22220.053 “Home Sweet Home”…or Not

Better a dry crust with peace and quiet than a house full of feasting, with strife. (Proverbs 17:1)

Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and nagging [spouse]. (Proverbs 21:19)

Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome [spouse]. (Proverbs 21:9)

I heard of a woman whose husband complained that “he needed his space.” So she locked him out of the house. Obviously, that residence was a house, not a home. There is so much strife in families today that homes with tranquility, trust, love, and respect are in the 3 percent range. With the pace of life and work, family members pass like trains in the night taking little time to communicate, share, love, and bond. The result is not a “home” but a motel with relatives.

All the while, family members focus on money and material things. They think that a “dream home” is an expensive new structure when really it is a spiritual bond of love and communication. Proverbs lays domestic false notions bare. Solomon knew that peace and tranquility were more nonnegotiable for a functional family than sufficient wealth to have perpetual feasting.

Principle: Bricks and mortar do not make a home. No matter how beautiful or lavish a residence may be, it is only a container for the spiritual interaction among the inhabitants.

A friend describes people who have “taken the fun out of dysfunction.” In marriage counseling, I have often listened to the most vicious, hurtful, and destructive talk coming from the two. Then I have taken them back to the days when they were so in love they couldn’t bear to be separated and couldn’t wait until they could occupy the same space. Then I ask where they went wrong. Proverbs says that two factors in this dysfunction are quarreling and badgering (nagging). The opposite is “Speaking to one another in psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs” according to the apostle Paul.

Principle: Harmonious interpersonal communication is the Spirit-inspired expression of two hearts in tune with God and each other. Unloving speech is the language of warfare…for which homes are not designed.

It is no wonder that marrieds—and their kids—often feel so oppressed by the tension, conflict, rejection, criticism, hostility, and abuse of their families that they are desperate to “get away” or “get some space.” Proverbs understands this desperation and affirms that a desert space or an attic room is more pleasant than living in the middle of continual conflict.

Principle: Family issues are not solved by “getting your own space.” The violence and conflict of a bad home will follow you. Allowing God to heal the conflict is the only solution.

“Home, sweet home” is the name for a domicile filled with the Spirit of Jesus.

[from “Wisdom for the Trenches” by Dr. Larry W. Poland]