“If your brother sins, go and show him his fault when the two of you are alone. If he listens to you, you have regained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others with you, so that at the testimony of two or three witnesses every matter may be established. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. If he refuses to listen to the church, treat him like a Gentile or a tax collector.” —Matthew 18:15–17
Wouldn’t it be far more civil and compassionate—not to mention more merciful, loving, and obedient—if when offended by a brother or sister in Christ, believers would observe our Lord’s instructions presented in our verses for today? Instead, when offence occurs, we oftentimes unforgivingly run straight to everyone else. We love to talk about the wrong doing, and get in our version of how we were wronged, instead of lovingly going first to the offender. We are often likely to head for people we know who will be sympathetic to our case, building an alliance to defame and shame those who have hurt us. Hatred and hurt and anger fester and bleed and ultimately produce bitterness. This unwillingness to forgive, and a desire for revenge, bring us much harm.
Paul tells us in Romans:
“Do not repay anyone evil for evil; consider what is good before all people. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all people. Do not avenge yourselves, dear friends, but give place to God’s wrath, for it is written, ‘Vengeance is mine, I will repay,’ says the Lord. Rather, if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him a drink; for in doing this you will be heaping burning coals on his head. Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” —Romans 12:17–21
Jesus gives us good reason for forgiveness in the Sermon on the Mount earlier in Matthew:
“For if you forgive others their sins, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others, your Father will not forgive you your sins.” —Matthew 6:14–15
Jesus’ words today include any disagreement or quarrel among Christians. It is important to preserve Christ’s church with purity, peace, and order. Those around us must know us by the love we have for one another.
We have been freely forgiven and—and we are to freely forgive. We are to look at each offense through merciful eyes, knowing that we often offend as well.
However, it is not loving, kind, or helpful to simply gloss over matters of offence, perhaps pretending they never happened. If the offence is an ongoing pattern in another believer’s life, we must work out our conflict with the love of Christ. Does it help someone to allow them to continue in an unkind or impudent manner? We are not to wait for them to come to us; rather we are to prayerfully go to them, seeking to settle matters quickly. Sins are prone to silence the conscience of those indulging in them and oftentimes help is needed to arouse it.
The approach should always be from a sinner to a sinner. The rebuke must be loving, prayerful, and private. No human is perfect. All believers in Jesus are in the process of being transformed and, as Scripture states, mercy triumphs over judgment. We must, in faithfulness, meekness, and love, present the offence privately. We should never be seeking shame for a brother or sister. Repentance is the goal and always for the good of the offender.
“Speak and act as those who will be judged by a law that gives freedom. For judgment is merciless for the one who has shown no mercy. But mercy triumphs over judgment.” —James 2:12–13
Jesus goes deeper. If the sin continues, two or three others are to be taken along in an effort to reason the case further with the offender ever seeking his good. God’s work is to be done effectively with as little noise as possible.
“A single witness may not testify against another person for any trespass or sin that he commits. A matter may be legally established only on the testimony of two or three witnesses.” —Deuteronomy 19:15
Become More
Only if our brother or sister staunchly refuses to work out the matter is the church is to get involved in order to examine the matter. Here again, the outcome desired is repentance and restitution of relationship. Ultimately, the offender is not to be looked upon as an outcast, but as one who is in a position to be received and restored. Remember, the shepherd left the ninety-nine sheep and went looking for the one who needed restoration.
Further Reflections
An unwillingness to forgive and a desire for revenge bring us much harm.
“I give you a new commandment—to love one another. Just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. Everyone will know by this that you are my disciples—if you have love for one another.” —John 13:34–35