Apicontent

Fearing the LORD is the beginning of discernment, but fools have despised wisdom and moral instruction.
(Proverbs 1:7)

The book of Proverbs places great emphasis on the subject of education, especially early education in the home with the parents. Solomon follows the Hebrew tradition in making religious training the responsibility of both parents, incorporating moral teaching into daily life. It is in the context of living day-by-day that children are to be taught moral principles and reverence for God. There is to be no separation between “secular” and “religious” education.

Parents are to educate a child “in the way that he should go.” (Proverbs 22:6). In the original language, the metaphor is one of feeding, suitable to one’s age. Likewise, the proper educational diet is age-appropriate. Upon maturity, one will not depart from this rigorous training and ultimately one is able to provide for his or her own educational needs such that education is a lifelong pursuit.

How much of your education came from your parents versus the school system? Relative to your own education how will you educate your children? Are you continuing to educate yourself? What are your life-long educational goals?

All a person’s ways seem right in his own opinion, but the LORD evaluates the motives. Commit your works to the LORD, and your plans will be established.
(Proverbs 16:2-3)

The Lord is the very basis of ethics, the author of right and wrong. He is ever present and his searchlight penetrates the heart; He sees and records motives. For these reasons it is important to commit all of our work efforts to him in order that he may revise and correct our purposes and establish those which are good. He is interested in our work and our business dealings. Our employment draws the attention of God; He takes notice of our comings and goings. Proverbs makes it clear that fraudulent business practices are an abomination to the living Lord.

God is the source of all abilities and gifts and he wants us to use them maximally for Him. In fact, all work is to be done to the glory of God. Work is not performed to occupy time or to earn a paycheck only but to employ our gifts to help and serve others. Work, well done, is an offering given to the Lord.

On another note, one should be very careful about cosigning a loan. Be very circumspect about accepting the obligations of a cosigned loan, even for a family member or friend. If the primary borrower defaults, the cosigner is responsible to pay off the loan. This can result in strain or loss of close relationships. Solomon especially warns against cosigning a loan for an unreliable person.

How much of your identity comes from your job? Is your employment the best use of your skill set? What are your business motives? Have you ever misrepresented the truth to get a job or close a deal? How would you rate your business ethics? Does your job bring you lasting satisfaction?

Do not forsake your friend and your father’s friend, and do not enter your brother’s house in the day of your disaster; a neighbor nearby is better than a brother far away.
(Proverbs 27:10)

Proverbs reflects the striking contrast between the ancient and the modern worlds with respect to the emphasis given to being a good friend and neighbor. The connotation of the Hebrew word used here for “friends” is “those who delight in one another’s companionship.” Either they are useful to one another because each possesses a gift, which the other does not have, or they are agreeable to one another because they have certain tastes in common. In this context, friendship usually implies a certain amount of goodness; for in and of itself, it is a virtue.

Clearly presented is the fact that true friendship involves honesty toward one another. To tell lies or to slander one’s friends or neighbors is a definite offense. Secondly, true friendship involves loyalty. Loyalty is the greatest evidence of real friendship—a genuine friend or caring neighbor is by your side through the good times and the bad.   In fact, the acid test of real friendship is found on the day of adversity.

Solomon notes that friends are to edify and improve one another just as “iron sharpens iron.” (Proverbs 27:17). Further, friendships are to be maintained carefully: friendships are delicate and require ongoing care and if a friend or neighbor is wounded, one should waste no time for apology, explanation, and reconciliation. Friends should be friends for life; one is to cultivate the love of his own friends as well as the friends of his father.

How many real friends do you have? Would they consider you a true friend, as well? What could you do to increase the quantity and quality of friendships you have? Do you have accountability in your life? How will your friends eulogize you someday?

Listen, my child, to the instruction from your father, and do not forsake the teaching from your mother. For they will be like an elegant garland on your head, and like pendants around your neck.
(Proverbs 1:8-9)

Solomon outlines a contract of sorts, giving responsibilities to both parents and their children. Parents are to model integrity through their actions in the home because children learn value systems largely through observation of their parents’ actions and reactions on a daily basis. Parents are expected to teach their children and to give them guidelines for life (Proverbs 1:1-9). Parents are also to school their children in the process of decision-making: through gentle and loving guidance, rather than heavy-handed authoritarianism, parents can help children avoid the consequences of poor decisions and commitments.

In addition to teaching children the basics of daily living, the home provides the context to teach children about God. This religious education is to be life-oriented, with children taught to see God in every single aspect of life.

Throughout Proverbs, we see the parent and child as a loving unit, such that parents are not to be overly demanding, unfair, or cruel in their discipline. Discipline is for the betterment and growth of children, not to promote their anger or frustration.

Solomon also outlines expectations for children. Children are to honor their parents, showing them lifelong respect. The wise child brings peace and great joy to his parents but the foolish child brings shame, disgrace, and grief.

Do you have a healthy relationship with your parents/children? Have you forgiven your parents for their conscious and unconscious failures? What are you doing specifically to not repeat the mistakes of the past? Are you taking responsibility for your own actions or are you still blaming a “suboptimal” parent-child relationship? Are love and respect the bases for your relationships with your parents? Your children?

The one who has found a good wife has found what goodness is, and obtained a delightful gift from the LORD.
(Proverbs 18:22)

Marriage is a lifelong commitment. It is a special partnership between a man and a woman where two become one flesh. It is more than friendship. It is a mystical, spiritual union.

Marriage was God’s idea and it is still His idea. Marriage was not the invention of government, it was not to maintain social order, nor was it for economic convenience; it was designed by God. Marriage can never fill the God-shaped void in our hearts, however, and no spouse can bring ongoing joy to our lives. No matter how close we are to a lover, it is still not the intimacy that we can know with God. The Lord is the bridegroom and we are to be His bride.

The intimacy of sexual intercourse is to be preserved in and reserved for marriage. Indiscriminate sexual relations carry a great price and sexual infidelity can and often does break a marriage. Unfaithfulness in marriage can bring death to all relationships. It breaks the intellectual, emotional, and spiritual bonds of intimacy between a husband and a wife. Infidelity may literally bring disease, death, as well as violent retribution from the rageful, offended spouse or lover. The goals of marriage are to have full and open communication and confidence in one another and to build up one another all of the days of life together.

Why do so many marriages go bad? How would you, your family, and your friends rate your marriage? How do you intend to make your marriage “go the distance”? What qualities do you see in the best marriages that make for success?

Do not let mercy and truth leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. Then you will find favor and good understanding, in the sight of God and people.
(Proverbs 3:3-4)

Love is a verb. Love is a verb of action and a verb of being. Love is others-oriented. Love is patience, kindness, tenderness, unselfishness, faithfulness, courtesy, good temper, sincerity, generosity, and more. From these passages Solomon teaches that love and loyalty win the favor of both God and man, that love is more powerful than evil, and that it is better to have less with love than more with dissension and discord. Faithfulness is a key to the best relationships and marriage is to be monogamous.

Love really is blind or at least partially so. Love, Solomon suggests, is willing to overlook weaknesses, disregard faults, and is able to cover over an offense.

In Proverbs love is not without accountability. Love is willing to be examined and to be conditional. Love allows for instruction and discipline.

Where are you looking for love? Are you a loving person? Will your friends and family remember you as one who loved much? Are you giving away your life to others in need? Is it possible to love too much?

The heart of the righteous considers how to answer, but the mouth of the wicked pours out evil things.
(Proverbs 15:28)

Solomon’s father wrote, “May the words of my mouth and the thoughts of my heart be pleasing to you, Oh Lord, my rock and my redeemer.”

Self-control can be measured by the degree that one holds his or her tongue; in short, to be self-controlled is to rule over one’s tongue, to pause, and to weigh words before they are spoken. Although the tongue is small, it is potent and can do enormous damage quickly and if slander, lies, gossip, and vulgarities fill a person, such words will well up and overflow. One’s tongue only speaks of the attitudes and motives of the heart. It is God’s desire that the heart be pure and that if the source is clean and wise, then the words will be similar. Words have power to heal, to bless, to encourage, and to edify.

How would we live if we really believed that every word and every thought were being examined by God? What if there truly is a living, all-knowing God who is keeping records? Do you weigh your words? Do you understand the tremendous potential power of words?

To deliver you from the adulterous woman, from the loose woman who has flattered you with her words; who leaves the husband from her younger days, and has ignored her marriage covenant made before God. For she has set her house by death, and her paths by the place of the departed spirits.
(Proverbs 2:16-18)

Solomon was keenly aware of Old Testament law that said that it is wrong for a person to have sex with someone other than his or her spouse (Exodus 20:14). Proverbs expands on God’s simple plan: sexual relationships are to be between a husband and wife only. Sexual immorality, unfaithfulness, illicit sexual affairs, and alternative lifestyles are not God’s ideal for His creation. Sex outside of marriage comes at a great price and cannot be experienced without hurting people and sexual intercourse outside of marital vows can never be considered “safe.”

Solomon tells us that a person’s sex life is in full view of God and that one’s sexual activities are examined (Proverbs 5:21). A natural interest in the opposite sex and a healthy sex life within marriage are to be celebrated, but premarital or recreational or casual or any other kind of sex outside the covenant of marriage hurts those immediately involved as well as others.

Are you satisfied with your sex life? Does your sexual relationship meet Solomon’s criteria for success? Can a sexual partner bring you lasting happiness? Have you considered all of the ramifications of “casual” sex?

After pride came, disgrace followed; but wisdom came with humility.
(Proverbs 11:2)

The proud person is convinced of his own intrinsic superiority, boasting of his/her possessions, abilities, and honors. Increasing worth, public accolades, and an increasing retinue of flattering friends further prepare the proud person for destruction. Pride isolates one from accountability, criticism, and counsel and the proud person believes that he/she is above reproof. The one who refuses correction becomes a synonym for poverty or shame but the humble person seeks out and listens to wise counsel and is always eager to learn. The lowly person consequently becomes wise.

Pride also brings conflict and strife. It is the exaggerated sense of great inherent worth and personal dignity that is easily threatened and quick to defend itself. It is the same hypertrophied sense of self-importance that is often unwilling to make peace lest it seem weak in the eyes of onlookers. Pride contends that it is innocent; whereas, humility realizes its wrongs. A haughty spirit is a curse to the one who has it and to those who must be subjected to it. Contrition is what the Lord desires. To Solomon, it is not possible to think too humbly or to bow too lowly before the all-powerful-all-present-all-knowing Creator of the universe. Pride is hateful to God, who resists the proud and gives grace to the humble and whether he knows it or not, the proud person comes into direct conflict with the Lord.

Do others consider you proud or humble? How often do you use the pronoun “I” in conversation? Do you have friends who can tell you the unadulterated truth? Are you truly accountable to anyone? Can you readily admit when you are wrong? Do you try to build up your friends and family or tear them down? Are you satisfied with your present balance between pride and humility?

A fool lets fly with all his temper, but a wise person keeps it back.
(Proverbs 29:11)

Anger is a natural emotion; it is poorly controlled anger that leads to problems. The hotheaded and quick-tempered person is a problem for himself and others. In fact, it is wise to not even become friends with a hot-tempered person because by association one may learn his angry ways.

Anger results out of frustration and not infrequently that frustration is the result of one’s own bad decisions. We too often express anger in selfishness and ways harmful to others and ourselves; however, there are constructive alternatives to anger, which do not necessarily lead to inappropriate responses.

Delays in schedules, rainy days, traffic jams, lost luggage, family squabbles, and personal insults are part of being human. These do not deserve uncontrolled anger. Predominating anger and joy are mutually exclusive lifestyles. Unchecked anger stems from unresolved conflict(s) and smacks of ingratitude. The happy heart accepts that we live in a fallen world, a world of entropy and that all things will not be perfect. Therefore, indignation should be reserved for injustice and sin.

Is your natural bent one of anger? What gets you really ticked off? What do you do when you get mad? Is the expression of your anger causing you increasing difficulties? What steps could you take to have greater self-control, and more peace?