Are you struggling with anger or an anger-related behavior? We have outlined a five-step process to help you change and heal in this area of your life. Take all the time you need with each of the steps below.
Step 1: Adopt a Correct View of God
Almost certainly, a distorted perception of God’s nature lies at the core of your problem with anger. We do not know exactly what that is for you. But quite possibly you are overemphasizing the wrath of God while underemphasizing His faithful love. Consider these key truths about God’s nature.
God offers forgiveness, reconciliation, and eternity instead of condemnation.
The LORD passed in front of Moses, calling out, “Yahweh! The LORD! The God of compassion and mercy! I am slow to anger and filled with unfailing love and faithfulness.” (Exodus 34:6)
God is merciful and expects us to extend His mercy to others.
There will be no mercy for those who have not shown mercy to others. But if you have been merciful, God will be merciful when He judges you. (James 2:13)
Search the Scriptures for everything you can find about God’s love, mercy, and forgiveness. Allow what you find out about Him to begin to change the way you think about God and about yourself as God’s child.
Step 2: Revise Your False Beliefs
You may be an angry person because you have developed some mistaken ideas about yourself and other people as well as how to get along in life. Do you believe that? Well, ask yourself these questions:
Do you believe you are justified in your anger?
Sensible people control their temper; they earn respect by overlooking wrongs. (Proverbs 19:11)
Do you believe that your anger is uncontrollable?
Don’t sin by letting anger control you. Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry. (Ephesians 4:26)
Do you believe that anger is a useful tool in life?
People with understanding control their anger; a hot temper shows great foolishness. (Proverbs 14:29)
Along with those suggested here, there are many more false beliefs that can keep you a slave to anger. Seek clues in Scripture for ways that your ideas have gone off track, contributing to your anger problem. Ask the Holy Spirit to use biblical truth to change your conscious and unconscious beliefs so that you are living in truth and not falsehood. He will do it!
Step 3: Repent of Your Sin
Are you ready to admit that you are angry and to give it up? In what particular ways (rage, violence, revenge, and so on) do you express your anger? Identify your anger and “own” it.
When you are ready, ask God to forgive you for your anger. You can pray the following prayer (or another like it in your own words). Insert the word for your particular anger problem in the blank spaces.
God, I am an angry person, especially in the area of __________. And I know that is sinful. I am sorry for how the flames of my anger have singed others, and especially I am sorry for how I have grieved You. Please forgive me for my anger now. Cleanse me completely from the sin of __________ so that it is gone from my life. And furthermore, give me the power never to return to my angry ways again. I want to be like Jesus, merciful and kind. In His name, I pray, amen.
If you have harmed others with your sin, apologize to them. Seek reconciliation and offer restitution where appropriate.
Step 4: Defend against Spiritual Attacks
The enemies of your soul—the world, the flesh, and the Devil—do not like it when you repent of your anger. They will stir up your anger again if you let them. Get ready to defend yourself against these enemies.
- In the world’s value system, anger is considered good. The world would tell us that anger confers power. But you can overcome this false system if you hold fast to God’s values, which tells us that those who control their anger have real spiritual power.
- Anger can feel good. Our flesh or sinful nature urges us to get that good feeling back by letting ourselves be filled with rage again. So when you feel that kind of desire rising within you, remind yourself that the flesh is dead and you do not have to satisfy its desires. Turn to the Spirit to help you want what God wants for you: a forgiving spirit.
- Satan will use your sense of personal rights and your selfishness to goad you into angry outbursts and attitudes. Put on the armor of God to resist the Devil’s schemes. Above all, put on the “shoes of peace” (Ephesians 6:15), which enable you to move around in harmony with all your Christian brothers and sisters.
Are you ready to be in control of your anger, instead of its being in control of you? The battle has begun and will not be over soon. So the time is now to stand strong in the strength of the Lord and ask the Holy Spirit to supernaturally equip you to defeat the enemies of your soul.