Apicontent

Listen, my child, to the instruction from your father, and do not forsake the teaching from your mother. For they will be like an elegant garland on your head, and like pendants around your neck.
(Proverbs 1:8-9)

Solomon outlines a contract of sorts, giving responsibilities to both parents and their children. Parents are to model integrity through their actions in the home because children learn value systems largely through observation of their parents’ actions and reactions on a daily basis. Parents are expected to teach their children and to give them guidelines for life (Proverbs 1:1-9). Parents are also to school their children in the process of decision-making: through gentle and loving guidance, rather than heavy-handed authoritarianism, parents can help children avoid the consequences of poor decisions and commitments.

In addition to teaching children the basics of daily living, the home provides the context to teach children about God. This religious education is to be life-oriented, with children taught to see God in every single aspect of life.

Throughout Proverbs, we see the parent and child as a loving unit, such that parents are not to be overly demanding, unfair, or cruel in their discipline. Discipline is for the betterment and growth of children, not to promote their anger or frustration.

Solomon also outlines expectations for children. Children are to honor their parents, showing them lifelong respect. The wise child brings peace and great joy to his parents but the foolish child brings shame, disgrace, and grief.

Do you have a healthy relationship with your parents/children? Have you forgiven your parents for their conscious and unconscious failures? What are you doing specifically to not repeat the mistakes of the past? Are you taking responsibility for your own actions or are you still blaming a “suboptimal” parent-child relationship? Are love and respect the bases for your relationships with your parents? Your children?

The one who has found a good wife has found what goodness is, and obtained a delightful gift from the LORD.
(Proverbs 18:22)

Marriage is a lifelong commitment. It is a special partnership between a man and a woman where two become one flesh. It is more than friendship. It is a mystical, spiritual union.

Marriage was God’s idea and it is still His idea. Marriage was not the invention of government, it was not to maintain social order, nor was it for economic convenience; it was designed by God. Marriage can never fill the God-shaped void in our hearts, however, and no spouse can bring ongoing joy to our lives. No matter how close we are to a lover, it is still not the intimacy that we can know with God. The Lord is the bridegroom and we are to be His bride.

The intimacy of sexual intercourse is to be preserved in and reserved for marriage. Indiscriminate sexual relations carry a great price and sexual infidelity can and often does break a marriage. Unfaithfulness in marriage can bring death to all relationships. It breaks the intellectual, emotional, and spiritual bonds of intimacy between a husband and a wife. Infidelity may literally bring disease, death, as well as violent retribution from the rageful, offended spouse or lover. The goals of marriage are to have full and open communication and confidence in one another and to build up one another all of the days of life together.

Why do so many marriages go bad? How would you, your family, and your friends rate your marriage? How do you intend to make your marriage “go the distance”? What qualities do you see in the best marriages that make for success?

Do not let mercy and truth leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. Then you will find favor and good understanding, in the sight of God and people.
(Proverbs 3:3-4)

Love is a verb. Love is a verb of action and a verb of being. Love is others-oriented. Love is patience, kindness, tenderness, unselfishness, faithfulness, courtesy, good temper, sincerity, generosity, and more. From these passages Solomon teaches that love and loyalty win the favor of both God and man, that love is more powerful than evil, and that it is better to have less with love than more with dissension and discord. Faithfulness is a key to the best relationships and marriage is to be monogamous.

Love really is blind or at least partially so. Love, Solomon suggests, is willing to overlook weaknesses, disregard faults, and is able to cover over an offense.

In Proverbs love is not without accountability. Love is willing to be examined and to be conditional. Love allows for instruction and discipline.

Where are you looking for love? Are you a loving person? Will your friends and family remember you as one who loved much? Are you giving away your life to others in need? Is it possible to love too much?

The heart of the righteous considers how to answer, but the mouth of the wicked pours out evil things.
(Proverbs 15:28)

Solomon’s father wrote, “May the words of my mouth and the thoughts of my heart be pleasing to you, Oh Lord, my rock and my redeemer.”

Self-control can be measured by the degree that one holds his or her tongue; in short, to be self-controlled is to rule over one’s tongue, to pause, and to weigh words before they are spoken. Although the tongue is small, it is potent and can do enormous damage quickly and if slander, lies, gossip, and vulgarities fill a person, such words will well up and overflow. One’s tongue only speaks of the attitudes and motives of the heart. It is God’s desire that the heart be pure and that if the source is clean and wise, then the words will be similar. Words have power to heal, to bless, to encourage, and to edify.

How would we live if we really believed that every word and every thought were being examined by God? What if there truly is a living, all-knowing God who is keeping records? Do you weigh your words? Do you understand the tremendous potential power of words?

To deliver you from the adulterous woman, from the loose woman who has flattered you with her words; who leaves the husband from her younger days, and has ignored her marriage covenant made before God. For she has set her house by death, and her paths by the place of the departed spirits.
(Proverbs 2:16-18)

Solomon was keenly aware of Old Testament law that said that it is wrong for a person to have sex with someone other than his or her spouse (Exodus 20:14). Proverbs expands on God’s simple plan: sexual relationships are to be between a husband and wife only. Sexual immorality, unfaithfulness, illicit sexual affairs, and alternative lifestyles are not God’s ideal for His creation. Sex outside of marriage comes at a great price and cannot be experienced without hurting people and sexual intercourse outside of marital vows can never be considered “safe.”

Solomon tells us that a person’s sex life is in full view of God and that one’s sexual activities are examined (Proverbs 5:21). A natural interest in the opposite sex and a healthy sex life within marriage are to be celebrated, but premarital or recreational or casual or any other kind of sex outside the covenant of marriage hurts those immediately involved as well as others.

Are you satisfied with your sex life? Does your sexual relationship meet Solomon’s criteria for success? Can a sexual partner bring you lasting happiness? Have you considered all of the ramifications of “casual” sex?

After pride came, disgrace followed; but wisdom came with humility.
(Proverbs 11:2)

The proud person is convinced of his own intrinsic superiority, boasting of his/her possessions, abilities, and honors. Increasing worth, public accolades, and an increasing retinue of flattering friends further prepare the proud person for destruction. Pride isolates one from accountability, criticism, and counsel and the proud person believes that he/she is above reproof. The one who refuses correction becomes a synonym for poverty or shame but the humble person seeks out and listens to wise counsel and is always eager to learn. The lowly person consequently becomes wise.

Pride also brings conflict and strife. It is the exaggerated sense of great inherent worth and personal dignity that is easily threatened and quick to defend itself. It is the same hypertrophied sense of self-importance that is often unwilling to make peace lest it seem weak in the eyes of onlookers. Pride contends that it is innocent; whereas, humility realizes its wrongs. A haughty spirit is a curse to the one who has it and to those who must be subjected to it. Contrition is what the Lord desires. To Solomon, it is not possible to think too humbly or to bow too lowly before the all-powerful-all-present-all-knowing Creator of the universe. Pride is hateful to God, who resists the proud and gives grace to the humble and whether he knows it or not, the proud person comes into direct conflict with the Lord.

Do others consider you proud or humble? How often do you use the pronoun “I” in conversation? Do you have friends who can tell you the unadulterated truth? Are you truly accountable to anyone? Can you readily admit when you are wrong? Do you try to build up your friends and family or tear them down? Are you satisfied with your present balance between pride and humility?

A fool lets fly with all his temper, but a wise person keeps it back.
(Proverbs 29:11)

Anger is a natural emotion; it is poorly controlled anger that leads to problems. The hotheaded and quick-tempered person is a problem for himself and others. In fact, it is wise to not even become friends with a hot-tempered person because by association one may learn his angry ways.

Anger results out of frustration and not infrequently that frustration is the result of one’s own bad decisions. We too often express anger in selfishness and ways harmful to others and ourselves; however, there are constructive alternatives to anger, which do not necessarily lead to inappropriate responses.

Delays in schedules, rainy days, traffic jams, lost luggage, family squabbles, and personal insults are part of being human. These do not deserve uncontrolled anger. Predominating anger and joy are mutually exclusive lifestyles. Unchecked anger stems from unresolved conflict(s) and smacks of ingratitude. The happy heart accepts that we live in a fallen world, a world of entropy and that all things will not be perfect. Therefore, indignation should be reserved for injustice and sin.

Is your natural bent one of anger? What gets you really ticked off? What do you do when you get mad? Is the expression of your anger causing you increasing difficulties? What steps could you take to have greater self-control, and more peace?

Listen, my child, and accept my words, so that the years of your life will be many. I hereby guide you in the way of wisdom and I lead you in upright paths.
When you walk, your steps will not be hampered, and when you run, you will not stumble. Hold on to instruction, do not let it go; protect it, because it is your life.
(Proverbs 4:10-13)

Life is a series of day-long races. Solomon recommends training hard for and planning carefully for a lifestyle of integrity; however, he suggests that the Lord directs our steps and that God’s purposes always prevail. We are to run a good race, looking straight ahead with our eyes fixed on the finish line, and moment by moment, day by day we are to be on the lookout for dangers ahead and avoid them. Hasty shortcuts, he says, lead to poverty, and the inability to accept divine guidance results in a wild race.

The person dedicated to the good life, the life of integrity, knows the difficult and lonely path. The way of the world is a broad and easy avenue but the wise person is on the narrow road set apart from everyone else.  Solomon maintains that the lifestyle of wisdom leads to light and joy, love and faithfulness, prosperity and a good reputation. Finally, a well-run race is the best safeguard against death on the coming Day of Judgment.

What kind of life are you prepared to live? Do you spend countless hours of arduous and lonely training or do you follow the crowd down the freeway of least resistance? Are you always in training to win the prize? Are you ready for the marathon ahead of you?

The reward for humility and fearing the LORD is riches and honor and life.
(Proverbs 22:4)

Although money is necessary for survival, the pursuit of wealth, in and of itself, can lead to spiritual bankruptcy. The “good life” is never quite good enough and the acquisition of more and more never leads to contentment. The love of money is wrong because we come to trust money, rather than God, to solve our problems and our wealth, Solomon says, becomes our “fortified city” as we become entrapped by the mistaken belief that money is the answer to all difficulties. That is, wealth allows one to become more self-reliant and less dependent upon God and others. Materialism may become one opiate by which one dulls the pain of emptiness, and feelings of inferiority. Materialism is also a pathetically poor substitute for meaningful relationships. Our money should be used as a means of service, a way for helping less fortunate others.

Money can represent the pride of self-effort where the pride of accomplishment blinds one to the real source of blessing. Amassing wealth for ourselves, no matter how much we make, becomes a barrier between God and us. Is this a barrier for you? What are the most important things to you? Do you think and worry about money frequently? Are you sacrificing relationships to make more money? Is it hard for you to give money away to charities or those in need? Are you currently in debt? How much money will it take to make you happy?

She is more precious than rubies, and none of the things you desire can compare with her. Long life is in her right hand; in her left hand are riches and honor. Her ways are very pleasant, and all her paths are peaceful.
(Proverbs 3:15-17)

Solomon’s standards for success are not the world’s standards. The world’s criteria for success have always been the same: fortune and fame and power; however, Solomon states that success is the blessing of the Lord. Nothing else matters. The smile of the Lord on one’s life brings wealth and happiness and the good life comes by knowing God’s words and applying God’s wisdom.

Success by popular standards, if it comes, is a gift. Recognized or not, it is the unmerited favor of the Lord and success is definitely not an entitlement. The Proverbs consistently presents God as one who loves us and one who delights in our well-being. He rewards us with joy. His blessing may not only bring wealth, but it also adds length to life; in fact, those who do not revere the Lord are cut short in their years.

Far from being a miserly Ebenezer Scrooge or some cosmic killjoy, Solomon’s God delights in our lives and abundantly rewards those who trust in Him. Obedience to God’s ways and loving service result in prosperity and contentment.

Are you attempting to achieve success by the usual means of tireless ambition, power, and influence? What are your criteria for success? What do you want to be said about you at your funeral?