. So I suggested they needed to pray for a change of heart.

The man said in a trembling voice, “I am ready.”

The wife added, “So am I.”

The three of us knelt on the floor. I have never heard such moving prayers. We stood up afterward and embraced each other with tears of joy streaming down our cheeks.

The next day the man stood up at the conference and told the entire gathering that he and his wife were leaving a heavy burden behind.1

A heavy burden indeed is the anger that many of us carry. Like the Ugandan couple, we may have good reasons for our emotion, but we are weighed down by it all the same.

Anger is a strong feeling of dislike, displeasure, or antagonism. It is connected to a host of other negative feelings and behaviors, including rage, hatred, bitterness, vengefulness, and violence. In this chapter we will look at how to lay down such burdens. Before that, though, we must learn how to separate sinful anger from the rarer, but still possible, forms of acceptable anger.

The Danger in Anger

Just as there is such a thing as justifiable pride, so also there is such a thing as righteous indignation. When Jesus chased the merchants out of the temple (see John 2:13–17), He was angry at them for defiling God’s house and hindering Gentile worship. He had good reasons to have godly anger. Likewise, in some cases, there may be nothing wrong with our anger.

When we see unrighteousness or injustice, getting upset is a reasonable response. But at other times our anger is improper, such as when we misinterpret what is going on or are too quick to take offense or let our anger grow out of proportion to the cause. Our anger is also unrighteous if we hang on to it for too long.

Anger is inherently dangerous. That’s why the apostle Paul warned, “Don’t sin by letting anger control you. Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a foothold to the devil” (Ephesians 4:26–27).2 In other words, even if your anger falls into the category of righteous indignation, get past it quickly before it has a chance to harm you. Anger cherished becomes like rot or gangrene. It opens the door to hatred and other sins.

Archibald Hart wrote, “It is not the anger (as feeling) that is wrong, but…anger has the potential for leading you into sin.” If we choose to be angry at the wrong time or for the wrong reason, we are guilty before God. And if we are angry much of the time, we are dealing with a habitual sin—one that has a potential to harm not only those around us but also ourselves.

Rage is one term used to describe an excessive and uncontrolled anger.

Lashing Out

I (Henry) arrived at my counseling session half an hour late, and I was nervous about making my apologies. The man I was making them to was Jay Carty, former professional basketball player with the Los Angeles Lakers—six feet, seven inches tall, and all of it muscle. With him was his wife, Mary.

My nervousness was due not so much to Jay’s size as to what I had learned from a temperament test Jay had taken. It showed that Jay was an extremely dominant, very hostile, and strongly expressive person. As I had expected, he glared at me for showing up late.

I ignored the look and got the session started by asking, “What’s the problem?”

Jay said, “I’m having trouble making a job change and thought you could help us sort out the decision-making process.”

“Well,” I said, “it’s easy to see what the problem is. There’s sin in your life.”

An uncomfortable pause followed. Finally, with an impatience that was impossible to disguise, Jay said, “Henry, perhaps you could elaborate just a little bit.”

Over the next few minutes, I pointed out the web of sin that his temperament test had revealed. I told him his anger was like a pot on boil. I told him that everyone irritated him and that when they failed him, he would blow up at them.

“You hotshot!” Jay shouted. “You don’t care about me, or you wouldn’t have forgotten about the appointment. Then you pull this grandstand move by telling me there’s sin in my life, pat me on the rear, and send me on my way so I can tell people I talked to the great Dr. Henry Brandt. Well, thank you, but I’m not impressed. I think you’re a fraud.”

He got up and motioned for his wife to follow him out the door.

I said, “No, no, don’t go. Right now, Jay, how do you feel down in the pit of your stomach? Is it the fruit of the Spirit—love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control?”

“That answer’s easy,” Jay snorted. “None of those qualities typifies the way I feel, at least not right now.”

I asked him pointedly, “Do you feel angry most of the time?”

It was so quiet that you could hear the three of us breathing. “Yes.”

Jay sat back down and poured out his story. He was someone with great gifts and a powerful personality who had been fixing most of his problems by just trying harder and expecting everyone else to follow his lead.

At last Jay asked, “Henry, how bad am I? What am I going to do? I’ve spent a lifetime learning to live this way.”3

Jay Carty is an example of someone whose anger built up over time and produced a lifestyle of rage. Others, though, have what’s called a “short fuse.” Their anger flares out suddenly and then subsides just as quickly. Is that type of rage any better?

A woman once came to evangelist Billy Sunday and tried to rationalize her angry outbursts. “There’s nothing wrong with losing my temper,” she said. “I blow up and then it’s all over.”

“So does a shotgun,” Sunday replied, “and look at the damage it leaves behind!”

Wise Solomon said, “Control your temper, for anger labels you a fool” (Ecclesiastes 7:9).4

Whether rage is of the slow or the fast variety, it is so common that you might almost think that people want to be angry. And maybe some do—to their harm. Frederick Buechner said in Wishful Thinking:

Of the Seven Deadly Sins, anger is possibly the most fun. To lick your wounds, to smack your lips over grievances long past, to roll over your tongue the prospect of bitter confrontations still to come, to savor to the last toothsome morsel both the pain you are given and the pain you are giving back—in many ways it is a feast fit for a king. The chief drawback is that what you are wolfing down is yourself. The skeleton at the feast is you.5

Anger produces bodily changes that cannot be ignored. Here are just a few of the symptoms doctors and counselors have noticed in persons with rage:

• increased pulse rate
• faster heartbeat
• high blood pressure
• tight throat
• dry mouth
• hair standing on end
• enlarged pupils
• change in skin color
• tense muscles
• shaking or twitching
• insomnia
• stmach pains or nausea
• nagging body pains
• loss of appetite or difficulty in controlling food craving

In the saddest cases, such symptoms have contributed to the untimely deaths of many rage-filled men and women.

In Anger Is a Choice, one of the coauthors tells about visiting a seventy-two-year-old minister who was on a tirade about the medical treatment he had been receiving. The author said to the minister, “Paul, if you don’t stop this, you’re going to kill yourself!” Within two days, Paul was dead of a heart attack.

Beyond the physical effects, rage is also spiritually destructive. Jesus declared in no uncertain terms, “If you are even angry with someone, you are subject to judgment!” (Matthew 5:22). Furthermore, He said that anger is akin to murder. If you are a person with a rage problem, regardless of the legitimacy of its cause, you are in the wrong.

Suppressing rage—turning “outrage” into “inrage,” so to speak—is not the answer. You need to confess your sin. You need to work through the process of soul healing that appears at the end of this chapter so that your body and spirit may be cleansed of this serious condition.

God Himself is “slow to anger” (Exodus 34:6). With His help, we can be too.

He can also help to free us from the related attitudes of hatred and bitterness.

The Wolf of Hatred

A little boy came to his grandfather in tears and declared that he hated a schoolmate. The grandfather said he understood the feeling, then told this story: “It is as if there are two wolves inside me. One is good and does no harm. He lives in harmony with all around him and does not take offense when no offense was intended.

“But the other wolf…Ah! He is full of anger. The littlest thing will send him into a fit of temper. He fights everyone, all the time, for no reason. He cannot think because his anger and hate are so great.

“It is hard to live with these two wolves inside me, for both of them try to dominate my spirit.”

The boy asked, “Which one wins, Grandfather?”

The grandfather replied, “The one I feed.”

The wolf of hatred is powerful. Unrighteous anger feeds the hatred and allows it to grow more powerful still, until the wolf stretches out its fangs and claws to tear at those around. Such a beast lies within us when we hate. If we are to become holy people, we must starve this vicious predator.

Bitterness is like hatred in that it results from the harm others have done us, but it stays closer to home. While hatred is a feeling of intense hostility toward another person, bitterness is a rancor we nurse in our hearts to keep our anger alive. Hatred is the hostile emissary that we mentally send out to our enemy; bitterness is a fire that smolders deep inside. Both are sinful.

There are some who think hatred is reasonable and just, even admirable. Jesus acknowledged this attitude when He said, “You have heard the law that says, ‘Love your neighbor’ and hate your enemy” (Matthew 5:43). In fact, Leviticus 19:18 does say to love your neighbor. The religious teachers called Pharisees interpreted this verse to mean it was okay to hate your enemies.

Jesus, though, had a surprising take on the matter. “But I say, love your enemies!” (Matthew 5:44). And what He had in mind by “love” was not some weak “Oh, all right, I love you” attitude but a love demonstrated in action. The examples He gave of love for enemies included the following commands: “Do good to those who hate you. Bless those who curse you. Pray for those who hurt you” (Luke 6:27–28).

Bitterness likewise is out of bounds for Christians. One early Christian leader wrote, “Pursue peace with all people, and holiness, without which no one will see the Lord: looking carefully lest anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by this many become defiled” (Hebrews 12:14–15 nkjv).

Bitterness, then, is not only like a smoldering fire; it is also like a root that puts out weedy growth in our spirit if given half a chance. We cannot just prune it back. We must pull it out, roots and all.

Like its cousin hate, bitterness will eat away at us. If we have an ongoing problem with either hate or bitterness, we need to take aggressive action. If we do not, one error we can be led into is revenge.

Getting Mad and Getting Even

No one can say for certain how the infamous Hatfield-McCoy feud got started. One thing for sure is that around the time of the Civil War the Confederate-sympathizing Hatfields of West Virginia conceived a hatred for the Union-sympathizing McCoys across the border in Kentucky, and the McCoys returned the favor.

Provocation quickly led to escalation. In 1878 Randolph McCoy accused one of the Hatfields of stealing a pig. The case went to court and the Hatfields won. Later a Hatfield boy got a McCoy girl pregnant and was rewarded with a severe beating by her relatives. Then in 1882 Ellison Hatfield was killed, starting a run of murders that would reach eleven over the next decade.

How bitter is revenge! How destructive!

We may not aim a rifle at anyone from behind a tree, but in a myriad of ways we get back at people who have hurt us. When others wound us by their words or actions, Revenge whispers in our ears, “Give him the cold shoulder!” or “Say something equally harsh in return!” or “Spread a rumor that will wreck her reputation!” Sometimes people will wait for years, nursing their resentment, until they are in a position to harm the one they hate.

Does any of this sound familiar to you? Is any of it acceptable behavior in the eyes of God? The apostle Peter wrote, “Don’t repay evil for evil. Don’t retaliate with insults when people insult you” (1 Peter 3:9). His colleague Paul similarly instructed readers,

Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God. For the Scriptures say,

“I will take revenge; I will pay them back,” says the Lord. —Romans 12:197

God reserves judgment for Himself. Only He knows all the facts and is capable of rendering justice fairly and comprehensively. True, He gives properly instituted human leadership the authority to handle matters of earthly justice as best they can. But He does not give us as individuals the right to punish those who have hurt us.

Revenge is reputed to be sweet, and in fact for a while it may replace our feelings of hurt with a sense of triumph. But revenge swiftly turns sour because inside we know our revenge has lowered us to the level of our antagonist and has laid destruction upon destruction. God is wise in reserving for Himself the prerogative of avenging wrongs.

Besides trusting Him to handle matters of justice, what should we do?

Instead of helping a relationship head downward in a spiral of attack and counterattack, we are to do our best at reversing the direction the relationship is going in. Peter said that rather than retaliating against others, we should “pay them back with a blessing” (1 Peter 3:9). Paul said that instead of avenging ourselves, we should “conquer evil by doing good” (Romans 12:21).

Such seemingly illogical responses really make a great deal of sense. They are not likely to make matters worse, and they might make the situation a great deal better. When Abraham Lincoln was chided for not seeking to destroy his enemies, he replied, “Do I not destroy my enemies when I make them my friends?” Paying back evil with good puts a stop to the cycle of revenge.

But in real life—in our lives—is this possible? Can vengeful people learn to lay down their arms and embrace their enemies?

Certainly it is not easy or enjoyable—nobody is saying that. But possible? Yes. Just ask the Hatfields and the McCoys.

Both clans are still in existence today. And although violence between them ended with the 1800s, the feud continued in the form of legal disputes over timber rights and cemetery plots for another century. But shortly after the conclusion of the final court case between them, the two families joined together to put a formal end to the feud.

On June 14, 2003, representatives of the two families signed a proclamation that read, “We do hereby and formally declare an official end to all hostilities, implied, inferred, and real, between the families, now and forevermore. We ask by God’s grace and love that we be forever remembered as those that bound together the hearts of two families to form a family of freedom in America.”8

God bless the Hatfields and the McCoys! And God bless you if you will keep from returning evil for evil and will return good instead.

Revenge’s counterpart, violence, is another evil practice we must avoid.

Violence: The Shortcut That Goes Nowhere

If asked, a park ranger in British Columbia will be glad to show off the interlocked antlers of two bull moose. Apparently the moose began fighting, their antlers got stuck together, and they could not pull free. Both moose died because of their fighting. Sometimes people are a lot like animals.

While in some of us anger goes underground as hatred or bitterness, in others it comes right out in the open as violence. Men especially (though not exclusively) will on occasion resort to physical coercion in an attempt to solve their problems. Violence seems like such a direct way to react to a situation—not to mention a quick release for pent-up feelings of anger!

The headlines about violence that grab our attention are ones like these:

• Student opens fire at school, kills four
• Movie star accused of drowning wife
• Factory worker kills boss, guard, self

What we do not see (or at least pay as much attention to) are news stories about the less extraordinary kind of violence that goes on in homes and public places every day. What would you think if you saw these headlines?

• Husband beats wife, third time this month
• Friends drink at bar, fight in parking lot, regret it later
• Man who attempted rape says women have slighted him

This kind of “everyday” violence may be too common to get much notice, but its contribution to the sum of human misery is hard to overestimate.

The consequences of violence go beyond the obvious results of physical pain and wounding. Even if no one is permanently injured by an act of violence, the scars on the inside may take a long time to heal—if ever. And one violent person may be producing another. Few things are as self-perpetuating as violence.

The violent person is also degraded by his own violence. He knows he has sunk to an animalistic level. If he has any conscience left, he is ashamed of causing another human being pain. He has to worry about legal ramifications. He is caught in the consequences of his actions—just like the bull moose.

In part for such reasons, violence is like vengeance in that it is something individuals are not permitted to do. The state has the right to pursue justice through criminal punishment and war, but individuals should never use violence (unless necessary for self-defense). Certainly we should never instigate violence just because we are angry.

The apostle Paul said, “Don’t participate in the darkness of wild parties and drunkenness, or in sexual promiscuity and immoral living, or in quarreling and jealousy” (Romans 13:13). In other words, fighting is just as bad as other types of sin like drunkenness and adultery. Aggressive violence cannot be justified.

When Peter drew a sword to protect Jesus from the men who had come to arrest Him, Jesus ordered the hot-tempered disciple, “Put your sword back into its sheath” (John 8:11). He would say something like that to any of us who would try to solve our problems with violence. Keep your hands to yourself. Put down the knife. Lock up the gun.

If you are habitually violent, work through the soul-healing process. And if you think you may be on the verge of hurting another person, get professional help—now.

The Forgiveness Factor

What do you do if you are filled with rage or hatred or bitterness? What do you do if you are vengeful or violent? By God’s grace, you get rid of the sin of anger and replace it with the virtue of forgiveness.

Anger is an emotion that is set off when someone else has done something we do not like. We may be quite right in disliking what the other person has said or done. Sometimes, in fact, the offense is monstrous, as in the case of the Ugandan couple whose son was murdered. But because the offense has a personal origin, the only way to free ourselves of the destructive emotion we feel and move ahead in life is to forgive the person who did wrong.9

Of course, when we have been hurt, something inside us screams “No!” to the idea of forgiveness. It seems unjust. And do you know what? It is. When we forgive, we pay a price for a wrong that someone else has done. What does that remind you of?

Jesus Christ paid the penalty for our sins on the cross. It was not just or fair, but He willingly did it so that mercy would triumph over justice. We follow in His footsteps when we forgive one who has committed an offense against us.

Another reason we might resist forgiving is that we conceive of unforgiveness as a type of revenge. We believe we are hurting the one who has hurt us if we withhold our forgiveness. That is foolish thinking. We are only hurting ourselves by holding on to a grudge. In the words of writer Anne Lamott, “Not forgiving people is like drinking rat poison and then waiting for the rat to die.”

For these reasons, forgiveness does not necessarily mean suddenly having a warm feeling toward the one who has hurt us. 

“Forgiveness is not a feeling, first and foremost. It is a choice that goes beyond feelings; it is an activity of the will.”10 We choose to forgive and we pray that the loving feelings will follow. This is loving by faith.

What about “forgiving and forgetting”? Can we forget the offense against us once we have forgiven the offender? Of course not. We will still recall the hurt—but we need not relive the hurt. As David Augsburger said, “The hornet of memory may fly again, but forgiveness has drawn out the sting.”

And what about reconciliation? A restored relationship should be our goal whenever it is a possibility. When the one who has offended us is a fellow Christian, we can follow the guidelines of Matthew 18 to initiate a process of confrontation that starts privately and adds on pressure and publicity if needed. When the offender is a non-Christian, we can still seek restoration of our relationship by humbly approaching the other and discussing what happened.

But reconciliation requires two. The other person may be unwilling to admit the wrong he or she has done and seek to restore the relationship. Or maybe you are unable to reconcile with the other person. You may not know how to get in touch with the offender anymore, or perhaps that person has died. And if the other person still presents a threat to you, as in the case of an abuser, it might not even be wise to reestablish contact. In such cases, remember that you can still forgive the person. Unlike reconciliation, forgiveness requires only one.

Hard as it is, forgiveness is a blessing to us because it frees us from anger and all the ill effects that anger brings upon us. That is why God both commands and enables forgiveness. “Be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you” (Ephesians 4:32). “Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others” (Colossians 3:13).

The New Testament consistently links our forgiveness of others to God’s forgiveness of us. Jesus once told a parable in which a servant was forgiven for a vast sum of money the servant owed a king. The servant turned around and shook down a fellow servant for neglecting to repay a much smaller sum. (See Matthew 18:21–35.) Like the unforgiving servant, our sins against God are immeasurably greater than any offense someone else has committed against us. So let us forgive as we have been forgiven.

As often as someone angers you, just so often can you forgive. That’s the way to beat the anger habit.

Soul Prescription for Anger

Are you struggling with anger or an anger-related sin habit? We have outlined a five-step process to help you repent and heal in this area of your life. Take all the time you need with each of the steps below.

Step 1: Adopt a Correct View of God

Almost certainly, a distorted perception of God’s nature lies at the core of your problem with anger. We do not know exactly what that is for you. But quite possibly you are overemphasizing the wrath of God while underemphasizing His faithful love. Consider these key truths about God’s nature.

• God offers forgiveness, reconciliation, and eternity instead of condemnation.

The LORD passed in front of Moses, calling out, “Yahweh! The LORD! The God of compassion and mercy! I am slow to anger and filled with unfailing love and faithfulness.” —Exodus 34:6

• God is merciful and expects us to extend His mercy to others.

There will be no mercy for those who have not shown mercy to others. But if you have been merciful, God will be merciful when He judges you.—James 2:13

Search the Scriptures for everything you can find about God’s love, mercy, and forgiveness. Allow what you find out about Him begin to change the way you think about God and about yourself as God’s child.

Step 2: Revise Your False Beliefs

You may be an angry person because you have developed some mistaken ideas about yourself and other people as well as how to get along in life. Do you believe that? Well, ask yourself these questions:

• Do you believe you are justified in your anger?

Sensible people control their temper; they earn respect by overlooking wrongs. —Proverbs 19:11

• Do you believe that your anger is uncontrollable?

Don’t sin by letting anger control you. Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry. —Ephesians 4:26

• Do you believe that anger is a useful tool in life?

People with understanding control their anger; a hot temper shows great foolishness. —Proverbs 14:29

Along with those suggested here, there are many more false beliefs that can keep you a slave to anger. Seek clues in Scripture for ways that your ideas have gone off track, contributing to your anger problem. Ask the Holy Spirit to use biblical truth to change your conscious and unconscious beliefs so that you are living in truth and not falsehood. He will do it!

Step 3: Repent of Your Sin

Are you ready to admit that you are angry and to give it up? In what particular ways (rage, violence, revenge, and so on) do you express your anger? Identify your anger and “own” it.

When you are ready, ask God to forgive you for your anger. You can pray the following prayer (or another like it in your own words). Insert the word for your particular anger problem in the blank spaces.

God, I am an angry person, especially in the area of __________. And I know that is sinful. I am sorry for how the flames of my anger have singed others, and especially I am sorry for how I have grieved You. Please forgive me for my anger now. Cleanse me completely from the sin of __________ so that it is gone from my life. And furthermore, give me the power never to return to my angry ways again.

I want to be like Jesus, merciful and kind. In His name I pray, amen.

If you have harmed others with your sin, apologize to them. Seek reconciliation and offer restitution where appropriate.

Step 4: Defend against Spiritual Attacks

The enemies of your soul—the world, the flesh, and the Devil—do not like it when you repent of your anger. They will stir up your anger again if you let them. Get ready to defend yourself against these enemies.

• In the world’s value system, anger is considered good. The world would tell us that anger confers power. But you can overcome this false system if you hold fast to God’s values, which tell us that those who control their anger have the real spiritual power.
• Anger can feel good. Our flesh, or sinful nature, urges us to get that good feeling back by letting ourselves be filled with rage again. So when you feel that kind of desire rising within you, remind yourself that the flesh is dead and you do not have to satisfy its desires. Turn to the Spirit to help you want what God wants for you: a forgiving spirit.

• Satan will use your sense of personal rights and your selfishness to goad you into angry outbursts and attitudes. Put on the armor of God to resist the Devil’s schemes. Above all, put on the “shoes of peace” (Ephesians 6:15), which enable you to move around in harmony with all your Christian brothers and sisters.

Are you ready to be in control of your anger, instead of its being in control of you? The battle has begun and will not be over soon. So the time is now to stand strong in the strength of Lord and ask the Holy Spirit to supernaturally equip you to defeat the enemies of your soul.

Step 5: Flee Temptation

Many of us find that our anger has certain triggers. Walking through a minefield, you have a much better chance of survival if you know where the danger is and learn to avoid it.

• Focus on your relationship with God. 
  Cultivate your relationship with God through the spiritual disciplines of prayer and meditation. Learn to hear God’s voice so that His whisper of peace will sound louder in your ears than the cry of temptation to lash out in anger.

• Latch on to God’s promises. 
  Search Scripture for verses and stories that emphasize the danger of anger and the value of forgiveness. Memorize Scriptures that can help you in times of temptation. One relevant scriptural passage is the parable of the unforgiving servant. Read it in Matthew 18:21–35.

• Establish safeguards.
  Take specific steps to avoid whatever triggers your anger. Consider these examples:

• If you want to get revenge against somebody, do something good for that person in secret.
• If you have a tongue that is quick with a harsh retort, learn to quickly ask the Holy Spirit for help before saying anything in a potentially explosive situation.
• Ask a trusted Christian friend to hold you accountable in your commitment to not get angry.

• Expect victory. 
As a believer, you are indwelt by the Holy Spirit. He will help you put a clamp on your anger before it can do any damage. Believe that you can go from being an angry person to being a person of forgiveness.

Visit www.SoulPrescription.com for more insights and resources, and to download a free leader’s guide for small group Bible studies.

In my (Henry’s) early years, one of my biggest problems was with drinking. Though I grew up in a Christian home where drinking was frowned upon, I rebelled in my teenage years and started drinking in bars, at parties, and in the homes of my friends. 

Early signs of the danger in this lifestyle did little good. One of my drinking buddies burned to death in a fiery collision; another committed suicide. I was fired from a job for coming back from lunch drunk. But still I continued drinking. 

Then one afternoon I staggered home drunk and dropped off to sleep on the couch. Soon a traveling salesman came to the door, shook me awake, and read me a tract about receiving Christ. I  prayed with the salesman, asking God to forgive and save me, then fell back asleep.

I went to a bar as usual that evening, but somehow the lifestyle that had seemed so exciting before now seemed no fun at all. My drunken prayer had made a real difference! My life began to change and I left drinking behind completely, though not without some struggles.

As a result of my own experience, I am able to understand those who overindulge in alcohol or other substances and experiences. Both Bill and I have counseled hundreds of persons who have struggled with overindulgence of different sorts. We know the pain it can cause and the difficulty people have in beating these habits.

Of course, everyone overindulges occasionally. For example, just about every American overindulges with food on Thanksgiving. But what we are talking about here is an ongoing overindulgence that interferes with healthy and holy living.

Sinful overindulgence can take many forms. Let us first deal with what is perhaps the most common form: gluttony.

The Lure of the Refrigerator

A pastor had a heart attack and was clinging to life in the ICU of a local church-affiliated hospital. The pastor’s adult son came to visit him in the hospital and was praying by his side when a doctor came in. They discussed the father’s condition, and the doctor informed the son that being overweight had put a strain on his father’s heart.

Then the doctor pointed out that the son seemed to be heading down the same road. And it was true. Like his father, the son had a sedentary lifestyle and enjoyed large quantities of convenience foods. His belly was already well on its way to matching his father’s girth.

“Yeah, I’ve got an eating problem,” admitted the son.

“No, you’ve got a sin problem,” countered the doctor.1

Overeating is the more common term these days, but gluttony is the time-honored label for the sin of putting more food in your mouth than your body needs for its health and strength. A glutton is the type of person who tells himself or herself, “Eat, drink, and be merry!” (Luke 12:19). In the worst cases, you could say of gluttons that “their god is their stomach” (Philippians 3:19 niv).

For some gluttons, the appeal of overeating lies in the enjoyment that the taste buds get as the food makes its way to the stomach. For others, the sense of fullness that comes after eating may compensate for emotional absences in their lives. Yet while one might understand and sympathize with some causes for overindulgence with food, we must say unequivocally that gluttony is a sin.

Like any sin, gluttony trails in its wake a host of evil effects. Those who overeat often feel ashamed and guilty. They spend more of their money and time on food than it deserves. As they gain weight, they experience discomfort, reduced physical abilities, and embarrassment over how others view them. And like the pastor who had the heart attack, they may experience significant health problems. Each year, obesity in America accounts for health-care costs of approximately $100 billion as well as contributes to at least three hundred thousand premature deaths.2

Gluttony can also damage one’s spiritual health. Philosopher Cornelius Plantinga Jr. pointed out, “Full stomachs and jaded palates take the edge from our hunger and thirst for righteousness. They spoil the appetite for God.”3 The person whose body is overfed may have a starving soul.

The same sort of spiritual deprivation may be at work in those with a drinking problem.

Bliss in a Bottle?

For years, Jack Bivans was one of the voices on the popular radio theater program Unshackled! Produced by the Pacific Garden Mission in Chicago, Unshackled! portrayed the ways that real individuals were freed from alcoholism and other bondages through the power of Christ. What few listeners knew was that Bivans was in shackles himself.

Bivans began drinking while serving in World War II. Over the years, his drinking got worse and contributed to the dissolution of two marriages. “My family life began a downward spiral and my emotional world started crumbling around me,” he recalled.

It all came to a head in 1975. Bivans said, “The lives of the people whose true stories I had portrayed on Unshackled! began to hit home. One day, following a taping, I was driving home alone and felt the overwhelming presence of the Holy Spirit within me. I changed. I was drinking, and sometimes too much, and so I gave it up.”4

Of all forms of overindulgence, none is more thoroughly covered in Scripture than drunkenness. Perhaps most notably, Solomon composed a vivid description of the effects of drinking upon the drunkard:

Who has anguish? Who has sorrow? Who is always fighting? Who is always complaining? Who has unnecessary bruises? Who has bloodshot eyes? It is the one who spends long hours in the taverns, trying out new drinks. Don’t gaze at the wine, seeing how red it is, how it sparkles in the cup, how smoothly it goes down. For in the end it bites like a poisonous snake; it stings like a viper. You will see hallucinations, and you will say crazy things. You will stagger like a sailor tossed at sea, clinging to a swaying mast. And you will say, “They hit me, but I didn’t feel it. I didn’t even know it when they beat me up. When will I wake up so I can look for another drink?” —Proverbs 23:29–355

The Romans liked to indulge in drinking parties where matters could get way out of hand. The apostle Peter, therefore, wrote to new believers, “You have had enough in the past of the evil things that godless people enjoy—their immorality and lust, their feasting and drunkenness and wild parties, and their terrible worship of idols” (1 Peter 4:3, emphasis added).6 The message for Christians who have been heavy drinkers is this: Enough! It is time to put away your habit of drunkenness.

Paul made God’s viewpoint on drunkenness as clear as it could be: “Don’t be drunk with wine, because that will ruin your life.” Then Paul went on to say, “Instead, be filled with the Holy Spirit” (Ephesians 5:18). Rather than being under the influence of alcohol, we should be under the influence of God’s Spirit.

Drugs: When Escape Becomes a Trap

Unlike alcohol, drugs are not specifically mentioned in Scripture. However, the New Testament word usually translated “witchcraft” or “sorcery” (“participation in demonic activities” in Galatians 5:20) is pharmakeia, from which we get our word pharmaceuticals. It reflects the fact that mood-altering substances were often used in occult rituals in ancient times.

It is a safe bet that we can take the biblical injunctions against drunkenness as applying to drug abuse as well. We can therefore paraphrase Ephesians 5:18 as saying, “Don’t take drugs, because that will ruin your life.” The very fact that drug use is illegal puts it out of bounds for Christians, since we are instructed to “submit to governing authorities” (Romans 13:1).

Drug-taking is one sin that many presume Christians will not get involved in. Not so! Singer Johnny Cash is an example. Not long before his death in 2003, Cash told Relevant magazine,

I used drugs to escape, and they worked pretty well when I was younger. But they devastated me physically and emotionally—and spiritually. That last one hurt so much: to put myself in such a low state that I couldn’t communicate with God. There’s no lonelier place to be. I was separated from God, and I wasn’t even trying to call on him. I knew that there was no line of communication. But he came back. And I came back.7

As in Cash’s case, escape seems to be one motivation of people who take drugs. They think they can leave the difficulty or tedium of their lives behind with the vehicle of drugs. Unfortunately, it does not get them anywhere; they wind up in worse trouble than they started with.

Meanwhile, many drugs have a powerfully addicting effect on those who take them. Drug users still have a choice (that’s where the sinfulness comes in), but as the addiction changes their brain chemistry and physiological responses, the choice not to take drugs becomes harder and harder. Many find that their temporary “escape” becomes a trap they cannot seem to work their way out of.

Actor Robert Downey Jr. said, “I’m allergic to alcohol and narcotics. If I use them, I break out in handcuffs.” We can laugh at the quip, but the fact is that drug users, while they may not be literally imprisoned as Downey has been, are bound emotionally and spiritually.

Shopping as Recreation

Some have said that America has been infected with “affluenza.” Materialism is a widespread illness, and for many it shows up in the way they buy far more than they really need. They shop just for the fun of it, and for the kick they get from owning new stuff, not because they really need these belongings. A term has been coined to describe these people: shopaholics.

While the term is new, the phenomenon it describes is not. Long ago, King Solomon went through a phase in which he deliberately tested what he could gain by spending, spending, spending.

I…tried to find meaning by building huge homes for myself and by planting beautiful vineyards. I made gardens and parks, filling them with all kinds of fruit trees. I built reservoirs to collect the water to irrigate my many flourishing groves. I bought slaves, both men and women, and others were born into my household. I also owned large herds and flocks, more than any of the kings who had lived in Jerusalem before me. I collected great sums of silver and gold, the treasure of many kings and provinces. I hired wonderful singers, both men and women, and had many beautiful concubines. I had everything a man could desire! —Ecclesiastes 2:4–8

What was Solomon’s conclusion after his spending spree? “This is all so meaningless!” (verse 15)

We do not mean to imply that all buying is bad. God loves to bless His children. It is a good thing when we can meet our own needs and even indulge our moderate and reasonable desires for pleasure. The problem lies in excessive accumulation of “stuff” out of a desire to meet some inner need.

We will let you decide, through seeking the mind of Christ in prayer, what “excessive” means for you. But one thing we know: possessions do not confer meaning upon a person’s life. Jesus said plainly, “Beware! Guard against every kind of greed. Life is not measured by how much you own” (Luke 12:15).

Neither do possessions provide real security, though some people may think they do. In His Sermon on the Mount, Jesus taught about this also:

Don’t store up treasures here on earth, where moths eat them and rust destroys them, and where thieves break in and steal. Store your treasures in heaven, where moths and rust cannot destroy, and thieves do not break in and steal. Wherever your treasure is, there the desires of your heart will also be. —Matthew 6:19–21

As if to illustrate His words in the Sermon on the Mount, at another time Jesus told a story about a farmer who had a string of good harvests. He began to base a hedonistic plan on his wealth. “I’ll sit back and say to myself, My friend, you have enough stored away for years to come. Now take it easy! Eat, drink, and be merry!” (Luke 12:19).

But Jesus said this man was a fool, because that very day was marked down in God’s calendar as the day when he would be called to account for his life. The lesson Jesus drew from this story is simple: “A person is a fool to store up earthly wealth but not have a rich relationship with God.” (See Luke 12:16–21.)

Media Mad

Our media options are proliferating like never before. Not only do we have television, radio, and movies, but now we also have computerized gaming systems, the Internet, DVDs, MP3s, handheld computers, and more. Some people spend untold hours with these media, living vicariously through televised sports or reality TV shows or video games, and there are a couple of problems with this.

First, excessive use of media can have a mind-numbing effect. A person who spends hours every week playing Xbox games has some fun and develops a certain type of skill, but is he really becoming a wiser, deeper, more godly person? It is not likely.

Second, too much time with entertainment distracts from other activities that are equally or more important. For example, someone who has what is dubbed a “Net addiction” may spend so much time online that she neglects her schoolwork, job, or family.

Perhaps we are in something like the position of the wealthy people of Judah in the prophet Amos’s time. Amos warned,

How terrible for you who sprawl on ivory beds and lounge on your couches, eating the meat of tender lambs from the flock and of choice calves fattened in the stall. You sing trivial songs to the sound of the harp and fancy yourselves to be great musicians like David. You drink wine by the bowlful and perfume yourselves with fragrant lotions. You care nothing about the ruin of your nation. Therefore, you will be the first to be led away as captives. —Amos 6:4–7 emphasis added

Clearly the upper classes of Judah were overindulging in a number of types of luxury, including some we have already covered. As part of their error, they were indulging excessively in the entertainment of music when they should have been attending to more important matters.

Will the consequences for us be “terrible” (as Amos said) if we keep spending our lives with our eyes glued to video screens and with earphones stuffed in our ears? It would be better not to find out.

Appetites out of Control

Along with more obvious forms of overindulgence, there are many other ways people may let their appetites get out of control like a stallion that leaps a fence. A mother might spend far more time working out at the gym than she needs to keep in shape, neglecting her family responsibilities in the process. A young might love the adrenaline rush from thrill-seeking activities, such as extreme skiing and class-5 river rafting, to the point that he risks his life. And what about caffeine? Or cigarettes?

As diverse as are the moral weak points of the human race, so diverse are the forms overindulgence may take. Yet all forms of overindulgence have something in common: they are ways of feeding an appetite. “All sins are attempts to fill voids,” claimed Simone Weil. That is certainly true of the sins of overindulgence.

People have a type of hunger, real or perceived, and then try to feed it in a way that is inappropriate. Maybe they are greedy for sensation. Or maybe they have an emotional hurt and are trying to mask it with a high or the yumminess of a dessert or a “fun fix.” Either way, they need to understand their real problem and address it in a healthy way. Overindulgence will only make matters worse.

Other motivators may also contribute to an overindulgence problem. For example, someone may abuse drugs as a way of rebelling against his strict upbringing. Rebellion, anger, disobedience—these are just a few of the sins that may complicate our tendencies toward self-indulgence.

“But wait,” you might say. “Is overindulgence really our fault? Might the real issue be illness, not sin?” Let’s consider that.

The Medical Model

One day I (Bill) received a call from the wife of an alcoholic. The woman said her husband was a wonderful person when he was sober but a demon when he was drinking. Why did he keep drinking?

Another day I talked with a young man who was on drugs. He was deathly afraid that he would be caught, end up in jail, and get a police record. Still, something about drugs wooed him to go on another trip, to smoke another joint.

These people have a compulsion to continue in their particular form of overindulgence—no doubt about it. Many others have the same problem. But how are we to understand such a compulsion?

The preferred approach at present is to use a medical model. In other words, people who cannot seem to stop drinking or taking drugs are deemed to have a disease, called an addiction. A genetic cause is at the root of the addiction, and the addiction needs to be treated with methods commonly used for other physical and emotional diseases.

There is some value in the medical model. Along with such factors as personality or temperament, a person’s genes may give him or her some predisposition to addictive behavior. And sometimes medical treatments, such as methadone treatments for heroin addicts, have proved helpful. But even given such advantages, the medical model is woefully incomplete.

By labeling overindulgent behaviors a “disease,” the medical model effectively cuts off the spiritual and ethical aspects of the human being involved. A person’s behavior may be an addiction, but it is also sin. We have a responsibility—and a real potential—to do what is right, even if we have allowed a certain substance to gain a measure of control over us. Ultimately overindulgence is treatable only by the soul surgery of repentance.

That’s what a young man named Franklin found out to his great surprise.

A Liar Who Encountered the Truth

Franklin had it all—all the problems you could imagine, that is. He liked to drink too much, take illegal drugs, and sleep around with both men and women. He was also insecure, unhappy, and riddled with guilt. He knew his life was a time bomb waiting to go off, but he had no idea of how to talk to God about his problems. Finally he went to a counselor.

“Doc, I need to quit drinking and doing drugs. But I can’t stop.” Franklin started to sob.

“Well,” the counselor replied, “I’m glad you are here. But I already have my doubts that you are ready to change. You’ve said two things to me, and one of them is not true. We are not going to get anywhere with an attitude like that.”

“Lying? What are you talking about? I need help, not word games!”

“You said something irrational, Franklin. You said you couldn’t stop drinking and using drugs. Are you drinking and using drugs right now, or are you talking to me?”

Franklin said, “Of course I’m not taking drugs now! I’m talking to a worthless counselor who accuses me of lying the moment I sit down!”

“Then,” the counselor replied, “you admit that you can control when you abuse yourself and when you do not?”

Franklin began to think about his level of control. He did not drink until after 5:30 p.m. He did not do illegal drugs except on certain days. He had a favorite drink (gin and tonic) and would not touch domestic beer. He actually began to relax as he described his favorite blend of drugs and alcohol and how, if he timed it right, he could party all night, get an hour’s sleep on the bus going to work, and take an “upper” with his first cup of coffee and work all day without a break.

This took up most of Franklin’s first session. Before he left, the counselor asked two questions: “Franklin, why do you enjoy talking about the greatest enemies you have—the very things that will kill you if you don’t stop using them to alter your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors? Why are you so angry at God that you would keep lashing out at Him in flagrant disobedience?”

Franklin did not have an answer to those questions. But he had started thinking in a new way.

Choose Your Master

Would Franklin submit to the control of God, or would he give up control to his appetites? All people who overindulge face the same question.

Not being controlled is not an option. We were made to worship and to serve another outside ourselves. And so we will always serve someone or something, and many choose to make their appetite their god, whether that appetite is for Jim Beam whiskey or lines of white powder or a third plateful at Country Buffet. The only worthy master is God. He is the one we were made to serve.

Of course, there is such a thing as Christian freedom. Some would justify indulging their appetites on the basis of that freedom. 

But the apostle Paul preempted such an argument: “You say, ‘I am allowed to do anything’—but not everything is good for you. And even though ‘I am allowed to do anything,’ I must not become a slave to anything” (1 Corinthians 6:12).

No, we must not become a slave to anything. Not drink. Not drugs. Not food. Not anything. We must serve God alone. As we do so, He will enable us to make better choices in what we will consume. He will heal us spiritually, enabling us to partake of substances or experiences in moderation (if limited consumption is safe) or keep a distance from whatever substance or experience threatens to destroy us.

Everything in Moderation

Have you had enough of too much? Are you willing to admit that your overindulgence is a sin? If so, we hope you will take action now by emptying your life of the sin and by filling the empty space with something far better. The virtue with which we should replace a sin of overindulgence is moderation.

“Do you like honey?” asked Solomon. “Don’t eat too much, or it will make you sick!” (Proverbs 25:16). This call to moderation is appropriate to many but not all kinds of overindulgence.

Moderation is the proper response when overindulgence often involves substances or experiences that are good in themselves. In itself, food is good; we need it to survive and it provides enjoyment. In themselves, a house and the things we put in it are good; they help us to live our lives in safety and satisfaction. In itself, entertainment is good; it gives us both relaxation and mental stimulation. What’s bad is when we use these good things to the point of excess. Defining what is “excess” is a challenging, personal struggle.

This perversion of the good for evil is a pattern that has long been understood. Eighteenth-century devotional writer William Law said,

Our souls may receive an infinite hurt, and be rendered incapable of all virtue, merely by the use of innocent and lawful things.…

What is more lawful than eating and drinking? And yet what more destructive of all virtue, what more fruitful of all vice, than sensuality and indulgence?…

Now it is for want of religious exactness in the use of these innocent and lawful things, that religion cannot get possession of our hearts. And it is in the right and prudent management of ourselves, as to these things, that all the art of holy living chiefly consists.8

In other cases, however, overindulgence involves substances or experiences that are wrong, period. Shooting heroin, for example, is always illegal and always destructive. The response in a situation like this should be what we might call an extreme form of moderation: abstinence. Here, any indulgence is overindulgence.

Also, there are the gray areas. We can all agree that it is wrong to get drunk, since the Bible is so clear on that point, but should Christians drink only in moderation or should they not drink at all? Both the authors of this book have chosen not to drink at all, so as to avoid any risk associated with drunkenness or dependence on alcohol. We would advise anyone else who has had a problem with overindulgence to likewise avoid the risk of drunkenness by avoiding alcohol altogether. For the rest, we say again: moderation. Through prayer, you can seek God’s help to know whether moderation or abstinence is right for you in a given instance—and what “moderation” would mean in your case.

Truly, moderation is what God wants to see in our lives. As we overindulge in our favorite ways, God grieves because He knows we are not filling ourselves with what we really need, and that is more of Himself. We can never get too much of God.

Soul Prescription for Overindulgence

Are you struggling with some form of overindulgence? We have outlined a five-step process to help you repent and heal in this area of your life. Take all the time you need with each of the steps below.

Step 1: Adopt a Correct View of God

If you are overindulgent with yourself, it is important that you understand God better as the loving Father. He has promised you that He will always provide for your physical, emotional, and spiritual needs. You do not need to stuff yourself with whatever you can get your hands on.

• God is all-knowing. He designed you and knows what would make you the happiest.
  I know the plans I have for you,” says the LORD. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. —Jeremiah 29:11

• God is love. He will always give you only what is good for you.
  Whatever is good and perfect comes down to us from God our Father, who created all the lights in the heavens. —James 1:17

• God is faithful. He will always provide for your needs.
  The LORD will withhold no good thing from those who do what is right. —Psalm 84:11

Do not let a warped view of God justify your overindulgent lifestyle any longer. Undertake a search of Scripture for passages that depict God as your provider who satisfies you.

Step 2: Revise Your False Beliefs

God has called you to a life of holiness and moderate living. When you choose a different course for life, it proves that you really do not believe God will hold you accountable for your actions.

• Do you believe you have the right to party excessively?
  You have had enough in the past of the evil things that godless people enjoy—their immorality and lust, their feasting and drunkenness and wild parties, and their terrible worship of idols. —1 Peter 4:3

• Do you believe you have no choice in controlling your appetites?
  Therefore, dear brothers and sisters, you have no obligation to do what your sinful nature urges you to do.—Romans 8:12

• Do you believe you are not responsible for your sinful overindulgence?
  We are each responsible for our own conduct. —Galatians 6:5

Try as you may, you just cannot lay the responsibility for your excessive self-indulgence on the shoulders of anyone other than yourself. Learn from Scripture what is really true about self-indulgent behavior versus self-control.

Step 3: Repent of Your Sin

You must make the decision to turn away from your lifestyle of overindulgence and to disconnect your heart, mind, and spirit from that which enslaves you. Give your particular type of overindulgence a name (drunkenness, gluttony, or whatever else it may be).

Confess your sin to God and ask His forgiveness. If you wish, you can use the following prayer (inserting your own sin in the blank).

Father, I have sinned against you by _________. I know that this hurts You, and I am sorry for that. Please forgive me for the sake of Christ. Make me clean, Lord, removing from my heart the desires that have enslaved me. Fill me with the Holy Spirit, and through Him give me the strength to walk the path of righteousness one day at a time. In Jesus’ name, amen.

If you have harmed others with your sin, apologize to them. Seek reconciliation and offer restitution where appropriate.

Step 4: Defend against Spiritual Attacks

Now that you have repented and been set free from your sin, this freedom must be defended. You have to understand the tactics of your enemies and defend against them accordingly.

• The world tells you, “It’s your body and you can do what you want with it.” Overcome the world system by rejecting such a distorted value. Embrace the value God places on self-control and moderation over self-indulgence. Listen to Him and not to the world.

• Your flesh wants the gratifications of physical sensations. So when such desires arise, remember that your flesh is dead; you are now living by the Spirit. You do not have to do what your flesh wants.
  Those who live only to satisfy their own sinful nature will harvest decay and death from that sinful nature. But those who live to please the Spirit will harvest everlasting life from the Spirit. —Galatians 6:8

• Satan will encourage you to satisfy your desires for excessive self-indulgence. Hold up the “shield of faith” to stop the fiery arrows of the devil (Ephesians 6:16), showing you realize that ungodly self-indulgence does not offer lasting satisfaction.

 The temptation to overindulge oneself tends to be especially persistent in a person’s life. Plan on remaining vigilant toward your enemies’ attacks for the rest of your life. The battle is long, but in God’s power you can be victorious.

Step 5: Flee Temptation

Take proactive measures if you wish to remain free from the sin of overindulgence. By reducing temptation, you can improve the chances of your success.

• Focus on your relationship with God.
  Start every day with God. Give Him your attention and devotion instead of concentrating on the thing that once held you captive to your selfish desires. Consider fasting periodically as a reminder that “People do not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God.” —Mathew 4:4

• Latch on to God’s promises. 
  Find truths in Scripture that will encourage you in your resistance to the temptations of overindulgence. Memorize key verses for recall when you need them. Here is one verse we recommend:
  The Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self–control. There is no law against these things! —Galatians 5:22–23, emphasis added

• Establish safeguards. 
  What situations tend to encourage your excessive self-indulgence? Take decisive action to avoid those situations as much as possible. For example:
  • If you are irresponsible in your eating, plan reasonable menus a week at a time and buy only what you will need.
  • If you get drunk, remove all the alcohol from your house, ask your friends not to serve alcohol when you are around, and never go to an eating establishment that serves liquor.
  • If you watch too much TV, get rid of your television set or put a timer on it.
  • Ask a trusted Christian friend to hold you accountable in your commitment to not overindulge.

• Expect victory. 
  You have the Spirit of God living in you and imparting to you everything you need to win this fight. Yield to Him daily in anticipation of total deliverance from your sin habit. When you do this, He will replace your self-indulgent desires with moderation and self-control.

Visit www.SoulPrescription.com for more insights and resources, and to download a free leader’s guide for small group Bible studies.

In his autobiography, Just As I Am, Billy Graham told the story of meeting two men on a Caribbean island he was visiting with his wife, Ruth. 

One of the wealthiest men in the world asked us to come to his lavish home for lunch. He was seventy-five years old, and throughout the entire meal he seemed close to tears. 

“I am the most miserable man in the world,” he said. “Out there is my yacht. I can go anywhere I want to. 

I have my private plane, my helicopters. I have everything I want to make me happy. And yet I’m miserable as hell.”

We talked with him and had prayer with him, trying to point him to Christ, who alone gives lasting meaning to life.

Then we went down the hill to a small cottage where we were staying. That afternoon the pastor of the local Baptist church came to call. He was an Englishman, and he too was seventy-five. A widower, he spent most of his free time taking care of his two invalid sisters. He reminded me of a cricket—always jumping up and down, full of enthusiasm and love for Christ and for others.

“I don’t have two pounds to my name,” he said with a smile, “but I’m the happiest man on this island.”1

One man rich and miserable, the other poor and joy-filled. Worldly values would tell us that the two men ought to have swapped attitudes. So what is the truth of the matter? Why are some people chronically dissatisfied, while others are content with the way things are? There must be something fundamentally flawed in the soul of one who is always dissatisfied. It must be a sin issue.

Having said that, we hasten to add that not all dissatisfaction is sinful. For instance, there is nothing wrong with dissatisfaction at sin and injustice. We should be dissatisfied with these wrongs and strive to correct them. (Your reading this book presumably reflects a godly dissatisfaction with habitual sin in your life.)

There is also nothing wrong with a dissatisfaction that exists because so much still remains to be done to build Christ’s kingdom. If God has given you a vision for what He wants you to accomplish for Him, you certainly may let your dissatisfaction with your partial progress impel you to greater work in the future. Ambition and contentment are not necessarily opposed to one another.

The kind of dissatisfaction we are concerned with here is the kind that says, “I want more money, more stuff, more fun, more comfort in life—and I deserve it. I’d better take over the responsibility for myself; God isn’t doing a good enough job.”

But dissatisfaction is not only a slap in the face of God; it is also a way we rob ourselves of the joy we might have day by day, because we obsess about what we might have in the future instead of enjoying what we do have in the present. And as we become restless, resentful, and bitter, other people naturally prefer not to be around us.

Contentment ought to be the birthright (or rather, the new-birth right) of all Christians. But not all enjoy contentment. What about you? Are you dissatisfied? Do you have a problem with envy or greed? Is your attitude marked by complaining and ingratitude? Are you prepared to steal and grab to get what you want?

Read on. From personal experience, we (Bill and Henry) know how strong the pull of greed or discontentment can be. But we also believe that the following scriptural truths will convict you of dissatisfaction. The soul prescription will help you root contentment in your soul like a vigorous new plant.

The Grass on the Other Side of the Fence

One day years ago, I (Henry) was riding a horse across a ranch in Texas. The ranch property stretched over the horizon, with the only intrusion being the highway that ran through its middle. Now, you would think that the cattle on such a vast ranch would have all the grass they want, wouldn’t you? But what did I see? I observed a cow stretching its neck through the barbed-wire fence to nibble grass on the highway’s right-of-way.

Isn’t that like us? We have so much, but we want more. If somebody else has got it and we do not, we want it. Even if we do not need it, and even if God has offered no indication that He wants to give it to us, we think it has got to be ours.

This attitude goes by the name of envy or jealousy or covetousness. (For our purposes, we’ll use the words interchangeably.) Whatever you call this attitude, it is an improper craving for something another person possesses to such an extent that you cannot be happy unless you have it. It is a sinful desire for things that belong to your neighbor.

God condemned this attitude in the Ten Commandments, saying, “You must not covet your neighbor’s house. You must not covet your neighbor’s wife, male or female servant, ox or donkey, or anything else that belongs to your neighbor”(Exodus 20:17).2 As the commandment suggests, the object of covetousness might be almost anything.

Most obviously, the object of coveting might be a material possession. In the Bible, for example, we read how King Ahab coveted Naboth’s vineyard. (See 1 Kings 21.) We might want the new car our neighbor purchased or the big house our friend just acquired.

Also, we might be jealous over a person, perhaps someone else’s attractive spouse. That was what happened when David spied Uriah’s wife, Bathsheba, bathing in her yard. (See 2 Samuel 11:2–4.) Many a person today is similarly consumed with desire for another person’s wife or husband.

We might also be envious of a personal quality or advantage that another person possesses. Jacob envied Esau’s blessing and birthright as the older brother. (See Genesis 25:27). We might wish we had another person’s good looks or social ease or singing ability.

It is not always wrong to want a possession, person, or quality. There is nothing necessarily blameworthy about wanting to have a new car or to be married or to be able to sing well. It is when we desire someone else’s car or spouse or voice that we go wrong with envy. It is then that we sin and violate the tenth commandment.

Envy can become a habit as we brood over what we want. Our obsessive and misplaced desire can easily be compounded by other sins as we seek to get that which we lack from others. King Ahab murdered Naboth. David had an affair with Bathsheba. Jacob conned Esau out of his rightful blessing and birthright. All of these situations was the outworking of envy.

The message for us is simple: “Don’t participate in…jealousy” (Romans 13:13).

Meanwhile, another form of dissatisfaction—greed—is just as bad for the Christian.

Unappeasable Appetite for Wealth

Early media mogul William Randolph Hearst invested a fortune in collecting art treasures from around the world. One day Hearst read the description of a valuable art item, which he then sent his agent abroad to locate. After months of searching, the agent reported that he had finally found the treasure. To the surprise of Hearst, the priceless masterpiece was stored in a warehouse belonging to none other than William Randolph Hearst.

Hearst had so much that he did not even know what he had. But that did not stop him from wanting more. Greed had set him to running in a circle. It is like a hunger that is never satisfied but only becomes more voracious as it is fed.

Greed is the inordinate love of money and what money can buy. It is a form of dissatisfaction with one’s financial position that results in striving selfishly for more money rather than seeking after God. Thus, money may displace the Lord at the height of our affections.

“You can be sure that no…greedy person will inherit the Kingdom of Christ and of God,” warned the apostle Paul. “For a greedy person is an idolater, worshiping the things of this world” (Ephesians 5:5).

Jesus likewise said, “No one can serve two masters. For you will hate one and love the other; you will be devoted to one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money” (Matthew 6:24). Notice that Jesus did not say we should not serve two masters but that we cannot. It is impossible to combine ultimate obedience to God with ultimate obedience to any other person or thing, including wealth.

The Bible is consistent in condemning greed. We are warned, “Beware! Guard against every kind of greed. Life is not measured by how much you own” (Luke 12:15). And we are told, “Don’t love money; be satisfied with what you have” (Hebrews 13:5). Nevertheless, greed is so widespread in our time that we might wonder if we live in the last days when “people will love only themselves and their money” (2 Timothy 3:2).

Greed, incidentally, is a temptation that affects rich and poor alike. Those of us with modest means cannot assume that greed is a failing that belongs only to the William Randolph Hearsts of the world. What matters is not how much you have but how badly you want more and what you are willing to do to get it.

It is possible to make a distinction between an acceptable desire for money and a sinful desire. Ask yourself these questions to test whether your desire for wealth is acceptable to God.

What is your motive for wanting more money? Is it because you are having trouble meeting the basic needs and wants that you and your family have? Is it because you want to give more generously to the work of God? These are good reasons for wanting more money.

What is your plan for acquiring more money? While working to acquire greater wealth, will you trust God to meet your needs and never forget that He is what you need most of all? Will you honor Him by pursuing financial gain in a just and ethical way, remembering to be generous to others along the way?

If your desire for money meets the requirements, work as hard at it as you like! If you fail the tests, on the other hand, you should be concerned about the kinds of wickedness you are being drawn into. A selfish desire for money that we do not really need is a soul crippler.

Paul made the same point, by observing, “True religion with contentment is great wealth.”

Yet true godliness with contentment is itself great wealth. After all, we brought nothing with us when we came into the world, and we can’t take anything with us when we leave it. So if we have enough food and clothing, let us be content. But people who long to be rich fall into temptation and are trapped by many foolish and harmful desires that plunge them into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is the root of all kinds of evil. And some people, craving money, have wandered from the true faith and pierced themselves with many sorrows. —1 Timothy 6:6–10

Judas Iscariot’s story bears out Paul’s words in 1 Timothy. This man “was a thief, and since he was in charge of the disciples money, he often stole some for himself” (John 12:6). In the end he went to the religious leaders and asked, “How much will you pay me to betray Jesus to you?” (Matthew 26:15). They offered him thirty pieces of silver and he took it.

Once Jesus was arrested, Judas was overcome by remorse. He threw the blood money back, but it was too late. He killed himself, and the thirty pieces of silver were used to buy a cemetery where perhaps Judas himself was buried. (See Matthew 27:3–10.) Thus greed ended up where it naturally will (unless repentance intervenes first): in death.

But before greed comes to an end, it contributes to all kinds of evil effects. One of these may be thievery.

Hands That Take Instead of Work

When greed and envy mate, they often produce the ugly offspring of stealing. This is the sin of taking money or possessions belonging to another. The Bible affirms the right to property, and so seizing what belongs to another rates God’s condemnation. “You must not steal” (Exodus 20:15).3

To see the true extent of this sin, we need to define “stealing” widely enough. Failing to pay bills or taxes that we owe is stealing. Doing less work than we are being paid for is stealing. Using copyrighted material without the permission of the owner is stealing.

With such a definition, we can see that stealing is not so rare a problem as we might otherwise have thought. In fact, many people are willing to steal if they think they can get away with it. How quickly will normal law-abiding citizens resort to looting when the power goes out? How many “good” people download software or music files that belong to another?

The rule is this: if it is not yours, leave it alone. Never steal!

Paul was aware that stealing was a problem in the early church. He told new believers, “If you are a thief, quit stealing. Instead, use your hands for good hard work, and then give generously to others in need” (Ephesians 4:28). The same word applies to you if you steal. You may be pleasantly surprised by the changes it brings to your life.

Many years ago, a businessman approached me (Bill) and shared his desire to experience the blessing of the Spirit-filled life. But he said that every time he got down on his knees to pray to be filled with the Holy Spirit, he was convicted about what he had stolen from his employer.

I told him to confess his sin to God, then go to his employer and make restitution. He was terribly concerned that his employer would fire him, but he agreed to go.

When the man shared his dishonesty with his employer, he was shocked by his boss’s response. His boss actually congratulated him for his honesty. Then the employer offered a plan that would take a small amount of what the man had stolen out of his paycheck each week until all had been repaid.

The result was that, not only did the formerly dishonest man learn a valuable lesson, but also two days later he was by faith filled with the Holy Spirit!

Trust God. Respect others’ property. Do the right thing and stop stealing.

Also learn to stop complaining about what you do not have. We see the prevalence of such ingratitude in a story from the life of Jesus.

The Attitude of Ingratitude

In ancient Israel the destiny of persons with infectious skin diseases was a hard one. They were required to quarantine themselves from the rest of society, leading to loneliness and a struggle for survival. But those shunned by others received the loving attention of our Lord.

As Jesus continued on toward Jerusalem, he reached the border between Galilee and Samaria. As he entered a village there, ten lepers stood at a distance, crying out, “Jesus, Master, have mercy on us!”

He looked at them and said, “Go show yourselves to the priests.” And as they went, they were cleansed of their leprosy.

One of them, when he saw that he was healed, came back to Jesus, shouting, “Praise God!” He fell to the ground at Jesus’ feet, thanking him for what he had done. This man was a Samaritan.

Jesus asked, “Didn’t I heal ten men? Where are the other nine? Has no one returned to give glory to God except this foreigner?” —Luke 17:11–18

Who are you more like: the grateful one or the ungrateful nine? If you have a problem with dissatisfaction, it is a safe bet that you are not as thankful to God as you should be, for a grateful attitude drives out dissatisfaction.

The ungrateful become complainers as soon as they put their regrets into words. To God and to others, they retail what is missing from their wish list for life. This is an insult to God—and it probably does not make them popular with their friends either. The Scriptures tell us, “Do everything without complaining and arguing” (Philippians 2:14). Instead of complaining, we should be praising God.

Paul declared, “All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly realms because we are united with Christ!” (Ephesians 1:3). If God gave us nothing but salvation through faith in His Son, along with salvation’s spiritual blessings, that ought to be enough to silence our complaining tongues forever. But He gives us much more.

Stop for a minute and think about what you do have. You would like to have more money—but how much money do you have? There are some things you would like to own—but what do you own? Perhaps your physical health is limited—but what can you do? How are you blessed with abilities that enable you to create beauty, with friends who bring richness to life, or with good memories that warm your heart in moments of solitude?

Whatever is good and perfect comes down to us from God our Father. —James 1:17

A Bible secret to banishing dissatisfaction is thanking our gift-giving God. “Pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all He has done” (Philippians 4:6). “Give thanks for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ” (Ephesians 5:20). The Bible even says, “Believers who are poor have something to boast about, for God has honored them” (James 1:9).

Gratitude is like a lens that helps us refocus our attention from our perceived lacks (which might not be good for us anyway) to our actual blessings from God. In this way, gratitude leads us to contentment and brings healing to our soul.

All is Well

The task of one with a dissatisfaction habit is not only to eliminate the sin of dissatisfaction from his or her life but also to cultivate the virtue of contentment. Contentment is a special benefit available to all followers of Jesus Christ. It is not something we can work up on our own. Rather, it is something we can receive as a gift while we cooperate with the Holy Spirit’s work in our lives.

In The Art of Divine Contentment, Puritan Thomas Watson offered one of the best definitions of contentment: “It is a sweet temper of spirit, whereby a Christian carries himself in an equal poise in every condition.” In other words, it is a kind of satisfaction that depends only on the presence of God in our lives, not on whether we are presently up or down in the changing mix of life’s circumstances.

Contentment is not consistent with unrighteous desires, for unrighteous desires will always trouble our spirit. However, being content does not necessarily mean we give up wanting things that are legitimately good. Thomas Watson observed of Hannah in the Old Testament, “Hannah’s spirit was burdened; ‘I am,’ says she, ‘a woman of sorrowful spirit.’ Now having prayed, and wept, she went away, and was no more sad; only here is the difference between a holy complaint and a discontented complaint; in the one we complain to God, in the other we complain of God.”4 We can pray to God for what we do not have even while we thank Him for what we do have.

The apostle Paul had discovered how to live with an equal poise in every condition.

I have learned how to be content with whatever I have. I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. —Philippians 4:11–13

When Christ fills your heart and mind, you can be at peace and content with the things, people, and circumstances our sovereign God has placed in your life. The only thing that truly satisfies is knowing Jesus Christ. Striving, coveting, and spending our time wanting what is not available to us can leave us broken and bitter.

God is orchestrating life’s circumstances leading us toward the fulfillment of His plans for our individual lives and for history as a whole. Contentment is a result of trusting the fact that God knows perfectly what is best to give us and when. It is saying yes to His blessings upon us. They are enough; we need no more.

Someday God will share with us all the wealth of heaven. Our lifestyle then will be far greater than even that experienced by the rich man in the Caribbean whom Ruth and Billy Graham visited, with none of the emptiness in his soul. And in the meantime, each of us who knows the Lord can enjoy the “endless treasures available to them in Christ” (Ephesians 3:8).

Soul Prescription for Dissatisfaction

Are you struggling with some type of dissatisfaction, such as envy, complaining, or greed? We have outlined a five-step process to help you repent and heal in this area of your life. Take all the time you need with each of the steps below.

Step 1: Adopt a Correct View of God

Flaws in your view of God can easily produce dissatisfaction in your life. For example, you may have made the mistake of looking to God as your own personal genie who should grant your every wish. On the other hand, you may see Him as some miserly old hermit who would not give a bone to a dog. Either viewpoint would greatly affect your ability to be content and satisfied.

• God is sovereign, and He is in control of your life.
  With my great strength and powerful arm I made the earth and all its people and every animal. I can give these things of Mine to anyone I choose. —Jeremiah 27:5

• God is faithful. He will always do what is best for us.
  So the LORD must wait for you to come to Him so He can show you His love and compassion. For the LORD is a faithful God. Blessed are those who wait for His help.—Isaiah 30:18

Through searching the Scriptures, learn more about God as Sovereign Lord. As you do so, consider how flaws in your view of God might be at the root of your problem of dissatisfaction. Ask God to help you understand Him as He really is.

Step 2: Revise Your False Beliefs

The belief that we deserve everything we want and more does not line up with God’s Holy Word. The belief that happiness comes with possessions or position is in direct opposition to God’s truth. Such examples of false beliefs about people and life can fuel dissatisfaction. Ask yourself the following questions:

• Do you believe you would be happy if you had more money?
  Don’t love money; be satisfied with what you have. For God has said, “I will never fail you. I will never abandon you.”

• Do you believe you would be happy if you looked different?
  Don’t be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God. —1 Peter 3:3–4

• Do you believe you would be happy if you had a better job?
  Each of you should continue to live in whatever situation the Lord has placed you, and remain as you were when God first called you. —1 Corinthians 7:17

These questions reveal false beliefs that breed discontentment. Other such false beliefs are possible. Spend time searching the Word for its perspective on contentment. Ask the Holy Spirit to show you where your thinking has fallen off track and then to accept the truth.

Step 3: Repent of Your Sin

Are you ready to turn away from dissatisfaction? Begin by specifically identifying the way you tend to be dissatisfied (envy, ingratitude, or whatever). Next, pray a prayer of confession to God. If you wish, you may use the one below, inserting the name of your sin of dissatisfaction in the blank.

God, I know that everything I have is a gift from You. Yet I have been dissatisfied through __________. I realize that my discontentment is born from a selfish and sinful heart, and I am truly sorry for my attitude. Please forgive me and wash all the discontentment out of my heart. Make me able to put __________ behind me for good and learn to be content. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen .

If you have harmed others with your sin, apologize to them. Seek reconciliation and offer restitution where appropriate.

Step 4: Defend against Spiritual Attacks

Remember, you must always be on your guard against attack from the three enemies of your soul: the world, the flesh, and the Devil. They will conspire to draw you back to your old habits of dissatisfaction.

• The world’s value system perpetuates dissatisfaction as it preaches, “Always want more and better.” Expose yourself to God’s truth to the point that you have fully understood that a life of contentment is the best way to live.
• Your flesh, or sinful nature, will continue to crave its old objects of desire, whether it is more money, possessions, or people. Tell yourself every day, “My flesh is dead. I live by the Spirit now.” Rely on the Holy Spirit for help in every temptation.
• Satan uses our neighbor’s standard of living to breed discontent in our hearts. Put on “salvation as your helmet” (Ephesians 6:17) for protection from poisonous thoughts of envy.

Keep on the lookout for any temptation that would draw you back into your old ways of dissatisfaction. Seek God’s strength to defend against spiritual attacks. His strength is sufficient.

Step 5: Flee Temptation

We are told in James 1:14 that the source of temptation lies in “our own desires.” The desire for more, or for something different and new, is a catalyst for dissatisfaction. This desire must be kept under control over the long term by taking certain precautions.

• Focus on your relationship with God. 
  Do not be satisfied with a brief quiet time in the morning and a trip to church once a week. Develop a devotional life  that spreads into your whole existence. As you keep your thoughts on God and His kingdom, instead of the things of this world, you will be less susceptible to temptations of dissatisfaction.

• Latch on to God’s promises.  Find verses in the Bible that are meaningful to you in your battle against dissatisfaction. Memorize these verses and recall them whenever temptation strikes. Here are two verses for your consideration:
  If God cares so wonderfully for wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, He will certainly care for you.—Matthew 6:30
  The LORD will withhold no good thing from those who do what is right.—Psalm 84:11

• Establish safeguards. 
  Make changes in your life that will keep you away from the most common temptations that have produced dissatisfaction for you. Be creative, and come up with as many changes as will help you. Then, don’t forget to implement them!  Consider these examples to spark your own ideas:

• If you find yourself envying something another person possesses, immediately thank God for one blessing He has given you.
• If you tend to be greedy, volunteer at a homeless shelter or some other ministry to the poor that will help you see how comfortable you really are.
• Ask a trusted Christian friend to hold you accountable in your commitment to not be so dissatisfied.

• Expect victory. 
Remember that success in defeating the habitual sin of dissatisfaction can be found in the power and presence of the Holy Spirit. He is always working in you to make you more like Jesus, which includes being content. Yield to Him daily in anticipation of deliverance from the crippling habit of dissatisfaction.

Visit www.SoulPrescription.com for more insights and resources, and to download a free leader’s guide for small group Bible studies.

Lust is the ape that gibbers in our loins,” declares the character Godric in a novel by Frederick Buechner. “Tame him as we will by day, he rages all the wilder in our dreams by night. Just when we think we are safe from him, he raises up his ugly head and smirks, and there’s no river in the world flows cold and strong enough to strike him down.” 

Godric concludes by crying out to heaven, “Almighty God, why dost thou deck men out with such a loathsome toy?”1 

Many of us might nod along with Godric, having felt inside ourselves a lustfulness that would push us toward sexual immorality. But let us be clear about one thing from the start: it is lust, not sex itself, that is the “loathsome toy” and the “gibbering ape.” Lust is unbridled sexual desire that is directed in the wrong way.

Sex per se is not loathsome at all. In fact, when properly expressed (that is, between a man and woman who are married to each other), sex is a great thing—one of God’s best blessings to us. Sex without sin is a beautiful act of union, becoming “one flesh.” (See Genesis 2:24–25 kjv). An entire book of the Bible, Song of Solomon, uses sexual imagery in a positive way. Only when this good gift of sex is perverted into an evil through lustful desires do we see the multiple expressions of immorality that mar our world.

Here are a few examples of perversion:

• The college student who “hooks up” with strangers at dorm parties.
• The homemaker who costars with a neighbor in her own romantic fantasies.
• The wayward husband who knows the numbers to call-girl services in every city where he travels on business.
• The girl who loves the attention she gets by dressing seductively.
• The man who logs on to immoral websites when his wife and kids have gone to bed.
• The woman who lets herself be led to the bed of another woman whom she once considered just a friend.
• The step-father who darkens the doorway of his step-daughter at night.

These are only a few of the types of sexual immorality that sadden the heart of God.

Counselors sometimes categorize sexual sins as “victimless” sins and “victimizing” sins.2 Examples of “victimless” sins include calling a phone sex line, viewing pornography, and going to a strip show. Of course, these are not truly victimless activities. For example, someone who buys pornography helps to fund the porn industry, which goes on to ensnare other people with its immoral product. But other than indirectly, these activities involve no one who is participating unwillingly. In that sense, they are “victimless.”

Victimizing sexual sins are more dangerous, even criminal. These include such actions as exposing oneself in public, molesting a child, and touching another person in a sexual way without his or her consent. If you or someone you know is involved in any of these kinds of victimizing sexual behaviors, more than just repentance is needed. Immediate intervention may be required to prevent someone from being seriously harmed. If you are connected with a situation like this, seek legal or professional help.

Whether the sexual immorality is “victimless” or “victimizing,” it is a violation of God’s will for human beings. And since sex is such a powerful “toy” (to use Godric’s term), a pattern of sin can quickly set in. Some may call this a “sex addiction,” but we prefer to call it a sexual sin habit needing healing.

Recently I (Henry) was asked by a Christian couple to counsel their twenty-year-old son, who has started sleeping with his girlfriend. When I asked the young man about it, he said he knew his behavior was wrong but he had no desire to quit because he was having the most fun of his life. This is a person who has discovered the power of sex. This young man was caught in a sin habit but had no desire to break from the sin.

Sin habits must be broken. Time and again, Scripture warns us against misusing the gift of sex.

Don’t participate in…sexual promiscuity and immoral living. —Romans 13:13

Have nothing to do with sexual immorality, impurity, lust, and evil desires. —Colossians 3:5

You have had enough in the past of the evil things that godless people enjoy—their immorality and lust. —1 Peter 4:3

In another passage, the apostle Paul laid out the rationale for sexual purity among Christians. Since we are spiritually united with anyone other than our spouse.

But you can’t say that our bodies were made for sexual immorality. They were made for the Lord, and the Lord cares about our bodies….

Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body. Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body. —1 Corinthians 6:13, 18–20

We recognize that the causes for sexual immorality may be complicated. Childhood sexual abuse, for example, often predisposes its victims to making poor choices about their sexuality in later life. One’s other sins, such as self-indulgence or deceit, may be related to improper sexual behavior. But regardless of these other factors, sin is still sin.

Let’s look at some of the major types of sexual immorality. Do you have a problem with any of these?

Sex Without Marriage

The older term for sex by unmarried persons is fornication. Today we are more likely to call it premarital sex. Either way, it is wrong in God’s book. A young person (or an older one for that matter!) who is unmarried and tempted to have sex would do well to take to heart Solomon’s speech to a young man about the temptation and costs of casual sex, recorded in Proverbs 6:24—7:27.

On the one hand, we are sympathetic to single people who are tempted to engage in premarital sex or who have already given in to that temptation. The sex drive is strong for most people, and without the acceptable outlet of marriage, people may be left with powerful feelings of sexual desire that they do not know how to  manage. They consequently may allow their physical longings to override their moral standards and better judgment.

We are also aware that once a single person begins sleeping with a boyfriend or girlfriend, it is hard to quit. The powerful binding effect of physical intimacy makes it hard to break away from the sin habit of premarital sex. (Of course, the binding effect is also what causes much of the heartache that attends sex before marriage.) Desires for affection and security can lead to and reinforce premarital sexual behavior.

Because of the temptations facing single people today, an option that many (even some who profess Christ) would promote is a couple’s cohabiting before marriage. This arrangement seems more acceptable than casual sex because it involves a “committed,” quasi-married status. And so the practice of “living together” has become almost too commonplace for comment. Currently there are around 5 million unmarried couples living together in America. At least half of all marriages involve couples who lived together before the ceremony.

But is a “trial marriage” good for the real marriage that follows? It seems not. Scott Stanley, co-director of the Center for Marital and Family Studies at the University of Denver, has found that “men who cohabit with the women they eventually marry are less committed to the union than men who never lived with their spouses ahead of time.”3 Not surprisingly, the divorce rate for those who cohabit and then marry is as much as 50 percent higher than for those who marry without living together first.4

In addition to increasing the risk of future divorce, premarital sex carries with it many other costs, including the danger of contracting a sexually transmitted disease, worry about creating an unwanted pregnancy, and the loss of the ability to give a future marriage partner the precious gift of one’s virginity. It all adds up to a hefty price tag! But even if there were no practical drawbacks to premarital sex, it would still be wrong. Let’s be frank here. Regardless of our sympathy for those tempted to engage in sex before marriage, we must agree with God in calling such behavior sin.

Many have remained chaste before marriage—or even for an entire lifetime. So regardless of how many times you hear that you “can’t help” having sex, it is possible. No matter how powerful the desire to start or continue having sex before marriage may be, God is more powerful still.

A. C. Green is a former NBA player with the Los Angeles Lakers, as well as other NBA teams. He still holds the “Iron Man” of basketball record for most consecutive games played. Both during and after his basketball career, Green has been an outspoken advocate—especially to youth—of sexual abstinence and about putting an end to premarital sex once it has started. He was married in 2002, but prior to his marriage, he had this to say about sexual purity:

God is the God of the second chance. I am a virgin by choice, and I hold that decision with honor and respect. But if you can’t make that same claim, then God can help you reclaim the virtue of purity. He can enable you to regain self-control and self-respect and that desire to be a strong Christian.5

Regardless of your past sexual history, with God’s help you can begin today to choose to remain pure. Every day you wake up alone will be a victory for you and a delight to God.

Violation of the Marriage Bed

While fornication is sex between two unmarried persons, adultery is sex between two people who are not married to each other and when at least one of them is married to someone else. This violation of sex is called infidelity and extramarital sex.

One of God’s top-ten commandments is “You must not commit adultery” (Exodus 20:14).6 The author of the letter to the Hebrews offered one of several New Testament repetitions of the original ban on adultery when he wrote, “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral” (Hebrews 13:4 niv).

Few people begin a marriage imagining they will ever cheat on their spouse. But time passes and temptations arise. Eventually a spouse finds himself or herself choosing to do what had previously seemed unimaginable.

For some adulterers, an affair can seem to restore the emotional intensity he or she has not felt since courtship before marriage. The intensity of the adultery serves to prolong the guilty relationship. Perhaps the adulterer likes the thrill of the chase. Serial conquests make him or her feel proud. Whatever the motivation, a pattern of destructive feelings, thoughts, and actions has developed.

Intimate relationships with the wrong people is not the only cause of adultery. In Matthew 19:9 the word usually translated “adultery” is porneia. It is a general term referring to any kind of sexual trespass. Therefore, such solitary behaviors as entertaining sexual fantasies and viewing pornography might qualify as adultery of a sort.

People caught in the habit of sexual sin keep on violating their marriage vows. They even think they will get away with it. Never! Adultery has subtle—and often not so subtle—destructive effects in this life. Certainly in the next life adultery will come under divine judgment.

Can a man scoop a flame into his lap and not have his clothes catch on fire? Can he walk on hot coals and not blister his feet? So it is with the man who sleeps with another man’s wife. He who embraces her will not go unpunished….

But the man who commits adultery is an utter fool, for he destroys himself. He will be wounded and disgraced. His shame will never be erased. —Proverbs 6:27–29, 32–33

For many unfaithful spouses, the attraction of adultery lies in its forbiddenness. This is nothing new. Solomon described a representative woman named Folly who called out to men, “Come home with me. Stolen water is refreshing; food eaten in secret tastes the best!”

Solomon had an answer for that kind of seduction.

Drink water from your own well— share your love only with your wife. Why spill the water of your springs in the streets, having sex with just anyone? You should reserve it for yourselves. Never share it with strangers.

Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you. Rejoice in the wife of your youth. She is a loving deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts satisfy you always. May you always be captivated by her love. Why be captivated, my son, by an immoral woman, or fondle the breasts of a promiscuous woman? —Proverbs 5:15–20

Adultery is often the last step in a series of sins that take place within a marriage. Disappointment or conflict in a marriage is never a justifiable cause for adultery. If you feel you do not love your spouse anymore and do love someone else, the answer is not to get involved with that other person; the answer is to yield to the love of God through repentance and obedience. Repentance will change your thoughts and actions so that you can love your spouse and reject all others who would come between you.

Same-Sex Sex

Few special-interest groups in our society are as vocal and aggressive as the gay rights movement. If members of this movement get their way, they will have all of us believing that sex between persons of the same gender is as right as sex between a husband and a wife. But is it?

The Old Testament law plainly states, “Do not practice homosexuality, having sex with another man as with a woman. It is a detestable sin” (Leviticus 18:22). Male prostitution was a part of pagan worship in the Old Testament, so it had a doubly wicked appeal for some Israelite men. Sentencing guidelines for persons convicted of a homosexual act in ancient Israel decreed it to be a capital offense (Leviticus 20:13).

In New Testament times, the apostle Paul included gay and lesbian acts in his analysis of how the human race has gone astray.

God abandoned them to their shameful desires. Even the women turned against the natural way to have sex and instead indulged in sex with each other. And the men, instead of having normal sexual relations with women, burned with lust for each other. Men did shameful things with other men, and as a result of this sin, they suffered within themselves the penalty they deserved. —Romans 1:26–27

Paul also included male prostitutes and homosexuals in his list of sinners who will not “inherit the Kingdom of God” (1 Corinthians. 6:9–10)—unless, of course, they repent.

It is important to realize that people make the choice to engage in homosexual acts. Some have touted genetic findings as proof that people are “born gay.” But the truth is that if there is a genetic component to some people’s homosexuality (and this is by no means finally settled), it at most opens the door to that behavior; it certainly does not determine that behavior. The decision to indulge in homosexual activity is a choice, and a sinful one.

It is also important to realize that people who have engaged in gay sex in the past can change. They do not have to believe the “once gay, always gay” propaganda of some gay and lesbian leaders.

 In 1973, prominent psychiatrist Dr. Robert Spitzer led the movement to remove homosexuality from the American Psychiatric Association’s manual of disorders. But a quarter century later he encountered some ex-gay protestors, and though he was skeptical, he decided to investigate the possibility of a person’s changing from a homosexual orientation to a heterosexual one.

Spitzer’s study results showed some remarkable results. He interviewed 200 subjects (143 men and 57 women) who claimed to have left homosexuality behind. “To Spitzer’s surprise, good heterosexual functioning was reportedly achieved by 67 percent of the men who had rarely or never felt any opposite-sex attraction before the change process. Nearly all the subjects said they now feel more masculine (in the case of men) or more feminine (women).”7

We are not saying that breaking a homosexual sin habit is easy. But whether you have indulged in homosexual activity a little or a lot, or if you have just wanted to, God is more than able to help you escape the temptations you face. He loves gay people just the way He loves all sinners (that includes every one of us), and He can help you to have a chaste life as a single person or a satisfying marriage with a person of the opposite sex.

Immodesty: The Sex Appeal

Supermodel Kim Alexis appeared on over five hundred magazine covers, including those of Vogue and the Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition. Then in 1990 Alexis committed her life to Jesus Christ. This new spiritual relationship changed her perspective about the industry in which she participated.

In her 1998 book, A Model for a Better Future, Alexis says, “The worst part of this business is that you are constantly asked to compromise your moral standards. There are pictures I look back on today and think, Oh, why did I let them talk me into that? I made some choices I’m not proud of.”

Based on her own experience, Alexis has advice for others. She says, “Many women are playing with fire in the way they dress. Dressing like a floozy tells the world, ‘Look at me, want me, lust after me. I’m easy and you can have me.’ Displaying intimate parts of the body is a form of advertising for sex—so if you dress to attract sexual attention, you can hardly blame anyone else if that kind of attention comes your way.”

On the other hand, “Dressing modestly tells the world, ‘I respect myself and I insist on being treated with respect.’” Alexis adds, “It’s possible to be stylish and attractive without wearing something that is too short, low-cut, or see-through.”8

Of course, modesty is not all about covering up with clothes. Wendy Shalit is a young woman who got interested in the subject of modesty when she was forced to use coed bathrooms in her college dorm. She later wrote,

Many of the problems we hear about today—sexual harassment, date rape, young women who suffer from eating disorders and report feeling a lack of control over their bodies—are all connected, I believe, to our culture’s attack on modesty. Listen, first, to the words we use to describe intimacy: what once was called “making love,” and then “having sex,” is now “hooking up”—like airplanes refueling in flight. In this context I was interested to learn, while researching for my book, that the early feminists actually praised modesty as ennobling to society.… Simone de Beauvoir…warned in her book, The Second Sex, that if society trivializes modesty, violence against women would result. And she was right. Since the 1960s, when our cultural arbiters deemed this age-old virtue a “hang-up,” men have grown to expect women to be casual about sex, and women for their part don’t feel they have the right to say “no.” This has brought us all more misery than joy.9

What Wendy Shalit, Kim Alexis, and other men and women have rediscovered is nothing more than a principle taught long ago in the New Testament. The apostle Paul wrote,

I want women to be modest in their appearance. They should wear decent and appropriate clothing and not draw attention to themselves by the way they fix their hair or by wearing gold or pearls or expensive clothes. For women who claim to be devoted to God should make themselves attractive by the good things they do. —1 Timothy 2:9–1010

Let’s be clear about a couple of things. First, a woman’s immodesty in dress or behavior does not justify men in lusting after her or—certainly—in committing acts of sexual violence against her. Second, men can be just as guilty of immodesty as women. 

But regardless of who is behaving immodestly and why, that person is guilty of degrading himself or herself while tempting others to sin. As Paul said, let us make ourselves attractive through goodness, not sex appeal.

Sexual Sins of Mind and Eye

Not all sex involves two bodies coming together; sometimes the sin occurs with just the eye or the mind. For women, the problem is often one of sexual fantasy. They may read love stories or watch romantic movies and imagine themselves to be acting out the illicit situations that are portrayed. For men (who tend to be more visually stimulated), the problem more likely is ogling. An attractive woman passes by, and they do not merely notice and then glance away but keep on staring after her.

The Bible is realistic about the problems of ogling and sexual fantasy. And it does not downplay their seriousness, as we might do. Jesus said,

You have heard the commandment that says, ‘You must not commit adultery.’ But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart. So if your eye—even your good eye—causes you to lust, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. —Matthew 5:27–29

Jesus was using hyperbole, or exaggeration for effect. But His points are clear: intent is morally equivalent to action, and lustful looks require a radical response.

In a sermon, Minnesota pastor John Piper emphasized the importance of reacting quickly and aggressively when we have an immoral thought.

We must not give a sexual image or impulse more than five seconds before we mount a violent counterattack with the mind. I mean that! Five seconds. In the first two seconds we shout, “NO! Get out of my head!” In the next two seconds we cry out: “O God, in the name of Jesus, help me. Save me now. I am Yours.”

Good beginning. But then the real battle begins. This is a mind war. The absolute necessity is to get the image and the impulse out of our mind. How? Get a counter-image into the mind. Fight. Push. Strike. Don’t ease up. It must be an image that is so powerful that the other image cannot survive.

Piper suggested using an image of Christ dying on the cross as one’s “counter-image.”11

Another effective response might be to imitate Job, who said, “I made a covenant with my eyes not to look with lust at a young woman” (Job 31:1). No matter how deeply ingrained the habit has become, one who ogles can make a “covenant with his eyes,” or establish a new commitment not to stare at women.

But there is more to the problem than just ogling. The wrong of staring lustfully at a woman applies equally to staring lustfully at the picture of a woman. We are talking here about pornography—a plague that has come to take a monstrous toll in our society.

Pornography is almost as old as human history. Archaeologists have found sexually titillating pictures molded on the lids of clay objects in Israel, glazed onto the sides of Grecian pottery, and painted on the walls of homes in Pompeii. What’s new these days is the quantity and availability—not to mention the widespread acceptance—of pornography. When Hugh Hefner launched his Playboy magazine in 1953, pornography began to go mainstream in American culture. Dirty books, magazines, movies, and videos soon abounded. Then in the 1990s, when the world logged on to the Internet, porn proliferated like never before, with viewers able to access a seemingly endless supply of prurient images without ever leaving their homes.

When you look at pornography, it is as if you are filing away a photo in a photo album. From then on, the image remains buried in your unconscious and may surface to fill the eye of your mind even when you do not want it to, repeating its harm again and again. Why put pollution like that in your heart?

The argument goes on as to whether pornography contributes to incidences of sex crimes, and courts struggle to define what is “obscene.” But we do not need to wait to declare pornography sinful. By encouraging lust, turning human beings into objects, and redirecting sexual desire outside of marriage, pornography is clearly wrong.

And if you have any doubts about the harm that pornography causes those who appear in it, willingly or unwillingly, you should consider the firsthand testimony of one of its victims, “Sandra.” In her thirties today, in childhood Sandra was raped by her grandfather and was forced into posing for pornography when she was still in her early teens.

The memories of posing for those pictures are so painful, more so than the physical and sexual abuse. At least then I was fighting with someone or I could get caught up in the pain of the struggle to distract myself. Posing was different. It was more vulnerable and exposed. I often prayed to God that he wouldn’t look at me until it was over. I was so ashamed and didn’t want him to see me like that. I also would worry about other people seeing the pictures and was terrified of what people would think of me. Having someone stare at me and judge me from ten feet away while taking pictures, as I stood there naked, cold, exposed, embarrassed and humiliated, made me wish I could be nothing. He [the photographer] would talk to me as if I was an object and was oblivious to my pain. I wanted to turn into an object but I couldn’t, no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t go that numb. My soul and heart just hurt so much every time the flash from the camera would go off. It felt like someone was knocking my worth down lower and lower, and by the time the roll of film was done I didn’t have any worth. When it was over, getting dressed was like getting some dignity back. The worry of what would be done with those pictures would plague me from then on.12

Hardly a victimless crime, is it? Porn hurts both those who are featured in it and those who choose to view it.

If you are involved with porn, stop it now and stop it for good. Declare with David, “I will set before my eyes no vile thing.”13

Your Purity Potential

We have not dealt with all the possible forms of sexual immorality. There is also prostitution, incest, and other behaviors that frankly we do not even care to mention. But our tour of sexual sins has been enough to demonstrate the many awful ways that the gift of sexuality can be perverted and turned into something degrading and shameful.

The bottom line is that the only place where sexual activity is acceptable is between a man and a woman who are married to each other. As hard as it may seem, sexual abstinence is the requirement for anyone who is not married. And for married couples, sexual attention can be directed only toward your spouse.

Harder than these restrictions are the costs of sexual misbehavior. Guilt. Shame. Abuse. Disease. Broken marriages. Even criminal charges.

God loves us and wants to preserve us from such suffering. His prescriptions of sexual abstinence before marriage and of fidelity within marriage protect us from harm and at the same time offer married couples the freedom and enjoyment of sex as it was meant to be.14 Most of all, they show the way to holiness in relation to that important part of our life known as sexuality.

We are instructed to turn from godless living and sinful pleasures. We should live in this evil world with wisdom, righteousness, and devotion to God. —Titus 2:12

Run from anything that stimulates youthful lusts. Instead, pursue righteous living, faithfulness, love, and peace. Enjoy the companionship of those who call on the Lord with pure hearts. —2 Timothy 2:22

God’s will is for you to be holy, so stay away from all sexual sin. Then each of you will control his own body and live in holiness and honor— not in lustful passion like the pagans who do not know God and His ways.… God has called us to live holy lives, not impure lives. —1 Thessalonians 4:3–5, 7

Reading such scriptural passages, you may find yourself saying, “But I just can’t! I’ve tried and I can’t stop my compulsive immorality.” You are right. You can’t stop sinning in this way—on your own. It takes the supernatural intervention of God to control the “ape gibbering in your loins.” And He is glad to give that intervention if you will ask for His help.

Need some encouragement that, through the power of God, you really can beat your immorality habit and become pure once more? Let us close with the story of “Jeff.” He was formerly involved in pedophilia, often considered an intractable or even an incurable behavior. But by God’s grace, and with the help of a ministry called Harvest USA, he is finding his way back to purity.

God has brought me very low. I finally came to see that without Christ’s work on the cross my own selfish desires would have me totally enveloped in my sin to the exclusion of my wife, my son, and everything I’ve ever cared for. I truly am nothing without his continuous grace in my life. After several months of being separated from my family, going through a court hearing in which God miraculously worked his sovereign grace, hearing in Harvest meetings how men are being transformed by God’s power, and seeing the continued deep depravity of my own heart, God has begun his transforming work in my heart. I am seeing that the cross truly breaks the power of sin in my life—even my sin of pedophilia. I am seeing that God is faithful, even when we are faithless, and He is not limited by human institutions or people’s opinions. It is his sovereign plan to set his children free from the law of sin and death and bring us into the eternal liberty to be shared with his Son.15

Purity is a beautiful thing. Its blessings exceed any brief pleasure that sexual immorality might offer. We pray that, like Jeff, you will take God’s hand and let Him lead you into purity.

Soul Prescription for Immorality

Are you struggling with a habit of sexual immorality? We have outlined a five-step process to help you repent and heal in this area of your life. Take all the time you need with each of the steps below.

Step 1: Adopt a Correct View of God

An incorrect view of God that sees Him as some kind of wishy-washy being who will simply look the other way when you sin will keep you in the vicious cycle of immorality.

• God is holy and cannot tolerate sexual immorality.
  God’s will is for you to be holy, so stay away from all sexual sin.—1 Thessalonians 4:3
• God is present everywhere. There is no place you can hide your sin.
  Nothing in all creation is hidden from God. Everything is naked and exposed before His eyes, and He is the one to whom we are accountable. —Hebrews 4:13

Make no mistake about it: God sees your sexual sin for what it is. He does not look away, and you cannot hide it from Him. Pursue a study of God’s holiness and justice in Scripture. Admit to yourself that He sees and judges what you are doing.

Step 2: Revise Your False Beliefs

The false ideas from the world, related to sexuality, are almost unending. The harm they produce in people’s lives is almost unending as well. Just for starters, consider these self-evaluation questions:

• Do you believe your sexual immorality is acceptable?
  Some ungodly people have wormed their way into your churches, saying that God’s marvelous grace allows us to live immoral lives. The condemnation of such people was recorded long ago, for they have denied our only Master and Lord, Jesus Christ.—Jude 1:4
• Do you believe your sexual desires are impossible to resist?
  Dear brothers and sisters, you have no obligation to do what your sinful nature urges you to do.—Romans 8:12

Given the ease with which we can unknowingly adopt false beliefs about human sexuality, we need to work hard to understand the truth about how God made us to be sexual beings. Using a concordance or topical Bible, learn more about God’s views on sexuality. Ask the Holy Spirit to show you the truth about your sin and to help you change your thinking.

Step 3: Repent of Your Sin

Do you use pornography? Have you been cheating on your spouse? Have you been dressing immodestly to get attention? Whatever your form of immorality has been, do not duck it—admit it to yourself and name it.

Pray a prayer like the following, asking God to forgive your sin and empower your obedience.

God, I am guilty of the sin of _________. I know that my immoral behavior is wrong and that it causes You great pain, and I am truly sorry for that. Please forgive me for my sin. Cleanse me now of this sin and of its effects in my life. Fill me with the power of the Holy Spirit so that I may never return to this sin again. In the name of Jesus Christ I pray, amen.

If you have harmed others with your sin, apologize to them. Seek reconciliation and offer restitution where appropriate.

Step 4: Defend against Spiritual Attacks

You will be attacked in your area of weakness—count on it. Every time you turn on your TV, log on to the Internet, or walk out your front door, the enemies of your soul will be there. Watch out for the world, the flesh, and the Devil.

The world’s values about sexuality are not God’s values. The world system tells you, “There is nothing wrong with two consenting adults finding pleasure in each other’s bodies.” But God says, “Your body was not created for sexual immorality. It does not belong to you; it belongs to Me.” Become so familiar with God’s values on sexuality that you can immediately see the error in the world’s values.

Your flesh (your sinful nature) will seek the pleasure of the flesh (your body) in the same old sinful ways you have known. Remember that the flesh (as your old sinful nature) is dead, having been crucified with Christ. You have been raised as a new person by the Holy Spirit. Live by the Spirit and not by the flesh.

Satan will set out the bait of sexual immorality for you. Protect yourself from these darts of temptation with the “shield of faith” (Ephesians 6:16). Then the Devil’s suggestions that you can find true happiness by doing something forbidden will fall harmless to the ground.

Most likely, you will need a defense against temptation for a long time. Prepare for a prolonged battle, yet keep up your hope, because God is stronger than all your foes.

Step 5: Flee Temptation

Sexual temptation can be hard to avoid. The roots of sexual desire run deep and feed off many different stimuli. If you are to remain free from this habitual sin, you must learn to avoid the things that feed it as much as possible.

• Focus on your relationship with God. Seek a rich spiritual relationship through regular worship of God. Physical stimulation through sinful means will then seem less appealing to you.
• Latch on to God’s promises. Find biblical statements or stories that encourage you in your fight against sexual immorality. Commit at least one verse to memory so that you can use it in your fight against temptation, just as Jesus used Scripture against the Devil in the desert. Here is one verse to consider using:
  You are not controlled by your sinful nature. You are controlled by the Spirit if you have the Spirit of God living in you. —Romans 8:9

• Establish safeguards. What sets off your lustful acts? Put a barrier between that sinful trigger and yourself if you can. Take as many practical precautions to guard yourself. For example,
  • Immediately break off any immoral relationship you have.
  • If you rent pornographic DVDs, get rid of your DVD player. Or if you go to sexually explicit websites, install filtering software.
  • If you tend to dwell on lustful thoughts, choose a substitute image to put in your mind.
  • If you have homosexual tendencies, seek a Christian counselor skilled in reparative therapy.
  • Ask a trusted Christian friend 
  • to hold you accountable in your commitment to remain sexually pure.
• Expect victory. 
  You may have fallen to sexual immorality in the past, but that does not mean you cannot know sexual purity now. Believe in God and in the path toward holiness that only He can bring.

Visit www.SoulPrescription.com for more insights and resources, and to download a free leader’s guide for small group Bible studies.

You may remember the scandal from the 2002 Winter Olympics in Salt Lake City in which a French ice skating judge scored a Russian pair higher than the Canadians Jamie Salé and David Pelletier, who had turned in what was widely considered a superior performance. But do you know how the truth came out? With many tears and much loud wailing. 

The French judge at the center of the scandal, Marie-Reine Le Gougne, was called into a meeting with the other judges just twelve hours after the skating event, on February 12, 2002. At one point the head referee, Ron Pfenning, passed around a sheet of paper that underscored the responsibility of judges to perform their duties with honesty and integrity. The French woman broke down.

Teary-eyed from the beginning, Le Gougne now began to cry out loud and to let loose an avalanche of words. “You don’t understand,” she said. “We’re under an awful lot of pressure. My federation, my president Didier, I had to put the Russians first.” She was referring to Didier Gailhaguet, then president of the French Figure Skating Federation, whom she alleged instructed her in advance how to score the event.

Le Gougne’s wailing in the meeting went on for several minutes. Finally it grew so loud that another person in the room covered the crack around the door with tape to keep people on the outside from hearing what was going on inside.1

And what was going on? The wailing was the sound of a conscience catching up with someone who was guilty of conspiring to cheat others. She was a deceiver found out.

To her credit, Le Gougne felt badly about what she had done. Others involved in various kinds of deceit seemingly do a better job of keeping their conscience pushed down and out of sight.

Of course, all persons are guilty of deceit to some extent. After all, we are told, “the human heart is the most deceitful of all things, and desperately wicked” (Jeremiah 17:9). Our race has participated in deception since Adam and Eve went along with the serpent’s lies about the fruit God had placed off-limits. But some of us have a more serious problem in this area of deception. Some of us are serial deceivers.

Does that describe you? If so, where is your biggest problem with deception? Do you tell falsehoods when it serves your purpose? Do you pretend to be what you are not? Do you tell people what they want to hear about themselves, even when it is not true? Do you cheat to gain an advantage in a contest? Do you trick others for profit?

Watch out! Scripture tells us,

You [God] will destroy those who tell lies. The LORD detests murderers and deceivers. —Psalm 5:6

We know how tempting it can be to shade the truth or present oneself in a false light for selfish reasons. Nevertheless, each of us must give up deception and learn the ways of honesty and integrity.

Truth Decay

The image of the early Christian church in the opening pages of Acts is for the most part an attractive picture of faith, unity, and love. But in the midst of all this exemplary godliness, one event struck a jarring note, and it had to do with lying.

But there was a certain man named Ananias who, with his wife, Sapphira, sold some property. He brought part of the money to the apostles, claiming it was the full amount. With his wife’s consent, he kept the rest.

Then Peter said, “Ananias, why have you let Satan fill your heart? You lied to the Holy Spirit, and you kept some of the money for yourself. The property was yours to sell or not sell, as you wished. And after selling it, the money was also yours to give away. How could you do a thing like this? You weren’t lying to us but to God!”

As soon as Ananias heard these words, he fell to the floor and died. Everyone who heard about it was terrified. Then some young men got up, wrapped him in a sheet, and took him out and buried him.

About three hours later his wife came in, not knowing what had happened. Peter asked her, “Was this the price you and your husband received for your land?”

“Yes,” she replied, “that was the price.”

And Peter said, “How could the two of you even think of conspiring to test the Spirit of the Lord like this? The young men who buried your husband are just outside the door, and they will carry you out, too.”

Instantly, she fell to the floor and died. When the young men came in and saw that she was dead, they carried her out and buried her beside her husband. Great fear gripped the entire church and everyone else who heard what had happened. —Acts 5:1–11

Fear, indeed, should be the reaction of anyone perpetrating dishonesty. God does not usually respond to lying by sending instant death. But lying is a form of deception that consistently earns His condemnation, for untruth interferes with justice and integrity in human relations.

One particular form of lying—perjury, or lying in a legal proceeding—made it into the Ten Commandments: “You must not testify falsely against your neighbor” (Exodus 20:16).2 But both Testaments reflect how seriously God views the sin of lying. Consider this sampling:

Keep your tongue from speaking evil and your lips from telling lies! —Psalm 34:13

I will not allow deceivers to serve in my house, and liars will not stay in my presence. —Psalm 101:7

A false witness will not go unpunished, nor will a liar escape. —Proverbs 19:5

Stop telling lies. Let us tell our neighbors the truth, for we are all parts of the same body. —Ephesians 4:253

Don’t lie to each other. —Colossians 3:9

When we lie, we are not motivated by God but rather by His enemy. The Devil is the sponsor of untruth. Jesus testified that Satan “has always hated the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he lies, it is consistent with his character; for he is a liar and the father of lies” (John 8:44).

Reading all this, you may excuse your own dishonesty by calling it a “white lie”—a small, insignificant untruth that could not hurt a fly. Or, you may think you have escaped guilt through lying by implication instead of by telling a falsehood outright. And what about half-truths? Ananias and Sapphira discovered to their peril that a half-truth equates to a whole lie. Let us, then, always tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. We will be doing ourselves a favor.

The truth wants to be free. It has a way of escaping into daylight despite every attempt to keep it trapped under a lid—ask any politician who has tried to prevent a scandal from reaching public notice. Benjamin Franklin said, “A lie stands on one leg, truth on two.” In the plain words of Scripture, “Truthful words stand the test of time, but lies are soon exposed” (Proverbs 12:19). Just as God knows every time we counterfeit the truth, so other people usually find out as well.

The practice of lying can easily develop into a habit over time. But truth telling can become a habit too. If your character has suffered from truth decay, resolve with Job, “As long as I live,…my tongue will speak no lies” (Job 27:3–4).

Equally as serious as lying is another form of deception: hypocrisy, or pretending to be better than we are.

The Mask of Goodness

Some years ago I (Henry) taught a college-age Sunday school class. One young man in the class often said, “I am very devoted to the Lord. Because my body is the Lord’s, I want to take care of it. I don’t stay up late; I’m careful what I eat; I exercise regularly; and I don’t drink, smoke, or chase women.”

We all listened and nodded. “Good for you,” we would say.

Then one day, at an airport many miles from home, I saw this model student standing in front of the terminal building. Guess what? He had a cigar in his mouth and was puffing away as happy as could be. So much for taking good care of his body.

I walked up to chat with him. When he saw me coming, he did a strange thing. He stuck that cigar—still smoking—in his pocket!

Now, one would think that a young man would be glad to see his Sunday school teacher, especially so far from home. But the opposite was true in this case: my student seemed ill at ease and in a hurry to be off. A bit mischievously (that was my sin), I kept him talking as long as I could, until the smoke began curling up from his pocket.4

My student was a hypocrite. Are you? Do you act at church like your family gets along great, when in fact fighting is raging all the time at home? Do you pretend to have a profound relationship with God, when the truth is that your devotional life is about as substantial as a mirage? Do you let people assume that you are a highly moral being, even though you are sleeping with your boyfriend or girlfriend every weekend?

Hypocrisy is an add-on sin. If you are struggling with any other sin listed in this book, and then you lie about it through words or pretense, you have added hypocrisy to your burden of guilt. And even worse, if you have deluded yourself into believing that you are a godly person despite your sins, then you have let hypocrisy join hands with its favorite partner, self-righteousness.

Jesus reserved His harshest language for religious people who pretended to be holier than they were. Matthew 23, in fact, is one long diatribe against the Pharisees for their hypocrisy. Christ said of these religious leaders, “They don’t practice what they teach” and “Everything they do is for show” (verses 3, 5).

The Greek word used in the New Testament for “hypocrite” was originally applied to Greek and Roman actors. Following the convention of the day, these actors would play their parts while wearing large masks. In other words, the faces that theatergoers saw were not the real faces of the actors—those were hidden underneath.

So it is with hypocrites today: they put one face forward while hiding their real face from view. They “will act religious” but “reject the power that could make them godly” (2 Timothy 3:5). They “claim they know God” yet “deny Him by the way they live” (Titus 1:16).

Be honest about who you are. Authenticity puts you at a place where God may begin working with you to make things better. You might be surprised by how much people will still like you if you are honest about your failings. (There’s a good chance they can smell the cigar smoke rising from your pocket anyway!)

“Get rid of all evil behavior.” declared Peter. “Be done with all deceit, hypocrisy…” (1 Peter 2:1).

Hypocrisy is making yourself look better than you are. Flattery, on the other hand, is making others look better than they are. It is another form of deception.

Buttering Up

Darrin followed his boss into the conference room, and for a while the two of them were the only ones there.

“Is that a new jacket you’re wearing, Mr. Gardner?” asked Darrin. “It’s really stylish. I’d like to get one like that myself.” Actually, Darrin considered the pattern in the sport coat to be way too busy.

Darrin’s boss, Blaine Gardner, smiled and acknowledged the purchase of a new sport coat.

As Blaine started setting up his PowerPoint presentation, he passed the time by asking Darrin what Darrin thought about the proposal Blaine had circulated.

“It’s great, Mr. Gardner!” said Darrin, even though he and all of his coworkers really believed the proposal would be far more costly to implement than management realized. “I think this will give us the market share we’ve been aiming for.”

As Kirsten entered the room and overheard the final remarks, she rolled her eyes at Scott trailing behind her. Darrin was at it again, buttering up the boss.

The two-faced nature of deception is perhaps more evident in flattery than in any other form of deceit. Flattery is praising someone else untruthfully in the hope of gaining something by it, whether that gain is a promotion at work, mercy from a traffic cop, or even something as basic as attention from a friend. Flattery always has an ulterior motive.

Complimenting others is a neglected art form; we encourage praising the good in others. Flattery, however, goes beyond the honest compliment, using falsehood in an attempt to satisfy a selfish desire. As a result, it is destructive to relationships in the long run. “A lying tongue hates its victims, and flattering words cause ruin” (Proverbs 26:28).

The apostle Paul set an example of refusing to stoop to flattery. He told the congregation in Thessalonica, “Our purpose is to please God, not people. He alone examines the motives of our hearts. Never once did we try to win you with flattery, as you well know. And God is our witness that we were not pretending to be your friends just to get your money!” (1 Thessalonians 2:4–5).

Before praising another, stop and ask yourself: Is what I am planning to say true? Why do I want to say it? Taking time to evaluate your words carefully before saying them can help you keep your compliments within the bounds of truth. Your conscience will be your guide.

Your conscience will also guide you away from related forms of deception, fraud and cheating, if you will let it.

Unfair Advantage

Today, Frank W. Abagnale is sought after by governments and corporations as an expert on detecting forgery, embezzlement, and document falsification. But between the ages of sixteen and twenty-one, he was one of the world’s most successful con artists. He cashed $2.5 million in fraudulent checks in all fifty states and twenty-six foreign countries. He also successfully posed as an airline pilot, an attorney, a college professor, and a pediatrician before being apprehended by the French police. His life of crime was portrayed in the 2002 movie Catch Me If You Can.

Like Abagnale, some people are frauds, impostors, and cheats. These people are practicing some of the most self-serving forms of deceptions out there. They are obscuring the truth while trying to gain an advantage at another’s expense.

The problem of fraud in business came to public attention in recent years with a wave of corporate scandals. Enron’s Ken Lay and Jeffrey Skilling were suspected of accounting fraud. WorldCom’s Bernard Ebbers was charged with securities fraud. Tyco boss Dennis Kozlowski was said to have used company money as his own. Such behaviors are hardly victimless crimes, as they have resulted in real losses to employees and small investors—not to mention the credibility of the US corporate world.

Do you think business fraud is a new problem? Think again. The Bible frequently takes on fraud in terms of businesspeople cheating their customers. For example, the prophet Amos railed against some of his fellow Israelites,

You can’t wait for the Sabbath day to be over and the religious festivals to end so you can get back to cheating the helpless. You measure out grain with dishonest measures and cheat the buyer with dishonest scales. And you mix the grain you sell with chaff swept from the floor. Then you enslave poor people for one piece of silver or a pair of sandals.—Amos 8:5–65

What’s so bad about fraud is that it frequently is a means for those with more wealth and power to oppress those who are less well-placed in society. God will always be on the side of the weak in such a situation.

Fraud is a perennial problem. Most are not committing fraud on the scale Amos mentions—or, certainly, on the scale of some modern-day CEOs lost to hubris. Instead, we commit fraud on the micro level. It goes by the label of “cheating.”

Tim Schutt, crew chief for NASCAR driver Mike McLaughlin, became a Christian during a retreat for members of the racing world and shortly afterward ran up against the temptation to cheat. McLaughlin’s car was not performing as Tim wished, and so Tim decided to add a small device that was outlawed by NASCAR. Tim justified his decision to himself on the basis that many of the cars McLaughlin would be up against already had the hard-to-detect device.

Tim crawled under McLaughlin’s No. 20 car and started to install the device. “I got halfway through putting it on,” recalled Tim, “and that verse ‘Seek ye first the kingdom of God’ came flashing in red in front of me, and whoa, that was it. I said, ‘I’m leaving this up to you, God.’”6 Schutt did not install the device.

As it turned out, McLaughlin won his next race anyway. When we choose to go against the trend of society and refuse to cheat, the outcome may not always be as positive for us. We may, in fact, lose whatever contest lies before us. But if we put God and His will first, determining to follow the rules no matter what, then in His eyes we will be winners every time. That’s the virtue of honesty.

The Best Policy

In 1948, while on my way to my wedding with Vonette Zachary, I (Bill) passed through the city of Okmulgee, Oklahoma, where my grandparents had lived for many years. Suddenly, I remembered my need to purchase gifts for the wedding party, and I stopped at a jewelry store.

Before looking for the items I wanted, I asked the owner if he would cash an out-of-state check.

“I’m sorry, sir.” He shook his head courteously. “It’s against our policy.”

“I understand,” I said and turned to walk out of the store.

He called after me, “Do you know anyone in this city?”

“No. My grandfather used to live here, but he’s been dead for several years.”

“What was his name?”

“Sam Bright.”

“Sam Bright was the most honorable man I have ever known!” he exclaimed. “If you’re anything like your grandfather, I will sell you anything in this store. And I’ll take your check!”

I was moved by this experience. Although my grandfather had been gone for many years, he had left a legacy of integrity.

What legacy are we leaving? What reputation are we building for ourselves? One act of deceit can make others distrust us. A pattern of deceit is hard to overcome. But with God’s help, any deceiver can begin to establish new patterns of honesty.

Shortly before his execution by the Nazis, the theologian Dietrich Bonhoeffer looked to the future. He said, “What the church will  need, what our century will need, are not people of genius, not brilliant tacticians or strategists, but simple, straightforward, honest men and women.” If anything, these words are more relevant today than at the time of World War II.

We deceive because we are worried about what will happen to us if we choose to tell the truth. What we find, though, is that when we practice deceit we disappoint God, chip away at our own self-respect, and run the risk of a worse reaction from others when they find out the truth later. The proper response is to trust God to care for us as we honor His command to be truth tellers. There is, in fact, no peace to be had without truth.

A. W. Tozer said, “A guileless mind is a great treasure; it is worth any price.” Are you willing to pay the price? It means forgoing the easy payoffs that deceit can seem to bring, choosing instead the slow and steady dividends of making your word your bond.

Give up the too-easy and too-costly habit of deceit. Embrace instead the policy of honesty at all times.

Soul Prescription for Deceit

Are you struggling with being deceitful in some way? We have outlined a five-step process to help you repent and heal in this area of your life. Take all the time you need with each of the steps below.

Step 1: Adopt a Correct View of God

God is truth. To view Him in any other way will only serve to justify your deceitful behavior.

• God is absolute truth. He cannot lie and He does not change His standards.
  God is not a man, so He does not lie.—Numbers 23:19
• God is righteous, and He abhors dishonesty in every form.
  Because what you say is false and your visions are a lie, I will stand against you, says the Sovereign LORD. —Ezekiel 13:8

What is your view of God with respect to honesty and dishonesty? Go to Scripture and review every passage that talks about God’s truthfulness. Don’t fool yourself. God will not tolerate lies and deceitfulness.

Step 2: Revise Your False Beliefs

If you believe that your deceitfulness is justified or excusable for any reason, you are wrong. Perhaps mistaken views of yourself, other people, or how life works are making it harder for you to be truthful.

• Do you believe your “little white lies” do no harm?
  Telling lies about others is as harmful as hitting them with an ax, wounding them with a sword, or shooting them with a sharp arrow.—Proverbs 25:18
• Do you believe others are yours to “use”?
  Do to others as you would like them to do to you. —Luke 6:31
• Do you believe the end justifies the means and thus makes your deceitfulness okay?
  Stop telling lies. Let us tell our neighbors the truth, for we are all parts of the same body. —Ephesians 4:25

Use scriptural truth about deceitfulness and honesty to expose errors in your thinking. Ask the Holy Spirit, who is the Spirit of truth, to help you first understand the truth and then speak the truth to others.

Step 3: Repent of Your Sin

In what way are you deceitful? Identify it specifically. Then if you are prepared to give up this sin, pray a prayer of confession. A model prayer is presented below for your use, or you can pray in your own words.

God of truth, I have been deceitful by _________. This was a sin against You, and I am sorry for it. Please forgive me. Make me clean again, and fill me with Your power to help me remain clean of deceitfulness from this point on. In the name of Jesus Christ I pray, amen.

If you have harmed others with your sin, apologize to them. Seek reconciliation and offer restitution where appropriate.

Step 4: Defend against Spiritual Attacks

Your spiritual enemies—the world, the flesh, and the Devil—would like nothing better than to see you backslide into a pattern of deceitfulness. Beware of their wiles!

• The world system does not value honesty the way God does. The world’s values would tell us to use deceitfulness if it will help us get ahead. We can overcome such an influence by immersing ourselves in God’s value system. Develop the importance He places on honesty.
• Your flesh, or sinful nature, will tempt you to enjoy that self-reliant feeling that comes with trying to manipulate events through deceit. Do not give in to the craving! Your flesh is dead. You are a spiritual being now, living according to the Holy Spirit.
• Satan will make it as easy and as appealing for you to deceive others as possible. Put on the “belt of truth” (Ephesians 6:14) to help you discern true from false and remain committed to truth telling.

Be ever vigilant in defense against your spiritual foes. The attacks will not cease. Accessing the great power of God will empower you to be successful in every battle.

Step 5: Flee Temptation

You will never be able to completely avoid the temptation to return to your old deceitful ways. But there are specific steps you can take to reduce your exposure and susceptibility to temptation.

• Focus on your relationship with God. 
  Spend time regularly cultivating your relationship with God. In particular, make Bible study a consistent discipline in your life. Constant exposure to the truth will make you a more truthful person.
• Latch on to God’s promises. 
  Identify assurances in Scripture that make you more confident of winning over your sin of deceitfulness. Store assurances away in your mind as ammunition when the battle with temptation comes.
• God has given both His promise and His oath.
  These two things are unchangeable because it is impossible for God to lie. Therefore, we who have fled to Him for refuge can have great confidence as we hold to the hope that lies before us. —Hebrews 6:18
• Establish safeguards. 
  Why not make holiness as easy for yourself as possible?
  Think of ways you can cut off common temptations. Here are examples of the kinds of changes you can make for the better:

• If you cheat on your taxes, hire a tax preparer next year and make all your records available to this person

• If you defraud your employer by falsifying your time sheet, ask a friend on your work team to verify its accuracy each week.
• If you naturally resort to flattery, practice ahead of time what you can say in favor of a person without lying.
• Ask a trusted Christian friend to hold you accountable in your commitment to not deceive others.
  
• Expect victory. 
  You are a new person in Christ Jesus. The Holy Spirit lives in you. He wants to create an honest heart in you. Seek His help as you eliminate deceit and adopt honesty in your life. As long as you are cooperating with Him, you cannot lose! Praise God!

Visit www.SoulPrescription.com for more insights and resources, and to download a free leader’s guide for small group Bible studies.