Apicontent

THOUGHT STARTER:

Do you find yourself hurt or disappointed by people’s behavior or events?

[Jesus said,] “Take heed to yourselves. If your brother sins against you, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. And if he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times in a day returns to you saying, ‘I repent,’ you shall forgive him.”
And the apostles said to the Lord, ‘Increase our faith.’”
—Luke 17:3-5, NKJV

Webster defines forgive as “to grant free pardon, cease to feel resentment against.”

What are you to do when you must work together with someone who repeats undesirable behavior over and over again, often deliberately and sadistically? This was my question one summer when I was working with the North American Indian Mission along the spectacular coast of British Columbia. Each year the mission sponsored a summer program, placing college students on many of the beautiful islands scattered along the coastline. The mission would assign a team of four to eight college students to an island for a month. Their job was to make friends with the native Indian islanders, to develop a recreation program for the children and an arts and crafts program for the adults, and to encourage them to attend mission meetings and Bible studies.

The mission had a large ship which cruised up the coast from Vancouver to the southern tip of Alaska. Several seaplanes would regularly meet the ship and fly the teams of students to their assigned islands. My job was to help supervise the teams of students. With a pilot and seaplane I flew from island to island to see how the work was progressing.

I had no experience with seaplanes, but I found it a thrilling experience to take off and to land on the water. After my first landing at one of the islands, the pilot asked me to jump out on the dock and hold the rope which was tied to the pontoon of the plane. Glad to be of help, I stood rope in hand under the wing. When the pilot jumped out of the plane and onto the pontoon, the wing came down and struck me in the head. Boom! I saw stars! The pilot was apologetic,

“I’m sorry.” I replied, “That’s okay.”

I walked up to the primitive little village where a team of college students was eager to share with me all the unexpected challenges that had arisen. The little kids were hard to manage. They swore. They had lice in their hair. After advising, encouraging, and praying with the team, I returned to the plane.

I made note that these students would need frequent visits to encourage them and to remind them to depend on the Lord daily for grace, love, patience, and wisdom.

The pilot once again asked me to hold the rope while he got into the plane. I was glad to oblige. He jumped on the pontoon. The wing came down and smacked me in the head, “Whack!” Again I saw stars!

He said, “I’m so sorry.” I said, “That’s okay.”

My head was somewhat sore, but I ignored it. There was far too much excitement in taking off over the water and rugged landscape. What was a little bump on the head compared to working with such devoted students and these needy Indian children.

As we flew to the next island, I was mildly annoyed at the pilot. My head throbbed, but the beautiful scenery and the three-foot waves which met us at our next landing absorbed my attention.

The pilot asked me to hop out on the dock and hold the rope while he secured the plane. Again I was happy to oblige. Again I felt useful. I was caught off guard when the wing came down on my head: “Bang!”

The pilot said, “So sorry.” I said, “That’s okay.”

A VICTIM OF MY OWN BEHAVIOR

I know what you are thinking. Why didn’t I just get out from under that wing? The excitement of the landings and launchings, the lovely views and my observations of the Indian culture all added up to forgetting to look out for my head.

On the way up to see the students, I began to wonder how sorry the pilot really was. This was no longer okay! I thought that if this happens again, I will throw him into the ocean!

When we arrived at the village the students told me that they could not get along with one other. One of the fellows was very messy. He had promised his friends that he would change, but he didn’t. I told them to be more forgiving of one another.

The pilot and I walked down to the dock. He asked me to hold the rope while he got into the plane. I was glad to comply. The pilot jumped on the pontoon, the wing came down, and I was nowhere near it. I gloated to myself, “Ah, ha! You missed me!

As we flew along, I rubbed my head and nursed my mean, nasty thoughts; I half grumbled and half prayed for help. Then it hit me like the wing of a seaplane. I had visited with teams of students that had to live with circumstances beyond their control. I advised the students to look to God for love, grace, and peace in their difficulties. They had to be more loving and more forgiving of one another.

In the midst of my anger, I remembered the following scripture:

“Take heed to yourselves. If your brother sins against you, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. And if he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times in a day returns to you saying, ‘I repent,’ you shall forgive him.” And the apostles said to the Lord, “Increase our faith.” (Luke 17:3-5, NKJV)

I thought to myself, I’m with the apostles. If I am to forgive this character and like it, then something special must happen to me now.

There I was sitting beside a pilot who was sacrificially serving the Lord. Yes, I was angry and resentful toward him. And I had said nothing. I argued with myself: what about this pilot? I don’t think he’s the least bit sorry! So what? If he isn’t going to change, why not get out from under the wing? Not a bad idea! But is it fair for him to do this three times?

Enough of this kind of thinking, I said to myself. I had struck out on two counts. Why not admit it? First, my heart needed to be cleansed and renewed; my attitude was indefensible! Second, I failed to confront the pilot. Such behavior was clearly a violation of what Jesus taught.

I admitted to God that my attitude was lousy and that I had failed to communicate with the pilot. I asked Him to forgive me, to cleanse me, and to renew my spirit. The Lord heard my prayer and my heart was changed right there in that plane. I was the victim of my own behavior.

We approached another island where we would spend the night. The landing was smooth. The pilot asked me to jump on the dock and hold the rope. I was only too glad to comply. I was a wise, knowledgeable veteran. The pilot crawled out of the plane and, as always, jumped on the pontoon. The wing came down and disturbed only air; Brandt’s head was not under the wing!

That night under the stars as we sat around a campfire, I told the pilot about my struggle. Jesus says to rebuke someone who sins against you. I assumed I should be gracious about it. “You kept saying you were sorry,” I reminded him.

“What I meant was, ‘I’m sorry if you’re too dumb to get out from under the wing,’” he replied, holding his sides with laughter.

This incident started me thinking. Was he serious? Did he mean that he deliberately jumped on the pontoon, knowing that I stood under the wing and would receive a whack on the head? Was this a typical bush pilot joke that they all played on newcomers? Perhaps he had adopted a popular view that says you learn best by taking the consequences for misbehaving. But shouldn’t he at least have instructed me to get out from under the wing when he jumps on the pontoon? Our verse says:

“If your brother sins against you, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him.” (Luke 17:3, NKJV)

Did that mean that I should chew him out? Vent my wrath on him? What if he said he had repented but continued his unacceptable behavior? Another verse will shed some light on these questions:

“Brethren, if a man is overtaken in any trespass, you who are spiritual restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness, considering yourself, lest you also be tempted.” (Galatians 6:1, NKJV)

This verse tells me that if anyone mistreats me, I need to first examine my own heart. I need to be “spiritual” before I approach the other person. What is “spiritual”?

“The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.” (Galatians 5:22-23, NKJV)

If I am not spiritual, I need to straighten myself out before I approach the other person.

If I qualify, I need to rebuke him; that is, I need to point out the offensive or unacceptable behavior to my brother. His response shouldn’t affect my spirit because my spirit is between God and me.

What about the other person’s behavior? If he repents, forgive him, that is, grant free pardon and cease to feel resentment against him.

In this instance he did repent. He agreed to warn me when he was about to jump on the pontoon. Obviously, I needed to keep on being “spiritual.” His present or future conduct didn’t dictate the condition of my heart.

In the future, I could be more alert. I could accept his way of doing things. When he was around the plane, I could be sure not to be under the wing. Occasionally I could remind him to let me know when he was about to jump on the pontoon. Otherwise, I would allow myself to become the victim of my own behavior or lack of behavior.

REBUKE AND FORGIVE

Suppose someone is repentant and still repeats undesirable behavior over and over. Our verse says to rebuke and forgive.

I found myself in this situation with my wife, Jo. Shortly after saying our marriage vows, we learned that some adjustments were necessary.

I was driving, and Jo was sitting next to me when she said, “Henry, would you please not drive so closely to the car in front of us?” I proceeded to defend my driving style and driving record, “Look, I haven’t had an accident in years, and I am in better passing condition when I am close to the next car.” She insisted that I was driving too close. We were clearly annoyed at each other.

Finally I saw the light. How selfish of me to ignore her request and not make driving with me more relaxing for her. I agreed to open the distance between our car and the one we were following. But I learned that driving habits are not easily changed. I would unthinkingly lapse into my old habits. Often I would remind myself; if I didn’t, Jo surely would. There were some trips when I needed to repent seven times in a day. After weeks of catching myself and Jo rebuking me, I’ve developed the habit of staying the proper distance from the car in front of me. Occasionally, I need to correct and “walk in the Spirit.” She needs to rebuke and forgive.

We had another adjustment to make. Jo had a habit of taking off her glasses and laying them on her lap, a table, a car seat, or any other handy place. They would then slide off her lap and disappear, or she would forget where she left them. She was constantly looking for them.

This was unacceptable to me. I felt something simple could be done to solve the problem. She reluctantly agreed to put them in her purse when she took them off when she was away from home. At home, there were two designated places for them. If I saw her put them down anywhere else, I would remind her on the spot. For a while it was a case of reminding her many times every day. Her response wasn’t very friendly, and neither was my response to her response. We both had to repent of our bad attitudes. But the “rebuke-repent” process worked. It quickly became apparent that knowing where her glasses were was worth the effort on both of our parts.

These adjustments made it clear that we both needed to walk “in the Spirit” and we need to maintain a “rebuke-repent” process to deal with occasional lapses.

I met with a man who came to see me regarding his wife. He had married a door slammer. She would slam the car door as hard as she could. She’d slam the front door, the kitchen cupboard doors, the bedroom doors, the bathroom door, and any other door she needed to close. He would wince whenever she approached a door. He could hardly stand it anymore.

“Have you talked to her about it?” I asked.

“No, we have only been married a few months. If I criticize her it may hurt her self-image. I am trying to encourage her.”

I called his attention to Galatians 6:1. No need to be critical. The Lord will help him to be gentle. There is no way for her to know what is in his mind if he doesn’t tell her.

When he asked her to close the doors more gently, she was quite willing to comply. She had no idea that this behavior troubled him; he was greatly relieved. She then got up out of her chair and went to the bedroom and slammed the door. She was truly willing to change, but slamming doors was so much of a habit she did it without thinking. She actually needed to repent seven times a day, and he needed to forgive her just as often. But with two of them working together, she changed her behavior in a few weeks. It took two spiritual people who worked together to solve a problem.

What do you do about unacceptable behavior that may be repeated seven times in a day? First, you walk in the Spirit. It is a fallacy to blame someone else’s behavior for your anger or resentment. This is a sin. Your spirit involves God and you. Second, there needs to be a change of behavior. You need to rebuke, that is, describe the unacceptable behavior. Third, you need to deal with the person’s response. If there is repentance, you forgive. If there is improvement, you praise. But what if there is no change? What then?

What should your response be if someone says they are sorry, but repeats the same behavior day in and day out? You may need to conclude that “I am sorry” is meaningless. What you do about it depends on the relationship. Are you dealing with a child, a parent, your partner, a friend, an employee? Certainly, you need to walk in the Spirit. Depending on the relationship, you may need to reward, praise, punish, remind, train or even fire someone.

In my case, I simply needed to get out from under the wing. My assignment to hold a rope provided me with some insight into my own heart and the chance to learn a new lesson about communication and forgiveness (and how to avoid a bump on the head!).

Do not allow yourself to become the victim of your own behavior.

DISCUSSION STARTERS

• Review the thought starter at the beginning of the chapter. What thoughts were started?
• Review the lead Bible verse. What does it say to you? Did you observe yourself in relation to the verse? Did you observe others in relation to the verse? Did you find any additional verses?
• What is your response to the lesson at the end of the chapter?

1. Can you think of a situation where you became the victim of your own behavior?
2. What determines what you choose?
3. By the time a person comes to God for help, have they experienced a change of heart?
4. How do you go about rebuking someone?
5. Define forgiving.

THOUGHT STARTER:

Has a grudge ever helped you?

“Be gentle and ready to forgive; never hold grudges.
Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.”
—Colossians 3:13, LB

A bloody civil war raged in Uganda. There were shortages of food, water, vehicles, gasoline, and clothing. The roads had potholes the size of a car. Everywhere we looked there were ugly war machines: tanks, trucks, artillery. We had to pass through frequent checkpoints manned by armed teenaged soldiers. We were stopped twelve times while driving the twenty-five miles from the Entebbe airport to the capital city of Kampala. Each checkpoint made us open our bags for inspection.

The next day, we were to travel to the city of Goma where I was scheduled to address a meeting. Sam, my driver, had been scouring in vain to find some gasoline for our vehicle. We were three hours late when Sam finally came to me to say he found some gas for $30 per gallon. We needed fifteen gallons or $450 worth.

I questioned our going. Who would wait for a foreign speaker who is three hours late? Sam convinced me we should go. It was a slow, bumpy ride and there were more road blocks manned by unfriendly soldiers. We arrived at the meeting place which was packed with people. It was so hot and humid that the air in the room was almost unbearable.

I sat on the platform, looking out at the audience. I saw most of them were hungry. They were shabbily dressed and I knew no one in this audience had stood in front of a closet packed full of clothes and wondered what to wear. What could I say to these people when I had never wondered what I would eat or wear? I knew that many of them had suffered the death of a family member. Many of their families were scattered, some having fled into the forest to avoid being mowed down by hostile gunfire. I prayed silently, “Lord, I don’t know what to say to these people. God, you have to help me.”

The only thought that came to me was:

“The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law.”
(Galatians 5:22-23, NKJV)

I told them I believed that each one of them could have all they wanted of a free gift. The gift was the fruit of the Spirit. It was freely available to my people, and I believed it was also available to them.

AN IMPORTANT MESSAGE

After the meeting, a raggedly dressed man approached me. He said I seemed uncertain about my message. He reassured me that the fruit of the Spirit was available in Uganda, but I had left an important condition out of my message. He asked me if I would take the time to come to his home. He would like to tell me his story.

As we walked down a dusty road in the intense heat, he pointed to a large house, with perhaps five or six bedrooms, up in the hills. “That was my house,” he said, “but Idi Amin’s soldiers came one day and took it as headquarters for his army. My family had to flee and today they are in the forest. I had a Mercedes-Benz parked in front of my clothing store. One day the soldiers came and took my car. Then they took my store.”

We had been walking on this dusty road lined with mud-walled huts with thatched roofs. We came to one and he indicated that this was where he lived. We entered it: one dark room, dirt floor, and a box on the floor. He motioned to me to sit on the box. He sat on the other end of it and continued his story.

“I would sit in my chair and work myself into a frenzy over the soldiers who took my car, my business, my house, and scattered my family. I was consumed with hatred, bitterness, and anger.

When I was forced to leave my house, I took along a chair. I had a cow, also, which needed some fly spray. I traded my chair for the fly spray, but my cow died. I also had a goat and traded my goat for some seeds to plant a garden. But it didn’t rain, so my garden failed. Now I have no car, no business, no house, no family, no chair, no cow, no goat, no garden.

One day, as I sat on this box and rehearsed all of this, I thought I would burst with hatred and animosity. A man came to my door in the middle of this situation. He said he was a missionary and had come to tell me that God loved me. That’s all I heard. ‘God loves me?’ I exploded: ‘Do you know what has happened to me?’

In a rage, I picked that man up and threw him out of my house. God loves me! I was so mad I could hardly contain myself! To my surprise, the man got up and came back in. I was startled at his boldness. He said he had come to tell me about Jesus and would like to continue. He told me, ‘God loves you so much that He gave His own Son to die for you. If you ask Him, He will come into your life and change your heart.’

At the moment I was so furious I hardly knew what to do with myself. Then suddenly, what this man said gave me some hope. I needed something, so I asked Jesus to come into my life right then. He did.

Now I come to the part of my story that has to do with your message. I told you that something was missing.

When I asked Jesus to come into my life, I could still see my home occupied by soldiers, my Mercedes-Benz being driven by soldiers, my business ruined, my family scattered, without a garden, and wondering how to survive. My heart was still filled with animosity toward those soldiers. My new friend read me a Bible verse intended for children of God:

“If you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” (Matthew 6:14-15, NKJV)

A shaft of light into utter darkness! I needed to forgive those soldiers. I needed to love them. Suddenly I wanted to love them. I opened my heart and poured out all the hate and anger and bitterness that I had stored up there. All I wanted was the fruit of the Spirit in my heart.

“You are right,” he said. “We can have all we want for free. But you must meet God’s terms. You must forgive men their trespasses.”

My new friend said he was the richest man in Uganda. He had been released from the unbearable load of sin (hate, anger, bitterness) and now was basking in the unlimited wealth of the fruit of the Spirit. He reminded me that God is the source of the fruit of the Spirit. As we parted, I promised him that I would share his story with others.

THE CONDITION OF MY HEART

As I walked away, I remembered a man who had never paid me back some money I had lent him. I had nursed a grudge against him for a long time. (Webster’s defines a grudge as “cherished ill will with deep resentment at a real or imagined slight.”) I, too, had to release that grudge; I did after a struggle similar to my new friend’s struggle. The man still owed me the money, but what a difference to love a debtor instead of hating him.

My new friend faced greater problems than most of us can imagine. How foolish it was to add the pain resulting from hate, anger, and bitterness when he could change them for peace, joy, love, kindness, and forgiveness.

I can be just as angry over my little problems as my friend could be over his big ones. The fact that a man did not pay me back my money did not determine what was in my heart. His decision only revealed the condition of my heart. The money issue is between the man and me. The condition of my heart is between God and me.

I will never forget the man from Uganda who took the time to minister to me. In order for any of us to experience the fruit of the Spirit, we must let go of our pet grudges. For him it meant to forgive those unnamed soldiers. For me it was someone who failed to repay a debt owed to me.

Many people who come to me for help hold long-standing grudges. Years ago I naively thought that it would be music to their ears to hear that they could let them go and be released from the ill will and animosity that gripped their hearts. I have learned that for many people, the older a grudge (or a pet peeve) gets, the more precious it becomes, like a family heirloom. A person can carefully nurture a grudge. It may be toward someone several thousand miles away. You can recall such a grudge when you have an odd moment to reminisce, work yourself into a frenzy, then carefully put it aside until you have another off moment. To give up that grudge would be a sacrifice rather than release.

Remember, God loves us and will allow circumstances to come into our lives in order to show us what is in our hearts.

At another conference, in Zimbabwe, I told the audience the story of the Ugandan businessman who had lost everything when Idi Amin’s soldiers seized his possessions and his family had to flee to the forests. This businessman had peace in his heart only after he forgave the soldiers.

After my morning address, I received a note requesting a private meeting. To my surprise, I found myself sitting across from a couple from Uganda who had been urged by some friends to attend this conference. Deeply disturbed by a tragedy in their own lives, the couple had listened intently to the story of my Ugandan friend.

HOW CAN I FORGIVE?

As they sat before me, they told me how they had struggled to keep their business going in spite of the turbulence of Uganda’s last twenty years.

Then one day during the bloody reign of Idi Amin, they received a note stating their twenty-six-year-old son had been kidnapped and was being held for ransom. The parents did nothing for a few days, and then received a note threatening that their son would be killed if they did not pay the ransom.

The couple sought legal advice and consulted with the proper government authorities. They were advised to resist payment. Then came another note. This was the final warning. If payment was not made immediately, their son would be tortured and killed. As they agonized over what to do, they received a note stating that their son was dead. Grief stricken, the father tried to locate the body.

Finally he found someone who, for a price, would lead him to his son’s body. When he arrived at the appointed place late one night, he was seized by a group of soldiers and taken to a prison. In the same cell that had held his son, they stripped him to the waist and made him face a wall. With a whip made of leather strips, they cut his back to ribbons. They loaded him into the back of a pickup truck and dropped him off on a street corner. They shouted at him that if he ever tried to locate his son again, he would be killed.

Two years had passed. The couple had suffered bitter, deep hatred toward unknown soldiers who murdered their son and beat the father until he was unable to lie on his back for two months. They could no longer enjoy success in business, a spacious home in the country, and a happy family life. Now each day was filled with sorrow, hatred, and thoughts of revenge. The story of the Ugandan businessman had disturbed them; they wanted to know if I believed they were wrong to treasure their misery and keep their hatred alive. It seemed to them that resentment was normal and proper. To forgive the soldiers seemed to them to be inappropriate and disloyal to the memory of their son.

What could I say? Theirs was a tragic story. Surely they had the option to choose their own approach to the cruel, heartless event that had clouded their lives. The problem was so far removed from my own life experiences that it seemed almost from another world. I required more wisdom than I possessed. “God, help me,” I quietly prayed.

We sat in silence in a dimly lit room. I couldn’t think of anything to say to the dear couple. The woman’s eyes were filled with tears. The gentleman sat with his elbows on his knees and both hands covering his face. The wife whispered, “It would be a relief to put this behind us and get on with the future.” “Yes, it would,” he replied. “Can you help us?”

How could I help? I leaned back in my chair and thought to myself, “What would the Ugandan businessman who had lost everything say to them right now? I believe he would have said:

“Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:31-32, NKJV)

Murder and merciless beatings are heinous deeds. Many friends and associates assured them that revenge, anger, and hatred were natural responses. To think of being kind and tenderhearted and forgiving was beyond consideration. Would God want them to change their heart attitudes?

THE HEALING NATURE OF FORGIVENESS

As the three of us struggled in that dark room in Zimbabwe, it seemed to me that there was another presence in the room. God was there telling me to gently urge this dear couple to let go of their hostile spirit and let Him cleanse their hearts. He would give them a kind, tender, forgiving spirit. Jesus would say:

“I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you.” (Matthew 5:44, NKJV)

I suggested that they needed to pray for such a change of heart, and after a long silence, the man said in a trembling voice, “I am ready.” His wife said, “So am I.”

The three of us knelt by the bed in that quiet room. I have never heard such moving prayers. We stood up and embraced each other with tears of supernatural joy streaming down our cheeks.

The next day the man and his wife stood before the entire gathering. He told the group that he and his wife were leaving a heavy burden behind and looking forward to a new life in the future. I knew what he meant.

God’s children have full access to the limitless supply of the fruit of His Spirit: love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Isn’t it odd, therefore, that we should ever choose hatred, resentment, or anger, not over the great tragedies of life, but, more often over the small grievances of daily living?

Inevitably, my response is involved in a deed that needs my forgiveness. This response forces me into the need for personal examination. If there is anger, hatred, the desire for revenge, or physical attack, then I must deal with me before I can deal with the offense. I can get so preoccupied with the offense, I fail to recognize my own need. Jesus once advised a multitude:

“Why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye? . . . Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck out of your brother’s eye.” (Matthew 7:3, 5, NKJV)

To forgive and be forgiven go hand in hand. Therefore, when someone trespasses against us, we usually must deal with our own sins as well as with the other person.

But people want to know when it is acceptable not to forgive. We are confronted on all sides with stories of physical abuse, sexual abuse, rape, unfaithfulness, stealing, suffering, swindling. The list is long. Is no one entitled to withhold forgiveness? Why should we forgive such treatment? The answer is clear.

The Ugandan couple experienced a miraculous cure when they were released from anger and bitterness. Forgiveness freed them from the non-productive and destructive emotions which chained them and enslaved them to the object of their anger. They found that forgiveness was the foundation of good mental health.

“These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33, NKJV)

Forgiving quiets your own heart.

DISCUSSION STARTERS

• Review the thought starter at the beginning of the chapter. What thoughts were started?
• Review the lead Bible verse. What does it say to you? Did you observe yourself in relation to the verse? Did you observe others in relation to the verse? Did you find any additional verses?
• What is your response to the lesson at the end of the chapter?

1. What is a pet peeve? A grudge? A feud? What sins describe these three situations?
2. Does living with the destructive emotions of any of these three situations change the situations?
3. What does it mean that your sins will not be forgiven if you don’t forgive?
4. Do you feel there are situations where you should not forgive?
5. Recall a situation where you struggled with letting go of a grudge.
6. Can you have peace in this world if you harbor a grudge?

THOUGHT STARTER:

Is the peace of God that guards your heart and mind available in a crisis?

“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication,
with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God;
and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding,
will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”
—Philippians 4:6-7, NKJV

It had been about two years since Eva had her operation. Her cancer problem was behind her, and we had planned to spend Thanksgiving Day with our daughter, Beth, and her family. Instead, Eva was in a hospital in Florida. Shortly after Eva had been wheeled into the operating room, the surgeon came to us with the chilling and terrifying news that she had inoperable cancer and had six months to a year to live.

At first, the news left us stunned. Surely, we thought, there must be a way to overcome this problem. The doctors proposed a combination of chemical and radiation therapy. Eva and I didn’t sleep well for several nights as we absorbed the reality of this news.

We were forced to take an in-depth look at just what peace is. We had spent the previous thirty-five years studying and searching for correct principles to live by. Most of what we had found was from the Bible, and we had traveled the world trying to teach what we had learned. Over the years, the most common problem we had seen was people who were struggling in their quest for peace. Now, we were being given one of life’s acid tests: can you have peace during a painful death?

WHERE DOES PEACE COME FROM?

Together we found several verses that directed us to the God of peace:

“Now may the Lord of peace Himself give you peace always in every way. The Lord be with you all.” (2 Thessalonians 3:16, NKJV)

“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:6-7, NKJV)

“These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33, NKJV)

“Let the peace of God rule in your hearts, . . . and be thankful.”
(Colossians 3:15, NKJV)

These verses made it clear that peace is something that originates with God and is available to us under any conditions, which included our present circumstances. Philippians 4:6-7 indicated clearly that God’s peace is beyond our human understanding. Even though it is real and I have experienced it over the years, I still don’t understand it and can’t really explain it. It just works.

Picture a peaceful person with relaxed muscles, normal blood pressure, a quiet mind, and a calm and contented heart. Consider the opposite: tense, anxious, stressful, and uneasy. We had to face the fact that we were not peaceful.

How can you be peaceful when you face a painful, slow death? How can you be peaceful when you have tough decisions to make? For example, what do you do about a specialist’s recommendation that you undergo chemical and radiation therapy when another specialist doesn’t recommend it? When you pray and ask God for guidance, and there is only silence? When you receive solicited and unsolicited conflicting advice from many friends and associates who care deeply?

We turned to our Guidebook for help. These were the time-proven instructions that we already knew and that needed to be applied to our new circumstances. Never before had we faced a situation like this one.

“Trust in the LORD with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.”
(Proverbs 3:5-6, NKJV)

If you combine this verse with Philippians 4:6-7 and John 16:33, it is clear that if you want to get a hearing from God you need to present your “requests” to Him in a relaxed, cheerful, thankful, trusting fashion. We have an opinion about how things should turn out, but we need to be neutral about how they actually do turn out.

Eva and I had very definite opinions about how this situation should turn out. She had always been a healthy woman. We wanted her to be healed! Why should a good woman who has been faithful to God, her husband, and her family suffer a slow painful death by cancer? It didn’t make sense. Of course we were anxious! Why shouldn’t we be?

But the Bible said we needed to come to the Lord in the proper spirit. The Bible said to relax and trust God. We asked the Lord to help us, and we experienced a miracle. He did calm us down and we were able to trust Him.

Eva decided she didn’t want chemical and radiation therapy. Our research indicated that this might prolong her life a bit, but only at the cost of intense suffering. She preferred to try a special diet and food supplement program.

When we let a specialist and some of our friends know about our decision, we experienced a chorus of intensive opposition. I was confronted by some of our best friends who said we must avail ourselves of the finest medical technology available. They insisted I would never be able to forgive myself if I didn’t do this.

When the judgment of people we respected was so strong against our decision, Eva and I had to reconsider. We prayed fervently for direction. Silence.

I remembered a time when Moses was in need of direction. He cried out to the Lord, and the Lord gave him this answer:

“My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest” (Exodus 33:14, NKJV)

That seemed to be our answer. Eva did not change her mind and we proceeded with our plan. We discovered that we could not commit our ways unto Him once and for all. We found ourselves drifting away again and again from peaceful trust in God.

Eva could not follow the rigorous diet and food supplement program that she had selected. Slowly she lost weight: 120 pounds, 110 pounds, 100 pounds, 90 pounds. Sincerely concerned people came to call on us. They asked about our faith. A prayer of faith should heal her. We were asked if there was any known sin in our lives. We appreciated their interest. We searched our hearts and as best we could tell, there was nothing that blocked our prayers for healing.

Several dear people proposed that our faith was too weak. They would pray for Eva themselves and we could benefit from their faith.

Eva just lost more weight and got weaker and weaker. She stuck to her decision not to have chemical therapy. Weeks grew into months as we observed a steady physical decline. At the same time, our faith and trust in the Lord grew. We realized that peace was not dependent on God doing what we wanted Him to do, but peace was dependent on knowing that He was God and He knew what was best in every situation.

Our daughter Sue was able to spend the last six months of Eva’s life with her. She was a missionary with the North America Indian Mission which we have worked with since she was a teenager. Now that Eva was sick, the mission assigned her to look after her mother. I canceled most of my itinerary and also spent the last six months of her life with her. Numerous other people spent several days to a week helping to keep the home going. Our whole family gathered together for Christmas. Mel and Bertha Willett spent five or six weeks near the end of Eva’s life. Tom and Ruth Tate, dear friends for thirty years, took a week out of a very busy life to be with Eva. We were surrounded by many people from all over the world; they offered sympathy, friendship, and help with housekeeping, cooking, and running errands.

TRUSTING GOD IN ALL CIRCUMSTANCES

Not withstanding the prayers of people all over the world, Eva continued to fail. One day it hit me more clearly than ever that she would die. It made me mad and I let God know it! Like many people in my situation, I had refused to accept the obvious. One day as I was leaving our condominium, walking toward the elevator and venting my wrath at God, a presence seemed to be in that hallway. It was as if a voice spoke: “Trust Me. I am God. Let Me comfort you and give you peace. I will not change Eva’s condition. You want to be angry and rebellious about it. I want you to let Me change your heart.”

Once more, I needed to return to trusting God. I needed to repent and let Him calm me down again, and again commit Eva into His loving care.

About six weeks before she died, Eva told me the pain was becoming more intense. She became so preoccupied with her pain that she couldn’t think about anything else. She asked me to keep reminding her to look to God for peace. When she was relaxed, she said, the pain was less.

We prayed for wisdom. About that time, Dr. Steiner from Buffalo dropped in to see us. He taught us some relaxation techniques that helped greatly to relieve her pain. Together, Eva and I asked the Lord to teach us how to help her to be peaceful. We created a plan that combined physical relaxation and yielding her heart to the Lord.

For physical relaxation we did what Dr. Steiner taught us. I would kneel beside the bed and whisper to Eva, “Tighten your toe muscles and let them go. Tighten your foot muscles and let them go. Tighten your ankle muscles and let them go. Tighten your calf muscles and let them go.” We worked this way with all the muscles from the bottom of her feet to the top of her head. I will be eternally grateful to Dr. Steiner for his help.

In addition, we chose some Scripture verses that I repeated after the physical relaxation exercises. I would whisper:

“This is the day the LORD has made; We will rejoice and be glad in it.”
(Psalm 118:24, NKJV)

“This day is sacred to our Lord. Do not grieve, for the joy of the LORD is your strength.” (Nehemiah 8:10, NIV)

“Let the peace of God rule in your hearts: . . . and be thankful.”
(Colossians 3:15, NKJV)

Then I would whisper, “Let the Lord give you peace. Just let Him give you joy. You need more today than you ever needed in your whole life.” By the time we finished this, she had drifted away into blessed, peaceful sleep.

We repeated this routine six, eight, ten times a day. Sometimes she would call me; sometimes on my own I felt the urge to go to her. We looked forward to these little meetings, and we actually enjoyed them in that we both knew we were participants in something beyond human understanding.

I do not for a moment discount the wonderful support, affection, sympathy, and help given to us by beloved friends. We had the best that human beings can give. However, we all witnessed something supernatural happening to Eva in those last several weeks of her life.

She continued to lose weight until she was down to seventy pounds. She became more and more serene as the end neared. There was a kind of angelic aura of joyful peace about her.

She allowed the peace of God that surpasses understanding to guard her heart and mind through Jesus Christ. This was Eva’s final word by living it out in her life:

“Let the peace of God that surpasses all understanding guard your hearts and minds.” (Philippians 4:7, NKJV)

I need to give my request to God, but trust the decision to Him.

DISCUSSION STARTERS

• Review the thought starter at the beginning of the chapter. What thoughts were started?
• Review the lead Bible verse. What does it say to you? Did you observe yourself in relation to the verse? Did you observe others in relation to the verse? Did you find any additional verses?
• What is your response to the lesson at the end of the chapter?

1. Is it ever right to be peaceful when there is a tragedy or a crisis?
2. When do you need peace the most?
3. Is it possible to have peace today, with the existing circumstances in your life?
4. According to Exodus 33:14, what condition will assure you that God is with you?
5. What conditions tend to detract from your concentration on God?
6. According to Philippians 4:6-7, John 16:33 and Proverbs 3:5-6, what conditions need to exist when you want to approach God with a request?

THOUGHT STARTER:

Are most of us too busy to hear God’s whispers? Does it take a clap of thunder to get our attention?

“It is appointed for men to die once, but after this the judgment.”
—Hebrews 9:27, NKJV

“For what profit is it to a man if he gains the whole world, and loses his own soul?”
—Matthew 16:26, NKJV

It was April 25, 1982. Eva and I were alone in her private hospital room as she battled cancer. She was lying in bed with her head propped up on pillows when I heard her weak little voice say, “Am I going to die?”

I was stunned and not prepared for her question. I have always been forthright with Eva, but I was greatly tempted to lie to her. After a long pause, I heard myself say, “Yes, you are going to die.”‘

She said, “I’m scared.”

I asked, “Why are you scared?”

She said, “Because I made a mess of my life.”

How could she say such a thing? This lady who had traveled the world by my side, who was my stable companion, who kept encouraging me, who left a heritage to a host of women whom she helped to understand their role as wife and mother, and who was a faithful career mother?

I asked, “Why do you say this?”

Her answer was a complete surprise. “I could have been a better mother. I could have been more careful with the money. I could have been a better witness. I could have been more affectionate toward you.”

How should I respond? I was always proud of the way she handled her role as a mother. It’s true, she could have been more careful with money, but what did it matter now? There are very few women who served the Lord as she did. As far as being more affectionate toward me, only she would know.

My first impulse was to reassure her that she was wrong. But then I remembered many instances when, after listening to someone unburden themselves to us, we were tempted to soft-pedal their story. The only way to really help them was not to offer human sympathy, but to help them call sin by its right name.

These thoughts ran through my mind. Eva was about to meet Jesus. She wasn’t concerned about her plants or her wardrobe or her makeup. She was concerned about her soul.

PREPARED FOR THE JOURNEY

Finally I whispered, “You know what we would advise people who told us a story like that, don’t you?”

She answered:

“If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” (1 John 1:9, NKJV)

She went on to tell the Lord what she told me. I could hardly hear her voice. As she prayed, it dawned on me that everything she said was true of me. I could have been a better father, more careful with the money, a better witness, more affectionate toward Eva.

When Eva finished her prayer, I prayed my prayer. Two weary pilgrims in a hospital room, getting our hearts cleaned up by the living God. I look back on that incident as one of the most inspiring, refreshing, renewing moments in our forty-two years of marriage. It was a final tune-up before the supreme event of all: preparing to meet the Lord.

The next day I was alone with Eva in her room. She was alert and seemed supernaturally peaceful.

I asked, “Are you scared today?”

She said, “No, not at all.”

I asked, “Why not?”

She said, with a broad smile, “I got the garbage cleaned out of my heart last night.” I asked, “Are you ready to go?”

“Yes,” she said.

Some visitors dropped in. When they left, I asked her if she would like to talk to our daughter Beth because our son Dick and his wife Patti had called the day before. I dialed the number and Eva chatted with Beth.

About a half hour later, Eva dozed off. I noticed that she was breathing unusually heavy. Just then, Sue, our daughter who was helping me take care of Eva, walked in. Together we watched Eva take a final breath and she was gone. I heard Sue say “Praise the Lord.” I agreed. What a wonderful experience. She was with the Lord whom we loved and served.

“Precious in the sight of the LORD is the death of His saints.”
(Psalm 116:15, NKJV)

I cannot and could not look at her death as a tragedy. I suppose it all depends on your preparation, and we really believe that to meet Jesus was the ultimate, supreme event of life.

Recently, I talked to a couple who had not seen their son for four years because he was in another country, getting an education. Of course they missed him, but they would not for one moment deprive him of that privilege.

I look at Eva’s death in the same way. What a privilege for her to go on ahead to meet Jesus. Of course we miss her, but we would not for one moment deprive her of that privilege.

There were piles of cards that arrived after Eva died. One stood out that came from Dr. Earl Radmacher, the president of Western Baptist Seminary:

The Ship

I am standing upon the seashore. A ship at my side spreads her sails to the morning breeze and starts for the blue ocean. She is an object of beauty and strength and I watch her until at length she hangs like a speck of white cloud just where the sea and sky come down to mingle with each other. Then someone at my side says, “There, she’s gone.”

“Gone where?” Gone from my sight . . . that is all. She is as large in mast and hull and spar as she was when she left my side, and just as able to bear her load of living freight to the place of destination. Her diminished size is in me, not in her; and just at that moment when someone at my side says, “there she’s gone,” there are other voices ready to take up the glad shout, “Here she comes!”

And that is dying.¹

“Come, you blessed of My Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world.” (Matthew 25:34, NKJV)

The key to anticipating the death of the people we know and love is preparation. When you love someone as much as you do the Lord and He calls that person to come to Him, you will be pleased with His decision. This is the ultimate, crowning event that all of us will experience if we meet the conditions. A warm welcome from the One who loves us is what we eagerly anticipate if our conscience is clear.

I later found a note among Eva’s papers, dated January 10, 1982:

Through this experience I’ve had the joy and comfort of having my family and friends upholding me in prayer and supporting me in every way. This has given strength, relaxation, and a deep sense of comfort and peace—and to know God has been with me, near me, beside me—with the promise, “I will never leave thee nor forsake thee”—what perfect peace and comfort this has been! Jesus had to suffer that awful experience of separation from His Father—He suffered alone—I have never experienced this!

She died April 26, 1982.

“O death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory?”
(1 Corinthians 15:55, KJV)

PREPARED FOR THIS WORLD

Watching events unfold in my life and noting my responses to them have helped me draw some personal conclusions about this world.

1. “You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.” (Matthew 22:37, NKJV)

This command was a puzzle to me for a long time. How can I tell how much I love God? Is loving God in conflict with loving my family? Then one day I received a very clear answer given by Jesus Himself:

“He who has My commandments and keeps them, it is he who loves Me.”
(John 14:21, NKJV)

If I love Him, I will study and obey His commandments as the single top priority of my life. Observing whether I am obeying Him is a quick check to see if I have a rebellious spirit. He said that to love God is the greatest commandment of them all.

2. “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” (Matthew 22:39, NKJV)

Jesus said that this is the second greatest commandment of them all and it is like the first. This commandment has two sides to it. Jesus said that I am to look after my own soul as a priority equal to loving God:

“For what profit is it to a man if he gains the whole world, and loses his own soul.” (Matthew 16:26, NKJV)

The other side of the command is to love everyone and be as concerned about their souls as my own.

3. “The earth is the LORD’s.” (Psalm 24:1, NKJV)

This fact has been a source of great freedom to me. I don’t own anything. I am a steward of someone else’s property. It belongs to the One I am to love with all my heart, soul, and mind. If I do, then I will care for His property as if it were my own. The Bible tells me that all that is in the world will be burned up. If that is true, then I need to heed the advice of my friend, Jack Klemke: to hold the things in the world lightly. It will all become an ash pile. Only people will be left!

4. “It is appointed for man to die once, but after this the judgment.”
(Hebrews 9:27, NKJV)

This ought to be welcome, exciting news. Recently my wife, Jo, and I went to visit her ninety-nine-year-old mother-in-law. Jo eagerly looked forward to this visit. The closer we got, the more excited she got. Finally, Jo saw her: the crowning moment of a long journey to Salem, Oregon. What a pleasure to greet someone whom you love! Who would want to withhold such a privilege from anyone?

After meeting the Lord comes the judgment. If I have kept His commandments (the test of our love) then I can anticipate this greeting:

“Come, you blessed of My Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world.” (Matthew 25:34, NKJV)

Happy thought!

5. “Precious in the sight of the LORD is the death of His saints.”
(Psalm 116:15, NKJV)

A PRECIOUS SIGHT

The key to anticipating the death of the people I know and love is preparation. When I love someone as much as I love the Lord and He calls that person to come to Him, I will be pleased with His decision, provided my conscience is clear toward that person. This is the crowning event for the people we love: a warm welcome from our Lord.

6. “Grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To Him be the glory both now and forever.” (2 Peter 3:18, NKJV)

Preparation for meeting the God I care about is a happy task. As I prepare and wait, I remember these things:

• Grow in grace. The ultimate achievement in yielding to the grace of God is to become more gracious as I grow older.
• Grow in the knowledge of the Lord Jesus Christ. The more I study His commandments and do them, the more my appreciation of the benefits of obedience grows.
• Glorify Him: now and forever with my thoughts, emotions, and behavior. My decision to please God in these ways must be renewed day by day.

A prepared heart has no fear of death and what lies beyond.

DISCUSSION STARTERS

• Review the thought starter at the beginning of the chapter. What thoughts were started?
• Review the lead Bible verse. What does it say to you? Did you observe yourself in relation to the verse? Did you observe others in relation to the verse? Did you find any additional verses?
• What is your response to the lesson at the end of the chapter?

1. When company comes, we scramble around to straighten up the house. What do we need to do to prepare for Jesus’ coming?
2. What do you suppose will be involved in the judgment mentioned in Hebrews 9:27?
3. How much time, effort, and money do you invest in preparing for your vocation? Doing your job? Holding up your end of the family? Interacting with people? Recreation? Preparing to die?
4. An athlete who loves his sport keeps reviewing the rules. The one who loves God keeps reviewing the commandments. Discuss.
5. Discuss the two sides to Matthew 22:39

THOUGHT STARTER:

Why do you feel good after praying sometimes, and other times you are anxious?

“For the eyes of the LORD are on the righteous, And His ears are open to their prayers; But the face of the LORD is against those who do evil.”
—1 Peter 3:12

“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be mode known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” —Philippians 4:6-7, NKJV

I was asked to speak to a group gathered for “a day of prayer.” This was a good assignment because like most speakers, I usually learned more in preparation for the presentation than the audience did in listening to the message. I spent three days thumbing through my Bible, reflecting and meditating on the subject of prayer.

Looking back, I did a lot of praying while Eva was struggling with cancer and also when my second wife, Marcey, died suddenly. I did a lot of praying before Jo and I married. There have been other crises in my life when I pleaded with God to help me solve a problem. But upon reflection, I have found that it is very easy to drift away from watching God work.

A day of prayer, or, more precisely, an annual day of prayer, served me well. It gave me a chance to pause, to let the world go by for a day, and to contemplate the privilege of talking things over with the Creator of the universe.

The verse at the head of this chapter promises the peace that passes understanding will guard our hearts and minds as a by-product of prayer: a peace that is a quiet, still, calm, serene state of heart and mind. Everyone seeks this, but not everyone wants to meet the conditions. Prayer and supplication imply the acceptance of the truth that you must submissively and earnestly relinquish control over the events of your life to Someone else.

This proposition is a bit much for “modern” self-sufficient people who may have achieved an education, a position, wealth, power, or authority, without giving God a thought. Why should they turn control of their lives over to anyone, even God?

THE NEED FOR PRAYER

The answer is that sooner or later, a peaceful heart and mind will elude you. Personal attainment, competence, and intelligence are heady stuff, but not the keys to finding the peace of God. Truly self-sufficient people find this hard to believe.

I remember sitting across the desk from a businessman who had all the benefits of success: a large, beautifully decorated home located on spacious, well-tended grounds, a summer home, a farm, the finest food, clothing, cars, and the privilege of frequent travel to other countries. He achieved it on his own, yet now he was telling me how and why he needed the Lord.

He and his wife had been invited to attend an executive seminar a year earlier by several men whom he respected. On the way to the seminar, they rode in silence the whole three hours, nursing mutual hostility toward each other, in luxurious, air-conditioned comfort. They were utterly miserable; this was the third straight day they had not spoken to each other.

They sat in the audience and listened to other businessmen and their wives give their testimonies-that they had achieved everything on their own but peace and contentment. Only when they turned control of their lives over to God were they able to experience the peace that passes understanding.

Separately at the conference, both he and his wife prayed and turned control of their lives over to the Lord. This simple step added the missing link for them: access to the peace of God that passes understanding.

A statement once caught my attention. I wrote it down but failed to record the source: “It would seem that a good head, excellent vision, a strong heart, a strong body, an inexhaustible purse—you’d have it made.”

Not so when it comes to finding peace of heart and mind. St. Augustine once said to God: “You made us for Yourself, and our heart is restless until it finds rest in You.”

Even Jesus, God’s own Son, needed to turn His life over to God. When He was about to be crucified, He made a request to God:

“Father, if it is Your will, take this cup away from Me; nevertheless not My will, but Yours, be done.” (Luke 22:42, NKJV)

The answer was “no.” Finishing the task was necessary. It seems that everyone takes his turn in enduring something he would rather not face.

THE METHOD OF PRAYER

Jesus cautioned His disciples about just giving the appearance of praying to God:

“When you pray, you shall not be like the hypocrites. For they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the corners of the streets, that they may be seen by men. Assuredly, I say to you, they have their reward.”
(Matthew 6:5, NKJV)

I am reminded of some lines in Shakespeare’s Hamlet:

My words fly up

My thoughts remain below

Words without thoughts

Never to heaven go.¹

I am ashamed to say it, but as I look back, I can recall instances when, as a part of an audience, I was asked to come to the platform to pray without any warning or preparation. On the way to the platform, I would pull together some random thoughts. I’d ask the audience to bow their heads to pray with me. Most of them would dutifully do so, and I’d speak some words. When finished, I could hardly remember what I had said. I doubt whether the audience did either. I’m not sure my words got beyond the ceiling.

It’s a simple matter to say, “Let us pray.” It is equally simple to close our eyes and bow our heads. We can join a group for “a day of prayer.” All this can be done without praying. Jesus once chided the scribes and Pharisees:

“These people draw near to Me with their mouth, And honor Me with their lips, But their heart is far from Me.” (Matthew 15:8, NKJV)

Praying is making our requests known to God. The decision regarding our requests is His. The evidence that you have really gotten through to God is that: “the peace of God which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” Then, you “watch God work.”

When Eva was struggling with cancer, we both requested that she be healed. We both recognized that the decision was out of our hands. Close friends urged us to exercise faith. They said that the evidence of adequate faith was her healing.

Neither Eva nor I could accept that idea. To us, the evidence of faith was peace that passes understanding, guarding our hearts and minds through Jesus Christ. To us, it seemed presumptuous to tell God what to do. We make the request; God makes the decision. We needed to line up our requests with the will of the Creator.

A week before Eva died, one of our friends, a very sincere Christian, came by and said that as she was praying for Eva, the Lord clearly revealed to her that Eva could choose to live or die. If she chose life, she would need to endure some pain, but she could live.

A letter arrived at the same time from a precious friend, telling us that in prayer the Lord gave this person assurance that God would honor her prayer of faith and heal Eva.

What were we to do with these developments? Eva was getting weaker and weaker. Our response was to turn to the Bible:

“If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, you will ask what you desire, and it shall be done for you.” (John 15:7, NKJV)

“If you ask anything in My name, I will do it. If you love Me, keep My commandments.” (John 14:14-15, NKJV)

“The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much.”
(James 5:16, NKJV)

“Building yourselves up on your most holy faith, praying in the Holy Spirit . . .” (Jude 20, NKJV)

“The eyes of the LORD are on the righteous, and His ears are open to their prayers.” (1 Peter 3:12, NKJV)

The Bible tells us that effective praying implies familiarity with the commandments, obedience, and fervent, righteous walking in the Spirit by faith. That is difficult to measure up to. Eva and I decided that as best we could tell, we qualified to approach the Lord once more. We could not honestly say any more than what we had already said. Our prayer was that we agreed with our friends that Eva could live, but we wanted God’s will.

Eva died.

During the time Eva struggled with cancer, another crisis was developing. I was involved in a real estate investment with a group of Christians. We united in prayer for the success of this venture. Without getting into the details, suffice it to say that the project was not doing well. The project went belly up and with it a great deal of my money.

THE EVIDENCE OF PRAYER IN OUR LIVES

What can you say? The conclusion I came to is contained in a Bible verse:

“As the heavens are higher than the earth, So are My ways higher than your ways, And My thoughts than your thoughts.” (Isaiah 55:9, NKJV)

There were many, many people who were united in requesting that Eva should live. There were many people praying for the success of that business venture.

One must conclude that none of us were thinking God’s thoughts, nor did our wishes fit with His ways. This requires all of us to search our hearts daily to be sure we qualify to speak in Jesus’ name.

In Chapel News², Knute Larson wrote on prayer, using a good visual aid that helps explain our interaction with God in the area of prayer:

Two circles explain how prayer works in a simple way.

 “If you ask anything in My name, I will do it.” (John 14:14, NKJV)

Area A is prayers that are not answered, possibly because we ask selfishly.

“And even when you do ask you don’t get it because your whole aim is wrong—you want only what will give you pleasure.” (James 4:3, LB, emphasis added)

Area B is blessings or things God would do for us if we just asked. The Bible tells us why we don’t have them:

“The reason you don’t have what you want is that you don’t ask God for it.” (James 4:2, LB)

Intersection C shows answered prayers in line with God’s will.

I can recall some glib prayers that I have prayed, such as asking God to help me keep my priorities in order or to help me place my family and the things of this world in proper perspective. I’ve asked God to use my life and all that I have for His glory. If I expected any answers, I didn’t expect the ones I received. But death and financial loss did get my attention. And my experience with prayer over the years has grown to recognize peace, the peace only God gives.

The evidence that your prayer is acceptable to God is that you experience the peace of God in your heart.

DISCUSSION STARTERS

• Review the thought starter at the beginning of the chapter. What thoughts were started?
• Review the lead Bible verse. What does it say to you? Did you observe yourself in relation to the verse? Did you observe others in relation to the verse? Did you find any additional verses?
• What is your response to the lesson at the end of the chapter?

1. Why do we sometimes not feel good after praying?
2. How do you think we look to God when we gripe, complain, and resent His choices for us?
3. How does it feel to make our requests known to God and then watch Him work?
4. Give some illustrations of prayer requests and the answers to those prayers.
5. Compare Matthew 15:8 with Shakespeare’s lines in Hamlet.
6. Discuss Larson’s three circles.

THOUGHT STARTER:

Turning everything over to God and letting Him control the situation is humanly impossible—and a fun experience.

“Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks;
for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.”
—1 Thessalonians 5:16-18, NKJV

Many years ago, I renewed a commitment to serve the Lord as my top priority. I was reading Psalm 1 and the first word, blessed, caught my attention. What does that mean? The concordances and dictionaries that I consulted said that blessed means “cheerful, calmly happy, or well off.” I knew I was a candidate for that. Verse 2 gave one characteristic of this blessed person:

“His delight is in the law of the LORD; and in his law doth he meditate day and night.” (Psalm 1:2, KJV)

That struck me as a very tall order in that the law of the Lord is contained in a very thick book called the Bible. And how does one meditate day and night?

At the time, it was basketball season and I loved basketball. I read about the game; I watched it, talked about it, and followed the careers of certain players. Basketball was well ingrained in the background of my thinking.

It was also very satisfying to play the game in my younger days. I memorized all the rules of basketball because I couldn’t play successfully if they were not part of my subconscious thinking. I didn’t have time in the middle of a game to say, “Now, what was that rule about standing in the key too long?”

Living is like that also. If we wait until the actual event, God’s laws governing that situation in life will not be part of our background thinking and we will often end up making a wrong decision. We need to be ready with God’s law in our subconscious so we don’t end up with regrets after the fact. If the law is to be in the background of our thinking, we must first of all have portions of it in our minds.

REJOICE ALWAYS

Since memorizing is not one of my strengths, I looked for an easy verse to get started with. “Rejoice always” (1 Thessalonians 5:16). My goal was to spend two weeks with this verse in the background of my thinking. This meant that “joy, delight, great gladness, emotion of keen or lively pleasure arising from present or expected good” needed to be in me always.

Always? These were my first responses: You’ve got to be kidding. Who wants to be that joyful? Should anyone be that joyful? Is it even appropriate? What about a death in the family? Discovery that a child is on drugs? Your partner is in an adulterous relationship? Job loss? Investment wiped out? Addressed rudely? Injured in an accident? Neglected or criticized? Beaten or abused?

You can add to this list. Life doesn’t happen the way you want it to.

While thinking about this verse over a period of two weeks, I did not succeed once in rejoicing for a full twenty-four hour period. One day during this period, I was disgusted and dreading the day even before I got out of bed. (Have you ever awakened in the morning saying, “Oh no, I woke up! Must I get out of bed?”)

Can one enjoy facing a crisis? I’ve often thought that joy is on the other side of a difficult problem and that joy only comes with a solution. This verse suggested, however, that one can joyfully work toward a solution.

I concluded that this is not humanly possible. To rejoice always requires a miracle: not just an ordinary one, but a full-blown, supernatural miracle.

The Bible says that joy is a fruit of the Spirit of God (Galatians 5:22). This is a condition of the heart that occurs at any given time when one consciously recognizes the impossibility of human achievement of joy, and as an act of the will, yields to the joy of the Lord. The miracle then follows.

My friend Sue lived in Nairobi, East Africa, when she received word that her brother had died suddenly. She decided to go to California to be with her sister-in-law and attend a memorial service for him. The trip from Nairobi to Los Angeles was a long, demanding journey and she realized that if she ever needed peace and joy, it was now.

As she started out on her long journey, she prayed for the fruit of the Spirit, peace and joy, to be her companion.

It was an uneventful trip until she arrived in Dallas. The flight from Dallas to Los Angeles was overbooked and she found herself on the waiting list. One by one names were called and she watched the passengers go on board.

It occurred to her that she might not get on this flight, which meant she would miss the memorial service. Because she had prayed that she would get there in time for the service, it never occurred to her that she would miss it after traveling ten thousand miles. The thought crept into her mind that if she were to enjoy this moment, it would have to be in Dallas, wait-listed, and likely to miss the plane.

In fact, she did miss the plane. Only a miracle could give her joy in her heart in this situation, and she needed it now more than ever. At this point she could enjoy making the best of the predicament, or she could be unhappy and bitter. Either way, she was stuck in Dallas.

She chose to ask the Lord to fill her with His joy and God responded to her request. She has the same option every day. We all do.

The second verse I chose to work on was a bit more difficult—three words:

“Pray without ceasing.” (1 Thessalonians 5:17, NKJV)

PRAY WITHOUT CEASING

A friend was driving me to the Atlanta airport. I was sharing with him my experience with the verse, “Pray without ceasing” plus “Rejoice always.” It was 4:00 p.m. and up to then I had enjoyed the day. It had turned out as I had prayed.

We arrived at the airport early so we sat in the car and talked a while. I said good-bye to my friend, entered the airport, and presented my ticket to the attendant at the desk. My destination was Asheville, where I was to speak at a nearby conference center that night. The attendant informed me that the flight had just left, and there were no more flights to Asheville until morning. I was stunned. My watch showed plenty of time: my watch had stopped!

I quickly called the center in Asheville and told them what had happened. They had already dispatched a driver to drive sixty miles to pick me up: He would surely need some joy when he discovered I was not there. And as for me, I ended up praying and rejoicing all alone in a motel room in Atlanta.

The evening alone was enjoyable. God gave me no clue as to why this happened. He was silent. Yet, this was a rare day when I trusted and rejoiced all day.

The next morning I was at the airport bright and early. The plane was scheduled to arrive in time for me to easily make my speech in Asheville at 11:00 a.m. As I waited for the plane to load, I rehearsed my two Bible verses: “Rejoice always,” plus “Pray without ceasing.” The plane was full and took off on time. It was only a half hour flight, and soon we felt the plane head downward. What a good feeling. Then we felt the plane head up again. The speaker system came on: “This is the captain speaking. I regret to tell you that there is fog in Asheville; we are going to land in Johnson City.”

With that announcement, one could hear murmuring throughout the airplane. Most of the polite, nicely dressed passengers became visibly unhappy. One well-groomed man bawled out the flight attendant because there was fog in Asheville.

I was rehearsing my verses and, strangely enough, contentedly watching God work. We landed in Johnson City. Our planeload of mostly disgusted passengers descended on a hapless ticket agent behind the counter who had just heard the bad news himself. One nice looking man banged his fist on the counter and moaned, “I want to get to Asheville.”

As for me, I ran to a phone to call the Center to tell them I wouldn’t be there at 11:00 a.m. Unfortunately, the poor driver who was to meet me last night had already left for the Asheville airport. For the second time, the conference director had no speaker. The men at the Conference Center and the driver needed a good supply of trust and joy for this day also.

Meanwhile, Henry Brandt was rehearsing his verses: “Pray without ceasing,” plus “Rejoice always.” The ticket agent behind the counter looked quite harried. I felt sorry for him, so I went up to him and told him I was also a passenger. I encouraged him to process me last and I would hover in the background and give him moral support. He looked at me as though I was drunk. What was a cheerful, relaxed, supportive person doing here?

It took an hour and a half for the agent to line up micro-busses to transport us to Asheville. One by one the busses left with a load of disgruntled passengers. I was the only one left. He motioned me forward and said, “I’m sorry, I’m out of busses. But I do have a limousine out there, and if you don’t mind, I will send you to Asheville in it.” “I don’t mind,” I said. We went outside and there sat a long, black Chrysler limousine. I sat in the back seat and motioned the chauffeur to proceed. Soon we caught up to the first bus. I waved happily as we passed.

That is the way it goes. Sometimes the day turns out as we had planned. Often it doesn’t.

Prayer is just talking to God with our mouth or with our heart. How is it possible to pray without ceasing? Does this mean that one stops doing everything else and just continuously talks to God? What would you talk about? Do you ignore your family and friends? What about going to work and interacting with the people there? Going shopping? Going visiting? This verse surely can’t mean what it says.

I can commit my day into God’s hands. I can tell him what I want to have happen.
I can compare what happens with what my requests were. Then whatever happens, I can depend on a living God to look after me and I can trust Him to give me a day’s supply of joy. Life may not always make sense, but I can always trust Him.

It is never dull talking with God because his plans are always different and better than ours:

“This plan of mine is not what you would work out, neither are my thoughts the same as yours! For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than yours, and my thoughts than yours.” (Isaiah 55:8-9, LB)

The third verse I chose to work on had four words in it:

“In everything give thanks.” (1 Thessalonians 5:18, NKJV)

In everything? When your car won’t start? Tire is flat? Your partner is fifteen minutes late? You are being ignored at home?

GIVE THANKS IN EVERYTHING

I was asked to speak in Mombasa, a city on Kenya’s Indian Ocean coast. My sponsor and his wife were named Justice and Jemima. They met me at the airport and seemed to glow with appreciation as we greeted each other. As we drove toward the hotel, he remarked that he was so thankful that a friend from another mission had loaned them this car. Justice’s car was broken down and he could not afford to fix it.

He was pleased to tell me that a local Baptist congregation had made their church auditorium available. It was the best location in town, easily accessible from all directions. He added that very few people owned cars so they must get where they’re going by bus.

About one hundred and fifty people were already there. The mood of the people before the meeting was congenial and friendly. The host pastor greeted us gladly. Justice was elated at the turnout for the response was beyond his expectations. The audience’s reception of the material was positive. Many of them approached me to express their thanks for my coming. I might add that the meeting was from 5:00 p.m. to 6:30 p.m. so those in attendance could catch their buses before dark.

For this to make any sense to you, some background information might help.

Outside, it was about 110 degrees. The humidity was as high as it could get. The church was located on as busy a corner as you could imagine and also a heavy truck route. When the signal light on the corner changed, the trucks revved up their engines to get going again. Cars tooted their horns frequently.

When the church was built ten years before, this was a quiet spot. The business area of the city grew in that direction, and now the church was surrounded by buildings, with the heavy traffic going by.

With no air-conditioning, all doors and windows were wide open to catch any movement of air that might relieve the intense heat and humidity. As I spoke to the people, the sweat poured down my face, into my eyes, and downward all over my body. The faces of people in the audience glistened with sweat. The church’s public address system was turned as high as possible above the roar of the heavy traffic.

Next door was a Moslem temple. At 6:00 p.m., their public address system issued a call to prayer that could be heard for blocks. For a minute and a half, I had to compete with a Moslem call to prayer.

All this bedlam around us–and in this setting dozens of people expressed their thanks for a convenient location and a public address system that was louder than the traffic noise.

These people taught me that one can have a grateful, thankful heart in a setting where the body is struggling with heat and high humidity, where the eardrums are taxed to the limit trying to block out deafening noise and at the same time trying to listen to a speaker. Here, funds are limited and clothing is scarce. Medical attention is almost nonexistent; education hard to come by; money is precious. Housing is substandard, according to our definition of substandard.

None of these conditions kept these people from turning their hearts Godward and opening their ears to hear from Him. If they were to have hearts filled with gratitude and appreciation and thankfulness on this day, it had to be under present conditions. They could be discontentedly complaining about the present and dwell on what might have been or what could be in the future.

Surely these people would like a better life-style. They work toward improvement like anyone else. As I think about them, I am reminded of these words:

A truly spirited Christian is a paradox in that he is always satisfied, yet ever seeking. He never thirsts, yet is always thirsting. He is perfectly content, yet always wanting more. He enjoys to the full what he possesses but knows there is more beyond and eagerly longs for it.¹

The famous prayer of St. Francis of Assisi has inspired many of us:

God, grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.

I have had wealthy clients who are very discontent that they don’t have more. Then there are those like my friends in Kenya that are so thankful for very simple things. Our response of trust to God in terms of what we have is an excellent indicator of our walk with God.

I have seen in my own life that I need to stand with open hands before God. He can put into my hand or He can take out of my hand whatever He wants. This includes loved ones, finances, possessions, health—anything. Sometimes it is painful, but I know He loves me and I can trust Him.

God loves us and wants our hearts to be satisfied with Him:

“I have learned the secret of contentment in every situation, whether it be a full stomach or hunger, plenty or want; for I can do everything God asks me to with the help of Christ who gives me the strength and power.”
(Philippians 4:12-13, LB)

He also wants us to appreciate everything that He has given us now, even the difficulties, because they are there for a purpose that is for our good:

“In everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.”
(1 Thessalonians 5:18, NKJV)

When we allow God to work out His plan for our lives, joy and thanksgiving will be measured in our hearts.

DISCUSSION STARTERS

• Review the thought starter at the beginning of the chapter. What thoughts were started?
• Review the lead Bible verse. What does it say to you? Did you observe yourself in relation to the verse? Did you observe others in relation to the verse? Did you find any additional verses?
• What is your response to the lesson at the end of the chapter?

1. Would you say there are circumstances when joy would be an inappropriate response?
2. What is keeping you from experiencing joy right now?
3. How is it possible to pray without ceasing?
4. Share with us how God handled one of your prayers.
5. Can you think of anything you do “without ceasing” in the normal course of living?
6. Read Philippians 4:12-13. Are there any instances when you learned what is described in these verses?
7. Do you face an unwanted difficulty? What is there about it to be thankful for?

THOUGHT STARTER:

Is being a little bit angry like being a little bit pregnant?

“Put off . . . anger, wrath, malice.” Colossians 3:8, NKJV

It is not very often that an author describes a session with his counselor. Jay Carty did just that and I happened to be the counselor.

I was on my way to teach a class at a Christian college when I was given a note requesting that I return a long distance phone call from Jay. I returned his call and he wanted to set up an appointment. We agreed on 2:00 p.m. that day and I hurried on to teach my class. In my rush to get to class on time, I did not make any notation about the appointment.

After class, a student invited me to play racquetball at 1:30 p.m. Our play was interrupted by a phone call: Jay Carty wanted to know why I hadn’t kept my appointment.

I showered and dressed as quickly as possible, but I was still about an hour late. On the way to the appointment I breathed a prayer to the Lord to help me handle a very embarrassing situation. I walked into the room where a very understandably irate Jay Carty, six feet, seven inches tall, former professional basketball player and all muscle, was waiting with his wife. To say the least, there was a very awkward beginning. I mumbled an apology and tried to explain that I took the call on my way to a class and failed to write the time in my schedule.

Jay handed me a folder containing his Taylor/Johnson Temperament Test. I could feel him glaring at me as I studied it and realized that he could be very intimidating to most people when he was angry. The test showed an extremely dominant, very hostile, strongly expressive person. I decided to take a highly aggressive approach. After all, he must have some biblical insights since he had been a camp director in a Christian camp and was now considering moving on to serve in another Christian organization.

Here is Jay’s version of the meeting:

I had been directing a Christian conference center in the mountains of southern California around Lake Arrowhead. The big problems at the camp had been solved, and I knew I wasn’t a fine tuner organizationally. The camp needed a true manager for the next step in its history.

I had two job options, but I couldn’t decide between them. I was either going with “Churches Alive,” a church disciplining organization, as their Northwest Director, or I was going to be the Team Director for Athletes in Action basketball, a ministry of Campus Crusade for Christ.

I kept vacillating. My kids were saying, “What kind of a day is it, Dad, a Churches Alive day or an A.I.A. day?” Sometimes my indecision varied hourly.

I just couldn’t make up my mind; it was really tough. So we went to see Dr. Henry Brandt, a nationally acclaimed Christian counselor, now teaching at a Christian college. I needed help, and I hoped he could give it.

San Diego is a three-hour drive from Lake Arrowhead. When Mary and I arrived, Dr. Brandt wasn’t there. He had forgotten the meeting and showed up a half hour late. I was a bit upset about waiting after such a long drive.

We took our Taylor/Johnson Temperament Analysis Tests with us. When we went into the office, the good doctor spread out the tests, looked at them, and asked, ‘What’s the problem?”

I said, “I’m having trouble making a job change and thought you could help us sort out the decision making process.”

“Well, it’s easy for me to see what the problem is, Jay,” Henry responded. “There’s sin in your life.”

After a lengthy pause I offered a rather impatient response, “Henry perhaps you could elaborate just a little bit.”

Dr. Brandt spent the next three or four minutes undressing me emotionally. I was sitting there naked in front of him; he could see who I really was, and I knew it. I was upset. Now, you probably wouldn’t have known I was mad. My wife knew. Henry knew, because he’s a pro.

So, I’m sitting there mad, and Henry asks, “What seems to be bothering you, Jay?”

“Nothing!”

“Don’t compound the problem by lying about it. Tell me what’s on your mind.”

Well he picked the right guy. My Taylor/Johnson scored me 99 percent dominant, 96 percent hostile, strongly expressive, and placed me considerably more subjective than objective. In other words, I’m a walking time bomb. Apart from the Holy Spirit, I’m dangerous.

“You hotshot.” I was indignant. “You don’t care about me, or you wouldn’t have forgotten the appointment. Then you pull this grandstand move by telling me there’s sin in my life, pat me on the rear, send me on my way and tell me, ‘Hey, you just talked to the great Dr. Henry Brandt.’ Well, thank you, but I’m not impressed. I think you’re a fraud, and I think you stink.”

He disarmed me with a totally emotionless question, “What else seems to be bothering you, Jay?”

There wasn’t much fight left in me by this time. It’s so hard to fight with someone who won’t fight. I said, “Henry, never mind. Just forget about the whole thing.” I motioned to Mary for us to leave.

Henry said, “No, no, don’t go. Right now, how do you feel down in the pit of your stomach? Would you say the fruit of the Spirit as defined in Galatians 5:22 and 23, typifies the way you feel: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control?”

“That answer’s easy,” I snorted. “None of those qualities typify the way I feel, at least not right now.”

He asked, “Then it’s safe to conclude you are not filled with the Spirit of God?”

That question means lots of different things to lots of different people. Some people are really asking if you speak in tongues, but that wasn’t what Henry was asking. Some people would be asking if you truly know Jesus as Savior. That wasn’t what Henry was asking either. He wanted to know if I was currently experiencing the power of God in my life.

I put on my sarcastically theological facade and replied, “Now, Henry, I know Jesus Christ as Savior. My body is the dwelling place of the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit’s in there. I’ve been sealed with the Holy Spirit of promise. I’ve been baptized into one body, and I drink of the same Spirit you do. But if what you’re talking about is the essence of Ephesians 5:18 (being constantly in the process of being filled or empowered by the Holy Spirit), then I’m not filled. Oh, it’s true, the Spirit’s in here,” as I pointed to my body, “but right now He doesn’t have all of me. I’m mad, and I’ve spent some time dwelling on my anger. As I understand it, until he has 100 percent of me, I’m not filled. If that’s what you’re talking about, then I’m not filled because none of the qualities you just mentioned are currently evident in my life.”

“That’s right,” he said. “If the qualities aren’t there, you can’t be filled.” He asked again, “You’re sure you’re not filled?”

“I’m sure,” I growled. “Right now I’m not filled, I’m real mad. I mean, I’m really mad at you, and I’m not handling it well. Henry you may not know it, but your upper lip is in danger of being pulled up over your forehead.”

Remember, I ran a Christian camp, and in Christian camping you live on the grounds, and everybody with whom you work lives on the grounds. In other words, you live with the same people you work with. You can’t get away from each other, except by going into your living quarters. So when you get one or two fellow workers who irritate you, you’re irritated most of the time. That was me for sure. . . .

It was then he asked me the blockbuster question. He asked gently, in a soft voice that was such a contrast to mine, “Jay, do you feel that way most of the time?”

It was so quiet you could hear our breathing.

“Yes.”

It was true. Anger was an ongoing problem for me. I guess it started early in my life. Anger is often a problem for people who have had an alcoholic parent and who went through their parent’s divorce during early teenage years. I had quit a good job, an executive position. We sold a wonderful home in Corona del Mar in the Newport Beach area of southern California, with a view of the sun setting behind Catalina Island every night. We had keys to a private beach. I worked four minutes from my house and actually went home for lunch each day. Talk about having it made! We did, but we flicked it all in to go serve God. Then, four-and-a-half years later, I discovered I’d been serving Him in the power of my flesh, not in the power of the Spirit. You see, I was mad most of the time.

I said, “Henry how bad am I? What am I going to do? I’ve only spent a lifetime learning to live this way.”

“It’s like having a splinter in your thumb,” Henry responded. “You hurt your thumb a lot because you use it a lot. But if you pull the splinter, the thumb gets well rather quickly.”

“Please tell me how.”

“Confess it to God.”

I was still puzzled. “What are you talking about? How?” I was pleading now.

“Whenever you feel anger, talk to God about it before you sin. You might have to do it twenty times the first day, but it will only require eighteen the second. As you practice, your confession frequency will continue to decrease. You might go a few days or even a week or so without having to do it.”¹

Jay Carty was a man who had wrestled most of his life with anger. He experienced a miracle with his anger. I didn’t solve his anger problem; God did. Today, he is an easygoing, cheerful, gentle person. What made the difference? He got hold of the simple truth that Jesus died to save us from our sins and make His Spirit available to us. He trained himself to be alert to the first signs of anger, turn at once to God for cleansing, and be empowered by God’s Holy Spirit. Today, Jay has an ever-widening speaking ministry in which he teaches people how to yield themselves to God’s control.

During my meeting with Jay and his wife, I did not go into his past feelings toward his father or his mother or how his parents’ divorce affected him when he was younger. Our discussion lasted twenty to thirty minutes and focused on his sinful behavior of anger. I just directed him to the healing power of God in order to deal with the sin in his life today. God may have later brought issues from his past to his mind that needed attention, but the immediate issue was his current anger. This is the miracle available to everyone: we are a prayer away from peace and freedom from anger.

How fast can someone become angry? Five seconds is not too fast, is it? If I can get angry in less than five seconds, I can get un-angry in the time it takes to breathe a simple prayer. It is just that simple! It has worked in my own life and in thousands of lives over the years.

It is also true that I don’t understand the complete situation in people’s lives. And neither do you or any other counselor! But God does! That’s why we bring our anger to Him: He understands us and loves us and wants us to be free from anger.

THE CONSUMING NATURE OF ANGER

Some people relish and enjoy their anger. Frederick Bueckner says it clearly:

Of the Seven Deadly Sins, anger is possibly the most fun. To lick your wounds, to smack your lips over grievances long past, to roll over your tongue the prospect of bitter confrontations still to come, to savor to the last toothsome morsel both the pain you are given and the pain you are giving back—in many ways it is a feast fit for a king. The chief drawback is that what you are wolfing down is yourself. The skeleton at the feast is you.²

I have never met anyone, anywhere in the world, who has escaped the destructive force of anger, or who has never experienced someone else’s anger as a destructive force. The one single problem that everyone is plagued with universally is anger. Some writers say anger is neither good nor bad. It all depends on how you use it.

Some writers use the term “righteous indignation” which motivates a person to correct mistreatment and injustices; if this is correct, then people will be angry the rest of their lives because there is always something you can be angry about. Some go so far as to say that anger is God-given.

The Latin root for anger is angere which means “to strangle.” I find the definition of anger helps clarify the real situation:

ANGER: emotional reaction, of displeasure and/or antagonism—an inner frustration—an impulse to retaliate, punish, seek revenge. Anger can vary in intensity from mild annoyance that is hardly noticeable to extreme overmastering rage resembling insanity. Anger can trigger an outward display ranging from a light change of expression to destruction or murder—from a mild word to enraged screaming.

Personally, I have never experienced anger within my body as a positive force. It has always been a hindrance to intelligent straight thinking and constructive rational behavior. And in my work as a counselor and business consultant, I have never observed anger to be a positive factor in problem solving. I have never found anger to be righteous. From the slightest shade of anger that we may not even be conscious of to the anger that leads to murder—it is all cut from the same cloth.

In an instant, anger can change a person from being satisfied, cheerful, and relaxed to being dissatisfied, unhappy, and tense. Oddly enough, this sudden change within the body is triggered by something that happens outside the body. Life would be much more pleasant and comfortable and relaxing if only we could find its cause and cure.

If there is a topic about which there is universal agreement, it would be that unrestrained anger can destroy us. It cannot be ignored. It must be tamed.

But if there is a topic about which there is universal disagreement, it would be how to tame anger.

If there is anger in your heart, someone may either do or not do something that instantly triggers anger inside of you. Someone may say or not say something that immediately triggers your anger. Something happens or fails to happen that triggers your anger. Thoughts about the past, present, or future can trigger your anger. Angry emotions can vary in intensity from mild annoyance that is hardly noticeable to extreme overmastering rage that resembles insanity.

THE PHYSICAL ASPECTS OF ANGER

Anger produces disagreeable bodily changes that cannot be ignored. Almost everyone is familiar with the following:

• pulse rate increases
• heart beats faster
• blood pressure rises
• the throat tightens
• the mouth is dry
• gooseflesh appears
• hair is erect
• pupils of the eyes open wide
• eyeballs glisten
• person sweats, blushes, turns pale
• muscles tense
• highly alert
• desire for physical action increases
• insomnia may be present
• colon and/or stomach problems appear

Anger can trigger some action ranging from just a slight change of expression to destruction or murder. Anger may result in a mild word or enraged screaming. Anger can, but seldom does, motivate a person to seek changes that will improve the environment that triggers the anger.

To grasp how frustrating anger can be, look at the range of people who can trigger an angry response in you: babies, parents, marriage partners, children, friends, people at work, total strangers, yourself, clerks, neighbors, officials, people in social gatherings.

Circumstances can also trigger anger. The range varies greatly. P.T. Young reports the results of asking a group of college students to keep records of what stimulated them to an angry reaction. Here are the results: unjust accusations, insulting remarks, not invited to a party, disobedience of children, criticisms, contradictions, scoldings, unwelcome advice, work left undone, being locked out, money being lost, sleep interrupted, physical pain, thwarting self-expression.³

Recently, someone even told me that he was angry at the weather. I am sure that you can also add to the above list.

The question is: “Can God help?” The answer is emphatically, “Yes!” His help is decidedly different from human or self-help.

Many people who know very little about Jesus do know that He threw the money changers out of the temple. Others who know very little about the Bible know about another verse:

“Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath.” (Ephesians 4:26, KJV)

People use these few verses to justify their anger. I take this verse to mean that if you are aware of being angry you should deal with it quickly. The deadline is sundown.

Anger is a normal response to unrighteousness. Are we to conclude then, that our anger is God-given and alerts and energizes us into action to see that wrongs are made right? Assuming that there are people or issues worthy of focusing wrath upon, what or who would they be? As I study the Bible, I do not find that we are instructed to vent our anger against evil causes or toward evil people. Evaluate these verses:

“Love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you . . . [The Father] makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good.” (Matthew 5:44-45, NKJV)

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her.” (Ephesians 5:25, NKJV)

“Teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children.” (Titus 2:4, KJV)

“You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” (Matthew 22:39, NKJV)

“Dear friends, never avenge yourselves. Leave that to God, for he has said that he will repay those who deserve it.” (Romans 12:19, LB)

“Love the brotherhood.” (1 Peter 2:17, NKJV)

“Abound in love . . . for all men.” (1 Thessalonians 3:12, NASB)

If we eliminate all of the above people as objects of our anger, who is scripturally left that can be the object of our anger?

The Bible does state that anger is a natural expression of our humanness; it is a natural expression of our “old man” and “the old sin nature.” But the Bible says that anger is “sin” and it is not okay.

Look at what the Bible actually says about man’s anger:

“The wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God.” (James 1:20, NKJV)

“Cease from anger, and forsake wrath; Do not fret—it only causes harm.” (Psalm 37:8, NKJV)

“Do not hasten in your spirit to be angry, For anger rests in the bosom of fools.” (Ecclesiastes 7:9, NKJV)

“Make no friendship with an angry man, And with a furious man do not go, Lest you learn his ways And set a snare for your soul.” (Proverbs 22:24-25, NKJV)

“A quick-tempered man acts foolishly.” (Proverbs 14:17, NKJV)

“He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, And he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city.” (Proverbs 16:32, NKJV)

“Whoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment.” (Matthew 5:22, NKJV)

“Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice.” (Ephesians 4:31, NKJV)

“Put off all these: anger, wrath, malice.” (Colossians 3:8, NKJV)

“[Lay] aside all malice.” (1 Peter 2:1, NKJV)

Anger is a universal fact of life. Law enforcement people report that at least half of the homicides committed in this country involve people who know each other. Millions of women are beaten up each year by their husbands. Millions of children are abused each year by angry parents. At any time it seems that people experience an explosion of varying degrees of intensity of displeasure, antagonism, belligerence, rage, and violent passion.

The difficult problem is how can a human being, who naturally responds angrily to the circumstances of life, change from responding in anger to responding in love? Humanly speaking, we must admit that this biblical advice is impossible to attain. We all know that to bottle up or swallow your anger is no solution. Bottled up anger can ruin your health, twist your thinking, and make you a walking time bomb, set to explode at some external provocation. What can a person do? You can attempt to manage this anger yourself or you can turn to God for help. Humanly speaking, what can you do to tame your anger?

Children are a large group that are victims of anger expression. Some advice was proposed in a newspaper advertisement by the National Committee for Prevention of Child Abuse. It was entitled 12 Alternatives to Whacking Your Kid. The ad advised that when big and little problems of your everyday life pile up to the point where you feel like lashing out—stop! Take time out. Don’t take it out on your kid. Try any or all of these simple alternatives—whatever works for you. The ad goes on to list twelve:

1. Stop in your tracks. Step back. Sit down.
2. Take five deep breaths. Inhale. Exhale, slowly, slowly.
3. Count to ten. Better yet, twenty. Or say the alphabet out loud.
4. Phone a friend. A relative. Even the weather.
5. Still mad? Punch a pillow. Or munch an apple.
6. Thumb through a magazine, book, newspaper, photo album.
7. Do some sit-ups.
8. Pick up a pencil and write down your thoughts.
9. Take a hot bath. Or a cold shower.
10. Lie down on the floor, or just put your feet up.
11. Put on your favorite record.
12. Water your plants.

I was reading an article on anger management while traveling in an airplane. This is typical advice offered by anger management professionals. The authors proposed four steps:

1. Cool off before you sound off. They made suggestions similar to the newspaper ad.
2. ldentify what causes you to feel anger. How do you take criticism or teasing? Develop an awareness of what triggers your anger.
3. How can you make anger work for you? Learn what forms of anger expression are acceptable to your colleagues. Find something constructive that you can do to work off your anger.
4. Communicate your anger. Use facts and objective information that others need to know about you. Help them see that your response was appropriate and reasonable. Develop information so you can help each other avoid anger-producing situations.⁴

Is it really true that we must live with angry responses all our lives? Is there no other way to find freedom from anger than in perfecting self-control, resolving human relation problems, and altering the circumstances we get plunged into? Is there no other way than to back off and calm down?

As far as I know, that’s all anyone humanly speaking knows to do at this point in history. This is the struggle that the humanist must live with because anger happens so fast you often act before you know it.

The Bible offers a radical solution: “Put it away. Stop it.” This is humanly impossible. Yes, it takes a miracle. You need supernatural help.

DEALING WTH ANGER BIBLICALLY

There are two basic steps in dealing with anger from a biblical perspective.

1. Recognize Anger as Sin

God’s prescription for dealing with destructive anger is precise and strong. Strife, malice, hatred, anger, outbursts of wrath, dissension, and contention are works of the flesh—of the sinful nature (Galatians 5:19-21).

Anger is sin, and that’s good news! Because, there is a divine solution for sin. God promised to help you. Dealing with sin is His specialty.

“[Jesus] will save His people from their sins.” (Matthew 1:21, NKJV)

“Nor is there salvation in any other, for there is no other name under heaven given among men by which we must be saved.” (Acts 4:12, NKJV)

A simple step that gives you the strength to “stop” angry responses is to invite Jesus to come into your life. Competent, able people have a hard time accepting the fact that we need supernatural help. “I can manage my anger. Isn’t that good enough?” It certainly beats exploding. The best you can do is to manage your anger. Only God can help you to “stop” because anger is sin. Therefore, humans need a Savior who will cleanse us of our sins.

It is not inevitable that we must spend the rest of our lives struggling with anger. Anger can be “put away.” Once we accept the fact that anger is sin and we need a Savior, we can practice a simple biblical directive daily, if necessary:

“If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” (1 John 1:9, NKJV)

He will cleanse the anger out of our hearts. Anger is not good. Anger interferes with my thinking process. It is bad. It is destructive. It is sin.

2. Replace Anger with the Fruit of the Spirit

When you have a forgiven, cleansed heart, you can ask God for the power of the Holy Spirit to produce the fruit of the Spirit in your life:

“Love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.” (Galatians 5:22-23, NKJV)

You will still have problems, face injustices and difficult people just as everyone does. You will still need to be energized, alerted, and motivated to correct what needs correcting. But God knows that a person energized by the Holy Spirit with love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control has the strength to conquer bitterness, sarcastic words, anxiety, bodily tensions, or violent behavior that formerly characterized him.

The apostle Paul says it best:

“Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh.” (Galatians 5:16, NKJV)

A Christian does not always surrender to God perfectly, anymore than he can manage himself perfectly. Few people make it through any given day perfectly. But you can catch anger at the earliest possible point. When you realize you have sinned, take it to God.

As the apostle John says,

“My little children, these things I write to you, so that you may not sin. And if anyone sins, we have an Advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous. And He Himself is the propitiation [the one who paid our debt with his life] for our sins, and not for ours only but also for the whole world.”
(1 John 2:1-2, NKJV)

Anger puts my brain on the shelf; God’s supernatural miracle puts my anger on the shelf.

DISCUSSION STARTERS

• Review the thought starter at the beginning of the chapter. What thoughts were started?
• Review the lead Bible verse. What does it say to you? Did you observe yourself in relation to the verse? Did you observe others in relation to the verse? Did you find any additional verses?
• What is your response to the lesson at the end of the chapter?

1. Considering the range of anger, is mild annoyance different from rage?
2. Considering the Bible verses quoted in this chapter, at whom can we be legitimately angry?
3. Dare we call anger sin? All of it?
4. Review the range of people and circumstances that stimulate anger. Are you the focus of someone’s anger? Are you angry at someone or something?

THOUGHT STARTER:

Are your decisions in life made on the basis of who you were trying to please?

“I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies
a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service.
And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.”
—Romans 12:1-2, NKJV

“Now may the God of peace . . .
make you complete in every good work to do His will,
working in you what is well pleasing in His sight,
through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory forever and ever.”
—Hebrews 13:20-21, NKJV

In my high school days we had a basketball coach whom I both appreciated and feared. When he was looking in my direction I always tried to be shooting a basket, which was the strong part of my game. When he walked toward me, however, I knew what was coming.

“Good shot, Brandt,” he would say. “Now let me see you dribble.”

That was the worst part of my game. I hated to dribble, but he forced me to do it. As a result, I became a better player.

STANDARDS OF PERFORMANCE

Every day during the Olympics, we heard and read about the years of sacrifice, hard work, and continuous training to which the athletes subjected themselves. There was daily talk about world record holders. The standard of performance included many comments on perfection: perfect physical condition, perfect weight, perfect skill and performance, perfect attitude, perfect concentration, perfect persistence in the face of competition or adversity, perfect teamwork if it was a team effort.

A few achieved perfection; no one can maintain it. Yet, athletes keep trying.

One heart-warming story that came out of the Olympics was about Jackie Joyner Kersee who competed in the heptathalon, a two-day series of seven events for women. She grew up on Piggot Avenue in St. Louis, across the street from a tavern, down the block from a pool hall, and around the corner from a playground.

“I knew at the age of nine that I could jump,” she recalls. “That’s when I started running and jumping off the porch.”

A fireman’s brigade of siblings used a potato chip bag to “borrow” sand from the playground and install a landing pit off the porch.

Nino Fennoy, a saintly coach of the kind these neighborhoods seem to inspire, steered her through a series of junior Olympic championships and a busy career of basketball and volleyball at Lincoln High. The girls basketball team went 62-2 during her last two years, and Jackie was All-State. She went to U.C.L.A. on a basketball scholarship and was a star performer there, too.

In 1981, Mary, her mother, who was the determined disciplinarian with a willow switch, died at age thirty-eight after a one-day illness. “Her determination,” Jackie says, “passed to me.”

Working under a U.C.L.A. assistant track coach, Bob Kersee, Jackie headed toward the 1984 games. She won a silver medal. She married her coach in 1986 and with his help, she overwhelmed the international field with the only 7,000-point performances (four of them) on record. In 1988, she took the gold medal. Jumping, she says, is like leaping for joy. “I don’t know what it is about that extra second or inch.” She always aches but never minds it. “To ask my body not to ache would be too much,” she says.¹

People helped her reach her goals in spite of the obstacles, but the desire, will, and drive come from her.

As I thought about this area of athletes and the Olympic atmosphere of striving for excellence, I recalled the struggles my wife and I experienced in the early years of our Christian life. We presented our bodies to God as a living sacrifice. We wanted our lives to be well pleasing in God’s sight. We didn’t have the foggiest idea of what such a commitment meant or how to go about discovering “that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.” There was no well-marked highway. There was no two-way direct communication with God. We had a lot to learn.

Our faith in God and in the Bible as the Word of God was very shaky. We needed some exercise so we could improve and perfect our faith and hope in God. We decided that we needed to study the Bible first of all. Then we needed to test it against life. We also needed some teachers and coaches to help us along the way. But the desire and will to study, to improve, had to come from us.

A young pastor, Dick Wilkenson, took an interest in us. He encouraged us to get a concordance and learn to use it. It would help us get biblical answers to our many questions, he said. We took his advice, which proved to be one of the most helpful moves we made to get to know what “pleasing God” meant.

It was he who introduced us to a biblical principle that disturbed us:

“Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.” (Matthew 6:33, NKJV)

Up to this point in my life, my main preoccupation was in acquiring a home and the means to assure a comfortable, secure life. We had a new car, a new house, membership in a sailing club, a sailboat, access to a golf and tennis club. Even thinking about God was not a serious consideration. My pastor kept bringing up this verse and urging us to review our priorities.

Sunday was the best time for sailing and doing homework. (I was taking some engineering courses at night.) Golf or tennis took two or three evenings. Looking after the lawn, playing with the children, visiting our families took up time. It seemed our world consisted of pleasing ourselves.

TRAINING REQUIRES DILIGENCE

He kept asking us pesky questions in relation to that verse, such as:

What are you doing with your time? What are you doing with your money? What are you studying in the Bible? Why weren’t you in church on Sunday?

I had mixed feelings about him and his questions because I was embarrassed by the answers I had to give him.

Once, in exasperation, I told him to mind his own business. He said he was. As long as I came to his church, I was his business. He was my “coach.”

Gradually, our focus changed from things to people. People appeared from nowhere asking for help with their problems, and we would invite them to come for dinner. We discovered that these dinner invitations were very expensive.

Besides, we had very little background for helping people.

We started going to church regularly on Sundays. Our sailboat, golf clubs, and tennis racquet got less and less use.

For two years, Eva and I struggled with that verse. What should come first in the use of our time, talent, and treasure? Both of us had a growing desire to know more about the Bible and to be of service to other people. Our thoughts went so far as to consider going back to college for a few years to study the Bible.

We reasoned that if the Bible contained the most important information in the world, we should know more about it.

Finally, my wife and I decided to test that verse, I compiled a financial statement that included everything we owned in the world. Then my wife and I sat down at the kitchen table and had an imaginary meeting with God. Eva and I showed God what we were worth and told Him we were prepared to risk it all in order to test this verse. We admitted that our minds were filled with doubts, but by faith we would try to obey God as a first priority. We reminded God that we were interested in the whole verse.

We told the young pastor about the step we took and that we were considering returning to college. What did he think? He replied that this was a serious matter. I had a wife and two children, a one-year-old and a three-year-old. I was just getting a good start in the engineering field. He could not advise us one way or another. He said we would need to take a step of faith, and one test would be that we should have peace about such a move.

We had to admit that the whole idea scared us and we were very uneasy about such thoughts. Our minds were filled with doubt, but we did want to obey God as a top priority. We asked God to give us some sign that we were thinking straight. We were very young Christians and were just learning what it meant to walk by faith and faith doesn’t require signs in order to move ahead.

We shared our thoughts with our parents and some trusted friends. They were all in agreement that we would be making a serious blunder.

The desire to know more about the Bible persisted. Should we abide by the judgment of our parents and friends? We asked God that question. His answer?

Silence.

Our pastor referred us to two Bible verses for our consideration as backup for his previous advice. We had to exercise our faith and yet be at ease about any move we made.

“Without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him.” (Hebrews 11:6, NKJV)

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” (Romans 15:13, NKJV)

This verse in Romans is one of my favorite Bible verses and if I understand it correctly, hope is entwined with joy and peace. These are the fruit of the Spirit. So we can hope, or expect, to handle the circumstances that come our way with an inner calm, free from agitation, untroubled by conflict or commotion.

The more we thought about expanding our biblical knowledge and serving people, the better we liked the idea and we became excited about going back to college. To do this meant that we had to sell the house and the boat. We could then finance two to three years of study time.

Again we asked God for a sign. His answer?

Silence.

RUNNING THE RACE

We decided to sell the house and the boat. All of our friends just shook their heads at our folly. Even the young pastor expressed doubts about our decision. As it turned out, we spent three of perhaps the most important years of our lives at Houghton College. It was there that we met many hundreds of fellow Christians who were also exercising their faith, studying to understand the Bible, and learning to live joyful, peaceful lives

This experience sounds like a contradiction. On the one hand, my wife and I benefited greatly from the teachers, pastors, and friends we made along the way. On the other hand, there were times when we had to go it alone by faith in a loving God.

The Olympic atmosphere is the same. The athletes strive diligently to develop minds and bodies. Preparation involves following the advice of teachers and coaches. But while the race is run, the athlete must go it alone and draw on past training and experience. Hopefully, the time of preparation will enable the athlete to perform better than ever before in the actual event. Everyone realizes that present performance is a compound of continuous preparation plus drawing on past experience. Even then, perfection is an illusive goal.

There is always a chance to start over when you fall on your face. The person who wants to improve works on developing and maintaining a wholesome personal life. A person needs some biblical principles and some teachers and coaches who will help him locate himself and guide him along the way. No one can maintain perfection, to be sure, but everyone can point toward perfection and work on getting closer.

When an athlete enters a contest that requires physical strength, he must have built up strength before the event. It’s too late to start it when the contest begins. Practicing faith is also an exercise. It builds confidence in God just as surely as physical exercise builds muscle. This faith in God must be built up before a crisis, just like muscles must be built up before an event.

We were in for a surprise.

A professor at Houghton College challenged me to go on for a master’s degree in clinical psychology. I prayed and told God that I would want the best training available if that was the direction we should go. I asked Him to allow me to go to one of three universities that had what I believed to be good programs: University of Michigan, University of Minnesota, and University of Chicago. I also reminded God that my financial resources were dwindling and I was trusting Him to show me what to do about it. All three universities turned me down. In asking God for an explanation, His answer?

Silence.

I had received several good job offers, but it seemed to me that it made more sense to continue my education. From January through August, I made many attempts to get God’s attention for some specific guidance. I yelled at Him and expressed my anger and disgust at what I perceived to be His lack of attention to my problems. I even threatened to turn my back on Him and to tell people how He had treated me as I pouted for a while. His answer?

Silence.

In August, I moved my family to Detroit, my home town, and temporarily moved in with my folks. There was a new school in Detroit, Wayne University, that met in a condemned high school building. Reluctantly, I contacted the head of the clinical psychology department. He looked at my transcripts and commented that he did not like the Bible courses listed there, but he finally said that I could study at Wayne on academic probation for the first year. When I paid my tuition, I had exactly one dime left to my name, a wife, and three children. I flipped the dime into the air with my thumb, caught it with the same hand and crossed the street to buy a Coke.

“That’s what I get for putting my faith in You,” I prayed. “I’m broke, on probation, and in a dump of a school.” God’s answer? You guessed it—

Silence.

One of the biblical principles that I had been depending on was that if we put the Kingdom of God and His righteousness first, all these things would be added to us. To my mind, I had kept my end of the bargain. Right then it seemed to me that God had not kept His side of the deal.

My first class at Wayne State was in test administration. The professor paired us up in groups of two. We were to take a test and see which one of us could do it faster. My partner, Bill, was a dull, sleepy looking person who didn’t seem very bright. I beat him easily. I was getting more disgusted by the minute. He asked me my name and what I did. Reluctantly, I told him, “Nothing.” Disinterested, I asked him the same questions. He said he was the head of the Psychology Department at General Motors Institute. I thought to myself, “Yea, yea, what a big liar. This guy couldn’t even head up sharpening the pencils at General Motors.” He asked me, “Do you want a job?”

“Huh! Do I want a job?”

It turned out he really was what he said he was. In a matter of weeks, I was teaching in the psychology department at General Motors Institute. In addition to a job, my benefits included a new Pontiac car, when cars after World War II were as scarce as hen’s teeth. In addition, all my tuition was paid to work on a master’s degree.

I told Bill, my new boss and angel, that all this was an answer to prayer. He replied, “The heck it is! I’m an atheist. I needed a teacher and you’re qualified.”

GOD IS FAITHFUL

After teaching there for six months, my boss asked me to prepare some courses in Marriage and the Family for General Motors engineers because the company realized that an engineer couldn’t work at his best level if problems in his marriage and family were on his mind. He told me I could consult with any sources anywhere in the world. This assignment gave me instant credibility with people that I contacted and the opportunity to learn from some of the finest teachers in the world, which was just exactly what I had asked God to do for me.

Some of these teachers, with whom I came into contact during this project, later opened doors for me to study for a Ph.D. degree at Cornell University. He knew better than I where to get the finest training.

Once more, I learned that God is faithful. We can trust Him. Although God is sometimes silent, that never means He is not there.

I also believe God let my bank account dwindle to nothing because I really did not trust Him. At the time I wouldn’t admit, even to myself, that I didn’t really trust God. He waited until I was totally out of my own funds before He stepped in. He let me know that He could replenish my funds in His way and in His time.

Again, I asked God why He didn’t explain to me what He was doing. His answer?

Silence . . . but things were happening during His silence.

This experience helped me put my faith in the power of God. Perfect faith? Perhaps a few people attain it; the rest of us can work toward it.

As I look back over the years, I see that developing a real faith in our living God is one of the most important pillars that has sustained me. The events of life raised many unanswered questions. God was silent over and over again for long periods of time—even years—when I thought He should speak. There was sickness, death, financial problems, dishonesty, deception, and on and on. I wasn’t exempt. When God was silent, I often looked to human wisdom or human sympathy, which were both readily available.

The Bible says:

“All things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.” (Romans 8:28, NKJV)

We rest in this hope as we yield our lives daily to God by faith and as we experience the Holy Spirit’s control of our responses. If, for whatever reason, we turn away from a daily yielding of our hearts to the Holy Spirit, we begin to think or say things such as: Why me? Why am I being singled out? Is God punishing me? That’s what I get for trusting God. It’s not fair. What’s the use? Nothing turns out right.

These hopeless statements and questions are like a warning light on the dashboard of a car. It’s time to stop as quickly as possible and find out what went wrong.

The hopeful person will calmly wait to see how things turn out. This picture in the Bible of a hopeful person is entwined with faith, peace, and love:

“Having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom also we have access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God. And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope. Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.” (Romans 5:1-5, NKJV)

If we put the Bible passages of Romans 5:1-5, Romans 15:13, and Hebrews 11:6 together, they tell us that walking with hope and faith while experiencing difficult times in life produces perseverance, character, love, joy, and peace.

But tough times do not always produce perseverance, character, and hope; it only happens when we put our faith in the Lord. Turning away from the Lord produces hopelessness, anxiety, worry, anger and rebellion. If that is our position, we do not benefit from experience, we only suffer when we go through it alone.

My first attempts at helping people go back to 1942. Since that time, I’ve listened to many stories of people’s problems. Pain, death, financial loss, personal inner struggle, family struggles, interpersonal struggles: no matter what the problem was, each one was resolved sooner or later, one way or another.

The way a person approaches problems depends greatly on whether he is hopeful or hopeless and whether or not the person is familiar with the work of the Holy Spirit. It also depends on whom you seek to please, and often our faith is illogical to bystanders in our world.

When a person is in the middle of a problem it is usually a major issue to that person. I’ve watched people who are as frightened over a minor scratch as others who underwent major surgery. I observed someone create as much of a tense, anxious emergency over a missing dog as came from another person’s son missing in combat. I watched someone become as uptight over buying a toaster as others over purchasing a house. I watched someone get as upset over losing a car key, as did another person whose car was stolen.

Response to the trouble that comes our way on any day will reveal our spirit, not cause it. If we fail to respond by faith and hope, we can always start over again. No one is perfect. God understands us and deals with us where we are now. The Bible says:

“There is none righteous, no, not one.” (Romans 3:10, NKJV)

We can’t change our past failures, and God will forgive us of those sins if we ask Him. But, all of us can let the Holy Spirit control our lives today and in the future. This hopeful opportunity can be a pleasant, stimulating experience. God has made us to improve our performance and to enjoy the process; in the middle of the process, we can see His loving plans come together in His timing.

God is like a loving coach who forgets the past; we can trust Him to train us for life.

DISCUSSION STARTERS

• Review the thought starter at the beginning of the chapter. What thoughts were started?
• Review the lead Bible verse. What does it say to you? Did you observe yourself in relation to the verse? Did you observe others in relation to the verse? Did you find any additional verses?
• What is your response to the lesson at the end of the chapter?

1. Note Isaiah 26:3. How do you achieve perfect peace?
2. Have you presented your body to God as a sacrifice? What has happened since?
3. Have you had any “coaching” along the way?
4. Has Bible study caused you to change anything in your lifestyle?
5. Have any attempts to perfect your relationship with God left you confused?

THOUGHT STARTER:

Do you know that everyone can finish the race of life as a winner?

“In a race, everyone runs but only one person gets first prize. So run your race to win. To win the contest you must deny yourselves many things that would keep you from doing your best. An athlete goes to all this trouble just to win a blue ribbon or
a silver cup, but we do it for a heavenly reward that never disappears.
So I run straight to the goal with a purpose in every step. I fight to win.
I’m not just shadow boxing or playing around. Like an athlete I punish my body, treating it roughly, training it to do what it should, not what it wants to.
Otherwise I fear that after enlisting others in the race,
I myself might be declared unfit and ordered to stand aside.”
 —1 Corinthians 9:24-27, LB

What we have covered in this series are lessons that focus on the beautiful and simple truth that God loves us and has provided a simple way to live an abundant and peaceful life. This is done by confessing our sins quickly and asking the Holy Spirit to control our lives. If you miss the simplicity of this truth, going through this series has been a waste of your time.

Seeing the lasting results in my own life and the lives of thousands of others over the last forty years has convinced me beyond any doubt that the Spirit-controlled Christian life is a miraculous experience. As long as I keep my sins confessed and ask the Holy Spirit to cleanse and fill me as often as necessary, the miracle continues.

Although I hesitate to use the word “magic” or miracle, the Holy Spirit does work miracles in our lives when we turn our lives over to God beyond anything we could do ourselves. Even now, after seeing so many lives changed over the years, the results of the Holy Spirit working in people’s lives still constantly amaze me!

Over the years I have found several tools that have helped me find a biblical basis for my faith and the change in my life.

There was a lot of changing to do. Some changes were instantaneous and final; the urge to drink and swear just left and never returned. Other changes were more gradual and inconsistent: unselfishness, a servant attitude, compassion, experiencing the fruit of the spirit. Consistency in Bible study and prayer also ranged from eagerness to nothing at all.

Bible memorization and Bible meditation have been the most helpful activities that have sustained me. Researching topics in the Bible has been a close second. A serious effort to understand the Bible was inspired by a fellow engineer who wanted to know how I changed my behavior at work. The challenge of giving him an answer got me started researching biblical topics. My pastor suggested that I get a “concordance.”

I picked a few words to look up just for practice. Love was used in at least 1000 verses. Peace was used in at least 700 verses. In the years to come, next to the Bible, a concordance proved to be the most helpful tool ever used to discover what was in the Bible.

The first question on my mind: Why study the Bible? I opened the concordance to look up the word, Bible. What a surprise! The word Bible is not used in the Bible. I quickly learned there were other words: commandments, Word, Scripture, written Law, Word of God, teaching, precept.

I discovered there are hundreds of verses in the Bible that describe the Bible. I looked them all up; this took several months. I am not suggesting that there is a short cut to knowing the Bible. In the process I received the answer to my question about the Bible. I discovered that the way to understand a topic is to find as many Bible verses as possible about the topic. The Bible is the best single commentary on itself.

As a beginning Bible researcher, some ideas developed as I went along:

• Looking up verses helped me become familiar with the books of the Bible.
• Some verses leap out at you, some don’t.
• Take your time. When a verse stands out, take a few minutes to think about it.
• If you have a day when the verses are “dead,” quit for the day.
• Some days I had only fifteen minutes to work, other days several hours. There is no hurry.
• I developed my own personal concordance of verses that were especially meaningful to me.

The process of writing or typing out these verses helped fix them in my mind.

I have researched many, many topics. I will list some of them: God’s resources, prayer, love, guidance or God’s will, comfort and peace, power, sowing and reaping, sin, marriage, parenting, freedom, suffering.

You can add or subtract to such a list. As I attempted to learn more about the Bible, I worked on developing more than one topic at a time. I was catching on to the idea of meditating day and night.

I put topical headings on three-by-five cards and carried them around with me because I was learning that verses pertaining to my topics popped up in unexpected places. The most common place was the pastor’s sermon. There were other places: at dinner, over the radio or TV, in a magazine article, in a book, or newspaper articles.

One topic that has been especially valuable to me is “God knows the heart.” I will use that topic to illustrate how my procedure developed.

GOD KNOWS THE HEART

• 2 Timothy 2:22
• 1 Peter 3:4, 3:15
• Deuteronomy 4:28-31, 6:5
• Matthew 18:35
• Psalm 51:10
• Hosea 9:16
• 1 Thessalonians 2:4
• Isaiah 51:7
• Luke 8:15
• Psalm 38:8

On a three-by-five card I wrote “God knows the heart.” When I heard a verse used or read on this subject, I wrote down the reference.

After accumulating a group of references, I transferred them to a looseleaf notebook and made a brief description like a concordance. It looked like this:

God Knows the Heart

2 Timothy 2:22—Call on God out of a pure heart.

1 Peter 3:4—Hidden man of heart to be meek and quiet.

1 Peter 3:15—Sanctify God in heart.

Deuteronomy 4:28-31—Find God when search with whole heart.

Deuteronomy 6:5—Keep word in heart.

Matthew 18:35—Forgive from the heart.

Psalm 95:10—Israelites erred in heart.

1 Thessalonians 2:4—God tries the heart.

Isaiah 51:7—Law in heart removes fear.

Luke 8:15—Nothing secret to God.

Psalm 38:8—Roar because of a disquiet heart.

The list under this topic numbers over one hundred verses. Another step is to rearrange the references in the order they appear in the Bible.

There are books that have Bible verses already arranged for you. An example is the Thompson Chain Reference Bible. It’s a wonderful Bible to use and to study; the topics are well worth the time.

I recommend this method to the one who is unfamiliar with the Bible. Most importantly, I learned to use the Bible and to fix the verses in my mind. The process of writing out a Bible reference with a one-sentence description of the verse helped me to fix the content in my mind. Later on, I would scan those one-liners as I added to the list. A quick review occasionally has been like a drink of cold water to a thirsty pilgrim.

Long ago I learned that I didn’t need to argue with anyone about God, His plan, His peace, or His joy that is available to all of us. I cannot make choices for anyone other than myself. If someone wants to be miserable, that is their choice. I am not going to try to talk them out of their misery.

At this time, I know that I am approaching the finish line of my race. And today, if I had a choice, I would not choose to go back and start life over again. I eagerly look forward to meeting Jesus and many good friends in heaven.

If I go before you, I would like to be holding the tape when you finish the race God has given you to run.

Now I live each day so that I am ready to cross my own finish line.

DISCUSSION STARTERS

• Review the thought starter at the beginning of the chapter. What thoughts were started?
• Review the lead Bible verse. What does it say to you? Did you observe yourself in relation to the verse? Did you observe others in relation to the verse? Did you find any additional verses?
• What is your response to the lesson at the end of the chapter?

1. Are you ready to cross your own finish line?
2. How many new verses did you memorize going through this course?
3. What was the single most important thought for you in this course?
4. Have you experienced the amazing power of the Holy Spirit to change your life? Use the comment box below to tell us about it.
5. How would you describe the “simplicity” of the Christian life?