A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. The tongue of the wise use knowledge rightly, but the mouth of fools pours forth foolishness. (Proverbs 15:1, NKJV)
And there a woman met him, with the attire of a harlot, and a crafty heart. She was loud and rebellious; her feet would not stay at home. (Proverbs 7:10–11, NKJV)
The church custodian was cleaning the platform after the weekend services and discovered the pastor’s notes still on the pulpit. Curious, the custodian read through the notes until he came to a scribble in the margin which read, “Point weak; shout louder.” Interesting.
A couple came to me for marriage counsel and, in the middle of the session, started raising their voices as they talked to each other…more and more. Soon—as if I were not even in the room—they were yelling at each other! I could only imagine how they must have screamed at each other when no one else was present.
Who would have thought that there would be a biblical doctrine of “soft communication”? But when you think of it, consider who yells: angry people, bossy people, people who are insecure in their authority, people who are insistent on being heard over others, boisterously arrogant people, rebellious people, and such. Solomon had learned a key principle, namely, that soft speech has great benefits. He declared that soft words dispel anger in communication; loud harsh words just fuel it.
Principle: Raising one’s voice sets off an interpersonal “arms race” in which anger and even greater anger and yelling results; soft, gentle words assuage anger and halt the escalation.
Every home has a definable range of decibels in its interaction. I have a friend who grew up in the home of a tough Philadelphia welder in which he got used to “high-volume” communication. When he married, his wife would say, “Don’t yell at me!” and he would reply, “I’m not yelling!”
Loud speech is one indicator of a heart and soul that are not at peace. The Spirit of Christ floods the being with a “silent solace” and inner security that voids the need to yell and scream. Turbulent spirits roar, shout, and scream.
Principle: When you catch yourself cranking up the volume in your communication, stop and ask God to quiet your spirit. A quiet spirit—even in the most intense interaction—will generate a conversation that sheds light rather than shouts and screams that generate heat.
Interesting, isn’t it, that Solomon links loud, boisterous communication to rebellious, immoral people? He profiles a street prostitute as one marked by a spirit of rebellion and loud, defiant speech. It is automatic that people living in rebellion against God’s Law eventually morph into people with an “attitude” which defies all who challenge their lifestyle or values. “We’re here and we’re queer!” or a gay “pride” parade may be examples of this.
Principle: The godly person is quiet before God and tranquilly submissive to His authority. Nobody goes unpunished for yelling at God and defying His directives.
The apocryphal church pastor with the “shout louder” note in his sermon notes had to learn that his impact on a congregation was tied to his virtue, not his volume!
[from “Wisdom for the Trenches” by Dr. Larry W. Poland]