Knowing what God’s ideal is for marriage
God desires “oneness” in marriage. This oneness is first described in Genesis 2, and Jesus spoke of the oneness principle in the Gospel of Mark:
“At the beginning of creation God ‘made them male and female.’ ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one.” —Mark 10:6–8
This physical union is symbolic of the oneness God desires for us in marriage and applies to all the various dimensions that make us human. God wants married couples to grow into greater union with each other while simultaneously growing in intimacy with him.
Spiritual Oneness
For us as Christians, our spiritual lives are guided by the directive to “love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength” (Deuteronomy 6:5). God originally created man in such a way as to have an intimate love relationship with him. We were created to demonstrate that love by glorifying God in our worship, devotion and service. We believe that God wants this to also be the top priority in marriage as well.
Our personal relationship and intimacy with God is the absolute highest priority to him. While Paul is clearly stating that Christians are not to marry unbelievers, this principle of being “unequally yoked” can also have implications for two believers when it comes to their theological beliefs and spiritual lives.
If you are dating, try attending church together. It is a great way to learn more about each other and how God’s Spirit engages with each of you. You will find that the kind of church worship and teaching you like spills over into how you spend personal time with God as well.
And what about devotional times together at home? How will both of you feel the same connection with God if you are not engaging with him in the same way you had before getting married?
Are there theological differences between you and whomever you are dating that diminish your worship and devotion to God in some way? If so, step back and ask God for more clarity in your relationship. Spiritual oneness is cultivated by worshiping and serving God in unity.
Mental Oneness
The lens through which we view life determines what we see and it corresponds with choices we make. It shapes our philosophy of life, perception of reality and decision-making values.
God reveals truth and reality in the Bible. It is our guidebook for life. We have been given the Bible so that we can have a biblical point of view as we observe life. Believers need to use the Bible as the ultimate authority for daily living and be committed to renewing their minds with biblical truth.
How can two people have a harmonious relationship if they are not both submitted to the authority of the Scriptures and following biblical principles? Mental oneness is cultivated by having the same foundational beliefs and philosophy of life.
Emotional Oneness
People are emotional beings. We have deep feelings about different things. Those feelings inspire us to act. Consequently, we invest our time, money and talent into causes or activities we believe are important. We are willing to make sacrifices for causes that have engaged our heart.
What has God laid upon your heart? What do you feel passionately about? What moves you to take action? Does the person you are dating share your passions and concerns? And do you share his or hers? Emotional oneness is cultivated by being passionately involved in the same things in life.
Volitional Oneness
God created us to fulfill his purposes. The Bible explains, “We are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do” (Ephesians 2:10).
We exist to serve him wholeheartedly. Is that the desire of your heart? What about the person you are dating? Is she or he living under the banner of “Not my will but God’s will be done” (see Luke 22:42)?
The prophet Amos asks a rhetorical question: “Can two people walk together without agreeing on the direction?” (Amos 3:3, nlt). Are you both heading in the same direction in life? Are you in agreement about what you want to accomplish with your lives? Volitional oneness is cultivated by being committed to the same goals, priorities and purpose for life.
Physical Oneness
God designed sexual intercourse to be a tangible symbol of the oneness he desires between a husband and wife. It’s the pleasurable icing on the cake when spiritual, mental, emotional and volitional oneness exists in the relationship. And God doesn’t want this dimension of the relationship to be neglected either. The apostle Paul explains,
The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. —1 Corinthians 7:3–4
When you are compatible in all of these critical areas, you can have a good foundation upon which you develop greater oneness in marriage. It will be much more challenging to develop the oneness that God desires for you if you don’t begin your marriage with relatively the same views and priorities in each of these vital areas. Ask God to give you his wisdom as you seek to discern the oneness potential in your relationships.
The above article is an abridged version of Chapter 13 of the book, Soul Mate by God (Download the free ebook in PDF). Visit SoulMatebyGod.com for more resources.