65710 10. Help for a Hard Journey

Once you have accepted responsibility for your life, you will be tempted to backtrack, to again lay the blame for your ups and downs, your troubles and defeats at someone else’s door. But don’t become discouraged here—or misled. Temptation is something you hold in common with all people. And it too is something you must meet with whatever resources you have and be responsible for your response to it.

What is temptation? Many years ago, Smiley Blanton, a noted psychiatrist, offered a good definition:

Every day of your life, no matter how sheltered you are, you face some choice in which the wrong action is so seductive, so plausible, so pleasurable that it takes a conscious effort of will to reject it. Temptation is universal, as old as the Garden of Eden. Much of your happiness or unhappiness depends on your ability to handle it—instead of letting it handle you.1

You are driving down the highway in your new-to-you car. The speed signs limit you to 70 miles an hour. But the way is clear, no one is around, and you know the car really cruises at 85. The temptation is to step on the gas.

As a Christian, you are committed to tithing your income to the Lord, but the furniture is shabby and the sales are on. You are tempted to rationalize withholding your tithe “just this one time.”

You have promised to spend the evening with your family. A fellow worker, however, has two tickets to the deciding ball game of a crucial series. He wants you to go with him. You are tempted to go.

Temptation is something you hold in common with all people.

Temptation does not always appear as a terrible, undesirable, evil thing that you won’t want to do. You may have little or no problem saying no to something that you aren’t interested in doing. But you may be greatly tempted to say yes to something you want to do but know you shouldn’t. (Or it could be the reverse—something that you should do but don’t want to.)

Elisabeth Elliot observed:

“Choices will continually be necessary and—let us not forget—possible. Obedience to God is always possible. It is a deadly error to fall into the notion that when feelings are extremely strong we can do nothing but act on them.”2

At the moment of temptation, the thing may seem so right. An impulsive purchase that wrecks the household budget seems so right at the time. To teach someone a lesson who deserves a punch in the face, or at the very least a verbal lashing, seems so right in the passion of emotion. So right—except that the emotion that is telling you, “it’s the right thing to do,” can be so deceitful.

Ruby had the day off and was preparing for evening guests when her cell phone rang. Some friends were meeting downtown for lunch and wanted to know if she could join them.

“I’d love to meet you, but I really have so much yet to do before my company arrives this evening.”

“It’s just a quick lunch.”

“Well, I don’t know.” It was a difficult decision. She certainly wanted to join her friends, but she really did have a lot to do yet. What should she do? She faced temptation. This was not a critical choice, but it was a choice all the same.

Monica and her neighbor were golfing. It was a beautiful morning and they were about to tee off for the third hole when two men approached the women and asked if they could play through. Monica and her friend readily agreed. But before the men went on, one suggested that the women join them in their game. The women looked at each other. Monica had never faced this situation before. She was quite uneasy about the suggestion, but her neighbor agreed before she could think much about it.

The men proved to be great company—and most attentive. One of the men teed up Monica’s ball for her, pulled her bag, and offered some great advice on how she could improve her iron shots. Perhaps he was a bit too friendly, yet she enjoyed the attention.

After the game the foursome drank iced tea in the clubhouse. As they were about to leave, one of the men suggested they all have lunch together at a nice little restaurant nearby. Monica was tempted—the morning had been so much fun. To refuse took a definite act of her will, but she did it.

At home, as she reflected on her morning, she was upset that she had responded so warmly to this strange man. The morning had been filled with temptation, and she knew she needed to tell her husband. She found out—as you probably have—that temptation can pop up in the most unexpected places and in the most unusual ways. It can make you aware of desires that take you by surprise. The Bible tells us,

And remember, when you are being tempted, do not say, “God is tempting me.” God is never tempted to do wrong, and he never tempts anyone else. Temptation comes from our own desires, which entice us and drag us away. These desires give birth to sinful actions. And when sin is allowed to grow, it gives birth to death. So don’t be misled, my dear brothers and sisters. —James 1:13–16

The temptations that bother most people are not those that clearly lead into sin. Not many people struggle with the temptation to steal. But the semi-visible testings are something else. It was not perfectly clear what choice Ruby should make. At what point should Monica have declined interacting with the two men? Each one of us has our own personal standards that we have chosen to live by; to fall short is to cause ourselves personal anxiety. If Ruby has set for herself a goal of having everything prepared for her guests, and then drops the project, it is likely she will not enjoy the luncheon or get her work done either. The apostle Paul said, “You may believe there’s nothing wrong with what you are doing, but keep it between yourself and God. Blessed are those who don’t feel guilty for doing something they have decided is right” (Romans 14:22).

Everyone faces tempting circumstances. While I was writing this book, I was tempted to walk away from my writing for a day and attend a professional golf tournament that was playing in town. To take a break might have been all right, but I had committed myself to a deadline for finishing the manuscript. I resisted the temptation every day but one.

It was an exciting tournament. My enjoyment of it, however, was dampened by the fact that I had left an unfinished task behind. I constantly condemned myself for the thing I had allowed.

Preparing for the Test

In advance of a temptation you must make up your mind not to yield to it. Nevertheless, when temptation comes, you must reaffirm your previously made decision, and this will require a definite act of the will.

Character is forged from encounters with life that tempt you to do wrong. The erring attraction is always present. Paul reminded the Corinthians: “If you think you are standing strong, be careful not to fall” (1 Corinthians 10:12).

It is good for people to share their experiences with one another. You may feel that no one faces the same temptation you do, but they do! As a counselor, I see this constantly. Someone struggles to tell of his temptations. At times, he relates, he overcomes them; at times, he fails. In telling his story he feels that he is revealing something that no one else has ever experienced. However, in almost every circumstance, I am able to assure him that I have heard his story before.

We are all tempted to please ourselves, but the pathway to inner peace is to lose ourselves in God’s way, to follow him and do his will at all costs.

Logan, a sincere Christian and deacon in his church, cannot keep his eyes off a woman who recently joined the church.

Jack has an impulse to slip that irresistible candy bar into his pocket.

Paula would like to give her neighbor a piece of her mind because the neighbor won’t keep her children out of Paula’s yard.

The person who thinks they are the only one to face a particular kind of temptation is inclined to justify yielding to it. However, the words of Paul challenge and encourage us:

The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure. —1 Corinthians 10:13

Choosing the way of escape is always a choice, and God is always ready to help you make that choice, but you must remember that your decision on whether or not to yield to temptation comes in the guise of a wrong action that is “so seductive, so plausible, so pleasurable that it takes a conscious act of the will to reject it.”3 The desire to do what you want to do, even though it is wrong, is always strong.

Jesus gave us a strange-sounding formula to help in these types of situations:

If any of you wants to be my follower, you must give up your own way, take up your cross, and follow me. If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it.
—Matthew 16:24–25

We are all tempted to please ourselves, but the pathway to inner peace is to lose ourselves in God’s way, to follow him and do his will at all costs. Inner peace comes to those who “seek the Kingdom of Godabove all else, and live righteously” (Matthew 6:33), to those who “pursue righteousness and a godly life, along with faith, love, perseverance, and gentleness (1 Timothy 6:11). To enjoy God’s peace, you must “pursue the things which make for peace” (Romans 14:19, NKJV).

When Temptation Pursues You

Temptation will pursue you even when you seek to determine in what, or in whom, you will put your faith. If you choose the Bible as your guide, there will be those who will try to divert you from it.

In my early 20s I went through a period of rejecting the church, the Bible, and anyone who claimed to be a Christian. It was easy to find people who encouraged me in my rejection. I read educators and psychologists who made it quite clear that man was capable of taking care of himself without crutches such as church and the Bible. Scientific research, they said, would save us.

But God has his “persuaders” too. If you reject the Bible, there will be those who will challenge your decision and seek to “tempt” you to return to God’s Word and the things of the Lord. There were people in my life who knew me and who had been helped by the church, the Lord, and a study of his Word and they were not content to let me rest in my decision to walk away from God. They called me frequently and exerted great effort to get me to reconsider my position.

It was a long process, but after several years I returned to the church and renewed my faith in God and the Bible. During college and graduate school, I purposed in my heart, by faith, to use the Bible as my standard for conduct and for evaluating what I heard or read.

However, just as my friends in the church had not been content to let my rejection go unchallenged, so my fellow students and professors did not let my decision to accept the Bible as my guide go unchallenged. “How can you possibly explain putting your faith in the Bible and at the same time be a student of psychology?” they would ask. They tempted me greatly to again reject my faith. I wanted my friends and professors to respect and like me. But to have their full respect meant to put my faith where theirs was—in the idea that man is in a process of evolution, in the belief that with our own hands we can build a world of peace.

They never let me forget that every man has a right to choose how he will spend his life and that it is not right for one to impose his standards on another. But as I understood it, the kind of life a man will live is not a matter of his own opinion. Everyone will be judged someday, and the standard for judgment is the Bible. Holding to such a view, I stood alone. How great was the temptation to be like the people around me and embrace their ideology!

There are writers and speakers, some of them ministers and seminary professors, who are not convinced that the Bible is entirely the Word of God. To consider what they say is to court temptation to give up your reliance on the Bible. Something you read or hear on the radio, or in a speech, or in a conversation, or see on television, can tempt you to deviate from what you believe. This will be true whatever course you follow. Having chosen a way for yourself, you will be tempted incessantly to turn from it. And tempting you will be people you admire.

John came to see me with a sincere question that troubled him. “Some of the finest people I know are not Christians. They openly spurn the Bible. Yet they seem to be happy and get along well with other people. Some of the leading people in my church are much harder to get along with and do not appear to be as happy as those who are not Christians. If God’s way is the only way to peace, then why are these non-Christians happy with life and the Christians that I know are not?”

That’s a good question. It brings out the point made that one’s conduct does have an impact on others. This young man’s faith was being shaken by the behavior of professing Christians. According to his observations, it did not seem to matter if he did or did not place his faith in Christ and God’s Word.

John’s observations were correct, but you can become confused by observing others. The Bible tells us, “The Lord doesn’t see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart” (1 Samuel 16:7).

Where will you place your faith? In the conduct of another person? In the words or writings of an individual? Or in God and his Word?

As a counselor, I see many people who are woefully unhappy individuals, but who never give any outward indication of it. A person’s outward behavior does not always give a measure of what is going on inside them. God “gives his sunlight to both the evil and the good, and he sends rain on the just and the unjust alike” (Matthew 5:45). We must be careful about making judgments based on what we perceive to be another person’s happiness or contentment. Paul said, “So let’s stop condemning each other. Decide instead to live in such a way that you will not cause another believer to stumble and fall” (Romans 14:13).

Where will you place your faith? In the conduct of another person? In the words or writings of an individual? Or in God and his Word? You alone must make this choice and then face the ceaseless temptations to change your choice.

When John had questions about the conduct of Christians and their experience with life, it seemed reasonable to turn away from the Bible and to take the viewpoint followed by those who appeared happier. This young man had to make a choice.

Your Guide to Peace

Now it is my privilege to “tempt” you with my viewpoint. It is that I have discovered, and have helped others discover, that the Bible is your sure guide to peace.

I have learned that the man who violates biblical principles will be unhappy, whether he appears to be or not, just as the man who disobeys the rules of health will be sick, whether he looks like it or not. I say this by faith, but I also say it from experience. The unhappy, tense, anxious, miserable person who comes to a counselor for help is usually knowingly or unknowingly violating some biblical principle.

How do you approach the God who can give you inner peace? “It is impossible to please God without faith. Anyone who wants to come to him must believe that God exists and that he rewards those who sincerely seek him” (Hebrews 11:6). The writer of Hebrews also tells us, “Faith shows the reality of what we hope for; it is the evidence of things we cannot see” (11:1).

You must approach God by faith. You must trust him fully, with your mind set on him and his ways. “You [God] will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you! Trust in the Lord always, for the Lord God is the eternal Rock” (Isaiah 26:3–4).

As you trust God, he will give you assurance that you are on the right path. However, trials, troubles, conflicts, other viewpoints, and unexpected failures on your part and on the part of people you admire will challenge your evidence. Allow these things to throw you back on faith alone.

A Challenge and Reward

Let me “tempt” you one more time. I want to invite you to a one-year test of studying and applying to your life what you find in the Bible. It takes time to study, to ponder, and to test what the Bible says. After all, a student who chooses a psychology career spends four years just getting a bachelor’s degree. At that point, the student is only a beginner in the field even though he has studied and tested many principles. It also takes time to study and test the guidance the Bible offers to those who trust God, its author.

God is waiting for you to turn to him.

Paul tell us, “Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect” (Romans 12:2). We do not propose a simple, easy approach to inner peace. It is a struggle, with a starting point based on simple faith. There will be many temptations along the way to draw you aside. It is a pathway that is rejected by many serious, dedicated, sincere people.

The reward is still there for those who choose God’s way, in spite of the difficulties. And there is help along the journey. God is waiting for you to turn to him.

Let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most.—Hebrews 4:16

Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.
—Philippians 4:6–7

Jesus said, “Ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it!”
—John 14:14

And he followed that invitation with these words:

If you love me, obey my commandments. And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Advocate (the Holy Spirit), who will never leave you. —John 14:15–16

If you want your prayers for help answered, become familiar with the commands of God in the Bible. Verbalize your longings before God, then wait to see what he will do. John 14:13 tells us, “You can ask for anything in my name, and I will do it, so that the Son can bring glory to the Father.” If you have asked according to his will (that is, if you have prayed with the sincere desire that his will may be done and not your own), you will have what you asked for. It is yours if it fits into God’s plan. However, God’s plan is often not our plan! Isaiah 55:8–9 remind us: “My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord. “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.”

And so we trust in God’s goodness, for “loving God means keeping his commandments, and his commandments are not burdensome” (1 John 5:3).

My challenge to you is to accept the Bible as your guide and to obey God’s commands fully. If you do, you will find that the Bible is a mirror in which you will see yourself as you really are. And when you see yourself, you will have a choice as to how you are going to respond. You will be tempted to look away and forget what you have seen. And in looking away you will soon become absorbed in counter attractions that will not let you return for a second look.

James 1:23-25 tells us,

For if you listen to the word and don’t obey, it is like glancing at your face in a mirror. You see yourself, walk away, and forget what you look like. But if you look carefully into the perfect law that sets you free, and if you do what it says and don’t forget what you heard, then God will bless you for doing it. —James 1:23-25

If by faith you choose to address the issues in your life, you will find inner peace along the way as well as at the end of the road.

Peter wrote,

If you want to enjoy life and see many happy days, keep your tongue from speaking evil and your lips from telling lies. Turn away from evil and do good. Search for peace, and work to maintain it. The eyes of the Lord watch over those who do right, and his ears are open to their prayers. But the Lord turns his face against those who do evil. —1 Peter 3:10–12

In closing, consider two beautiful promises God makes to his people. They can be yours if you obey Him:

And I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender, responsive heart. And I will put my Spirit in you so that you will follow my decrees and be careful to obey my regulations. —Ezekiel 36:26–27

“For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me.” —Jeremiah 29:11–13

Be assured that God will do his part when you obey him … and your struggle for inner peace will be won.

Reflection Questions

  1. When and where do you most often experience temptation?
  2. How can you begin to more easily recognize the temptation in your life?
  3. Who in your life are you currently sharing your life experiences with?
  4. In what ways are the people you identified in question three helping you to live a more God-honoring life? Do you need someone else in your life to help you in this area?
  5. In what ways does the Bible currently guide your life?

Take One Action Step

Begin the one-year test of studying and applying to your life what you find in the Bible. Study, ponder, and test what the Bible says. Apply it to your life and experience the peace that God is offering you.

60108 8. Next Steps for Your Spiritual Growth

New Life in Christ 

After completing The Adventure of Living with Jesus, the New Life in Christ Bible study will be a great next step for your journey with God. You will learn more about the Holy Spirit who is the most important Person in your new life in Christ and discover how faith, prayer, and the Bible will help you live an adventurous and purposeful Christian life Jesus promised.

You can find the New Life in Christ study in the “Time with God” category [main menu > Time with God > Bible Studies > New Life in Christ Study] or select the link below.

Read the Bible 

Want to study the Bible, but don’t have one of your own? The JO App contains the NET (New English Translation) Bible with notes and highlight functions.

You can also follow our daily Bible reading schedule. On the dashboard at the top, Daily Inspiration offers “Today’s Bible Reading.”

“Today’s Bible Reading” lets you read two chapter from the Old Testament, and one chapter from Psalm, Proverbs, the Gospels, and the rest of the New Testament. If you read all of the chapters every day, you will finish the entire Bible in one year.

You can also choose to read one of these selections each day.

Read the NET Bible in this JO App

Devotionals

Devotionals are personal experiences, anecdotes, thoughts, reflections, wisdom, or insights related to quoted Bible passages. They are inspirational, informative, and instructive.

Devotionals should not replace Scripture reading, but they are useful in making your daily Bible reading more effective and meaningful.

This JO App contains several devotionals. Go to the main menu > Time with God > Devotions.

Bible Study Tools

When it comes to understanding the Word of God (Bible), the Holy Spirit is the most important Person who guides us into all the truth (John 16:13). The Word of God is the language of the Holy Spirit. Whenever you read the Bible, make sure to ask the Holy Spirit to open your mind to understand the Scripture.

God has also provided us with many resources that will help us in our Bible study.

This JO App has a section that lists several resources to help you dig deeper into the Word of God so that you can faithfully obey His commandments and firmly embrace His promises.

Facts for Faith

Have you ever been asked a question about God, Jesus, or the Bible that you aren’t able to answer? Questions such as

  • Does science prove or disprove God? [read now]
  • Is there evidence Jesus actually existed? [read now]
  • Did Jesus ever claim to be God? [read now]
  • Was Jesus just a great moral teacher? [read now]
  • Could Jesus’ resurrection have been a conspiracy? [read now]
  • Is Jesus the only way to God? [read now]
  • How do we know the Gospels are Reliable? [read now]

Facts for Faith provides answers to questions like these about God, Jesus, and the Bible in a readable and systematic discourse.

65800.1 Acknowledgements

I Want Happiness NOW!

Dr. Henry Brandt with Phil Landrum

Revised and Updated 2018
© 2018 Henry Brandt Foundation. All rights reserved.

Copyright 1978 by Henry Brandt, Grand Rapids, Michigan

Zondervan Publishing House, 1415 Lake Drive, S.E., Grand Rapids, Michigan 49506
E-book edition, © 2008 Henry Brandt Foundation

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording or otherwise, without the prior permission of the copyright owner.

All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2007, 2013 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations marked NIV are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.TM Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com. The “NIV” and “New International Version” are trademarks registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc.TM

All Scripture references marked NASB are taken from the New American Standard Bible®, Copyright 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission.

Scripture quotations marked MSG are taken from The Message. Copyright © by Eugen H. Peterson 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2002. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc.

ISBN-13: 978-1727122725
ISBN-10: 1727122720

www.BiblicalCounselingInsights.com

65801 1. Indestructible

As a professional counselor I’ve met with men and women from all walks of life; lawyers, janitors, doctors, dentists, nurses, factory workers, business people, waiters and waitresses, tradespersons, executives, laborers, the unemployed, the rich and the poor, the educated and the uneducated, those from good homes and those from miserable homes. When these people came to see me, they all had one thing in common: they came in to find relief for their unhappy, frustrated, hopeless situations resulting from their response to the conditions and people in their lives.

Many of these people faced conditions that could not be reversed—being fired from their jobs, bankruptcy, poverty, a broken marriage, miserable home conditions, mean people, rejection, maimed bodies, the death of a key person in their lives.

Only God can satisfy our thirsty souls.
Only God can provide our hungry souls with what we truly need.

As I met with these people, I discovered that if they were to have any hope for restoring or finding happiness, it must happen within themselves. Throughout my many years of counseling, it has been my joy and satisfaction to observe thousands of dejected, desperately unhappy people turn into radiant, contented, happy persons as they have opened themselves to the resources of God alone.

As the Psalmist has said:

Oh give thanks to the LORD, for He is good; for His loving kindness is everlasting … For He has satisfied the thirsty soul, and the hungry soul He has filled with what is good. —Psalm 107:1, 9, NASB

Only God can satisfy our thirsty souls. Only God can provide our hungry souls with what we truly need. And discovering the resources freely given to us by him is what this book is all about.

A colleague once shared with me a story about a group of young people he called “indestructible.” These individuals lived under extreme poverty with very bad home conditions which were located in slum neighborhoods. Yet, they were all well-adjusted and good students.

As I listened to him describe this group of individuals, I thought about some of the people I’ve met who I would describe as “indestructible.”

It is true that we cannot prevent difficult, traumatic, or sad events from intruding into our lives. But we can live fully, happily, and positively one day at a time. But in order to do that, we must rely on our power of choice, whether our problems are resolved today or not.

Lori and Rob Press On

I once knew a couple who weathered a storm that would destroy most people. Lori and Rob had been married sixteen years and had three children ages fifteen, thirteen, and ten. The family often did things together; hiking, playing tennis, camping, attending church, entertaining friends, skiing. Rob had an executive position with a prestigious company and Lori stayed at home and managed their home and the children’s activities.

Then, without any warning, the company Rob worked for unexpectedly closed. Suddenly this family was faced with no income, and at a time when they were building a new house. Yet, there was no panic.

Lori trimmed the grocery budget and reassured Rob that she was trusting God to help them in this crisis. They prayed together and patiently waited as Rob looked for another job. They used his free time for family fun—inexpensive activities, of course. They went on picnics in the park, hiked over trails, played tennis at the public courts, and went bicycling.

Faith and hope enabled them to live
above their difficult circumstances.

Rob reassured Lori that he wasn’t afraid—or worried. His faith was in God, and he was enjoying this time of watching an uncertain future unravel. In a few months, he found another job. Lori and Rob now look back on that period of time as one of the best of their lives.

They are among the indestructible. Their faith and hope enabled them to live above their difficult circumstances.

Mr. Davis, the Ditch Digger

Mr. Davis lived next door to my family when I was a teenager. It was during the turbulent years between 1930 and 1933—the height of the Great Depression.

People by the droves were out of work; many families were losing their life savings as a result of bank failures and were being evicted from their homes. Suicides were frequent. Nervous breakdowns were common.

Strangely enough, I remember the depression years as happy, positive ones for me, partially because of Mr. Davis.

He was a highly skilled, and highly paid, tool and die maker. With the downturn in the economy, Mr. Davis suddenly was without a job or a paycheck. He, along with many others, looked for what few jobs that were available. The best he could do was get a job with the Work Progress Administration, an agency developed by the government to employ those without work to carry out public works projects, including the construction of public buildings and roads. His assignment: dig ditches. This was in the days when the ditches were dug by hand, with a shovel and an ax.

This seemed a terrible thing to me. Imagine this highly skilled craftsman digging ditches!

Without complaining, Mr. Davis went to his job every day. At night he returned home, his attitude as positive as if he had his old job.

We had a big front porch on our house, and many nights the people from the neighborhood would gather on our porch. This man was one of them. One night he got to talking enthusiastically about the fine art of digging ditches and how he was enjoying the opportunity of working outdoors and using his strength to accomplish a task.

“I’ve never felt better in my life,” he commented.

The boys in my neighborhood were so fascinated by his enthusiasm that we went to watch him. Most of the men who worked with him were leaning on their shovels, looking miserable. Not our neighbor. He was busy digging.

When he saw us, he stopped to take us on a quick tour. He showed us how to dig a ditch. We were amazed. His ditches were straight and uniformly deep with firm sides.

“Aren’t they beautiful?” he exclaimed. He was actually proud of his ditches.

I remember one night we were all sitting on the porch, watching the sun go down. The sunset was beautiful, and this neighbor was overtaken with enthusiasm. I mean really excited! About a sunset.

“What a beautiful sunset!” he exclaimed. “What a miracle to watch!”

Even though he had experienced a letdown that would have depressed many, he could get excited about a sunset.

It is not the task that is important,
but the spirit we bring to that task.

One night, he announced that he had been made foreman. He was filled with compassion and pity for his men. Many of them refused to accept their lot in life and spent the day moaning and complaining. Our neighbor now had a new enthusiasm for his job. He was excited about the challenge of lifting his men out of despondency and showing them how to be thankful for the work they had to do.

As I watched this highly skilled craftsman find a challenge and satisfaction in whatever was before him, I realized he had mastered a pivotal life principle: It is not the task that is important, but the spirit we bring to that task.

Mr. Davis brought an undaunted spirit to every task and experience. As a result, he was happy and successful.

The next spring, he planted a garden. He was thrilled with the garden and worked in it every evening. The entire process fascinated him.

“What a miracle,” he would say. “Look at everything grow.”

To others, a garden was just dust, mud, and hours of bending over. To my neighbor, it was a miracle.

Mr. Davis had a faith that sustained him. He depended on God to provide for him. His faith could be summed up in these verses from the Bible:

Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding.
Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.”
—Proverbs 3:5–6

Other Indestructible Individuals

There were other people in the neighborhood who lived by the same faith. Many nights the conversation on our front porch turned to what to do about unpaid taxes, unpaid bills, postponed car repairs, or house repairs, because there was no money. The adults would talk about someone who had had his car repossessed or who had lost a home, or about standing in line for welfare checks. Frequently, they would pray together, expressing their faith in a guiding God, asking him to comfort their friends. They prayed for each other, too, reaffirming their own faith and asking God for peace and wisdom.

Those prayers seemed to settle everything—there was nothing to worry about. God was in control and these people rested in his provision.

One night one of the men suggested, “Let’s build a tennis court. We don’t have any money, but we’ve got lots of energy.”

And so a plan was drawn up to build a clay court. I spent many hours pulling a heavy roller. Others used rakes, hoes, and shovels. After many weeks, we were done. What a day it was when we all lined up and looked at the brand-new lines made of white lime. We were so proud!

We spent many happy hours playing tennis on that court made by our own hands.

All of these neighbors were people of faith. They didn’t know what their future held, but they trusted God to take care of them. These people were indestructible. They had an optimism and a hope that carried them through the Great Depression.

Mr. Davis Faces Another Crisis

Thirty years after the Great Depression, Mr. Davis underwent another difficult experience. After the uncertain years of the Depression, he had secured a good job with a great company. Unfortunately, the company went bankrupt. In one day, his job was gone and so was the retirement plan he had contributed to for twenty years. It was no surprise to me that he met this problem with the same faith he had shown back in the 30s.

Over the years, other neighbors also faced many difficult problems, but their faith and hope did not rest on changeable circumstances or the mistakes of other people. Their source of faith and hope is best described by another Bible passage:

For I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am. I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need. —Philippians 4:11–12, NASB

How can you join the ranks of the unusual people who find happiness no matter what their situation is? How can you enjoy life in the face of a financial failure, a negligent husband, an unresponsive wife, or a job setback? How can you handle maddening daily schedules? How can you get beyond little, everyday irritants? How can you handle lonely moments or decisions when no one stands with you—not even your family and friends? In other words: how can you find happiness and contentment in your current life situation?

There is a way!

Questions for Reflection/Discussion:

  1. How do you typically respond to difficulty in your life?
  2. In what ways does society hinder us from facing our difficulties in a productive way?
  3. In what areas of your life are you currently seeking happiness?

Memorize: Proverbs 3:5–6

Trust in the Lord with all your heart;
do not depend on your own understanding.
Seek his will in all you do,
and he will show you which path to take.

65802 2. Contentment

We have all heard someone wistfully say:

“If I could only get that promotion, then I would be happy.”

“Being a stay at home mom is degrading. If only I had a job, then I would be happy.”

“If my husband would only pay more attention to me, then I would be happy.”

“If only our children would obey, then we’d be happy.”

We tend to want the golden pot at the end of the rainbow, that something in the future that will bring us happiness—a new experience, a new success, a new degree of cooperation or respect or obedience from the people around us, or even a new someone.

I’ve listened to many people describe their new circumstances with excitement in their voices. Their eyes sparkle and happy smiles light up their faces. Generally, such optimism consumes us when there are prospects for something new in the future.

“I’m getting married.”

“I’m starting a new job.”

“I made a wonderful investment.”

“We are building a new house.”

“We are expecting a baby.”

“I’m starting a new business.”

“We are taking a trip.”

“I’m going to college.”

I’ve also listened to these same people who have been in their “new” situations for a while—perhaps years. Sometimes their hopes have turned to ashes. As they recount their current predicaments their eyes are slits, the corners of their mouths are turned down, their voices tremble.

“My wife drives me crazy.”

“My husband is selfish.”

“My boss is unmerciful.”

“My investment was a poor choice, I lost everything.”

“We have all kinds of problems with our new house.”

“The baby cries all night.”

“My business takes up all of my time.”

“Our trip was awful.”

“I hate college.”

We all know people—perhaps our own children, parents, or close friends—who have spent a great deal of time and energy in pursuit of education, wealth, power, social life, or religious standing. Their goal was a fulfilled, contented, happy, productive life. But they’ve ended up depressed, angry, bitter, frustrated, or empty, with broken hearts and failed relationships. They didn’t learn “to be content in whatever circumstances” they were in.

Jenny and Josh—A Marriage on the Brink of Destruction

The tragedy of seeking happiness from human relationships is illustrated by Jenny and Josh.

They started their marriage with the highest of hopes. Jenny had been a very lonely, unhappy person who had fled her unhappy childhood home and was living alone. Josh had been raised in a family broken by a divorce. He was an independent person who did as he pleased. Jenny liked his happy-go-lucky manner.

Their courtship was brief, a few months of whirlwind dating, a short engagement, and then marriage and a happy life together (they thought).

However, it took only a few months for them to discover that marriage was not the answer to their individual quests for happiness. Josh continued his independent ways, going and coming as he pleased. Maybe he came home straight from work, maybe not. He didn’t feel the need to keep Jenny informed as to his whereabouts.

On the days when Josh didn’t come straight home from work, when he did happen to arrive at home he was confronted by a predictably cold, untouchable, angry woman. After listening to her tirades for a while, he would become increasingly disgusted and end up leaving the house again, shouting at her as he slammed the door behind him.

They stuck it out for eleven long, miserable years—with Jenny griping and complaining the entire time. Josh just ignored her and continued to do his own thing.

Finally, he announced that he was moving out, leaving their two children for Jenny to worry about. He moved in with a girlfriend.

As Jenny told me their story, it was obvious that she was desperate. Her hands doubled into fists. Her voice shrilled. The tensed muscles in her jaw distorted her beautiful face.

“He comes home once a week to see the children,” she told me. “We have a boy, age nine, and a girl, almost eleven. All week long I have to fuss with those kids. Then on the weekend, here comes Josh. He’s relaxed, smug, and happy. It makes me furious.”

If Josh is relaxed when he arrives, it doesn’t last long. Jenny furiously berates him with all the hostile words she can think of. Each visit ends the same way. Jenny complains and criticizes until Josh finally blows up. The two of them start shouting at each other, even hitting each other.

“Every week is like a war,” she said. “I don’t know what to do. I don’t want a divorce. I want my marriage back. But I can’t stand the sight of that man.”

By now, I suppose you have already taken sides and perhaps wonder where I stand.

Obviously, Josh is doing wrong. Even in our permissive society, very few Bible-believing Christians would condone his living arrangement with his girlfriend—especially when he is still married to Jenny. The Bible is crystal clear on this: “You must not commit adultery” (Deuteronomy 5:18).

But Josh insists that his wife’s behavior is driving him into his girlfriend’s arms. However, just because he says that is what he believes, doesn’t make it true. He is clearly wrong. At the same time, when Jenny storms around the house with anger, hostility, bitterness, and hatred, she surely isn’t hurting Josh or his girlfriend. They aren’t there. She is alone, hurting only herself.

All this is going on underneath her own skin. And this is a key principle.

Jenny insists that Josh causes her condition. If he would shape up, she would be a pleasant, responsive, happy woman. Because she says it so passionately, however, doesn’t make her right. She also is wrong.

Jenny and Josh have two problems, not one.

  1. What to do about their marriage.
  2. What to do about themselves.

And the second needs to be dealt with first. Before anything can be done about their marriage, they individually need to do something about themselves.

Josh refused to come to me for counseling, but Jenny came to see me again.

“Tell me how to find contentment in this mess,” she pleaded. “I really do want to save my marriage.”

What she really needed was some instruction. So together, we took a look at some Bible verses.

Galatians 5 tells us,

When you follow the desires of your sinful nature, the results are very clear: sexual immorality, impurity, lustful pleasures, idolatry, sorcery, hostility, quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition, dissension, division, envy, drunkenness, wild parties, and other sins like these. Let me tell you again, as I have before, that anyone living that sort of life will not inherit the Kingdom of God.—vv. 19–21

Our “sinful nature” comes from within. Other people may give occasion for us to express it, but they don’t cause it.

Which of these apply to Jenny? Hostility, quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition, dissension, division, and envy.

As we discussed her role in their conflict, she shouted, “What about Josh? He’s a lying, two-faced adulterer and blames me for driving him into that woman’s arms.”

True. Which of these apply to Josh? In addition, to those that apply to Jenny, sexual immorality, impurity, and lustful pleasures.

They both have allowed the sinful nature to take control of their lives. If both Jenny and Josh had a cold, each would need to be treated for his or her own cold. Likewise, each needs to deal with his or her own personal sinful nature.

The good news is that Galatians goes on to say,

But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. —vv. 22–23

What a relief it would be for Jenny to be filled with such a Spirit and experience all he has to offer. What a delight for her to share her love, joy, and peace with Josh.

“Why should I treat him like that?” she grumbled. “He doesn’t deserve it.”

True. He doesn’t. But why should he ruin her inner life and spoil her evenings?

Jenny was noncommittal when she left my office. I find it strange that we readily accept and defend our outbursts of anger, disputes, and strife and steadfastly resist love, joy, and peace when it is offered to us so freely.

I’ve learned from many of my clients that the one who is mistreated tends to be preoccupied with the misdeeds of the offending one while at the same time justifying their own personal negative behavior or reactions toward the offending person, even at the cost of personal misery.

However, the next time Jenny came to see me, I hardly recognized her. Her face was relaxed and the shrillness was gone from her voice. She was beautiful, content, and happy.

What had happened?

She had repented of her nastiness and had asked God to fill her with his Holy Spirit. She had dealt with herself.

“I realized that I needed to take responsibility for myself. I really do want to save my marriage,” she said.

“Alright, then,” I replied. “What I am about to share with you may seem difficult, but let me assure you that, with God’s help, you can do it. The next time Josh comes over, melt into his arms and give him a kiss such as you have never given him before.”

Her response to that was: “Ugh.”

“But let me warn you,” I went on. “Don’t be surprised if he doesn’t respond.”

Sure enough, the next time Josh showed up, she melted into his arms, and he got out of there and drove off. He didn’t know how to handle such behavior and fled, wondering what she was up to.

Jenny had her lapses, but she continued to ask God to fill her with his qualities. Over time, Josh’s visits became mutually pleasant experiences. He eventually wanted to find what Jenny had found. He asked her to explain how and why she had changed so drastically.

Jenny simply explained to him that she had become so preoccupied with his misdeeds that she had become totally blind to her own. When it dawned on her that her meanness was her own doing, she had confessed the fact to the Lord, asked him to forgive her, to cleanse her, and to strengthen her with his Spirit. When she saw clearly that she had been blaming Josh for her choices, by an act of her own will she took responsibility for her choices.

Peace and love come from God.

 “I was very wrong in the way I treated you, Josh,” she said. “And I’m sorry. Please forgive me. With God’s help I intend to respond to you as a wife should. I know that I cannot control what you do, but I am going to love you as I should.”

Josh went away convinced that Jenny was laying a trap. From that point on, when Josh came over, he was looking for a fight. Jenny took months of mistreatment in exchange for her friendly, quiet manner.

Finally, Josh was convinced that the new Jenny had something, and one day, all alone, he asked Jesus to invade his life, forgive him for his adulterous, selfish ways, and give him the Spirit Jenny had.

Today they are united as a family. They found the key to happiness. They found that peace and love come from God, not from human relationships.

Dave and Lisa—Empty Success

Dave and Lisa exemplify the futility of seeking happiness through financial success and accomplishments.

 Dave is a big, strong, brilliant, talented man. He moved from extreme poverty as a child to reach a boyhood dream of owning his own business and becoming financially independent. Lisa is an energetic, personable, competent woman. They lived in California, not far from Yosemite National Park, and started renting trailers to people who wanted to haul their camping gear up the mountain. This was way back before anyone had even imagined RVs!

It was a family business. Together, Dave and Lisa installed hitches on the back bumpers of cars, hooked up trailers, and watched families happily head for Yosemite. The playground for their small children was the trailer lot, which was also the front yard of their house.

Their customers began asking if a refrigerator could be installed in their trailers. Then they wanted a refrigerator and a cupboard. Then a tent trailer. Every change added weight to the trailers until they were so heavy the cars heated up when they pulled them up the mountain.

If only he could eliminate the car. Dave was a dreamer, an innovator, a pioneer, and so, he started working on plans to produce a motor home that could be sold for half the price of current models.

For fourteen years Dave poured his entire life into the challenge of developing a motor-driven recreational vehicle. A company finally agreed to produce it, and quickly this motorhome company was out producing and outselling all the competitors in the United States. Dave’s dream was coming true. His idea was an industry changing concept and his perseverance a success story. And … at the center of Dave and Lisa’s dream was financial success.

However, Dave and Lisa were not people who desired financial success purely for themselves.

One of their employees needed an operation and they paid the entire bill. They helped several employees make down payments on their homes. Another employee was confined to a wheelchair, and Dave hired him to wait on customers. “He is a capable person, and his personality and efficiency benefit our company,” Dave said. Dave even arranged to have a special room built onto this man’s house, designed to make life as comfortable as possible for him.

So, Dave was a nice guy, wasn’t he? He was pleased because his idea made a contribution to making life more enjoyable for American families. He ultimately walked away from his business with several million dollars. He’d done it. Now he could take it easy the rest of his life. It was just a matter of picking the place to retire.

Dave and Lisa’s search ended when they chose a plush condominium on one of Florida’s choicest oceanfront sites. “All my life I figured happiness would come when I reached this level in life,” he said. “Now I can almost taste it.”

Dave and Lisa arrived in Florida ready to enjoy life fully. They accumulated the obligatory fancy car, fishing boat, and twin-engine plane.

So, Dave started into the good life. One day he would play golf. The next morning, walk the beach. Then he and Lisa would jump in the plane and fly over to Nassau for lunch. In the afternoon they would fly back and play tennis. There was scuba diving, and deep-sea fishing, and lazy afternoons at the beach. If Dave and his family got bored with southern Florida, they could fly back to California to Lisa’s parents’ home (all 5,000 square feet of it that Dave and Lisa had purchased for them) nestled on twenty acres, replete with fruit trees. While they were there, the family could use their five ATVs and go hill climbing. If the United States didn’t present enough excitement, they could take off for Mexico … South America … Europe…the world. And they did.

Quite a change of life for a boy who was born at the tail end of the Depression and didn’t have enough money to even buy shoes for school. He’d made it. And big.

Or had he?

“No. I hadn’t,” Dave confided to me. “I had expected happiness to come with a better job … more money … the ultimate life. But after a few months of nonstop golf, tennis, and walking the beach, I found it wasn’t true. I was completely empty.”

You don’t believe it, do you? How could Dave and Lisa have an empty life with all those advantages? Even though Dave was an American success story and Mr. Nice Guy when it came to consideration for his fellow man … still, he was empty. After fourteen years of hard work focused upon reaching a goal, doing good things for fellow men along the way, he was now free to do anything his heart desired. And what did he find? Emptiness.

Happiness and contentment are not dependent on people or circumstances. They come from a person’s relationship with God.

Lisa was by his side all the way. However, she too, was dissatisfied. Many of her hopes for her family turned to ashes. There was discord among the children. There were strained relations between her and Dave.

I walked along the beautiful Florida beaches with Lisa and Dave, listening to their story of emptiness and hopelessness. What, or where, is the key to happiness? For Lisa and Dave, hard work, success, and wealth had led to an empty pot at the end of the rainbow.

However, there is a happy ending. Dave and Lisa came to realize that hostility, quarreling, jealousy, selfish ambition, dissension, division, and envy were robbing them of the good life they had worked so hard to find.

The solution that worked for Jenny and Josh also worked for them—confession, repentance, receiving forgiveness and cleansing, and allowing God to strengthen them day by day.

The change in their lives has been incredible. Their marriage relationship tension has slipped away. Family problems continue but no longer tear up their world. They don’t have to travel around the world to find happiness and contentment. They have discovered the basic truth that happiness and contentment are not dependent on people or circumstances. They come from a person’s relationship with God. Only God can give love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

Questions for Reflection/Discussion:

  1. Honestly, what are your “If only …” situations?
  2. When is the last time you said, “I was wrong”? Is there a situation in your life currently that you need to begin to correct by saying these words? When are you going to take care of this situation?
  3. What is presently standing in your way of owning your own happiness?

Memorize: Galatians 5:22–23

But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

65803 3. It Takes Commitment

Almost everyone who comes to my office for counseling has been in pursuit of the advantages of life, but something has seemed to stand in their way. Their happiness and sense of self-worth or self-respect have been shattered. If their self-worth and self-respect are intact, then the lack of joy in their life is attributed to the behavior of an offending person or to circumstances that have shifted to one’s disadvantage. It as if they are playing an advantages/disadvantages game.

Let me list some of the advantages I have seen people chasing and some of their perceived corollary disadvantages.

Advantages                        Disadvantages

education                               lack of education
wealth                                    poverty
high position                         low position
physical beauty                     plain or ordinary
fame                                       insignificance
popular                                  unnoticed
healthy                                   unwell
singleness/marriage             marriage/singleness
financially secure                 living paycheck to paycheck

My clients tell me that advantages or overcoming disadvantages does not lead to contentment, joy, peace, or a sense of self-worth or self-respect. We all know that the lives of the famous and the popular often end in misery. The same goes for the healthy, the educated, those in authority, and even those who believe they are financially secure. It’s a frustrating world. Technology, mechanical failures, impolite and careless people, social errors, noisy children, misunderstandings, and poor planning seem to make us angry—in spite of advantages.

One couple came to see me in separate cars because they couldn’t stand to be in the same car together. One car was a Cadillac, the other a Mercedes. They lived in a beautiful, professionally decorated house. They had unlimited financial wealth, they but couldn’t purchase friendship or happiness.

Another client had responsibility for several thousand employees and yet he came to see me because he was tremendously unhappy. He had plenty of power, but he couldn’t control the tension and bitterness in his body.

By now you get my point. Surely, anyone would prefer to be educated, wealthy, powerful, and contented rather than uneducated, poor, powerless, and contented. Nothing against advantages, you understand. But it is clear that advantages are just that—advantages. They, in themselves, do not produce happiness, contentment, joy, peace, or a sense of self-worth or self-respect. If you play the advantages/disadvantages game, you’ll always eventually come up a loser.

If advantages don’t produce positive inner qualities, what does?

There is an answer.

Three Steps to Happiness

In Matthew 22:37–39,

Jesus tells us, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. A second is equally important: Love your neighbor as yourself.”

The key to experiencing happiness boils down to this:

  1. Love God.
  2. Love your neighbor.
  3. Love yourself.

Happiness is not produced by the advantages and disadvantages in your life. It is a product of your priorities. In a world that values stuff, and lots of it, prestige, and power, it is hard for us to wrap our heads around the idea that God needs to be first in our lives.

In presenting this idea to my clients, it often leaves them cold and unresponsive at first glance. They don’t want God in their lives, they want happiness! And happiness comes from earning enough money, getting an education, being understood, and having an understanding spouse, obedient children, and appreciative friends, doesn’t it?

Happiness is a product of your priorities.

The answer to that question depends on whether you believe Jesus knows what he is talking about. As for me, if Jesus said it, there is no need for a survey or research project to prove his statements. Your response to Jesus will not be changed by a further statement on my part that I have seen thousands of changed lives verifying his teaching.

The only way for you to evaluate the advice of Jesus is to take a step of faith and prove it to yourself. Take him at his Word and launch out on your own quest to prove the truth of what he says. If you choose to pursue this adventure, commit a year, or two—or better yet, five—to finding out. Make a commitment to truly pursue the life God has for you.

Step 1: Love God

Jesus said, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.” What does this mean? It means you must commit yourself to falling in love with Jesus. You give your quest all you’ve got.

How do you know if you love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind? One of Jesus’ disciples asked him a similar question and Jesus replied, “Those who accept my commandments and obey them are the ones who love me” (John 14:21).

To know and accept his commandments is no easy process. They are contained in a big, thick book called the Bible. To become familiar with the commandments of Jesus means you will need to take the time to read and study and apply the Bible to your own life. To dig into that book can seem to be a daunting task. Is it worth it? Why should you take Jesus and his commandments seriously? Let him speak for himself. He said to his disciples, “I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me” (John 16:33) and “so that you will be filled with my joy” (John 15:11).

King David, one of the wisest men who ever lived, offered this advice:

Oh, the joys of those who do not
follow the advice of the wicked,
or stand around with sinners,
or join in with mockers.
But they delight in the law of the Lord,
meditating on it day and night.
—Psalm 1:1–2

Surely some of you have tried to read the Bible, only to find it to be a dull and meaningless book. You must begin your quest with awakening a love for God. You may have doubts. Accept them and take a step of faith. Let me assure you that your step of faith will be rewarded.

However, before you begin, there is a preliminary step that you must take if God’s Word is to mean something to you.

Anyone who belongs to God listens gladly to the words of God. But you don’t listen because you don’t belong to God.—John 8:47

People who aren’t spiritual can’t receive these truths from God’s Spirit. It all sounds foolish to them and they can’t understand it, for only those who are spiritual can understand what the Spirit means. —1 Corinthians 2:14

What do these verses mean? They are telling us that in order for us to understand God’s Word, we must enter into a relationship with him. Accepting Jesus Christ and his sacrifice for your sin is the foundation for your relationship with God. It’s like saying that calculus is meaningless to the student unless he has a mathematical background. Likewise, the Bible is dead to you unless you have a relationship with God.

In the book of Revelation, Jesus said,

I stand at the door and knock. If you hear my voice and open the door, I will come in, and we will share a meal together as friends.— Revelation 3:20.

As an act of faith, open the door or your heart and Jesus will come in and empower you to become a child of God. Then, and only then, will you discover the truth of the words of Jesus when he said,

Those who accept my commandments and obey them are the ones who love me. And because they love me, my Father will love them. And I will love them and reveal myself to each of them. —John 14:21

As God reveals himself to you, his commandments will come alive and you will discover that he is leading you to happiness, contentment, peace, joy, stability, and blessing.

Step 2: Love Your Neighbor

In Matthew 22:39, Jesus said, “Love your neighbor as yourself.” He also said, “This is my commandment: Love each other in the same way I have loved you. There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends” (John 15:12–13).

The apostle Paul instructed the Galatian Christians:

For you have been called to live in freedom, my brothers and sisters. But don’t use your freedom to satisfy your sinful nature. Instead, use your freedom to serve one another in love. For the whole law can be summed up in this one command: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ But if you are always biting and devouring one another, watch out! Beware of destroying one another. —Galatians 5:12–15

Loving others can be hard! But notice that loving others comes after we love God. It is because of our love relationship with God that we are able to love others. And Paul’s instruction tells us what that love means: serving and not destroying others. When we focus our attention on loving others we find happiness ourselves.

Step 3: Love Yourself

Jesus’ directive in Matthew 22 is to “Love your neighbor as yourself” (emphasis added). In my experience, it seems that the simplest way to get people started on keeping God’s commandments is to get them working on themselves. I find that when I have a sense of improvement in my attitude and reactions to the people who cross my path, I feel better about myself. I also develop a growing sense of self-respect. I need to like myself. And so do you! It is difficult to engage with life when we feel bad about ourselves.

I have spent a lifetime listening to the stories of people who don’t like themselves. The details of these stories vary greatly, but eventually there is a recurring theme. These people don’t like themselves. They chip away at their own self-respect which in turn leads to personal anxiety and misery as well as trouble with other people.

Commitment to Live Life God’s Way

You must choose to “love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind” and to “love your neighbor as yourself.” And you will find that you must renew your commitment many times each day. There will be many temptations along the way to draw you away from your decision to put God first in all of your life situations. The Bible contains a reassuring promise:

The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure. —1 Corinthians 10:12–13

A commitment requires an initial decision and then a renewal of that decision whenever necessary.

When a person borrows money from an individual or an institution, they make a commitment to repaying that loan. Each time a payment comes due, they recommit themselves to the promise of repayment.

An educational endeavor requires the same type of commitment. An individual makes a decision to go to college, but if they stop with the decision, they still do not earn a degree. Each time a test comes along, they must renew their original commitment and take the test. They must make daily decisions to study or not to study. They must reaffirm their initial commitment when it is time to complete a research project. To get through college, it takes a daily commitment to the end goal to get through.

It has been my experience that if someone wants to do something bad enough, they’ll do it. It is possible to change your present behavior. I’ve observed people who are choosing bad behavior and justifying it because of their past, choose to make positive changes spite of their past. I’ve also observed young people who adopt an entirely new pattern of behavior after only one year of college and then turn back to their early behavior just as abruptly as they turned away from it.

A commitment requires an initial decision and then
a renewal of that decision whenever necessary.

You can choose to look at pornographic material or you can choose not to. You can choose to be mean and unhappy or you can choose not to. You can choose to make excuses for your poor choices or you can choose to start making better choices. Likewise, you can choose to study the Bible and live accordingly, or you can choose not to.

It is important to remember that a commitment made today will need to be renewed again and again as other opportunities tempt you to divert your time and effort. Your commitments are entirely up to you.

Questions for Reflection/Discussion:

  1. In what ways are you currently playing the advantages/disadvantages game?
  2. When it comes to loving God, loving others, and loving yourself, in which area do you need the most work? What is one step you can take to move forward in this area of your life?
  3. On a scale of 1–10, how committed are you to living life God’s way? Do you want to be more committed? What is one thing you can do to become more committed?

Memorize: Matthew 22:37–39

“Love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. A second is equally important: Love your neighbor as yourself.”

75999 Stop and Think

Is “normal” your goal? A 15-minute film that may change your life forever. The whole message of the Bible is not about this God who wants to take from you. It’s about this God who wants to give to you.

A 15-minute film that started it all, “Stop & Think” with Francis Chan. See why hundreds of thousands of people from more than 30 countries worldwide are calling “Stop & Think” the perfect “media tract” for friends, co-workers, churches, and organizations. Finally! A video that clearly explains the Good News of Jesus Christ in a “non-religious” way.

For more information, visit https://www.crazylove.org

About Just Stop and Think

Our purpose is to get the world to stop and think about God. Asking the right questions just might force us to take a few minutes to truly think. The pages within this website are designed to put thoughts of God back into daily life. What will happen when we take the time to just stop and think?