Apicontent

Children are a precious gift from God, and yet too often they find themselves in an environment of neglect, or even abuse within their own homes. As they learn and grow, they are constantly bombarded with worldly influences that conflict with God’s Word. The strongest influence on our children can be our own character.  Modeling godly behavior and a love for the Lord are vital while providing direction, boundaries, correction, love and encouragement to our children.

How to Build a Healthy Family

Parents with Power

Ever wish you could make someone do the right thing? Parents often watch their children make bad decisions and feel powerless to do anything about it. Unfortunately, many just give in and put a “band-aid” on a situation by giving money instead of time, ignoring a situation instead of disciplining, or trying to be their child’s friend instead of their parent. The best way to love your child is to care enough to correct them when they need it. (read more)

Modeling Behavior for Children

How seriously do you take the Bible? If you read something about parent-child relations in the Bible that contradicts something you read in another book, which teaching do you accept as truth? (read more)

Honoring Parents

Do you and your partner agree on how to raise your children? If not, you may think you are experiencing a marriage problem because you can’t get together on this important issue. This can feel like a pretty hopeless situation. Often times your children have learned how to pit you against one another. By the time they get into their teens, those kids will be able to do what they please, because they will have learned how to manage you instead of you managing them. (read more)

I’m Not Having Fun Yet!

Someone once said to me, “Don’t make parenting so difficult. Just relax and have fun! You don’t have to know everything in order to be a good parent.” Being a parent starts out as a dream. Doting, expectant fathers and their pregnant wives dream about the sweet infant all cozy in pink or blue blankets with cute outfits and fun toys. With smiles in their eyes, they turn to each other and vow, “We’re going to be the best parents ever!”

Then the baby arrives. Suddenly the parents discover “the dream” yells. And smells. And spits. All at 3 a.m. (read more)

Discipline with Love and Conviction

God’s Word instructs us to love one another (1 Peter 1:22). Nearly every parent wants to give his or her children tender, loving, and sacrificial care that flows out of a heart of love; but even the most dedicated mother or father cannot do this unless God is the source of that love. This is because God is love, and as we walk in His love, it will flow to our children through us.

God does not leave us without guidance. In fact, the biblical standard for love is described in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8. It has fifteen components: suffers long, is kind, does not envy, does not parade itself, is not puffed up, does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil, does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth, always bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. (read more)

Setting Limits

In all athletic team competitions, the home and visiting teams and their corresponding fans all go by the same rules and boundaries. The rules are published in a book and knowledge of the rules is essential to understanding and playing the game. Making sure the players stay within the limits established by the rule book is the job of the officials. If a player breaks a rule, the referee penalizes the entire team. The player and his team must accept the consequences. The referee’s interpretation of the game is final.

The phrase football game tells us many things. The very name of the game determines the shape of the ball, the dimensions of the playing field, the rules of the game, and the type of clothes the players and officials wear.

The word family also tells us many things. Determined limits make a family unique. (read more)

The Truth about Consequences

We do our children a great favor if we help them understand there are consequences for their actions … good and bad.

Distraught parents often come to me because their children are suffering the consequences of not being adequately supervised. Of course, teenagers do not want to be supervised, but oftentimes dire consequences will be the result of parents adhering to their children’s complaints and demands for more personal freedom in areas where they are unable to cope with temptation. Setting consequences for a child’s choices and then making them happen is a crucial part of teaching children. They must learn the principles expressed in Galatians 6:7: “Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap.” (read more)

Helping Kids Live Within Limits

I want to remind you that raising children is a 20-year process. Twenty years. So those of you with preschool children need to remember that you have a ways to go! So relax, take it easy; there isn’t any one day that makes a whole lot of difference, not in the perspective of 20 years.

In Isaiah 53:6 we read, “All we like sheep have gone astray.” One could think of this verse as the theme for family life. If parents go ”astray,” the children will usually follow. It’s important to recognize the responsibility you have in raising your children. (read more)

Expect Respect from Your Children

The foundation upon which you’re going to build an effective family life is this: You expect your children to honor you. Now how does that happen? That happens when you and your partner sit down and develop guidelines, limits, and rules that both of you are prepared to carry out, and in your considered judgment, are in the best interests of your children. (read more)

Enforcing Boundaries with Children

How seriously do you take your responsibilities as a parent? Do you believe in setting limits and boundaries? Many people these days are saying, “Don’t pressure your child. If they don’t want to do it, don’t force them.” (read more)

Setting Reasonable Limits for Kids

“But Mommy, I don’t want to.” Or maybe, it’s “No, Daddy, I won’t.” Sound familiar? These responses are the “cries of resistance” to major principles parents need to set down concerning their families. These principles are called limits.

When you think about living and working together as a family, setting limits is vital. Children need limits – limits that are fair, reasonable, and as few as possible. The limits of your family need to be clearly communicated and enforced. (read more)

Cooperative Parenthood

If your marriage partner is more intimately involved in your life than anyone else, your children run a close second. You will either reveal or conceal your spirit around your children. (read more)

Four Building Blocks for Raising Children

What do you think is involved in being an effective parent?

The Bible tells us in Proverbs 22:6 to “Train up a child in the way he should go; and when he is old, he will not depart from it” (KJV).

Now that’s a tall order, and a great responsibility, and there are some positive ingredients that make that possible. (read more)

Examples From Case Histories

Dr. Henry Brandt shares insights from various counseling sessions with parents. The names and certain details in these true case histories have been changed to protect each person’s identity and privacy.

Everyone Wanting Their Own Way

Jon was 14, a handsome, tough young man. A likable guy, he noticed the pictures on the wall of my office and asked what it took to graduate from the college I’d attended. Someday he wanted to be a professional man, he said. I found out that he liked sports, reading, and church, and had lots of friends.

But when it came to talking about his folks, his eyes became slits, his lips pressed into a line, and his voice raised a couple of levels as he shrilled, “I hate them!”’ (read more)

Damaging Comparisons

Sisters Kendra and Connie Evans were much alike, except that Kendra was an “ugly duckling” in comparison with her blonde, blue-eyed, younger sister. The difference had been repeatedly noted even in childhood.

”What a perfectly beautiful child!” strangers had exclaimed over Connie. And through the years, Mrs. Evans never tired of hearing this praise for her younger daughter.

”Connie is a pretty child,” she would reply. ”It’s just too bad that her sister couldn’t have shared her good fortune.” (read more)

A Mother-Daughter Battle

“I love Betty very much and she knows it. But why is she so rebellious?” Mrs. Grant asked me.

This mother was a sincere Christian, and her teenage daughter had been a continual object of her prayers. She could not get Betty to study, do a chore right, get along with her brother, or even eat properly. It was a mother-daughter battle, and it terribly distressed Mrs. Grant. (read more)

Act Like a Parent!

Isabel Carr complained that her problems began the day she decided to become an obedient wife. “I figured that a Christian woman ought to be subject to her husband,” she said.

And what had ten years of obedience produced? Her husband, Glenn, bowled four nights every week. He paid little attention to the children, even missing their son Dan’s high school graduation because Glenn stayed too long on the golf course. Three months ago, admitting he was growing fond of his secretary, Glenn moved out. He had not contributed a dime to the family since. (read more)

[The articles above are by Dr. Henry Brandt from BiblicalCounselingInsights.com]

Discover God’s Best for You

Have you ever considered the possibility that God already has a perfect match planned for you? If that’s true, how can you cooperate with him to meet your future soul mate? [read more]

It Starts with Me

You are dreaming of finding the ideal mate from God’s perspective. In other words, you want God’s best for you when it comes to marriage. [read more]

The Next Step

God doesn’t show us everything at once. He doesn’t give us a map laying out everything in his plan for our lives. No, he leads us bit by bit, and we have to follow one step at a time. [read more]

Wrong Motives

Most people probably have not just one but a combination of motivations for wanting to marry. One motivation may predominate over another at any given time. Which motives rise to the top for you? [read more]

Poor Decision-making

Most people don’t really think about how they make decisions. But it’s really important. Even if you don’t have a decision to make regarding your love life right now, someday you will. We want to help you decide how to decide. [read more]

Pursue “Oneness” Potential

God desires “oneness” in marriage. God wants married couples to grow into greater union with each other while simultaneously growing in intimacy with him. [read more]

Avoid the “Type” Trap

If you want to have a healthy, positive, ideal soul-mate relationship, you need to have the right criteria for selecting your type of partner. [read more]

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The above articles are abridged versions of chapters from the book, Soul Mate by God (Download the free ebook in PDF). Visit SoulMatebyGod.com for more resources.

Most marriage difficulties are rooted in personal problems. Self-centeredness, competition and irresponsibility can threaten the foundation of any marriage. “Marriage God’s Way” includes sacrifice, cooperation and commitment. Dr. Henry Brandt shares insights in the articles below to help teach you how to build a healthy marriage based on Biblical principles.

How To Cultivate Your Marriage

Building Harmony in Marriage

Those who proceed into marriage with an individualistic mindset create disharmony in their relationship, and usually end up lonely and unhappy. (read more)

Are You and Your Spouse Not Getting Along?

The foundation upon which you build your marriage relationship is a mutually agreeable and mutually binding plan. That’s what makes marriage successful. It’s not a “tingle”; it’s a lifetime commitment. It’s not competition; it’s cooperation. (read more)

A Solid Foundation

“I want to be a better spouse.” You say this, thinking back over a multitude of incidents that make up the history of your family. Some of them were funny when they happened; others are funny only as we look back on them. Still others were serious. Some were puzzling. (read more)

Spirit-Filled Marriage

Nobody gets married without the highest of hopes that this is going to be one of the finest, friendliest, most congenial, most satisfying relationships that anybody ever had. And that is a possibility. It is possible to live that kind of life. However, we need to stop and consider what goes into a relationship that will guarantee happiness, contentment, and satisfaction. (read more)

Who is the Leader?

“Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord.” (Ephesians 5:22) There it is. One of the most fiercely debated Bible verses concerning marriage. “Why should the wife do all the submitting?” That is the hot question. But here is the greater truth: the wife is not the one who needs to do all the submitting … this verse does not stand alone. (read more)

Marriage God’s Way

“… present yourselves to God …” (Romans 6:13). Sometimes it seems as though a long-lasting marriage is determined by chance or circumstances or just plain old luck. However, there are some steps that will enable you to establish your marriage on a solid foundation that will help you stay in it for the long haul. (read more)

Good Communication

The secret of getting along in marriage lies in two people applying the principle embodied in this verse from the Bible: “And just as you want men to do to you, you also do to them likewise” (Luke 6:31). This is a workable formula! And amazingly, it is easier to carry out than to trying to figure out the other person. (read more)

Marriage Partnership

The foundation upon which you build your marriage relationship is a mutually agreeable and mutually binding plan. That’s what makes marriage successful. It’s not a “tingle”; it’s a lifetime commitment. It’s not competition; it’s cooperation. Is your partnership built on this foundation? Just as teammates have to go into a game with the same plan, you and your partner must approach your marriage, not with the attitude of ‘me versus you,’ but with the attitude of being fully committed to the same plan. (read more)

An Inner Life for a Healthy Marriage

There is no one person as intimately involved in your life as your marriage partner. So, your partner will make you more conscious of your inner life than anyone else. How are you contributing to happiness in your marriage?

Marriage, like no other human relationship, will keep you up to date on the condition of your inner life. It is a personal decision, unrelated to marriage, whether or not you repent of a negative inner life and allow God to flood your soul with His Spirit. (read more)

Marriage Boundaries

You probably got married as friends, but then found yourselves running into difficulty because you each had your own way of living and doing. You came from one family, and your partner came from another family, and those families were different.

Your job as a couple is to create some boundaries and rules that will guide you in your marriage. But if you’ve never created any rules before, and you or your partner don’t like rules and boundaries, it won’t be an easy task. (read more)

Like-Minded Marriage

Are you experiencing difficulty in your marriage relationship? Are there times when you just can’t seem to get on the same page with your spouse? If you get married with the idea that the person you’re marrying is going to transform your life, turn you into a loving, kind, gentle, cheerful, and happy person, you’re mistaken. Marriage is, first of al,l a matter of your spirit, and marriage will reveal what kind of spirit is in your heart. (read more)

Escaping Difficult Situations

God is with us in every situation, and He is with us right where we are! What we need to discover is how to respond appropriately to our current circumstances. You can either have a wonderful time underneath your skin, or a miserable time underneath your skin, and it’s all up to you. The question is: Do you want to experience true peace, or are you more content with being angry, with bearing a grudge, with complaining, with being cranky? The answer to that question requires some personal reflection! (read more)

Examples From Case Histories

Dr. Henry Brandt shares insights from various couples he counseled. The names and certain details in these true case histories have been changed to protect each person’s identity and privacy.

Competing Spouses

When the Dolans, a Christian couple, came to see me, they had not spoken to each other for several weeks. The tension had become unbearable. The issue was over dancing in gym class. Hal Dolan had said flatly that their son should not participate. Melissa Dolan had agreed in front of her husband, but privately gave their son permission to participate. Hal found out about it through a conversation with a neighbor who had visited the gym class. (read more)

The Need for Forgiveness

Neither Frank nor Kate Bonner really wanted to break up their home, yet they were heading in that direction–fast! After 23 years of marriage, Frank had become interested in a younger woman in his office. Kate said she could see why. Kate’s hair was gray, her hands showed the years of housework she had done, her face was lined with the wrinkles of middle age. She was tired much of the time and was subject to frequent and sudden illnesses. (read more)

It’s the Little Things

Everything seemed in their favor when George and Ellie got married. He was a research chemist with a good income, they bought a nice house, were active in the church, and popular with their friends. But in a few weeks this young couple was in my office seeking help. Their story went like this. George came home one night and was greeted as usual in the living room with a tender kiss. But as he held Ellie in his arms, his eyes wandered to a corner of the room and he saw hanging from the ceiling a long, wavy cobweb. He said nothing about it that night, or the next, but both times while maintaining a pleasant appearance, he said to himself in disgust, “What kind of a woman did I marry that she can’t keep her house clean?” (read more)

The Need for Respect

“I’ll post those receipts the way you say to, Ken, but Mr. Roland never had me do them that way,” said Margaret Lowe to her husband in their insurance office. “Mr. Roland … it’s always ‘Mr. Roland did this’ or ‘Mr. Roland didn’t do that’” he snapped. “Don’t forget, Ken,” Margaret said, “Mr. Roland was successful enough to sell out at 50 and move to Florida.” “And when I’m 65, I’ll still be struggling to complete the down payment on the business. You might as well add that,” he growled. For ten years, Margaret had admired Mr. Roland’s keen business sense. When Kenneth Lowe joined Mr. Roland’s sales force, Margaret thought she saw the same qualities in the new employee and she accepted his proposal of marriage after a rather hurried courtship. Then in those first few months of living together she found she didn’t know Ken as well as she had thought. (read more)

The Need for Repentance

Bill and Jan Stanton lived in a long, rambling nine-room ranch house on a three-acre beautifully wooded tract of land. The swimming pool in the backyard, the two expensive cars in the garage, the neatly landscaped yard all added up to the obvious—total success. (read more)

When Independence is Bad

Viola Walker was far from an avid angler, but she did go fishing with her husband, Louis, several times after they were married. Then, after three trips to the same trout steam and enduring her husband’s complaints that she scared the fish away, Viola gave up the fishing business. Viola’s interest was community projects and current events. She became deeply involved in these activities. Then, after one fishing trip, Louis talked about a “genuine fisher woman” who had been in their crowd, and Viola felt a pang of jealousy. And she was hurt when he said he couldn’t stay home to watch her debate the new expressway route on television because he was meeting his fishing friends, including “Lady Walton.” (read more)

Great Expectations

Todd Turner was in trouble: for the third time, his wife had threatened to leave him, and this time she meant it. And all over a dog—or so Todd said. Todd was away from home much of the time and had bought Tracy a dog for company before the birth of their first child. After the baby’s arrival, Todd wanted to get rid of the dog. “If the dog goes, I go, too,” Tracy warned. “All right, go ahead,” he told her. And so they separated. (read more)

[The articles above are by Dr. Henry Brandt from Biblical Counseling Outreach.]