Apicontent

THOUGHT STARTER:

What do you say?  God is, or God isn’t.

“I fear, lest by any means, as the serpent beguiled Eve through his subtlety, so your minds should be corrupted from the simplicity that is in Christ.”
—2 Corinthians 11:3, KJV

When I enrolled in graduate school, for the first time in my life I was taught by highly trained, thoughtful, dedicated professors who not only used textbooks that ruled out God, but who themselves sincerely believed there is no God. For them, God isn’t.

In my studies in clinical psychology, we grappled with the challenge of helping disturbed people. We thoughtfully pondered how to help hostile, hateful, resentful, rebellious, frustrated, confused, angry, cruel, selfish, dishonest, destructive people.

We all agreed that these words accurately describe the dark side of human behavior. We were taught that a person is a biological organism whose total personality is the product of functioning in a social and cultural context. A disturbed person is one whose needs are not met when he comes into the world, who is neglected, who lives in an environment that is cold and indifferent toward him. To understand what is behind this disturbed person’s behavior is to seek complex origins in a murky past. The process can take months or years. Then the question becomes: What in the world can be changed or given to release this person from a prison of destructive emotions and behavior?

“No deity can save us. We must save ourselves.”

This is the position taken in secular colleges, secular textbooks, in most graduate training, and in a formidable mass of “scientific research.”

This is the operating philosophy of government, heavily financed mental health agencies, professionally trained counselors, and the bulk of medically trained personnel.

Human problems are not ignored. In fact, we spend billions of dollars annually searching for solutions. Educators, politicians, psychiatrists, psychologists, sociologists, social workers, social agencies, and law enforcement agencies confront these problems every day.

A massive group of people—intelligent, educated, influential, politically powerful people, who have the best interests of humanity at heart—firmly and fiercely reject the concept of sin, a creator, and a God. You might compare that host of people to a huge giant called Goliath. They firmly believe: God isn’t.

There is another tiny group standing up to Goliath. This group (and I am one of them) believes that God is. We agree with the Goliath crowd that these words accurately describe the dark side of human behavior (hostile, hateful, resentful, rebellious, frustrated, confused, angry, cruel, selfish, dishonest, destructive).

But at this point in the road, we come to a fork. We disagree that these words describing human behavior are socially and culturally caused. Our guidebook is the Bible. This book puts all those descriptive words under one heading. The heading is Sin. We are born with sinful hearts. Society only brings out of our hearts what is already there. When our leader announced to the Goliath crowd that He came to save them from their sins, they replied with one thunderous voice: Crucify Him. They did.

In standing up to Goliath, our little group might be compared to a little boy called David. We dare to use the word sin and affirm there is no human remedy for sin. You need a Savior who will cleanse you from sin and empower you to walk in the Spirit (in love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control).

If it is sin, that’s good news. Sin is the simplest thing in the world to deal with. Jesus died to cleanse us from sin.

“Too simple,” says the Goliath crowd.

It is recorded that the third day after Jesus was crucified, the disciples were assembled in a room with the doors shut for fear of the religious leaders. Jesus appeared in the room and said to them, “Peace be with you.” Then He breathed on them and said,

“Receive the Holy Spirit.” (John 20:21-22, NASB)

Are we to believe that Jesus can change a fearful person into a peaceful person as quickly as it takes to exhale a breath of air?

Make no mistake. The people who approach life from humanistic assumptions make up a huge majority of the people you deal with every day. How long has it been since you had a conversation about sin and its cure?

As I have labored in the past to take an accurate case history from a counselee,
I came across some statements made about Jesus:

“[Jesus] knowing their thoughts . . .” (Luke 11:17, KJV)

“[Jesus] knowing their hypocrisy . . .” (Mark 12:15, NASB)

“God, who knows the heart . . .” (Acts 15:8, NASB)

Jesus didn’t need a case history. Another time I came upon a hopeful statement:

“For the LORD gives wisdom; From His mouth come knowledge and understanding.” (Proverbs 2:6, NASB)

I began to pray for wisdom and understanding. Over a period of months, I experienced some amazing encounters and results with people seeking help. I can’t claim credit because my input was often very minor.

Examine some of these experiences of people who have come to me with their burdens. You be the judge if these stories are too simple.

TRAGIC DEATHS

He must have been in his early forties. She looked a bit younger. She held a little baby, perhaps two months old. They had anticipated this week-long family conference situated in a wooded area beside a clear, large lake.

Tragedy had marred the last year. Their four-year-old daughter died after a lingering illness. Soon after the next pregnancy, both his family and her family gathered at the hospital for the results of an ultrasound test to determine the sex of their unborn second child. Expecting an exciting announcement, the whole family was shocked when a somber doctor stated that the baby she was carrying was dead.

It was a heavy Christmas that year. Very few of their friends stood with them. They faced their sorrow alone. Even the progress of a third pregnancy and new son’s birth had not eased their pain.

We were two days into the family conference. They were not enjoying themselves as they had hoped. The double deaths a year ago haunted them here with all the other families together in the dining room. He was also burdened with the recent failure of a business relationship, which left him with a large financial obligation.

Could I help them? He sat there with clenched teeth behind tight lips. She held on to her little baby with a look of desperation.

How could anyone bear such trouble? No glib answer would magically remove their burdens. But there was an answer which seemed clear to me. However, my guess was that they weren’t ready to talk about answers; they were too preoccupied with their problems. I encouraged and prayed with them for an open mind as they attended the meetings.

As one of the conference speakers, my emphasis was on forgiving people their trespasses whether they asked for it or not, or even if you never saw them again. Nursing a grudge within your own mind hurts no one else but you. You are a slave to the person you hate. Jesus said,

“If you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” (Matthew 6:14-15, NKJV)

The other speaker expounded Galatians. The works of the flesh block the fruit of the Spirit. The barrier was made out of hatred, contentions, outbursts of wrath, selfish ambition, dissensions, and envy.

“The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.” (Galatians 5:22-23, NKJV)

“Why would anyone turn their back on an inner life like that?” he asked.

Two days later the couple visited me. Clenched teeth and tight lips had become radiant smiles. They just dropped in to let me know that they listened and got their answers. They had dealt with their own sins. They didn’t need to talk to me anymore. Besides, they had to get to the lakeside to enjoy the afternoon.

Three months later, I received a phone call from them. All is well; he and his partner have resolved their differences.

It was a very complex problem, and I apparently had very little to do with the solution. This was God’s doing, not mine. Was this too simple? We must be careful not to underestimate the help available to hungry, open-minded Christians from a prayer-filled conference.

ARRESTED FOR DRUNK DRIVING

Joe and Martha enjoyed the growing-up years of their son, Mike—his fun personality and bright mind. However, in high school, he began withdrawing from the family. They passed it off as a phase in his life and probably due to peer pressure at school, but this only increased in his college years.

At the age of twenty, after two years in college and while home for the summer, the problem came to a head.

About 1:00 a.m. they received a phone call. Mike said, “You’d better come down here.” He had been speeding while drunk with three buddies in the car. He missed a right-angle turn, drove off the end of the street into a driveway, rear-ended a parked car, shoved it through the corner of the garage, and wrecked his own car beyond repair.

Mike was arrested, charged with drunk driving, and was being held at the police station. They would not release him, so his father returned home about 2:30 a.m.

Martha and Joe slept no more that night, facing the reality that their son had emotionally departed some time ago. Band-aids would not work; major changes were needed now. They finally concluded that they loved Mike so much and were willing to do whatever was necessary to help, including fight for him.

Neither Mike nor his buddies were good for each other and their relationships should end. They realized that this might not be acceptable to him, and he may leave as a result.

They decided if he tried to leave, to stop him; and if he did leave, to go after him. In order to lose their son, he would have to reject their love. It would not be because they didn’t love him enough to fight for him.

His father had to face another tough truth. He knew what he should do, but he had no confidence; his track record was not good, and his judgment was too subjective.

Considering how important it was to make the right choices, they called me, an old friend who lived three thousand miles away in Florida. We sat around the kitchen table while I asked questions and took notes. After about an hour and a half, I knew enough to say what they each needed to hear.

“Joe, you have been foolish and need to repent. You said you knew Mike was not going in the right direction, but compared to yourself at his age, he wasn’t doing too bad. Since when were you, at that age, God’s standard for anybody? You also said you didn’t want to drive Mike away. Mike, did you know your dad didn’t want to drive you away?”

Mike nodded.

“Martha, you have been foolish and need to repent. You have been trying to make your son happy. Stop playing God. Mike, did you know your mother wanted to make you happy?”

Mike nodded again.

Then I said, “Joe and Martha, you have a reasonably intelligent twenty-year-old son who has figured that his dad doesn’t want to drive him away and his mother wants to make him happy. He’s been playing that for all it’s worth.

“Your home has been a training center, but your son has been the trainer—training his parents in the way he wants them to go. Allow what he wants, and he rewards you with a good attitude. Inhibit what he wants, and he penalizes you with a bad attitude. Your son has been controlling this home by his attitude.”

I then turned to Mike. “Mike, you are an angry, deceitful young man. That’s not my opinion but what you have revealed about yourself and I recorded in my notes. I don’t need to meet your friends to know what they’re like. They’re just like you—that’s why they are your friends.

“Mike, if you don’t repent, I predict this is your future: You will find some attractive young woman who is just like you. You’ll seem to have a lot in common, think you’re in love, marry, and then turn your anger and deceitfulness on each other and ruin each other’s lives.”

Looking at all three of them, I continued, “You each need to repent, but then you each need to change. You will each need help to change, and you will each resist the help you need. However, if you don’t receive the help to change, you will revert into the habit patterns that made this mess in the first place.”

After that, I could only say, “Well, I can’t repent for you, so you might as well take me to the airport.”

Martha and Joe repented, but Mike seemed cold and unresponsive until a couple of days later. He seemed so matter-of-fact, saying that he had repented and never really meant to hurt his parents. Although they had difficulty believing him, they perceived the counsel they had received had the ring of truth.

They realized that in the fall, Mike should enroll in a school that would provide the helpful environment he needed in order to change.

Of course, Mike did not want that kind of school environment; he wanted to continue living off campus, accountable to no one. Yet at the same time, Mike didn’t want to continue as he had been.

He resisted; we persisted. Mike enrolled in a school with rules, and lived on campus in a dorm with “nosey dorm leaders.”

Their family struggled through a number of tear-filled times, but they didn’t give up.

Imagine their surprise, when after getting his bachelor’s in English, Mike decided to stay in the same school (with rules) and to pursue another degree in counseling. He chose another school (with rules) for his master’s in counseling and then gained his doctorate at one of the leading universities in the nation. He is now married to a lovely Christian, and they are about to have their first child. The core problem was with the parents even more so than with their son. He was more willing to receive correction and direction than they had been able or willing to provide it.

Does such a brief encounter as I had with this family have lasting results? Well, this occurred ten years ago, and to date, all is well with Mike.

Do not underestimate the cleansing power available when anyone approaches God as a repentant sinner who has seen the sin and wants to be restored and renewed. It doesn’t take God long to transform a humble person.

“MY SON IS A DRUGGIE”

Duke is the pastor of a church today. It was not always so. Duke was a very strong-willed child from the day he was born. At age seventeen he was in complete rebellion. He used drugs, stole, was rude and obnoxious. His parents sought help from counselors, doctors, and the police, but none could help. He ran away from home for eleven weeks. Then he returned on his own. He continued his uncooperative, obnoxious ways. His father’s job required travel, so his mother attempted to deal with her son. They restricted him to the house, but he refused to comply, threatening to leave again.

I was speaking on family relations when an elegantly dressed lady, looking as if she didn’t have a care in the world, approached me after one session and asked if I could help her. She told me this story. She had run out of ideas, not knowing what else to do.

Knowing how to respond to such a problem with so little information is very difficult. At a time like this, I need to turn Godward, admit my helplessness, and appeal to Him for wisdom. Theoretically, I need information—what is she like, what is her husband like, some history about Duke. Without proper information, how could I help?

My heart was filled with sympathy and compassion for this obviously desperate, anxious lady. It seemed logical to comfort her by reassuring her that it was quite normal to be anxious. However, that’s not what I heard myself say. Instead, I told her that she had at least two problems, perhaps three.

First, she needed to relax. Two Bible verses came to mind:

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths.” (Proverbs 3:5-6, NKJV)

“Let the peace of God rule in your hearts, and be thankful.” (Colossians 3:15, NKJV)

Her response was total unbelief. How is it possible to calm down under these conditions and be thankful? I reminded her that, to say the least, she could be thankful that she got a chance to be reminded that God would direct her path.
She seemed more disturbed than ever.

Second, whatever she did about her son, she needed to be sure that she and her husband were like-minded about any action.

Third, I could not advise her specifically what to do, but something, probably quite drastic, should be done quickly. I reminded her that she and her husband needed to trust the Lord and not be afraid of losing their son. They probably already had; this was the opportunity to win him back.

She left, looking more despondent than ever. A quickie conversation immediately after a meeting is hard to handle. This one surely looked like a dud. My intentions were good, but it seemed that the more I tried to help, the more agitated she became. One thing, however, I have learned—to depend upon a person’s second reaction to a conversation rather than the first.

Several years later a clean-cut young man came to the platform after a meeting and introduced himself.

“My name is Duke,” he said. “I’m in college preparing for the ministry. I came to thank you for encouraging my parents not to give up on me.”

Twenty years later, at another meeting, this same lady named Catherine and her husband Bob came up to me. I didn’t recognize her. They gave me a report on Duke. He finished college and seminary, married a fellow student, and today they are pioneering in the opening of a new church. Then we set up time for them to tell me what happened after she left the meeting twenty years ago.

She did have a second reaction. She had to admit that she had not considered it even remotely possible to relax. She was at her wit’s end over what to do; professionals were no help. But she had not thought of turning the problem over to God and to consciously team up with her husband.

She and her husband renewed their commitment to do anything to save their son from sure destruction and to depend on God to direct their paths.

Now Duke was up against two people renewed in their dedication to seek God’s best for their son.

They agreed to expect Duke to do what was right and to do whatever was necessary to enforce righteousness—whatever that means.

A few days later, Duke and his father were in the kitchen, just the two of them. On the counter was a bottle of vitamins that his mother used. Duke wanted some of the vitamins. Bob was not sure if these were prescription drugs so he told Duke to ask his mother for permission.

Duke cursed his mother, and Bob rebuked his son sharply. Duke swung at his dad; Bob knocked him to the floor. A vigorous fight followed.

The tussle moved into the dining room and then into the yard.

Duke managed to get away and took off on his bicycle. Bob took after him in his car, but couldn’t find him.

Bob returned home and went to Duke’s room where he found a sizeable quantity of marijuana. He went to the police station and swore out a warrant for his son’s arrest.

Wow! Does this sound like the Lord directing Bob’s path? This all took place on Mother’s Day.

They accepted this crisis as God’s leading. They were doing the best they knew how, on behalf of their beloved son.

When Duke came home to pack up and leave, Catherine called the police. They arrived quickly, with not one but three cars with lights flashing, attracting the attention of the whole neighborhood. Two policemen arrested Duke on assault and battery, handcuffed him, and led him to a police car. Duke’s sister and the neighbors were appalled.

The hearing was scheduled; bail was set high enough so that Duke’s friends could not get him out for two weeks. Duke had bragged that the police would never catch him, but now he was in jail on a warrant sworn out by his own parents.

At the hearing, Duke was sentenced to ten days in jail and one year of probation.

While he was in jail, Duke refused to talk to his father. He would talk to his mother. She visited him and brought him reading material. While he served the ten days a doctor discovered that Duke had a serious case of hypoglycemia.

When Duke began his probation, a police sergeant instructed him to fill out a daily report of his activities, accounting for each hour, and submit it weekly. He warned Duke that if he failed to submit the report, he would personally see to it that Duke would get a five-year sentence. He showed Duke the pictures of several young men who called his bluff and who were all in prison. Duke was paroled in the custody of his parents.

Catherine nursed Duke back to health. He continued to ignore his father but complied with the terms of his probation.

When Duke regained his health he got a job with a contractor. It was a pick-and-shovel job, mostly with a partner. This fellow was annoyingly cheerful and considerate toward Duke. Day in and day out, week in and week out, this fellow lived a consistent, cheerful life.

Every chance he got he tried to tell Duke about Jesus, who had saved him from a life of anger and misery.

One day Duke said, “Mom, guess what happened to me?” Her heart sank. What trouble is he in now? she thought. “I gave my heart to Jesus,” he said. “From now on I’m living for God.”

Duke then made a dramatic U-turn. He went to places where he had stolen things and made restitution. He changed his friends and graduated from college and seminary.

Today he is pastor of a church and I had the pleasant surprise of sharing lunch with Duke recently. I asked him to tell me his memories of that period. Here are a few of his reflections:

One day these two giant policemen walked into my room at home and arrested me. Man, they were prepared. They surrounded the house. They had a dog in case I tried to run away. Guns and everything. I sat in jail for two weeks before getting out. But I didn’t stop drugs . . . I just got smarter and more careful.

I had this job working for a construction company with a pick and shovel with this long-haired hippie that kept talking about Jesus. One day we were in the bottom of an empty swimming pool shoveling out slimy scum. Man, it was the worst job I have ever had. Smells got all over you. Yuck! One day when we took a short rest break, this fellow, with whom I was working, told me about Jesus. Now a lot of things from that part of my life are a little confusing—having taken everything from LSD to you-name-it, but something clicked inside of me. What he said seemed to make sense.

I went inside to wash my hands and face at lunchtime. When I looked up at the mirror to dry my face, I felt clean—I knew something had happened. I went out and told my working buddy that I had become a Christian. Later, I told my drug friends about Jesus. They said, “Ahhh, you’ll get over it. You’re just going through a phase.” Well, they may be right, but it’s been over twenty years and I haven’t gotten over it yet.

You know, Dr. Brandt, there’s another thing. I never quit doing drugs; I just didn’t want them anymore.

Don’t take too lightly the help that is available to a listener with an open heart. God had prepared a solution for that mother. Our brief encounter after a meeting had to be just a tiny part. My little advice motivated her to bring God in on the solution. It didn’t seem very hopeful as she walked away from our little chat, but God’s ways are not our ways.

“MY BROTHER AND I CAN’T STAND EACH OTHER”

Tim Daley is a biblical counselor; we have compared notes for years. Four hundred men were at a retreat that he invited me to attend. I was to learn that thirty-five of them were there because his life had touched their lives.

Bert was one of the men at this conference. He had set up certain procedures for the insurance agents who worked for him to follow. One agent who refused to comply was Bert’s older brother. Over the next year, the two of them had many strained conversations about the issue, which became more and more heated.

One day when they were angrily throwing verbal bricks at each other, his brother cleaned out his office and left. Bert called him on the phone a few days later. The verbal barrage continued until, finally, Bert hung up on his brother. He was livid with rage.

There was no contact for a month.

Earlier, when his brother first came to work with Bert, they had agreed that any problem would be worked out amiably and that work details would not interfere with family ties. Yet here they were sharply divided and a major holiday coming up.

Finally, Bert consulted with Tim Daley, who listened intently to the story. Tim leaned forward and said, “You are a bitter, angry man. The way you talked to your brother is unacceptable as a Christian example. You need to repent and then apologize to your brother for your bad attitude. You will not find peace until you do.” End of interview.

Bert wasn’t prepared for that. He was expecting some reassurance that Bert was justified in his response because of the problem his brother created.

He pondered Tim’s advice. He was afraid to call his brother, but the idea plagued him. Bert was reluctant to admit that he was bitter, angry, and self-righteous. Finally, he admitted this to God with a repentant heart and asked to be cleansed and empowered to love his brother. To his surprise, his resistance to calling his brother turned into an urge to see him.

His brother didn’t want to see him. Bert heard himself pleading for a twenty-minute meeting. It was agreed to reluctantly.

They met at the appointed place. His brother said nothing, but Bert felt compassion toward him. Gone was the bitterness. He proceeded to apologize for the attitude he had toward his brother. He asked for forgiveness; his brother had tears in his eyes, as did Bert.

Bert said that at that moment it was as though a two-hundred-pound weight was lifted from his shoulders.

Two years have passed. The problem is behind them. Allowing God to change his heart was the first step in changing a complex problem into a simple one. Bert was a repentant prayer away from a change of heart all the time.

There are many more such stories happening every day. Jesus said:

“Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” (Matthew 11:28, KJV)

The Psalmist said:

“Cast your burden upon the Lord, and He will sustain you.” (Psalm 55:22, NASB)

I often have people tell me, “Dr. Brandt, it’s just not that simple!”

My reply is, “Have you tried it?” Long pause. End of discussion. Many argue with me on this point . . . except my clients.

Give simplicity a chance.

DISCUSSION STARTERS

• Review the thought starter at the beginning of the chapter. What thoughts were started?
• Review the lead Bible verse. What does it say to you? Did you observe yourself in relation to the verse? Did you observe others in relation to the verse? Did you find any additional verses?
• What is your response to the lesson at the end of the chapter?

1. Repentance was the common thread that made change possible in each case. For what did each person need to repent?
2. In the stories, how were the minds of the individuals “corrupted from the simplicity which is in Christ Jesus?”
3. Do you know any Duke stories?
4. Can you relate an instance when you prayed for wisdom and understanding, and received them?

THOUGHT STARTER:

Why are Christians not in the least embarrassed over the absence of peace and rest in their lives?

“Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.”
—John 14:27, NKJV

“These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.”
—John 16:33, NKJV

Jesus clearly tells us that it is His intention for us to move through this world peacefully and cheerfully, untroubled and unafraid as long as we look to Him to enable us. With such a resource readily available, I am overwhelmed by the absence of personal peace and by the level of misery under which Christians are willing to live. Christians don’t seem the least embarrassed or hesitant to declare:

• “I’m under stress.”
• “I’m pretty anxious.”
• “I’m worried.”
• “I’m angry!”
• “I’m so unhappy.”
• “I can’t get along with him (her).”
• “I’m afraid.”

Christians all too frequently and unabashedly accept the word of secular mental health people who tell us that such conditions are socially and culturally caused and relief is to be found in the world. They are correct. Jesus Himself said you can find a kind of peace in the world. But He also said that we should look to Him, not to the world He created. I see many Christians adopt, without thinking, a “So-what?-Never-mind-what-Jesus-said” attitude and turn to the world in search of peace.

What will you do with Jesus and His words in this verse? He says you can have peace in this world by turning either to Him or to the world (your environment) that He created. The world offers the following to find peace: places, activities and events, things, and people.

Take a look at the places first.

WOW!  WHAT A BEAUTIFUL PLACE!

I stepped out of the car at the Horn Creek Conference Center in the mountains near Colorado Springs and took a big breath of clean mountain air. The spectacular Rocky Mountains rimmed the valley where I stood.

We all know that feeling of traveling a long way and experiencing the anticipation and then the excitement of arrival; that’s what I felt. Hiking in the mountains, walking beautiful trails, fishing in a stream, or just standing by a gorgeous waterfall are all a source of anticipated relaxation.

Recently I visited my son-in-law in Idaho. I sat in the living room and looked out over a golden grain field that extended out from the backyard. In the distance, I could see the foothills rising to meet the clear Idaho sky. From the front porch, you could see a pasture with sheep grazing. What a peaceful place this is!

Interacting alone with this magnificent creation can quiet one’s heart.

Unfortunately, conflict with one another, even in the most scenic places, will steal away that peace.

A couple experiencing serious marital problems was to go on a vacation somewhere. So the husband surprised his wife with a first-class deluxe Caribbean cruise. The drive to the boat dock was pleasant as they anticipated all the fun they would have on the ship for a week in the sun.

When they entered their small narrow stateroom, the husband quickly changed into his loudest multi-colored shirt (which his wife intensely disliked), threw the first shirt on the floor in the corner (she liked to keep a neat house), and pressured his wife with, “Honey, will you please hustle it up!” (He liked to be on time and she was always late.) On the deck, he, being an extrovert, began to loudly introduce himself to people. She, being an introvert, was embarrassed by his loudness and his awful shirt. They both wanted to accomplish something in their relationship that they couldn’t do at home. Needless to say, the Caribbean cruise was a disaster because they brought themselves along.

Sadly, we all know that peace inside an individual is not determined by being in a place.

LET’S GO FOR IT!

You can feel fulfilled by being involved in study programs in a wide variety of schools, colleges, institutes, and universities. You can feel challenged by the pursuit of a career or hobbies, learning a skill, becoming involved in a cause, attending an event, helping with charitable work, becoming involved in an exercise or weight loss program, or even working long and diligent hours in Christian work. Many activities can give satisfaction and pleasure to the participants without their giving God a thought.

I met a prominent lawyer who was to introduce me as a banquet speaker. I asked him how he became a Christian. He told me he was a star athlete and the top student in high school. When he received his diploma, he was disappointed. He thought there would be more satisfaction than he experienced. He entered Harvard College and received recognition and satisfaction from playing on the varsity football team. In the classroom, he was a top student. But when he received his diploma, he was disappointed not to experience satisfaction from this accomplishment. So he looked eagerly to law school at Yale, completing that program with top honors. Once again, receiving his diploma left him with a vague feeling of emptiness and the thought that there must be more to life than this. When he received an invitation to join the prestigious law firm of his choice, his career was off to a good start. Then he and his wife designed and built their dream house. They looked forward to the day they would take possession; when that day came, there was no joy. There was an emptiness that career and marriage could not fill.

He looked straight at me. “At that time I met a businessman with serenity about him that caught my attention. In a conversation over lunch one day, I asked him why he seemed so content with life. He is the one who introduced me to the resources that are available to us from God. And that’s why I am here to introduce you, Dr. Brandt.”

The attorney found the basic flaw in depending on activities and events: they eventually end and leave you empty.

IT WILL MAKE ME HAPPY!

This amazing world is filled with interesting things that can satisfy a restless heart and bring peace and contentment. We are all familiar with the calming effect of a pleasurable drive in a car. House furnishings, TVs, DVD players, and stereos are pleasurable adult toys.

Most of us can recall happy moments enjoying a delicious meal together. Buying clothes, looking after the hair, the face, and the body are pleasant activities. The lawn, flowers, bushes, trees, and shrubs can provide hours of enjoyment and relaxation. Alcohol is the oil that eliminates social friction. Swallowing pills can calm you down or pick you up.

I was working overseas with a gentleman who was a highly successful and prominent engineer. He invited me to his home. His driveway was a quarter of a mile long; as we approached the house, I saw the six-car garage with a car in each one. The home had a butler, a chauffeur, a gardener, two maids, a nanny, and a cook. The acreage was large and very private, with a horse stable, swimming pool, and tennis court. We had our own private accommodations in a separate wing of the house. He had everything money could buy, but his family was in shambles.

At a family life conference where I had spoken during the previous year, he realized his life was empty and that during the accumulation of all his wealth he had neglected his wife and family. At the conference, he had committed to establish a positive relationship with his family.

My purpose during this visit, a year after his first conference, was to see if I could help overcome some of the barriers that separated him from his wife and family. Sadly, as it turned out, his wife was not even willing to consider a closer relationship with him at this time.

Here was the display of all the things money could buy. It was also a stark reminder that there are some things money cannot buy: the spirit of love, joy, peace, and kindness flowing back and forth between parents, partners, and children. Today he remains committed to his goal with his family, but it may take a long time.

CAN ANYTHING BEAT FRIENDSHIP?

An obvious pathway to find relief from tension and stress is to pour out our thoughts and feelings to a sympathetic listener. I’ve spent most of my life as a counselor, and I can assure you that you can find relief through counseling and therapy without giving God a thought.

A newspaper report on a conference for the survivors of suicides featured one mother’s story. Her world ended on the day her son killed himself. She told other survivors of suicides that their feelings of anguish, anger, and guilt are normal. Eventually, she allowed her feelings of guilt to wash away when her therapist helped her realize she wasn’t to blame.¹

One human being helping another: a pat on the back, a friendly hug, or a compliment from someone you care about is delightfully soothing.

WHY DOESN’T IT WORK?

I have attempted to create a picture of the finest and best features in this wonderful world. The humanist is right: this world contains ample resources that, coupled with the best efforts of caring people, should result in a world full of satisfied, happy people. But, alas, there is a flaw in this beautiful picture.

You would think you could find continuous satisfaction, peace, and enjoyment from family life, social life, friendships, school and church associates, and professional contacts without giving God a thought.

As I reflect across the last decade, the death of my first wife Eva interrupted that human fellowship. I married again and three years later my wife Marcey died suddenly. Jim Baker, one of my best friends who traveled with me all over the world, suddenly died of a brain aneurysm; he was only fifty-two. Art DeMoss, a fifty-three-year-old businessman with whom I shared ministry assignments many times, died of a heart attack on the tennis court. A college official whom I respected greatly suddenly announced that he was resigning his position, divorcing his wife, and marrying someone else. Just several weeks ago, a tearful young lady with two young children told me that her husband had announced that he was leaving her. No warning. No explanation.

Time, on September 15, 1986, reported that the health cost of drug abuse was estimated by one National Center for Health Statistics study at 59.7 billion dollars. The medical bill for alcohol abuse was estimated at an astonishing 146.7 billion dollars. [As of 2002, drug abuse costs had increased to 180.9 billion² and alcohol abuse costs to 185 billion.³]

Earlier in this chapter, I wrote optimistically about the pleasures of courtship that deepens into a happy, lifetime marriage. Present reality shatters that beautiful hope. [In 2008, there were 2,157,000 marriages and 844,000 divorces in the U.S.⁴]

I wrote of the benefits of friendship, cooperation, teamwork, and recognition. To my dismay, I listen daily to a recital of the failure of human effort, of marriage partners who have deceived and cheated each other. We have become accustomed to reports of lying, cheating, and stealing in business and politics. There is strife and discord at every level of life—from the boardroom to the classroom to the family room.

The Florida legislature has struggled with what to do to halt teenage pregnancy. About twenty-five thousand teenagers gave birth in Florida the year before I wrote this course, costing more than 125 million dollars in subsidized health care and welfare payments. More than one million teenagers became pregnant that same year in our country, and almost half chose to have abortions. Ninety-two percent of these pregnancies were unintended.

In this wonderful world, families are breaking up, incidents of child abuse and other family violence are growing, and delinquency, theft, murder, and crime, escalating venereal diseases, and emotional disorders threaten our survival. There are multitudes starving to death and nations destroying each other.

Finding relief from tension is what some may think of as peace. People often turn to friendship, fellowship, challenges, opportunities, travel, and materialism, but they are as illusive as turning to drugs and alcohol. Initially, there is hope, comfort, pleasure, but sooner or later our efforts turn to ashes and result in increased loneliness, grief, tension, or bitterness.

The Humanist Manifesto II says:

Happiness and the creative realization of human needs and desires, individually and in shared enjoyment, are continuous themes of humanism. . . Critical intelligence, infused by a sense of human caring, is the best method that humanity has for resolving problems.. . . (p. 18)

It seems clear to me that the finest human effort in a magnificent world is not enough to quiet the human heart in times of trouble and stress.

Jesus said:

“These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33, NKJV)

Based on all the options we have in going after peace, we should take careful note when Jesus gently tells us to turn to Him for peace. We can turn to Him, and not the world, if the peace we seek is to be deeply satisfying and lasting.

As long as you are busy, you may not notice a lack of peace. When you slow down, it can become a glaring reality.

DISCUSSION STARTERS

• Review the thought starter at the beginning of the chapter. What thoughts were started?
• Review the lead Bible verse. What does it say to you? Did you observe yourself in relation to the verse? Did you observe others in relation to the verse? Did you find any additional verses?
• What is your response to the lesson at the end of the chapter?

1. If Jesus said we can have peace in this world, in your opinion, why are many Christians living without it?
2. How do you find satisfaction and relaxation to relieve your tension?
   • In a place?
   • In activities and events?
   • In things?
   • In people?
3. What are the distinctions between relief and cure? Similarities?
4. When have you been most at peace with yourself?
5. How has the world disappointed you?

THOUGHT STARTER:

Why do people blame their present behavior on their past experiences?

“Beware lest anyone cheat you through philosophy and empty deceit, according to tradition of men, according to the basic principles of the world, and not according to Christ. For in Him dwells all the fullness of the Godhead bodily; and you are complete in Him, who is the head of all principality and Power.”
—Colossians 2:8-10, NKJV

Malcolm and Dorothy sit, stone-faced, across from the counselor in the consulting room, with an invisible wall between them. They are very busy Christians who have been married for twenty-two miserable years.

She says that he does not treat her like a doormat but like the dirt under a doormat! She would do anything in the world for him, she says: “If only he would show some appreciation and give me just a little bit of affection and tenderness. But no, he just takes me for granted. AII he wants is for me to wash his clothes, cook his meals, and keep the house. He is a very proud, selfish, bad-tempered man given to very loud yelling.”

To show how inconsiderate he is, she told how he bought her the Lincoln she drives when he knew perfectly well that she wanted a Cadillac. She must even beg him for a meager allowance. But today, the counselor looks at a well-groomed, elegantly dressed lady and observes that underneath the expensive clothing is a very hostile, bitter woman.

They live in a large, professionally decorated, color-coordinated, beautifully furnished and landscaped house. They could not wish for a better air-conditioned place in which to carry on their bitter relationship. Their two children live on the opposite side of the country and as far away from their parents as they could get. The maid does her best to avoid getting chewed out by either one of them.

Malcolm sits there shaking his head, teeth clenched, as he listens to her side of the story. When it is his turn he describes her as a spoiled, selfish, demanding person. From the start of their marriage, everything had to go her way, from keeping the house, to when they ate, choosing friends and activities, raising the children, choosing their clothes, and on and on. He finally gave up on her and concentrated
on developing his business. He let her run the house and the family. He had his territory; she had hers. Their buffer zone was the children.

Now the children are gone and all that is left between them is mutual hostility and strong differences of opinion.

Malcolm had been raised in a lower-class European family where the father called all the shots and the women followed instructions. His father had a violent temper and would abuse the family verbally and sometimes physically. Malcolm is much like his father, except he never physically abused anyone. He admits to being self-centered.

Dorothy grew up in an upper-middle-class home. She had very few limits, was quite self-centered, and often pouted when she couldn’t have her way. She could be called a spoiled child. Her parents provided a stable home and her mother tended to dominate the family.

Obviously there is more to each of their histories. But at this point, she will only admit to being a misunderstood lady and this brings great frustration to her.

When this couple began to seek help, they could have turned to a counselor with either a humanist or a biblical perspective. The two approaches would be quite different.

BLAME YOUR BACKGROUND

The study of how humans affect or help one another is humanism.

Webster’s dictionary defines humanism as:

A doctrine, set of attitudes, a way of life centered upon human interests or values; a philosophy that rejects supernaturalism, regards man as a natural object, and asserts the essential dignity and worth of man and his capacity to achieve self-realization through the use of reason and scientific method.

Although the name is current, humanism, as a philosophy of life, is nothing new. Rejecting God and centering a way of life and a way of thinking around man’s interests and values has been around since the beginning of time.

In graduate school, my professors identified a rather predictable response caused by growing up in a restrictive environment. They identified a poor start in life as one that hinders self-expression, frustrates pleasure needs, and provides wrong reinforcers.

They taught that the consequences of growing up in this type of environment are adults who will respond to the circumstances of life with the following ways: hostility, resentment, hate, pessimism, fear, doubt, perplexity, conflict, confusion, pain, depression, indifference, cruelty, lack of generosity, rage, oppression of others.

Time magazine featured an article entitled “The Burnout of Almost Everyone”:

They describe the stages of burnout, progressing from intense enthusiasm and job satisfaction, to exhaustion, physical illness, acute anger and depression. Even the best worker, when thwarted, will swallow his rage; it then turns into a small private conflagration, an internal fire in his engine room.¹

According to these authors, the consequence to adults of being thwarted (i.e., not getting their own way) by other adults (i.e., husbands and wives) are rage and hostility, resulting in physical illness, depression, and tension headaches.

No doubt people who struggle with the responses listed above do come from faulty family backgrounds, unloving relationships, difficult experiences, and situations in which there was little opportunity given to express themselves.

Furthermore, given proper alteration in the people, circumstances, and social conditions that surround an individual, changes can occur without giving God a thought. Or counseling, done by trained, caring, kindly people, and followed up by appropriate changes, can bring great relief to an anxious, confused person. If you want relief, you can find it in this wonderful world. Who needs God?

A change of location or the removal of a troublesome person can give relief to an anxious person. That is relief, not healing. Alcohol can quiet a hostile, bitter heart, but it only gives relief, not healing.

If the couple we described at the beginning of this chapter would turn to a humanist counselor for help, the counselor would develop a detailed study of their backgrounds, their stormy marriage, and their response to each other at present. From this information, the counselor would help them understand how their backgrounds have shaped their outlook on life, what their needs are, what ways they are frustrating each other’s needs, and what adjustments can be made in order to satisfy each other’s needs.

Hopefully, as Dorothy gains some understanding of both her needs and Malcolm’s, and senses that he is making adjustments with her needs in mind, her anger and bitterness will be calmed and she will experience some peace of mind, become more hopeful, more affectionate, and more desirous of meeting his needs.

As Malcolm gains some understanding of his and Dorothy’s needs, makes some adjustments on her behalf, and senses that she is seeking to meet his needs, his quarrelsomeness and hot temper will cool. They can then develop a friendship and discover the joy of living as he works to meet her needs.

Just imagine how relieved these people would be if the counselor could help them in this way.

I emphasize that they can find blessed relief by following this approach, but not a change of heart.

What causes change as a result of relief? We could compare this change to the relief experienced if you take a pain pill. Change happens swiftly. You get relief but not healing. Isn’t it good to get relief? Of course, as long as you don’t kid yourself and you understand it is relief and not healing.

Recently I learned a lesson about the quick, comforting effect of drugs. I had a tooth pulled and it developed what my dentist called a “dry socket.” My jaw became infected and it spread to the side of my face so that at any one moment I experienced incredible, unbearable pain around my eye, ear, sinuses, jaw, and throat. The pain was so intense that I was ready to do anything for some relief!

My dentist handed me an envelope containing some little pills. After swallowing one, the pain gradually disappeared. To maintain freedom from pain, all I had to do was keep swallowing those pills.

Everyone knows that pain pills do not cure the source of the pain. Healing must also happen. So I knew that the condition of my jaw had not changed. But that didn’t matter. I would have paid any price for those pills. (This incident was a clear lesson to me of how easily anyone can become dependent on pills for a sense of well-being.) Having one’s needs met, similarly, brings relief, not healing.

Our couple could seek out a Christian who is trained in humanistic counseling, who would proceed in the same methods as the humanistic counselor. They could seek out a biblical counselor, who would also recognize that the woman’s anger, her bitter response to her husband, and his quarrelsomeness and nasty temper were barriers to a healthy marriage. The humanist would say these responses are socially caused. The Bible-based counselor would call them sin.

BLAME SIN

Finding relief from sin instead of obtaining cleansing is a cruel trap. Like my situation with the pain pill, I am comfortably sick. Relief from sin allows me to be comfortably separated from God.

A follower of Jesus takes the subject of sin seriously. We do indeed face very serious social problems. If it is sin that is the cause, there couldn’t be any better news: There is a cure for sin.

Many years ago, I contracted malaria; I alternately perspired and shivered, my joints ached, and I struggled with a high fever. One of the missionaries said, “It’s only malaria. Take these pills and go to bed. Tomorrow you will be better.” Sure enough, it worked.

Several years later my wife and her friend, who traveled with us in a part of Africa, became very ill after we returned home to the United States. They had the same malaria symptoms that I had previously, and they tried to tell their doctor what it was. He wouldn’t listen, hospitalized them, and subjected them to a variety of tests and x-rays. In the meantime, they both suffered with high fever, chills, and pain. Three days later, the doctor consulted a tropical medicine specialist who diagnosed malaria. He prescribed the same pills I had taken and in one day they were better. They went through five days of unnecessary suffering because the doctor didn’t know what to treat.

Dealing with sin is like that. The cure is swift and sure if you use the proper diagnosis and proper treatment. You can suffer greatly from the ravages of sin while you are sincerely and carefully trying to correct the suffering by following the wrong diagnosis and the wrong treatment.

In the case of my wife and her friend, the doctor had never seen malaria and therefore tried to find a cause familiar to him.

The same can happen when one deals with symptoms the Bible calls sin. There is no debate about the symptoms; everyone agrees on what they are. What is debatable is the cause.

The Bible says contention and outbursts of anger are works of the flesh or sin. If one or both people in a disagreement accept this diagnosis, they will turn Godward, confess their sins, repent, and receive forgiveness, cleansing, and renewal.

If they reject the diagnosis as sin and believe the very same symptoms are socially or culturally caused, they will proceed to investigate exposure to family, friends, church, community, etc., for an explanation.

Dr. S. I. McMillen, a long-time friend of mine, spent many years studying the biblical principles and directions on living in Jewish and Christian writings. As a result of this research he wrote a bestseller called None of These Diseases, which describes the physical consequences of wrong living. He pointed out that there may be sin in the picture when aches and pains show up:

Peace does not come in capsules! This is regrettable because medical science recognizes that emotions such as fear, sorrow, envy, resentment, and hatred are responsible for the majority of our sicknesses. Estimates vary from 60 percent to nearly 100 percent. Emotional stress can cause high blood pressure, toxic goiter, migraine headaches, arthritis, apoplexy, heart trouble, gastrointestinal ulcers, and other serious diseases too numerous to mention.

As physicians we can prescribe medicine for the symptoms of these diseases, but we cannot do much for the underlying cause—emotional turmoil. It is lamentable that peace does not come in capsules. We need something more than a pill for the disease-producing stresses of the man has lost his life savings, the tearful feminine soul who has been jilted, the young father who has inoperable cancer, the woman whose husband is a philanderer, the distraught teenager with a facial birthmark, and the schemer who lies awake at night trying to think of ways to get even with his neighbor. . No one can appreciate so fully as a doctor the amazingly large percentage of human disease and suffering which is directly traceable to worry fear, conflict, immorality, dissipation, and ignorance—to unwholesome thinking and unclean living. The sincere acceptance of the principles and teachings of Christ with respect to the life of mental peace and joy, the life of unselfish thought and clean living, would at once wipe out more than half the difficulties, diseases, and sorrow, of the human race.²

A Christian with a biblical perspective and a Christian with a humanistic perspective can both be sincere, committed people who are looking at the same situation, but they will come up with different causes and different solutions.

Alexander Pope described how sin captures us:

Vice is a monster of so frightful mean,
As to be hated needs but to be seen;
Yet seen too oft, familiar with her face,
We first endure, then pity, then embrace.

Humanistic thinking can be like that. First, we study it in order to understand it. Then we shake our heads in disagreement, then listen some more to be sure we heard correctly, and finally, unknowingly begin to absorb it.

If you are dealing with sin, you must turn to the creator and savior for cleansing, strengthening, and changing. If it is sin, society didn’t put it into you; society only stirs up what is already in you. If it is sin, society can’t help you. It requires a supernatural cure.

If you want relief, you can find it in this world. If you want a cure, only God can help you. As Tournier says, there is no human cure for sin.

The couple in this lesson became my clients. They had been to three counselors before coming to “last-resort Brandt.” One counselor was a humanist and not a Christian, and the other two were “Christian humanists.” The counselors had actually worked with the couple individually and had gone into a detailed study of both their backgrounds, reviewing their twenty-year history of antagonism and discord. The couple came away from the counselors with the verdict that they had irreconcilable differences and divorce was the only solution.

But during the time with each previous counselor, the woman had come away from each session greatly relieved. She was appreciative of their understanding, kindness, and willingness to listen to her. She felt that they understood she was ready to change, but that her husband wouldn’t cooperate. She felt that the counselors understood why she was bitter and hostile under the circumstances with which she had to live.

The husband was very disgusted with the whole process. He tolerated going only for the sake of the marriage. In his opinion, they just sided with her and did not really grasp what a problem she had created for him in their marriage. So, as a result, she was helped in finding great relief for herself, but the marriage was actually worse.

It was immediately evident to me that she had two problems: first, a personal problem of sin in the areas of anger and bitterness and second, the marriage.

He had two problems also: first, the personal problem of sin in the areas of quarrelsomeness and a nasty temper and second, the marriage.

They turned to God for their solution and in six weeks they were behaving like honeymooners! Interestingly, I never did talk to them about their marriage.

I am not trying to say that their marriage problems evaporated. Normally, newlyweds would not have a smooth marriage either. They had many details to work out as they started their new life. What I am saying is that they now approached their problems without hostility, quarreling, and yelling as they allowed the Lord to give them peaceful, loving, and joyful hearts. At that point they didn’t need me and were quite capable of approaching their marriage problems in a friendly fashion and began to solve them.

This is the Christian miracle of the cleansed life.

Examine yourself. Are you a Christian who turns to God for help? Are you a Christian and a partial humanist who turns to the environment for relief from sin? Are you a humanist who accepts scientific investigation only and rejects the biblical record?

Here is God’s promise again:

“I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” (Jeremiah 29:11-13, NIV)

If we have a plan for our life and God says He has a plan for our life, whose plan is better?

My environment can give me relief from sin; only the Lord can cure it.

DISCUSSION STARTERS

• Review the thought starter at the beginning of the chapter. What thoughts were started?
• Review the lead Bible verse. What does it say to you? Did you observe yourself in relation to the verse? Did you observe others in relation to the verse? Did you find any additional verses?
• What is your response to the lesson at the end of the chapter?

1. Why do people blame their present behavior on their past experiences?
2. How would you define humanism?
3. Give examples of how people can help others obtain relief.
4. What does it mean to be “complete in Him”?
5. What is wrong with relief?
6. How can Dorothy and Malcolm develop a satisfying relationship?

THOUGHT STARTER:

Can you explain the change in some people’s lives when they become Christians?

“Men can only reproduce human life, but the Holy Spirit gives new life from heaven; so don’t be surprised at my statement that you must be born again!”
—John 3:6-7, LB

“Now if I am doing what I don’t want to, it is plain where the trouble is:
sin still has me in its evil grasp.”
—Romans 7:20, LB)

I have spent over forty years counseling people from a biblical perspective. I work with disturbed people. My first serious encounter with a disturbed person was with myself.

I grew up in a church environment. During my late teens, I said to myself, “I don’t need a bunch of rules to run my life, let alone a bunch of rules that keep me from having fun!”

I had some friends who taught me how much fun I could have with alcohol. I hit the bars, the parties, the streets, and the homes of my friends (when the parents were gone!). Mixed in with all this was considerable girl chasing. My mission in life was to entice “religious” young people away from church and into the “good life.” I had been successful with my share of converts at the bar. Those were wonderful fun-filled years, but such a life was also the broad road to destruction.

My way of life came to an abrupt halt. Three of my drinking buddies burned to death in a fiery head-on collision. One of my friends, a brilliant young lady, committed suicide. The heavy-drinking, kindly man who ran the pool room, one of my local hang-outs, slammed his car into a telephone pole one night and was killed instantly. Lastly, I was fired from my job because I returned from lunch drunk one day.

Right after all this happened, Bill, one of my best friends and the heaviest drinker of all, suddenly announced that he had become a Christian. He had wandered into a Christian meeting by accident and stayed to hear the speaker. God’s Holy Spirit touched his heart. He went forward at the end of the meeting and publicly invited Christ to take over his life and heart and to deal with his sin. He told me later, “I felt like I was the only guy the speaker was talking to!”

Virtually overnight, Bill demonstrated that he was finished with my kind of life. He went to church twice on Sunday and every Wednesday. He dated only “Christian” girls. He limited his activities to swimming, hiking, tennis, ice skating, and skiing. In order to continue my friendship with him, I was forced to accept his way of life.

For a few months, I lived on both sides of the fence. Bill and I had long arguments about his faith and his changed life. I argued fervently on behalf of the old way of life—the rollicking nights, the warmth of kindred spirits, and good fellowship in our favorite bars! I could just as well have been talking to the wall. Bill’s change wasn’t temporary. He turned a deaf ear to my fervent, earnest efforts to save him from a restrictive, limited, narrow life.

ENCOUNTER WITH THE STOVE MAN

One afternoon I staggered home drunk and dropped off to sleep on a couch. A Christian businessman, who had come to sell my mother a stove, shook me awake. He read me a simple tract about receiving Christ. I had heard this familiar old story all my life. He asked me to pray with him, and in a drunken stupor, I asked the Lord to come into my heart. I then rolled over and went back to sleep!

Later in the evening, when I awoke, I didn’t remember the encounter with the stove man and I was not aware of any change. My only thought was to return to my favorite bar; however, that night the people around the bar seemed to be babbling, slurring their words, and talking foolishly. The bartender was carelessly sloshing the glasses in dirty water. The room was smoke-filled and unbearably noisy. I didn’t have fun that night.

I found myself at the beginning of the end of my drinking days. In a matter of weeks, I longed for Bill’s way of life. The old way simply died away. I didn’t even remember the encounter with the stove salesman until I began looking back later on my changed behavior.

What followed in my life proved to me with abundant clarity that God will answer a sincere call for help even if the prayer is mumbled by someone who drinks too much, who slurs his words, and whose memory is blurred. Looking back on that event years ago, all I can remember of the discussion with the man in our living room is that what he said seemed to make sense.

I have a Ph.D. in marriage and the family and have spent my life studying, teaching, and counseling in the area of Christian living. Today, forty years later, I still cannot totally explain what happened to me when I was “born again,” or even why it happened to me. When Nicodemus, one of the smartest and most educated men of his day, asked Jesus, “What in the world are you talking about when you say, ‘born again’?” Jesus replied:

“What I am telling you so earnestly is this: Unless one is born of water and the Spirit, he cannot enter the Kingdom of God. Men can only reproduce human life, but the Holy Spirit gives new life from heaven; so don’t be surprised at my statement that you must be born again! Just as you can hear the wind but can’t tell where it comes from or where it will go next, so it is with the Spirit. We do not know on whom he will next bestow this life from heaven.” (John 3:5-8, LB)

“Now if I am doing what I don’t want to, it is plain where the trouble is: sin still has me in its evil grasp.” (Romans 7:20, LB)

MY BIGGEST PROBLEM

Several dramatic changes occurred in my behavior when I first became a Christian, but over a period of several years my sense of closeness to the Lord began to fade. Marriage, parenthood, and job revealed deeper life problems of anger, bitterness, hostility, and pride.

My boss was a harsh, cussing man. Day after day he would scowl as he scanned the engineering department from his glass-walled office. Stuffing his mouth with a huge chunk of tobacco, he would yell, “Brandt!” And that was all it took! Anger would well up within me and I was a goner! It worked every time; I was helpless. Even before his merciless tongue-lashings, I would be brimming with hostility and wounded pride.

How could I vent my feelings toward him? I would have found myself out in the street! As a result of keeping my anger inside, it spilled over into my relationships with my wife, my son, and my associates.

I was filled with regret over the things I said and did. Telling myself to stop didn’t help. I tried everything I could to find relief: taking a walk, griping to a friend, playing tennis, yelling at my wife or tiny son. I even consciously thought about swearing and drinking again—typical regressive behavior! I even tried looking into my neglected Bible.

I quickly found out that Bible reading was not easy. I couldn’t scan the Bible and ignore parts of it like reading a newspaper. What I read was disturbing, but some of it slipped into my mind and I found myself comparing my behavior to the verses that I read.

I came upon a verse that got my attention:

“Stop being mean, bad-tempered, and angry. Quarreling, harsh words, and dislike of others should have no place in your lives. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God has forgiven you because you belong to Christ.” (Ephesians 4:31-32, LB)

I spent several months contemplating those verses. They made me mad! The more
I thought about forgiving my boss, my family, and my associates, the more reasons
I found for not forgiving them. I easily justified my hatred and anger. Why should
I be kind and tenderhearted toward them? Such an idea infuriated me!

Eventually, I came to the conclusion that the Bible was right. I told myself: “I will quit being hateful and angry toward these people.” But as the days passed, I made
a scary and frustrating discovery: I couldn’t quit! When my boss yelled at me or my wife didn’t do what I asked her to do, my response was automatic: intense anger!
I could cover it up, put a smile on my face, and control my speech, but just underneath the surface was a furious response.

My resentment toward the Bible intensified. Here was a book that required something I didn’t want to do and couldn’t do even after I decided to do it!

I identified with the Apostle Paul when he described himself:

“When I want to do good, I don’t; and when I try not to do wrong, I do it anyway. Now if I am doing what I don’t want to, it is plain where the trouble is, sin still has me in its evil grasp.” (Romans 7:19-20, LB)

As I continued to thumb through my Bible, I stumbled upon some verses which hit me right between the eyes:

“Not that we are in any way confident of our own resources—our ability comes from God. It is He who makes us competent administrators of the new agreement, and we deal not in the letter but in the Spirit. The letter of the Law leads to the death of the soul, the Spirit of God alone can give life to the soul.”
(2 Corinthians 3:5-6, Phillips)

My response to those verses was troubled. Why couldn’t I depend upon my own resources for living? I earned an education without God’s help. I obtained a job and promotions. By my own will, I managed to meet the demands of life. It appeared to me that I could do some things on my own!

MY STRENGTH COMES FROM HIM

After a long struggle, I realized that what I could not do is live up to the spirit of Christianity. I could live up to “the letter” by acting kind, tenderhearted, and forgiving. But I found that acting killed something in me; it was death to my soul. The Christian life was not the development of my acting ability! The Christian life was God’s Spirit living His life in me.

After admitting that my own resources were not enough, I faced other spiritual obstacles: Why did my fellowship with Jesus fade after my conversion? Why did God seem so distant, so unconcerned? Worst of all, why did God sometimes seem not to exist at all?

The Bible met all my questions with a single answer:

“Listen now! The Lord isn’t too weak to save you. And he isn’t getting deaf! He can hear you when you call! But the trouble is that your sins have cut you off from God. Because of sin He has turned his face away from you and will not listen anymore.” (Isaiah 59:1-2, LB)

The Bible put the finger on the problem: sin was keeping me at a distance from the Lord. Those verses that disturbed me said it all:

“Stop being mean, bad tempered, and angry. . . harsh words and dislike of others have no place in our lives.” (Ephesians 4:31, LB)

These were the sins that made God seem so distant to me. My boss and family didn’t cause them; they were only used to reveal them in me.

Since only God could cleanse me from sin, I asked Him to cleanse my heart. I also asked the Lord for help because I knew I couldn’t help myself. I couldn’t love my boss or my wife or my little boy. Oh, yes, I could seem loving, but that’s not the same as being loving on the inside. The turning point came when I admitted to God that I was helpless and asked Him to give me His love for my boss when he was yelling at me. The next day on the way to work I again appealed to God to take away the intense anger when my boss yelled at me and give me His love for my boss.

Although I could not see any outward changes in my life, I remember very well the day when my boss, his jaw loaded with tobacco, shouted, “Brandt!” and to my surprise, I wasn’t mad at him. For the first time that I could remember, the smile on my face reflected my spirit. What an incredible experience for me! I’m not trying to say that I entrusted every day to the Lord. But every day that I did, I found the Lord was always there.

A few weeks later, my boss yelled at me again: “Brandt! Come in here!” By now he amused me. I actually enjoyed watching him! Let me tell you! What a different experience it was when there was joy in my heart! I could watch an old crab and not become a crab myself! It was wonderful to be released from that trap. I walked into his office feeling friendly and relaxed. I asked, “What do you want?” And he said, “What’s gotten into you? You’ve been in a good mood lately!”

As the days went by my boss still yelled, but I was not mad at him. It was a miracle. First came cleansing; then came strength—a strength not my own but God’s.

I cannot change what I am deep down inside; only God can. I can only change surface actions. I have a human tendency to idealistically view myself: I think I can change my behavior if I am just determined enough. This thinking leads to some great acting, but not to a changed and cured heart. I may feel that I must add to the finished work of Christ, but when Jesus said, “It is finished!” (John 19:30, NKJV)—He meant it.

Only Jesus lived the Christian life. Only Jesus in control of our hearts will enable us to live the Christian life today. Every day that I yielded to Him, I found the Lord was always there. And across these years, the principle that we can live the Christian life with God in control and win against sin has made a tremendous difference in my life.

The Christian life is not difficult, but impossible to live on our own.

DISCUSSION STARTERS

• Review the thought starter at the beginning of the chapter. What thoughts were started?
• Review the lead Bible verse. What does it say to you? Did you observe yourself in relation to the verse? Did you observe others in relation to the verse? Did you find any additional verses?
• What is your response to the lesson at the end of the chapter?

1. What is the difference between the letter and the spirit of the law?
2. Do all your problems go away when you are “born again”?
3. Why did I use the word revealed instead of caused when I said that my marriage, parenthood, and job revealed my anger, bitterness, hostility, and pride?
4. What is wrong with self-control?
5. In 2 Corinthians 5:17, what is new? Can you find the answer in 2 Corinthians 5:18?
6. What can you do to find relief from sin?